James was walking down the hall, whistling. School was over for the day, so he went to find his friend Sirius Black, so they could play.
Sirius ran down the hall, dressed very classy.
"Hi." Said James happily. "Why are you dressed up?" James asked.
"I can't talk now." Sirius Black said to his best friend. "I have to go to work."
"Work?" Said James puzzled. "But you're not old enough to go to work."
"That isn't true, I got my first job. I am a lawyer. Bye!" Sirius said quickly.
James was confused. He didn't know that Sirius was a lawyer. A voice interrupted his thoughts. It was Lily.
"James." She said. "James, