Have you ever loved someone from afar? Felt your heart bounce and your chest tighten whenever that person came near you?
I have. I feel this for you, and even though sometimes I feel as though my feelings are so big that they can swallow me whole, I could never tell you.
Only by keeping my anonymity can I write you this note, because deep down I know my feelings will never be returned.
I am writing this because I see you. I see you pick yourself up after every attack, every horrible name and even though I know you are strong enough to do it, I feel guilty letting you walk the halls feeling alone, when you are loved so greatly. Even if that love comes from somewhere unexpected.
I do not know what is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice in your eyes is deeper than all the roses. Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands.
Rachel looked at the note she had found in her locker for another minute, clearly in shock. She looked around, but it was already 4pm and she was alone in the hallway. A small smile spread across her lips.
This must me a joke She thought to herself. Still, instead of throwing the note away she placed it neatly her notebook, and headed home for the day.
A nervous Quinn stayed hiding around the corner. Her mind battling itself, shouts from both sides filled her thoughts. What if she finds out it was me? The opposed side of the battle asked, only to be answered by its opponent What if she likes it? Was Quinn Fabray ready to put herself out there, revealing feelings she had kept so well hidden? Whether or not she was ready, she had made a small step towards letting her heart win the battle her mind was having.
A couple of days past, and Rachel had not attempted to find the person who had wrote her such a beautiful note. She was too afraid that it really was a prank, and going around telling people she had an admirer would just further any attempts to humiliate her.
Her caution did not stop her from wondering though, she had gone over all of the boys she knew at school, made lists in her head, trying narrow down the suspect pool.
Every time Rachel opened her locker, she would hope another note, another clue would be there, but so far there had been nothing. Rachel, disappointed, closed her locker and turned around only to be met with a face full of ice. The brunette wasn't sure if the people who threw them knew how much it actually hurt to be "Slushied"
Rachel wiped the coldness from her eyes, only to see a nameless, faceless jock laughing and pointing at her. An empty Big Gulp cup in his hand, and she heard him say "Nice sweater, FREAK".
The jock walked off and standing a distance away was Finn, Tina, Mercedes, and Artie. It hurt her that none of them had come to her defense, especially her boyfriend. On some level she understood, that none of them wanted to put themselves in the line, or next on the slushie list, but she knew she would do it for any one of them is what hurt her the most.
That afternoon, as she gathered her books from her locker, she found another note taped to the inside of the door.
Little Star, I am sorry the world doesn't know how bright you can shine.
I wish I had been there to stop him; you deserve more than anyone in this town can offer you.
The note was short, but it still put tears in her eyes. The handwriting on it was neat, almost perfect, and it made Rachel doubt that this was a guy at all. Her words were beautiful and delicate, and she felt a tug at her heart, similar to what the first note described. The brunette placed this note with the other and feeling a little lighter, walking a little taller, went home.
Over the next couple of months, Rachel noticed that she only got notes when someone put her down. She pulled a small box out from under her bed and carefully took out its contents. It was all the notes she had received from her mystery romancer. One more beautiful than the next, most of them calling her "Little Star". She loved the nickname, and felt her heart sing every time she read it.
The author was careful, not to let on who she was, and whenever Rachel tried to catch her in the act of placing the note in her locker, she was unsuccessful. Rachel knew only a few things about this person and even kept a list of all the things she had discovered.
The author was definitely female
She is a good writer, and probably very smart
She keeps a distance because she is afraid of her feelings for another girl.
The list was small but every so often Rachel was able to add to her list. She reached into her notebook for the newest note, the one she had received that day.
Mercedes was wrong, your voice is beautiful. Sometimes I imagine you are singing to me instead of someone else.
This person had to be in Glee club. Her mind raced to figure out who it could be, but she couldn't be sure which one it was. The mystery behind it was driving her insane, and she knew she would have to do something about it.
Quinn always waited until the halls were empty to put her note in Rachel's locker. She had become an expert on breaking into it, and when she went to tape the note it's usually spot, she was surprised to find a note already there.
The blonde picked it up, and read it quickly.
Please don't hide from me anymore. The auditorium. 7pm
Quinn nearly stopped breathing. After months of telling Rachel her most private thoughts about her, was she ready to own up to those feelings? Leaving them anonymously was one thing, but could she face the possible rejection if she showed up to meet Rachel?
These questions plagued her mind the rest of the day, and when 7pm rolled around, Quinn found herself sitting low in a seat in the balcony, looking down at the piano that Rachel was seated at.
The brunette was reading the note, Quinn had been sure to put there before Rachel arrived.
I wish I could face you, but I am walking around in a fragile state as it is, and you not being able to return my feelings would break me. I wish I was the kind of person you could love back, but I am afraid I'm not.
Rachel read the note, she was so frustrated, all she wanted to do was cry. She put her head in her hands and let out a sigh.
