Frocks
By Leah
Summary
A very silly AU Gullan fic. Rated M for language and sexual references. A tad slashy.
Guy misses Maz so Allan decides to play dress up to cheer him up.
Set after the season 2 ep "Show me the money"
Pudsey the teddy also makes an appearance.
Fic inspired by the 2007 "Children in need sketch"
Big thanks go to Alicat of The Dark scribe for giving me some plot ideas.
Disclaimer
I do not own a thing, if I did; I would own Maz's season 1 costumes and that sexy little black number she wore in "The booby and the beast" season 2
I do not own, nor do I despise, Pudsey the bear.
Nottingham Castle, Lady Marian's former chambers
"Oi! Giz!"
"What?" the handsome dark haired man growled.
"Can you help me with this-Nah! Got it!"
"Show me," Guy ordered before giving the red feather hat one last look of pure disgust. The … hat was a wretched thing that pouncy crout Count Fredrich of Bavaria had bought the lady Marian during his stay in Nottingham several months ago.
"Gawd. What was he thinking buying her this?" Sir Guy of Gisborne thought.
Behind the changing screen Allan A Dale took a deep breath then ventured into the room.
"How do I look?" he asked. He was wearing Marian's olive and red gown, it had been one of her favourites.
After a few moments of staring Guy made a face then skulled his goblet. "Doesn't suit you for some reason," he told Allan. "Try this blue one on."
"Its aqua!" Allan corrected crossly, catching the frock after Gisborne had tossed it to him. "And what possessed her to buy it? It's bloody ugly!"
"Shut your mouth and put on the dress!" Guy snapped.
"But it's going to look like shit!"
"Allan, it's completely up to you," the older man explained slowly. "You can try it on … or I'll thump ya."
Sighing with much annoyance the former outlaw marched off to the changing screen, muttering furiously under his breath. He had only just managed to get the dress off when there was a loud roar of rage.
Gulping, Allan gathered his wits and, once again, ventured into the room.
Guy was well and truly pissed off.
"What is it this time?" Allan asked, hands on hips.
Nostrils flaring, Gisborne presented a little yellow teddy bear.
"This!" he spat, holding the teddy directly under Allan's large nose.
"Awww!" Allan gushed, "Its Pudsey!"
With nostril's still flaring, the leather clad lieutenant stalked over to the fireplace to drop kick the cute, harmless toy into the roaring fire.
"What did you do that for?" Allan exclaimed with disbelief.
"Did you ever see her carting that thing around the castle?" Guy demanded. "The way she hugged and kissed it was enough to make you want to chunder!"
Rant about Pudsey the bear over, Gisborne frowned at Allan.
"Nice shift but why aren't you wearing the blue dress?" he asked.
"It's aqua."
"It's blue."
"Not being funny but its aqua!"
"It's blue!" Guy insisted childishly then waved a gloved hand toward the changing screen. "Go and put the dress on or you'll be getting more then a thump!"
After saying that Sir Guy decided to give the horrible feather hat he now held in his black leather clutches another look of pure loathing.
"Now for this!" he growled menacingly with a sadistic gleam in his eyes.
"I'll take it!" Allan said quickly, grabbing the hat. "I know a nutter in Nettlestone village who'll think it's a bird. Well … either that or she'll use it to wipe her-"
"No more details Allan!"
"Fine, fine!"
Happy that two of the most tedious items in Marian's trunk had been taken care of Guy allowed himself a good long look at the frock his squire wore then made a face.
"Take that fucking thing off," he ordered. "It makes your hips look big!"
"You've got to be bollicking me!" Allan cried. "This took me flippin ages to put on!" The former outlaw pointed furiously at the strange piece of leather wrapt around his waist, "I've never seen one of these before either!"
The look Guy gave Allan said everything.
"Take the frock off or die."
With a huff, Guy's cute toy boy spun around, strutting for the changing screen, returning after an hour of grunts groans moans and swearing wearing Marian's best dress. The slinky, naughty, tight little black dress.
"How fit am I, Giz?" he asked triumphantly.
Allan A Dale had every right to feel triumphant. It had taken him ages to get out of that aqua thing Maz called a good casual dress and AGES to get into her naughty little black dress.
Anyway.
Gisborne looked up from his goblet of wine and, ever so slowly, grinned wolfishly.
"Fucking fit," he replied and rose to his feet to walk around Allan. "Nice," the leather clad hottie commented, stormy gaze lingering on Allan's suddenly very, very firm arse. "Very nice."
"Just nice?" Allan asked raising an eyebrow.
"I also said very nice."
"Just very nice?"
"Don't get me started!" Guy warned. "We'll never leave this room if you get me started."
"Maybe I don't want to leave."
Gisborne felt himself become hard.
"You little bastard," he snarled. He hated it when Allan played easy to get. It always seemed to get them in trouble with Vasey.
Using all of his willpower, the dark haired man shook his head.
"It's a keeper. But you'd better take it off before-"
Suddenly the door swung open and to our favourite boy's immense horror entered the last person they wanted to see.
"Do I find this amusing? A clue. No!" Vasey, the short, yet quite sexy, sheriff of Nottingham growled whilst ominously glaring scornfully at both men.
"My lord-" Guy began.
"Oh, no, no, no Gisborne!" the fearsome sheriff cut off. "No excuses! I told you and your boy to dispose of the lady lepers stuff! And Instead of finding a bare room I find the two of you playing dress up like two little girls!"
"Hey, I was only trying to cheer him up," Allan protested defensively. "He was moping around like some pitiful puppy … What else was I supposed to do?"
"Ignore him you complete and utter twit!" Vasey roared.
