Sorry this isn't very good -.- I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Songs for this chapter: Roslyn by Bon Iver & st. Vincent, Run Away by Megan and Liz, Stuck here like mom by Carter Burwell, Bet on it by Zac Efron.
"You just don't understand me!" I scream at Phil, and in my rage I throw a mini potted cactus at the wall. "No one understands me!"
"Maybe if you let us help you things would be different!" Phil roars back at me.
I sneak a glance at Renee who cowers in the corner. She hates it when Phil and I fight. Truthfully, I feel like copying her and curling up in a corner. Of all people, I expect her to understand my vendetta against Phil. Against all guys. She was the first and only person apart from my sister Bella who I had confided in about last summer. The summer that my life started spiralling downwards. They all tried to help me, even those who didn't know my secret, but it was impossible. They all gave up on me. All of them except for Bella. Right now she is living in Forks with her dad, Charlie, and I miss her terribly. She is my best friend, and when I didn't know the right words, she would just hold me until it was better. Yeah, we're half sisters, but we both consider ourselves true sisters. To her, I'm still her little saving grace, best fried, confidant, even after all that's happened. My name is Grace Nicole Dwyer, daughter of the evil Phil and Renee.
Returning back to the present. I take one long look at Phil and run into my room, slamming the door shut. I feel guilty leaving mom in there, but I can't deal with this, now or ever.
"Fine!" I hear Phil yell, "Run away, just like always!"
I wish Phil isn't my father. He is harsh and judgmental. I prefer Charlie to him, and I seriously can't understand why Renee left him, no matter how many times she tries to explain to me. Charlie is kind and caring and loving, and Phil is the total opposite. Sometimes I wonder if my mom is retarded.
After Bella left for Forks last year, my life went even more downhill, if that were possible. I don't need a shrink to tell me that. I became anorexic; I didn't mean to, it just happened. I still am, and honestly, no one has noticed. Not like anyone would. My mom is too busy trying to save what's left of her marriage with Phil. I'm pretty sure he abuses her, but she won't speak out. Not even after what happened to me. Phil might genetically be my father, but he never will be in my heart. I consider Charlie my dad, and he considers me his other daughter. When I turn eighteen I will take off to Forks, if I haven't found a way out already. Three years seems an unbearable time to wait...
My friends wouldn't notice if I crawled under a rock and died. My friends are junkies, they're the only ones to give me time of day and that's probably because they're too hashed out to notice anything. Everybody else at school, teachers included, gives me a ten-meter radius avoidance range. They're probably terrified they'll catch my 'depression' or something. That or they're scared shitless from my attire- I practically live in black, short and skimpy clothes. I heavily outline my eyes in black kohl, and am never seen without my black boots or doc martens.
Before all this, I was that girl. A dragonfly. Girls wanted to be me, guys wanted to be with me. I as beautiful, popular and smart. Teachers loved me, and so did my parents. That was before the summer...
It started off as a perfect night. The air was warm, but not humid. The Mosquitoes hadn't begun to come out yet, so we didn't have to worry about being bitten. I remember getting ready with my best friends that night. Sara, Lisa, Rachelle and I had spent hours that Friday trying on each others clothes, and doing each others hair and makeup. We discussed which boys we would go for, and rated them on the s scale, from one to five.
One was for medical reasons only, like for CPR. Two was if it was for the good of mankind, like to stop a terrorist attack or something. Three was a might as well practice snog. Like if they're was nothing better to do and you wanted to make sure your kissing was top for when you kiss that Exchange hottie. Four was a premier- league snog. He was typically older, sporty and would boost your reputation. And finally five. An in your dreams snog. It's the pinnacle of the scale- a kiss with a guy that's completely unobtainable, like David Beckham.
On that night I was wearing a hot black tight minidress with cut outs, like a tiger had been slashing at the dress. I wore four inch black stilettos with a t strap. My long hair cascaded in waves down my back. I looked so sexy! I remembered being proud, because I knew all the guys would look at me lustfully. I loved the attention. Little did I know that I was asking for trouble...
We all piled into Sara's car and drove to the cliffs, where the party was being held. The bonfire was already blazing, and it glowed beautifully in the twilight.
When we stepped out of the car heads turned. Guys wolf whistled and girls narrowed their eyes, looking green with envy. This, I felt, was the sole reason for my existence. To impress people and make them envy me.
The four of us split up, going to dance with the guys that we had discussed earlier. I had my sights set on Aaron Jones. He looked a total five on the s scale, but there was a difference. I knew he was obtainable, well, to me anyway.
For a while we flirted and danced. After a little while, maybe half an hour after we started flirting. He pulled me to him and we danced properly. Sexy danced. He ground against me. Guys hooted and girls were mad with envy, and I felt like the luckiest girl on earth. My dream was coming true.
I wasn't a bad girl really. Yes, I did hook up with a lot of guys, but I always let them down easy. I never had sex with them; I wasn't that cruel to have a one night stand, dumping them the day after. But karma was a bitch. Maybe it was payback for all the guys I used to take my lust out on.
