IF YOU WEREN'T HERE

by BlackStreak1

After the incident between Adrian and Henry at the party, Ben is wishing that he was never born. But luckily John is there to show how life would be "IF YOU WEREN"T HERE

I own nothing the story characters and show are properties of ABC FAMILY and Brenda Hampton, only the story and it's plot are mine.

"IF YOU WEREN'T HERE"

Ben lay on his bed staring at the ceiling and didn't even see it, it hurt to think and to breathe. Why he thought, why must I suffer so much? He found out from Alice that Adrian and Henry had slept together and it nearly killed him. Hank had tried to apologize and so did Adrian, but he didn't want to hear it, this was the worst he had ever felt. He lost everything he thought, his friends, his child, his dad's respect, his marriage, both of the women he loved, and even his will to live. Man, maybe things would have been better if I had never been born, he said to himself.

I know that I made a mistake when I slept with Adrian for revenge, and by marrying her before we were ready, but I tried to make up for it. Why is it no matter, how much I try to do good, it doesn't work. Maybe things would be better that way, if I was never born me not being around means Adrian, might still be with Ricky. Dad wouldn't be ashamed of me. Alice and Henry would still be together. Maybe that would have been better, if I was never born.

I wouldn't be so sure about that, a voice said from the corner of his room as a boy looking to be the age of fourteen turned to look at him sitting at his desk. Who are you, and what are you doing in my room, he yelled? Don't get so fussy Ben, I'm not here to hurt you I'm here to teach you that you are important, even if you don't feel like it right now. Okay, so who are you and why are you here in my room, Ben asked again. You know me Ben, you've known me since the day I was born. No I don't he said as he stared at the red haired boy sitting in a white jogging suit with freckles. Ben, its' me, John Jeurgens Underwood.

That's impossible, Ben said as he looked at the boy in his room. You can't be John he's only 2 and a half years old, Ben responded. No I'm whatever age I wish to be since I no longer exist he said. Huh, Ben asked staring at him. What are you talking about, no longer exist if you are John and I don't believe you are, you would be two years old not what twelve. Actually I don't really have an age, I was never born the boy, said staring at him with a funny grin.

Okay, explain this to me Ben replied. How were you never born yet be standing here in my room right, here talking to me. Honestly, I don't understand it myself the boy said I'm just here to show you that even though it doesn't feel like it you matter Ben, specifically you mattered to me, and several other people. Oh yeah, like who, Ben replied. Well your dad, my mom and dad, your friends, and Adrian. Oh you mean like Amy who wants Ricky, my dad who's ashamed of me, my friends who betrayed me, or Adrian who not only doesn't want me but, wants everyone but me.

Ben, Adrian is not in a good place to make good choices right now and neither are you. You lost your kid and that is affecting a lot of your decisions. But, if you think life would be better for everyone if you were never born then follow me. Okay, but I don't think it would help much. Okay, who would you like to see first in order to see how life would be without you. My dad, Ben replied. I want to see how my dad would be if I was never born. Okay let's go John said taking out a cellular phone. What is that for, Ben asked. Oh this is how I travel hold on he said taking Ben's hand.

As Ben and John held hands they were instantly teleported to the grave where his mother Sarah, and his daughter Mercy were buried. Why are we here; am I dead, Ben asked. No, you were never born remember, John replied. So why are we here I wanted to see my dad, Ben said. We are here with your dad. Take a look, John said pointing his finger to the headstone in front of him. When Ben turned to see the headstone which usually read "MERCY LEE BOYKEWICH", he was shocked and over come with grief when instead it read "LEONARDO BOYKEWICH". How ,this can't be, Ben said my dad was overweigh but he always took care of himself he said, as tears began to fall from his eyes.

Yeah, he did when you were in his life. You forget Ben, you were never born, so Leo saw no reason to be healthy. When your mom died he lost his will to live, you forget they were the people who taught you what love was, and you were the "LIVING PROOF" of their love for each other. You gave Leo the will to go on and survive the death of your mother, because she made him promise no matter what to be there for you. Ben, you gave Leo the strength he needed to wake up every morning and face every day he had to live without Sarah, and keep himself in good health. But, since you were never born, Leo gave in to the depression that he had when she died.

Without you his loving son there to comfort him, and give him a reason to keep going, Leo lost all hope there was in life. And since he was the owner of a butcher shop and sausage company he ate his way to clogged arteries and an early heart attack. But, what about Camille and Bunny they would have helped my dad, they helped both of us when my mom died. Even though Bunny and Camille tried to help him out of it, they couldn't because they were trying to save his company from bankruptcy. You also forget Ben, Leo turned Boykewich Butchers into the KING OF MEATS" for you. He wanted to leave a legacy for you to inherit after he was gone just like his father left him the butcher shop. Since you were never born, and Leo had no children he didn't see the point in trying to maintain a company with no one but him to run it.