"He'd hit me if I did that," Allan replied rather sheepishly. This was quite true. Guy didn't like being ignored. If Vasey ignored him, Guy would sulk. When Maz ignored him he paced sulked and whined. But when Allan ignored him Guy roared his head off and gave him a great big thumping.
"I didn't even get a chance to put a dress on!" Gisborne grumbled staring at the floor.
Vasey groaned and smacked a hand to his forehead. This was not a good moment for him. He had missed out on painting his toe nails because of these two boof heads. Ohhh! This was not a good moment at all.
"Get out of my sight! I'm sick of the sight you!" the sheriff wailed. "And since you're so fond of playing with the leprous leper's things, you two can take the lot to Locksley with you!"
"But my lord!" Guy protested.
"Oh stop whinging you great big oaf! No wonder the wench bolted! Listening to you is strangely similar to sitting through a church service! BORING!"
Guy's shoulders slumped in defeat. He glared at Allan as if all this was entirely his fault then turned his head the other way and sniffed.
Allan, having become quite accustomed to Guy's glares head turns and sniffs, spun around, marching for the change screen.
"Get this load of rubbish out of here!" Vasey hollered, beady hazel eyes shooting out daggers. "Take everything!"
"Righto! Righto!" Allan muttered irritably under his breath. "No need for a conniption."
"Except that!" Vasey barked, snatching Marian's weird aqua frock from it's pile. "Ohhh! I like this!" the horrid little man declared, holding the frock in front of him. "This is good!"
"Come on," Gisborne said to Allan. He did not want to know what Vasey was planning to do with Marian's dress. Article of clothing or not, he actually felt rather sorry for it.
In Guy's not so humble opinion it would have been a mercy to simply toss the gown into the fire rather then let it fall into Vasey's paws.
Thank jesu clothes did not have feelings.
A month later, Castle courtyard
Guy and Allan were conversing beneath a tree when Marian came running toward them.
"Marian," Guy greeted.
"Guy, Allan," she replied with a small smile. "The sheriff informed me that you were both put in charge of my belongings while I was absent from the castle." She hesitated then added. "Some of my … personal items seem to have disappeared."
"Personal items?" Allan echoed innocently.
"Disappeared?" Guy added gulping inwardly.
Marian had obviously noticed Pudsey and that wretched hat had gone missing.
Oh god. Shit would definetly fly and hit the walls when she found out what really had happened to them.
'Please make it quick,' Guy thought squeezing his eyes shut.
"What items might they be, Maz?" Allan asked nervously.
"Oh well let me see. There's the hair curling iron and the French lace robe with matching night shift that Guy gave for me for my twenty second birthday, my best silk stockings and some …." She leant forward to whisper in Allan's ear.
Gisborne scowled and tried to eavesdrop without looking like he was eavesdropping. Sadly, all he could make out was "parchments"
When finished, Marian drew away from Allan and looked from him to Guy rather expectantly.
Sensing impeding doom, Gisborne's mouth clammed shut. From the corner of his eye, he noticed that Allan's face had suddenly become a fascinating shade of red.
"Ummmm," his man stammered.
"What?" Marian asked.
"Ummm … Uhhhh …. Ummmm."
"WHA-HEY!"
All three spun around to see sheriff Vasey dancing, yes, dancing toward them wearing Marian's aqua frock and a slopping silver jug of wine in his right hand.
"Love the dress, Mazzie darling!" he slurred as he skipped past. "This is truly my-hic-colour!"
Guy pinched his nose; Allan groaned and smacked his forehead.
Marian simply stared.
"So you gave the sheriff my things?" Marian asked as soon as Vasey had disappeared from their view.
"Well," Guy begun.
"Not exactly." Allan added, blushing furiously.
"So what happened?" the girl demanded.
"Ah."
"Um."
"Boys?" Marian growled, clenching her small yet deadly fists.
"Toodles!"
Both men bolted for their lives with Marian right behind them, shrieking abuse from the top of her lungs.
Locksley Manor, Guy's bedchambers
Meanwhile, Robin Hood felt like stirring up his arch enemy Sir Guy of Gisborne. So the lovable toddler, I mean outlaw, decided he'd have a quick poke around his former bedchamber to see what titbits he could find.
Robin had almost given up til he knocked a largish rectangular shaped object, shrouded in a white cloth, to the floor. After making sure no one had heard anything, he pulled up the heavy item, withdrew the cloth covering it then grinned mischievously.
In Hoods grubby hands was a painting of Guy and Allan.
Gisborne lay on his stomach on his bed, black hair bouncing about his face, obviously from being curled with a curling iron, dressed in an ill fitting white lace robe and night shift. The dispossessed knights lips were parted in what he or the artist had thought was a sensuous manner.
Allan was standing beside the bed wearing Marian's little black dress. Resting in Allan's hands was Davina's whip.
Robin set the painting on the bed with the intention of taking it with him back to Sherwood. He would use it for black mail purposes.
After performing another, more thorough, search Robin discovered a trunk labelled "Lady Marian's stuff!"
Well and truly excited with the discovery he had made, he opened the trunk to reveal a hair curling iron, lacy bed chamber attire, silk stockings and rolls and rolls of parchments.
With curiosity getting the better of him, Robin picked up one of the parchments and began to read.
One day, Lady Marian received a right spanking from Sir Guy of Gisborne.
Naughty Lady Marian loved it so much she begged for more!
"Oh hit me harder you big bad man!" she cries.
"Your wish is my command my 12th century love muffin! But first … Who's you're dark daddy now bitch?"
"You are Guy! You! You! You!"
The end
Authors note
This is fairly modern. It wasn't going to be as modern as this … oh well. It is a comedy fic :P
To those who loved Pudsey. Be assured that the little yellow bear is happy in little yellow bear heaven!
Hope you enjoyed this ditty. :) Leah.