A/N: Well, hi!
I am Rociel and kinda new in the Digimonfandom, acctually this is only the second fic I have written so far for the serie and the first one I am posting on FF-Net. ^^;; So please be nice to it, nee? ...Even if this thing is so sick that it probably doesn´t deserve to be treated nice, heck, I am going to be flamed for this, I am sure of that. What a start...
Anyway, why is this fic so sick? Because it is Taketo (or Takemato or whatever that weird namecombination is...Takeru/Yamato coupling :p~~), which means incest. If this isn´t your cup of tea just LEAVE, don´t leave some stupid flame like "You are sick!!"-I know that myself- or "You stupid fuck! How could you blablabla....", that is simple childish. I wont take flames for the coupling (even if I am sure I will get some). If you want to critizes me, please do it, but do it like an adult.
There is mostlikely also going to be Taito in future chapters (if someone even wants me to continue this), any other couples are open to suggestion.
To Kiss your sleeping Face...
Love... love is a strange thing indeed.
You can not control it, can´t grasp and hold on to it or make it stop, as much as you may want.
Believe me, I know what I am talking about. Loving, without understanding why it just happened to be that person (well, I could tell you a thousand reasons why I am in love, but not why it happened), loving with all my heart even if it tears me apart inside, loving even if I know that it is wrong.
Loving what I am forbidden to long for.
Yes, it is a same sex love, but believe me that isn´t the problem.
What is it than? You may think it can´t come more complicated, more forbidden in a society that wont accept it. Do you think I would tear myself apart only because I am afraid of what my family, my friends, my surroundings will think of me when they find out that I am gay?
I don´t care about that...if it were only that.
If I were only in love with a boy.
I could deal with that, telling my family that I am gay or bi.
I would, but that problem is so much more.
If I go to them, tell them that I am not in love with a girl, not in love with the one they expected me to fall for, I would have to tell them who holds my fancy. They would bug me until I tell them, they would want to meet him, but they know him already.
No parent on this world can be so open minded to accept all of what my love means.
I can´t accept it myself, deny it and push it back, try to bury the feelings deep down in my heart.
It does not work.
I just have to see him, hear his voice, sweet and gentle, and the walls that I erected start to crumble. One of his rare smiles, a laughter clear like silver bells and they fall.
And I find myself loving him even more.
It is a damned love, one that simple can not find a happy ending.
I know it...but can´t stop hoping.
Hoping, that maybe there is a way, that there is a possibility that I can be with him.
Hoping, that may he loves me too.
Hoping, that even if there is no one else for us left to go to, who will spend us comfort, that we will be there for each other. He has always been there before for me, hoping that he wont leave me now.
Hoping even if there is no hope left.
I search for a way, search for a way to justify and make my love for him possible.
Even if I grasp for straws.
It can´t go one like that.
I am slowly going insane.
I try to push him away, just to find myself seeking him out the next moment, try to find myself someone else to love, but I just start comparing them to him.
I have to do something.
"Takeru! Where are you going?"
The blond turned, eyes capturing the ones of the girl who had called after him, standing before the school doors, the faint breeze playing with auburn strands, that were normally kept neatly.
"To the city hall! Sorry Kari, I can´t bring you home today! I will make it up somehow!"
He called back to her, while keeping on walking, a smile brightening his face, that was reflected on hers, even if she worried silently.
Why was he going to the city hall?
Pieces of paper fluttered in the air, dancing in the wind, some being carried higher and higher in the air, some falling, landing on dark blue water and floated on, white specs on small waves.
His eyes followed them unseeing, his hands resting on the railing of the bridge, folded, his head supported on them, fingers still clutching pieces of the torn paper.
It would have been too easy like this.
And he had known after all...but nonetheless he felt depressed.
If they weren´t...he could have found the courage to tell him.
But there it stood.
Black on white, written down in the family register.
Related by blood, the same mother, the same father.
Brothers.
They were brothers, not even half-brothers, and his love could never be accepted, never...
"FUCK!!!!"
The word seemed strange coming over his lips, he normally didn´t cuss.
Well, normally one did not lust after his older brother.
Dumping the remains of the paper on the ground, Takeru walked on, not knowing exactly where his feet led him.
He should have known better than to go and get the family register, to see the truth clearly before himself. If he hadn´t, he could have still clung to the believe that they were only half brothers, which would have given him some room.
But now, it was just painfully obvious that he was a sick pervert.
A sick little boy in love with his beautiful brother.
Sometimes, when we sit together like this, joking around, watching TV or simple enjoying each others company, I start to wonder, when he turned to something more than my brother in my heart. When I stopped adoring and worshipping him as my idol, as someone who I wanted to resemble, who I looked up, and started to love Yamato in a way I shouldn´t.
Yamato, Yama or Matt, no longer can I call him brother. I simple can´t.
Not while I yearn to kiss him, want to hold him and touch him. Not when I sit next to him and notice those little things, like the way his breath comes over his slightly open lips, moistening the pale pink flesh, or how his lashes draw shadows over crystal clear eyes and how they rest on his white cheeks when he closes them.
I can´t call him brother when I dream of him at night.
When did it al change?
I can´t pinpoint the moment, when this all became so complicated. It suddenly was there, I suddenly became aware of Yamato.
I tried to convince myself that it was puberty, that it were my hormones running rampant or something like that. No such luck...
I kept myself apart for him, but I am like the moth drawn to the flame, one of many that fell victim to Matts spell.
I just hope, hope that somehow this all will work out.
I don´t want to risk loosing him, I want him to be happy and I can´t make him happy, if I tell him. I have to be content as it is...but it hurts more than I can bear to think of him with someone different than me.
A/N: Part one done...oh my, I barely dare say: Please, comments, critiscm and reviews are welcome. If I continue this depends on feedback.