I never told Mary Anne. I never told any of my friends. I think I was too young to really understand what was happening. I still want to be that young. I don't want to understand. I don't want to remember. I don't want to know.
xXx
Everytime I see him, I see that look in his eyes. I am reminded of that look. Lately I've wanted to talk to mom about it. I don't. I don't want her to remember either.
xXx
I want to protect her. I want to tell her what could happen. I don't want to make her unhappy. I want to believe she will make the right decision. She has before. Then again he promises to change, woos her with romance and Mary Anne forgives him. Then she's so happy for a period of time. Then it begins again. I see the cycle. I remember the cycle. Mary Anne is too young to deal with this.
xXx
Mary Anne is mad at me. Logan sat with us at lunch. His every action bombarded me with memories forgotten. His look, his tone, even how he touched her. I couldn't hide how I felt. So I left. Mary Anne thought I was being rude. It was my chance to tell her. I couldn't. I didn't. Now she's not talking to me.
xXx
I cried today. The memories are too much. It's like a volcano, with lava sprewing out. It started slowly and now it's all consuming. Abby saw me cry. She didn't push. I know she's worried. I have to deal with this.
xXx
I watched Watson for a bit today. I wondered if he would turn out like Patrick. I wondered how mom trusts him. I wondered how any of us do. I want to call Charlie and talk to him but I know he has closed that chapter of his life.
xXx
Mary Anne has forgiven me. I should talk to her. I think Abby spoke to her. Everyone wants to know why I'm avoiding him. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet.
xXx
I remember him yelling at mom, at Sam, at Charlie, at me. I remember him hitting mom. I remember the bruises. I remember Charlie hiding me and Sam in Sam's closet. I remember the fear.
How could I have forgotten about this?
Why am I remembering now?
xXx
Everyone is worried about me. I'm not sleeping. I'm spacing. I need to deal with this and stop internalizing.
xXx
Mom really loves Watson. How can I bring this up to mom? She doens't need to talk about Patrick. She has her own scars she must deal with. I won't bother her with mine.
xXx
I've made an appointment with the school counsellor. It's next week. No one knows. I can't deal with this on my own. I can admit that.
xXx
I want to cancel today's appointment. I can hardly focus in my classes. How can I admit this to anyone? Maybe there is a reason why no one talks about it. Maybe it shouldn't be brought up. Maybe it should stay in the past.
xXxxXx
Logan pinned Mary Anne against the lockers, his arm pressing down on her throat. He was yelling at her. Kristy couldn't hear what he was saying. Everything around her seemed dim and deaf to the situation before her. Kristy dropped her bag and ran up to Logan, pulling him off Mary Anne. She started hitting him. Logan threw Kristy off him. Kristy didn't see Logan anymore. She saw Patrick. She saw her mother. She saw herself, Sam and Charlie. She heard David Michael cry in the background. She saw the night that Patrick left.
"I hate you!" Kristy screamed, "I hate what you did to my family!" Logan called her crazy and left. Kristy was on the ground, sobbing. Mary Anne held her best friend. She was crying too.