Underwater
Hey there folks, this is a Sanzo/Goku fic, quite short, and of course pointless :) Poss OCC-ness, but I don't give a damn - it's cute! Sanzo and Goku can't hide their feelings anymore...but how are they revealed? And is Sanzo ready for something like that?
Feel free to review, or flame...although I will track you down and kill you if you flame...be warned...:p
If I do own Saiyuki, why am I writing smut like this?
The ice cold water cascaded down Sanzo's back under the waterfall, sending chills up his body to his spine, and making goose bumps appear on the surface of his skin. He just had to leave the room, it was too much. That perverted kappa was sparking off another fight with the saru, purely, as it seemed to Sanzo, for his own amusement. So, instead of shooting them all in the head – the kappa for arguing, the saru for not defending himself, and Hakkai for trying in vain to diffuse the situation, he had stormed out, cursing all the way down the hall and out into the forest. Sanzo had seen the waterfall before, on one of his walks, and now had an opportunity to use it without the risk of anyone else intruding – they were probably still arguing. Sanzo ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes, at last he was alone. But being alone meant he could hear himself think, and that wasn't necessarily a good thing. His thoughts had been worrying him a lot recently, in particularly his thoughts relating to Goku.
The monkey had been even more annoying recently, especially when he didn't defend himself from the onslaughts of insults from Gojyo. The fight seemed to have gone out of him, and that frustrated Sanzo no end. He admired the young saru's spirit, that's what drew Sanzo to him in the first place, that's what he lov – liked about Goku. But now, he seemed more effected by Goku's moods, and could even sense what he was feeling – when he was hungry, when he was sad, and that was the main reason why Sanzo had been treating Goku more harshly than usual lately. He couldn't stand the feelings he was beginning to have, and was frustrated in himself, and so took out his anger and frustration on the young saru. He couldn't let his guard down, he couldn't let anyone in. People only cause him pain. And besides, having to protect other people in battle was hard enough, let alone a loved one. His heart couldn't take it if he got close to Goku, and something awful happened to him. Sanzo sighed, and leant his head back into the flow of the icy water. All he could hear was the sound of the liquid pouring over his body.
"Crap!", Goku exclaimed as he tripped over an uncovered tree root. He unceremoniously picked himself off from the muddy ground and carried on. He had been wandering around the forest for fifteen minutes now, trying to find Sanzo. Why had he just stormed out? What did I do that made him mad? Goku paused, wiping away the tears that threatened to fall. He knew that he annoyed Sanzo, he suspected that the monk hated him, and resented that the monkey was always following him, but there was no way he was going to let Sanzo storm off into the forest alone! Even if he risked getting yelled and shot at, it was worth it to make sure Sanzo was ok. Suddenly, Goku felt frustration welling up inside of him and punched the closest tree as hard as he could. Sanzo didn't care about him. But he couldn't do anything, just withdraw into a shell and hope that he wouldn't annoy Sanzo as much any more, he hated knowing that he was the cause of pain for the monk. He slid down the tree trunk to his knees, hardly noticing the cold mud seeping into his trousers. Why couldn't Sanzo see that he loved him? Why was he always so cruel? He was just a kid in Sanzo's eyes – why would he care for the baka saru anyway? This thought made Goku want to curl into a ball right there in the forest and stay there forever. But the thought that Sanzo might be in trouble, or hurt somewhere made Goku push himself back up. He must go on, he must find Sanzo. These were the only thoughts in his head as he headed towards the faint sound of rushing water.
Sanzo finally pulled his head out from under the torrent of water. He had willed that the ice like stream would freeze any feelings for Goku he was uncovering, along with his own heart. He ran his hands lightly over his scars, remembering the encounters where he put his life on the line – always for someone else. Usually for Goku. A sound much like a snapping twig pulled Sanzo sharply from his reverie – there was someone here. The monk attempted to wipe the water from his eyes as he glanced around warily, eager to have someone to point his anger at. The sight that met Sanzo's eyes melted his heart immediately – the heart he had worked so hard to freeze. Goku was standing at the edge of the clearing, bleary eyed and almost covered in mud. Goku was looking directly into Sanzo's eyes, pouring much of the emotion he had felt over the last few months into a single look. The monkey carefully stepped closer, waiting any second for Sanzo to yell for him to get away. But the shout never came. Sanzo stood, water cascading over him, absolutely silent. Although his exterior showed no emotion, inside he was screaming. So much emotion was building in him that it was all he could do to contain it. The mere sight of this boy – who had clearly been searching for some time for the monk, had made all the barriers around Sanzo collapse. God, I could easily get lost in those eyes, he thought. So he stood, waiting for the monkey's next move.