Soon after the first dance with Aaron, he led me back to a car parked not so far away. He bent me backwards over the hood and started kissing me forcefully. A three, I reckoned. He shoved his tongue in my mouth, and believe me, it was not a nice kiss. I could hear guys whistling and hooting, but when I tried to pull away she grabbed me and pulled me tighter. That's when I knew something bad was going down tonight.
He grabbed my ass and squeezed hard. It was painful, and that only increased my panic. People had left, after becoming bored of watching people on forceful first and second base. He pulled away, and with his hand firmly pressed over my mouth, he dragged me into the nearby forest.
I'd always fantasize about my first time. After prom maybe? On a Hawaiian beach perhaps? Or in a hotel room decorated with rose petals? Getting raped in the forest was not on my list though. After that experience, I never want to have sex ever again. It was so painful, and after he was done with me, he tossed me to the ground like a ragged doll and left me bleeding as he sloped back off to the party. He had beaten me, abused me physically and mentally. I was dead in my own mind. I felt like just curling up and dying in a ditch.
All those times playing guys had come around to bite me in the ass. In a sick way I deserved it...
My so called friends never came to look for me, and I never talked to them ever again. I only told Renee and Bella after they interrogated me, after I came home bawling and looking scraggly. They were shocked, and reported it to the police. They interrogated Aaron, but his father was a lawyer and he had so many references behind him that nobody believed me. I convinced Renee not to tell Phil. He knew something was up, but he also knew he'd never get it out of us.
Bella was scheduled to leave a week after my accident, and she didn't want to. I didn't want to stop her from being happy, so I made her go, convincing her I was fine. We still talked all the time, phone and email.
After the incident I didn't trust guys, period. Well, I would trust Charlie if I ever saw him. I especially feared Phil, but I covered it well, or at least I thought so.
A soft knock rapped on the door.
"Come in," I whispered. I knew it was Renee because Phil didn't bother knocking. It would be uncomfortable, talking with Renee after another fight with Phil, but we'd try...
Apparently after I stormed out, so did Phil. To the pub, probably. My mom rushed in with bags in her hands. I look at her, wide eyed.
"Come on!" she cries, throwing bags at me. "We don't have long!" as she runs to pack her stuff, realization sinks in. We're ditching Phil and doing a runner. I grab handfuls of my stuff and throw it into bags, not bothering to be neat. I pack the essentials, but before I leave I run to the bottom of my wardrobe and pull out the shoebox from the back corner. It had everything special to me in it, hidden from prying eyes. My baby stuff, photos of us before all of this mess, trinkets. I cradle them to my chest for a moment before safely tucking the box into my backpack. I run into my mom in the kitchen and we share a look.
This is it. We're definitely leaving, no turning back. The song, Run Away by Megan and Liz cones to mind.
We grab each others hands and my mom says "We can do this, Gracie". I know we can. I can feel it. My mom grabs some money, and while she calls a taxi I drag her out the door. We stand in the shadows while we wait for the taxi to come, just in case Phil returns early. If he catches us trying to leave, I don't want to even think what might happen.
I'm scared but excited too. It's what I've been dreaming for a whole year. Mom calls the airline and books two tickets for, wait for it- Forks! I can't believe my ears! I'm terrified for what happens if this goes wrong, but if it goes right it will be what I've dreamed for. The few minutes while were waiting for the taxi to come are the longest moments of my life. I consider what I'll do if Phil returns. I'm in the middle of mentally debating with hitting him with a suitcase and doing a runner when the taxi pulls up. I drag mom to it and we slide onto the back seat.
"JFK Airport please, and make it quick!" The cabbie must hear the desperation in my voice, because he does what I say. We speed through to town, and as we pass through Main Street I look instinctively to the right. I find what I'm looking for the pub; Phil is swaying precariously by the doorway, already drunk. This is a new record, even for him. His drunken gaze meets mine and his gaze is cold and dark. I quickly look away, and soon we are far from the pub. Had he realized it was me? Will he remember after he gets over his hangover tomorrow?
These questions will haunt me for the next few nights, I can tell. Mom is off the phone by now. We look at each other and she squeezes my hand. It's just as hard as it is for me as it is for her. We pull up at the taxi parking bays and I thank the cabbie very much. We pull our bags out of the trunk and hurriedly move towards the entrance.
Inside the airport there is a sea of people but we hold onto each other and are so, so careful not to lose each other in here. Time is precious. We hurry through the masses, hoping not to be caught by anyone we know. Soon we make it to terminal three where we check in for our flight. So far, so good. We are informed that there is a two hour wait. I'm not fussed, after seeing Phil so drunk there is no way he could stop us now.
Mom looks at me worriedly as we sit down and I realize her panic. She has to call Charlie and tell him the news. Why we will randomly showing up on the doorstep of the house that she walked out of eighteen years ago...
She stands up and moves to an empty corner to make her call. I wonder if she still loves him somewhere in her heart. I also ponder what she's saying to Charlie, but I'm so, so tired and without coffee my attention level is zero...