I drop the crushed rose to the ground,
Its red petals mix with the now scarlet pool of my
hatred.
I never meant to do such a thing, but it was called
for.
My love is more important than a fool in a field.
This field, this sky, this night is for us.

I hold one once-red petal from a rose that was living
long ago to my face, trying to remember, trying to
recreate what was taken. It is black now, like my
heart, and I know neither the rose nor I will be
dancing under the Party Tree. We won't be on quests.
And we won't be with Sam.

It began at Bilbo's birthday party; it was my party as
much as his. We shared one thing every year: our
birthdays. I was then thirty-three, no longer a tween
and yet I still had more time to grow. Everyone was
invited, and more.

I had a bit of a chance to look at our neighbors, the
Gamgees. They were a poor family of five in a small
smial down the lane from Bag End. The youngest male of the
lot was named Sanwise, but was regularly called Sam. I
had seen him many times, as his family was under the
service of the Bagginses. I'd always smile at him as
he did his chores around the smial and in the garden.
I loved to watch him out of the west window pruning
the flowers and making nature even more beautiful than
it already was. That was his gift.

His gift. At the party I called Sam over to me. He was
rather embarrassed to be called away by his superior.
I took his arm in mine and brought him a ways away
from the party. I was very nervous, so much so that I
stumbled, but Sam caught me before I fell. His strong
arms went immediately around my waist. "You almost
fell, Mr. Frodo. You need to be more careful," he
said.

I didn't want to be 'Mr. Frodo,' I wanted to be
'Frodo.'

I smiled and nodded my head. We were in the field over
looking the party. Anyone could see us, which I did
not want.

"Come, Sam," I said, taking his hand into mine, "come
with me so I can give you your present!"

"Present? I don't need no present, Mr. Frodo. Mr.
Bilbo has already given my family a great birthday
gift."

"It is not a present for your family, Sam." I looked
back at him. "It's a present for you." His eyes
widened at the thought of a gift just for him. I knew
he rarely got a birthday present from anyone, as all
of his friends were in the same financial state.

We were now inside the gate of Bag End, and I took him
into the garden. Bending down I plucked the finest
rose I had chosen earlier that afternoon, and handed
it to Sam.

"It is the most beautiful rose out of them all, and I
wish for you to have it." I wanted to add 'my
beautiful rose,' but I knew I could not. He was no
one's rose, and he was never going to be mine.

Sam held delicately in his hand, making sure not to
touch the thorns. He knew not what to say. Smiling
once more, I said, "Best keep that away from your
sisters. They may try to steal it from you."

"Why did you give this to me?"

Because I love you. "Because you deserve it, Sam. You
grew it, so you should have it. "

"But it's the prettiest one." He stared at me in
confusion. My mind was racing with emotions. Dare I
tell him? No. Not now. Maybe never.

"I know that!" I said with a grin. "Why should the
creator not have the best of his make?"

He smiled at me. "Alright then, Mr. Frodo. And I'll
best be hiding it from Marigold especially. She really
loves roses. "

And I really love you. "Well, we better go back to the
party. Bilbo will be making a speech soon."

Year after year I would give him a rose at my
birthday. Giving it to him when I gave him pay, hiding
it with the dishes from the night before, simply
leaving it on the gate tied with a bow. And every
year he thanked me for it, and every year his face
became redder with blushing.

After Bilbo's leaving it became a bit lonely at Bag
End. Of course I had friends who spent the days away
with me, but I had no one to really be with. I began
taking long walks around Hobbiton and outside its
boundaries. Into the woods and around fields I walked,
thinking as I went. Rumors began. They said that I
went into the woods to talk with Elves. I did see an
Elf (or five), but I wasn't coming out there
deliberately to talk with them.

One day after a long walk, I found something I wasn't
expecting. In the library, on the book I had been
reading earlier there was a rose. It was pink with a
tint of red. There were no thorns so one could easily
hold it. I picked it up and smelled it. It smelled
sweet and... of Sam.

Today was his birthday. I had given him early leave to
spend it with friends, and had wished him a happy day
before going out for my walk. I wasn't expecting a
gift of any sort. I twirled the rose in my fingers,
watching the pink and red spin into one.

I put it in a vase and searched the hole for a place
to put it. I finally decided: my bedside table, so I
could look upon as I drifted to sleep. And I did.

The next morning as Sam made breakfast, I watched him.
He would glance quickly at me, and his red cheeks
would glow.

"Sam, sit down with me. We can eat together," I said
hoping for a moment to speak with him.

"I can't this morning, sir. I've got the hedges to cut
and I have to help me Gaffer and-"

"Sit down, please."

The look on his face was uncertain, afraid that I was
mad about the rose.

"Sam, what kind of roses are there by the library
window?"

He looked up. "Large hybrid tea bush, sir. Why do you
ask?"

I grinned. "A-are those the big pink ones with just a
little bit of red?" Sam nodded. I pulled in my chair
so I could be closer to him. "I like them. They're
very pretty. " Sam smiled in satisfaction.

"That they are." We looked at each other for a while.
His skin was tan from the sun and his hair was rich
brown. I wanted to reach out to touch his hair, his
face, everything. I wanted to hold him and kiss him
and know he was mine. Mine, only mine. For now he was
mine, in my kitchen remembering my rose.

The clock chimed ten, and Sam left his seat quickly.

"Where are you going?"

He looked back and said, "I've got to be going now.
Like I said before, my Gaffer needs my help."

I sighed and laid my head on the table. I wished that he wasn't so busy, but I could not change that. But he could be my Sam if I tried.