Quinn shifted in her seat, not being able to see Rachel this upset, she slowly stood, trying to quietly exit, but as she was getting up the seat creaked.
Rachel's head darted up.
"You're in here?" she asked out loud but got no response.
Quinn was now lying on the floor behind the short wall of the balcony, not wanting to be seen. Cursing herself for not leaving before Rachel showed up.
"I know it is you" Rachel continued "You think I can't love you back but I already do. I just want to know who you are, I've been trying to figure it out…. Please."
Quinn considered standing up and revealing herself, but she couldn't make her legs work, they were taken over by fear.
"You're a coward. Don't leave me anymore notes." Rachel said out of anger and stormed out of the Auditorium.
Quinn heard the door close behind the brunette, and she started crying. Rachel was right, she was a coward.
A month passed without another note, and Rachel deeply regretted telling the author to stop writing them. She missed them, she had stopped the one thing that brightened her day, and probably scared her love away. If she had just been more patient; she scolded herself.
Quinn had done as Rachel said and not written her anymore notes, but she couldn't stop feeling the love she had for the diva. It was getting harder and harder not to drop on of the many notes she had written into the other girl's locker, but she knew it would just hurt Rachel more.
As Rachel made her way to AP English, a group of jocks headed towards her, the scene seemed to go in slow motion. Rachel saw the cups of slushie, and the evil grins on their faces. The one thing she didn't see was Quinn coming up behind her, and in a swift motion put herself between her and the mob.
Rachel only felt some of the ice hit her arm, and when she opened her eyes to see why her face was not covered in slush, she only saw a wave of blonde hair.
The mob of jocks were silent, which was a change from the cackling laughter that usually proceeded an slushie attack.
"Holy crap" on of them said
It was then that Rachel realized who had taken the bullet for her. It was Quinn.
The blonde wiped most of the ice off of her face, looked the offending jock in the eyes and said:
"She is off limits. You'll have to come through me from now on, and I don't think Ms. Sylvester would be happy about you second string assholes, slushing the head cheerio. Are we understood"
The football players looked terrified, no one wanted to be on Quinn's bad side, and even less so when it came to being on Sylvester's hit list. The group nodded their heads and hurried off, still silent.
"Quinn…" Rachel started to thank her but Quinn was already off and headed to the girl's bathroom.
Rachel followed and when she caught up to her the blonde was washing the rest of the attack off of her face and hair.
"Thank you Quinn"
"You shouldn't be thanking you, I can't believe I ever did this to anyone" Quinn had only been slushied once before but she had forgotten how much it hurt.
"I appreciate you standing up for me… but why did you do it?"
Quinn thought for a moment, turned around and looked Rachel in the eyes. "I guess I was feeling like less of a coward today" and with that the blonde left, leaving Rachel standing there going over what she had just said. Then realization dawned on her.
It had been Quinn.
Rachel ran out of the bathroom after her, but Quinn was already gone.
Quinn was filled with anxiety, she hadn't meant for what she had said to slip out. Rachel undoubtedly had figured out it was her writing the notes, and since that was not a conversation she wanted to have covered in the contents of a Big Gulp, she went home for the rest of the day.
Rachel looked everywhere for Quinn, and when the blond didn't show up for Glee, she knew that her realization was correct.
The next morning Quinn arrived at school. She was terrified of the conversation Rachel was going to want to have. The brunette would probably let her down easy she thought to herself, but it was more than Quinn's heart could take. Her plan was to avoid Rachel in the halls, and skip Glee, well probably quit Glee.
She opened her locker, and to her surprise found a note inside.
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; Which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.
Quinn recognized the poem. EE Cummings is someone she quoted a lot in her notes to Rachel. Her heart soared. Could she have been wrong about Rachel wanted to reject her? There was only one way to find out.
Rachel waited by Quinn's car after school. She didn't want to miss her chance to talk to her.
Quinn approached slowly, her nerves taking control of her legs. Her arms were wrapped securely around her books, and her eyes were on the floor, occasionally looking up at Rachel and to make sure she wasn't running into anything.
When she finally stood in front of the brunette all she could manage was a "Hey Rachel"
"Quinn. I need to know. I need to hear you say it" Rachel pleaded.
"Say what?" Quinn tried to play dumb.
"Please" she begged quietly
Quinn let out a shaky breath "It was me"
"Was it sincere?" She had to be sure
Quinn looked a little offended at the question by she knew it was valid. Quinn place her books on top of her car, looked Rachel straight in the eyes and answered "It's the most truthful I have ever been"
Rachel smiled, leaned in, and kissed Quinn. Both girls felt the spark immediately. The slow and tender kiss turned deeper and Quinn placed her hands on Rachel's cheeks, and the brunette's arms wrapped around Quinn's waist.
Their first kiss was one of many to come.