This little piece was inspired by an old joke, that always made me laugh when I heard it. I don´t take the credit for it. I just wanted to share it with everybody who doesn´t know it yet. Enjoy.
Hereby I´d like to excuse my father from work
Deer Chief Vick,
since my father is not quiet fit to write right now, I took the freedom to do so on his behalf. When you finnished this letter you will know why. (please ignore the pineapple smoothy drops on the upper left edge)
Well, let me get straight to the point. As you might have noticed my father didn´t show up to work this Monday and as you have already heard, this is because he´s been hospetalized. And no, it wasn´t my fault, I want to declare that. At least not entirely. So now here the explenation in detail.
My father is, as you might or might not know, a man who never throws anything away. So it happened that he still had some of the bricks he had used in 1995 to build up a second wall in his cellar to seperate the two halfs from each other. He had stored them in the attic. Now it happened that he had the idea to build a stove for his garden, planning to use these very bricks to do so.
In order to spare himself (and me) the labor of carrying them down from the attic, we (means mostly me) thought about some very clever system to get them down. We (means mostly he) fixed a joist on the outside of his house´s wall, right over the window that looks out from the attic. On that joist he also affixed a beam on which he affixed a hoist, through which he spun a rope. We tied a wooden box to that rope and pulled it up to the window. The other end we affixed on a peg in the ground.
We went into the attic and loaded the box with the bricks. Afterwards we went back down. My dad assigned me to get the pushcart from the gurage, so we could bring the bricks from the house over to the place where they would be needed. You see that it was his idea to send me away for that, while he took care of the bricks. So that is the prove that what happened next, was not my fault.
He loosened the rope from the peg in order to slowly let the box with the bricks down, not considering the fact that the box with the bricks overweighted him by at least the double. When he realized this, he was holding to the rope tightly, so the bricks wouldn´t crash down and brake – he wanted to build his stove with them after all. That is in a matter of fact the real and only reason why the insident happened the way it happened. Coinsidanse wanted it that I came back around the corner right in the moment when everything started, so I can absolutely assure you that these describtions are accurate. The whole thing went down this way:
My father had as I said underestimated the weight of the bricks. So it happened that the bricks pulled him up on the rope and the wooden box ruptured his left shoulder when they met in the middle. Otherwise he passed the box pretty good under the sircumstances. The thing is, when he reached the top of the rope, he hit his head, first on the beam and then on the joist. Still he wouldn´t let go of the rope, to not to fall down. The thing was that in that moment, the wooden box hit the ground and the crash broke the bottom of it and allowed the bricks to fall out. So now the box was again lighter than he. Of corse he rushed down again, meeting the frame of the box one more time in the middle, this time rupturing his right shoulder. When the box was up, he hit the ground in such an unfortunate way, that he broke his leg and passed out immediately. Only that way it could happen that he let go of the rope, allowing the frame of the box to fall down on him, again hitting him in such an unfortunate way, that he is now waiting for an appointment at his dentist to get his jaw readjusted.
I was not fast enough to prevent any of this from happenning. So once more just to make sure. It was not my fault. You might expect my father back to work in three to for weeks.
Sinceraly Shaun Spenser
btw: if you haven´t guessed it, the spelling mistakes are of course intended. It was Shawn who wrote that letter after all and someone who needs spellcheck for his own name would surely make some other mistakes too. I hope this excuse is good enough for you to buy it. Its pretty cheap so I guess the chances are good.
And thanks for reading.