Slowly, never taking his eyes off Sanzo's, Goku stepped closer to the waterfall. He wanted to scream at Sanzo for looking so damned calm, so unemotional. Didn't he care for him at all? Goku was determined to make Sanzo feel something, anything, even anger at the monkey, as long as he got some kind of response to this unwitting invasion of privacy. Goku was just a foot away from the waterfall now, and less than a metre from Sanzo. His body shivered, yet he stayed put.
"Are you….are you ok?", Sanzo asked, concern clear in his voice. It was not until a few moments ago that he realised Goku's hand was bleeding. He pointed at the young monkey's hand. Goku looked down, as if seeing it for the first time. Yet still he did not feel any pain, not when Sanzo was so close. All he felt was an overwhelming need to be wrapped up in his arms. Suddenly, the monk reached out and pulled Goku closer to him – under the stream of water from the waterfall. He examined the monkey's hand closely. Goku had definitely punched something, or someone, and Sanzo immediately felt a protective instinct inside him awaken. He carefully washed the mud off Goku's hands. "Did someone hurt you, Goku?"
"Yeah…you did." Goku replied, tears falling down his cheeks – almost indistinguishable under the water. Almost.
Sanzo tried to concentrate on washing the mud from Goku's hands, as he avoided the young saru's teary-eyed gaze.
"I know you hate me", Goku started, unable to meet Sanzo's eyes, focussing on a point slightly to the right of his shoulder. "But…I care. I know I'm annoying sometimes, but it tears me up inside that you think I'm just a nuisance. Just a stupid kid. I want to show you how much you mean to me. You…you rescued me from that cage, and you've looked after me, I just…I just want to…I know that you…" Goku couldn't say any more, he had run out of words. Apart from three. "I…I love you."
Sanzo could not believe what he was hearing. He had caused this innocent creature a world of pain and heartbreak. At the last three words, Goku shifted his gaze back to Sanzo's eyes. He looked so vulnerable at that moment, and part of Sanzo was telling him to protect himself – don't let anyone in, they will hurt you. That part was telling him to yell at Goku and send him away, to tell him that he meant nothing to him, but Sanzo couldn't stand seeing any more tears from the boy in front of him. He let the illogical, irrational side of himself take over, and he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his heart.
"I do not hate you Goku." Sanzo said as he lifted Goku's chin with his index finger. "I know I'm not a nice guy, I know I cause pain, especially to you. Do you really know what you're saying? Do you really want…someone like me?" Sanzo questioned, almost losing himself in Goku's eyes, glistening with tears. Sanzo glanced down at his scars, still as clear and as deep as ever, how could Goku really want this? This…pain? Sanzo's eyes searched the monkey's, questioning. Then, Goku did something that was very unexpected.
Goku slowly reached out to Sanzo's chest, and traced his scars lightly with his fingers. He stepped closer to the monk, and kissed the largest and deepest scar on his chest, sending shivers up Sanzo's spine, which had nothing to do with the cold. Goku continued planting light, butterfly kisses up Sanzo's chest, tracing the scar with his mouth. He moved up and on tiptoes, kissed the small scar on the monk's neck – on the sensitive flesh just under his ear. Sanzo couldn't concentrate on anything, but the light kisses on his burning flesh. He was reacting instinctively to Goku's presence, and leaned into Goku when the young saru kissed him on the neck. His pulse was racing – surely Goku could hear it? There was only one scar left now, and Goku paused, looking up into Sanzo's eyes before placing a feather-like kiss to the right of Sanzo's mouth. This scar was the most recent, and also the smallest. But Goku saw no reason to leave this one out. Goku pulled away slightly, expecting a rebuke, but as soon as he did, Sanzo closed the gap between their lips. The monk tried to pour all his emotions into one, chaste kiss, as he lightly cupped Goku's face with his rough hand. As their lips touched, Sanzo felt a bolt of something very close to electricity, in fact, they both did.
When they broke apart, Goku immediately wrapped Sanzo up in a tight hug.
"Do you really think I would put up with you, if I didn't?", Goku whispered in his ear. The monk barely remembered asking the question, which seemed an age ago, and Sanzo felt relief and happiness flood into his soul as Goku clung tightly to the monk's larger frame.
"Your scars are part of who you are now. They remind us what we've been through, so we never forget. They are part of Sanzo, so I love them too", Goku whispered in the monk's ear. They finally separated, and Sanzo suddenly became very aware of his naked-ness, and he felt unusually embarrassed. His skin flushed pink, and Goku grinned, amused. I'll wipe that smile off your face, monkey-boy, Sanzo thought, and leaned towards Goku once more.
:) if you want more, review!