But, what about the company and Camille and Bunny? Well, Camille had a nervous breakdown after losing both Leo, and Sarah. She felt guilty about not being able to help her best friend, and the guy she fell in love with. She went to a psychiatric hospital and was released she now works as a bank teller, and drinks herself to sleep most nights. As for Bunny, she is living at home in a nurse care facility, because she had a stroke when the company was taken over by the bank. How could this be, you mean there isn't a "Boykewich Butchers "anymore. Nope, sorry Ben.

But, what about you, how come you were never born? What happened to Amy, Ricky, and Adrian, he asked? Well, that's a story we have to go to the source and figure out he replied. He once again took out his phone and teleported them both to the school. I bet you wish your phone had this App don't you, John said smiling at him. Ben, gave the boy sneered grin. Come on, why are we at this, messed up school, he said looking at a school covered in graffiti, and trash. Oh, this is your school Ben, John said looking at him with a smirk. HUH!

This is Grant High, Ben yelled as he looked at his former school, no one near the beauty it once possessed. Yeah, your dad was a large contributor to the school, and he also got other businesses to donate money, he did that for all the schools you attended. But, since you were never born, and he died so early the school never got the funding and went the way of the state like other public funded schools owned by the state. So where is everyone, Ben asked? There they all are he said pointing at his mom Amy drinking from a water bottle.

I don't get it she seems happy, Ben replied. Well, I would be happy to if I was getting plastered at 8'oclock in the morning, John answered. Plastered, how can she be getting plastered, Ben asked. Oh it's a trick one of her boyfriends taught her, she empties out the stuff in soda, and water, then adds vodka, or some other alcohol that matches the color. Other boyfriends what about Ricky, they're engaged, Ben remarked? You keep forgetting you were never born so things didn't work out the way you think they would have.

FLASHBACK

In your world you were there to encourage my mom, and give her not only hope, but also confidence to go through with the pregnancy. You and your dad were also there to give my dad confidence and encouragement to be a better person. You made my dad want to change and become a better man for me, because he did not want me to be ashamed to be his son. He also wanted to be the guy my mom could count on, the way she counted on you.

You became his friend, and by watching and envying you he decided that he could change and be a better person. You were his first real friend someone he could count on and give him confidence, despite the rivalry between the two of you. Without you there to be his rival and your dad to give him the initiative he stayed the same jerk he was when you first met him.

So when my mom told him she was pregnant, since you weren't there to encourage her she went through with the abortion. After that my dad just avoided her because he felt ashamed of what he did, but he thought she did the right thing for both of them since they were both so young. When that happened, my mom started to feel the depression of my grandparents divorce, plus her guilt over the abortion. This made her run with a bad crowd, and she began to start drinking to get over it.

PRESENT
But, what about her friends, didn't Madison and Lauren try and help her, Ben asked. She never told them since you weren't there to complicate her life, she was able to keep the secret between she and my dad, John responded. But, how come her family never knew about it? Ben asked. They did, but not until after the only person who knew about it was Ashley, who never told until later. But what about Ashley, she would not let her sister go through this. Well see for yourself John replied pointing at his aunt Ashley walking through a slew of metal detectors with a bulging pregnant stomach.

What the hell, Ben replied. Oh, she is now six months pregnant John Answered. How did that happen Ashley was too smart, and careful, she didn't even want to have sex, Ben replied. She didn't want to have sex with others' you mean, John replied. She did want to have sex with one guy, who was good at bedding virgins. Ricky wouldn't she was Amy's sister, Ben yelled. Well, the Ricky my dad is now no, but the guy he was yes, John answered. But what happened with Adrian, she wouldn't let him she was protective of Ashley, she was the one person Adrian liked.

Well, actually my mom and Adrian are good friends in this world, John replied. How is that possible, Ben responded. Well, after my mom and dad went their separate ways my dad still hooked up with Adrian, and my grandfather and Adrian's mom stayed together and he accidentally got her pregnant, John explained. Cindy is pregnant with George's Baby, what about Reuben, Ben asked. Well in this world without you Adrian and Grace never became friends, because you were never there to start my dad's change.

My dad and Adrian played their game with Jack and Grace, so without you my dad was able to sleep with Grace and take her virginity. But, Jack, and her father would never have let that happen. Her dad didn't know, and after Jack cheated on her with Adrian, my dad used that to get her into bed. When Jack found out he got into a fight with my dad he beat him up pretty bad, and Jack got kicked out of school and off the team for brutal assault because the school has no tolerance policy for violence. With Jack out of school, and everything that happened with Grace, his dad decided to take the job in Arizona, and they all moved. While there Jack hooked up with a girl and now has HIV.

But, what happened to Grace, Ben asked looking and not seeing her. Well, she is not here John responded. After the incident with Ricky and Jack her dad took her out of this school and sent her to an all girl school, John told him. So her dad is still alive in this world. Yeah, but they aren't exactly having a good family moment since they found out that Grace is now a lesbian, or a bisexual, John said smiling. Grace is into girls, Ben said. Well, she was always confused about sex, Ben stated. True, but in this world having been treated so cruelly by both Jack and my dad and not having a nice guy like you to show her that there are still good guys left in the world or Adrian's friendship to guide her a little she lost faith in guys.

But, how did Rick end up with Ashley, Ben asked? Well after my Dad got out of the hospital his dad started coming around, since he liked kicking people when they were down. But, Bob was in prison, Ben said. Only because Jack was there to see him buy drugs, after he got in trouble for the fake I.D.'s they made for you and my moms wedding. Since he wasn't there to see him buy the drugs he never went back to prison. So where is Bob now, Ben asked. Oh he's dead, John replied. Dead, HOW You know that gun that my grandma Nora got sent to prison for carrying when you first met her, John asked. Yeah, Ben replied. Well, she found out that he was harassing my Dad, and decided to do now what she couldn't do in the past. She got 10 to 20 years for manslaughter.

Poor Nora, Ben said. Yeah it made it worse when Ricky found out that the D. A. who prosecuted her was Adrian's dad. When he found out he broke up with her and ran into my aunt Ashley. They started talking and since Ashley and Adrian were going to be sisters, and he wanted to hurt her, he decided to really hurt her, and slept with Ashley. But, what happened to Ricky and Adrian I don't see them, Ben asked. After Ashley turned up pregnant, George had my dad arrested for statutory rape. Adrian was so angry at both of them she ran away and started prostituting herself on the street.

No, my Adrian would never do something like that. Well, your Adrian doesn't exist in this world. You keep forgetting you were never there to show Adrian the love, attention, and understanding that she still needs. When they finally found her she was addicted to pain killers. Now she and my mom hang out and get high and drunk together.

But, what about Henry, Alice, Madison, and Lauren. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, Henry is dead. Henry dead, Ben couldn't believe his ears how. Since you were never there to be his friend Henry never made that many. He was also bad in school which was very important to his father, and since you and Alice weren't there to help him study he became over stressed, panicky, paranoid about grades, and killed himself because he couldn't take the pressures of high school.

Lauren and Madison no longer attend Grant High because their fathers decided since Amy and her sister were bad influences they transferred them both to better schools and they had to separate. Although both are doing better, they aren't really happy. But, Madison is she has a boyfriend named Grant. He used to date my aunt Ashley didn't he. Also Lauren is pretending to be the girlfriend of some guy named Griffin since he is afraid of coming out of the closet to people at his school.

Well, what about Alice. Alice is doing well, but she isn't in this country. Not in this country. You don't know this but Alice's parents were both offered the option of becoming partners in a private therapy clinic six years ago. But because Alice had a great friendship with you and Hank she didn't want to lose it, so she asked her parents to stay and they agreed.

You mean all of this happened because I was never born, Ben said. Ben, you are important. Even if you don't know it or understand it. Your life SUCKS OUT LOUD right now, but it will probably get worse before it gets better. But, if you keep strong and confidence it will get better. My Dad, mom, Adrian, all of them have become or are becoming better people because of you. But, you need to realize you can't just give up. So just have a little faith it will be worth it in the long run. John then took Ben by the hand and teleported him back to his room. And Ben for what it's worth even though you didn't get to be my dad I would have been proud to call you dad.

Then why did you scream and cry when I first held you? Ben asked. Well I was the first baby you held, I didn't want you to drop me, but I do want to say THANK YOU BEN, John said. Thank me for what, Ben asked. For being the person you are. For being the guy my mom could count on when she needed it, and helping her find the strength to keep me. For being the friend and inspiration my dad needed to force him to change. My dad won't admit it, but you were the reason for his transformation. My mom and I are reason he stays that way. yOU SEE BEN A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD NOT BE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE OR EVEN BE HERE IF YOU WEREN'T HERE. Goodbye Dad. What was that for Ben asked. A girl asked me to say it for her, she also wanted me to say she is sorry she can't say it in person YET! Yet, what does that mean, Ben asked as John clicked the app on his phone and disappeared.

SO TO ALL THE BEN HATERS OUT THERE REMEMBER THE MONSTER YOU WANT HIM TO BE IS NOT AND WAS NOT THE MAN HE WAS OR WILL BE. YOU MAY DOUBT THIS STORY, BUT REWATCH THE SHOW & YOU WILL SEE BEN MAY BE THE GUY YOU LOVE TO HATE BECAUSE , IF IT WERE NOT FOR HIM THE RICKY AND AMY YOU ALL SEE AND LOVE WOULD NOT EXIST.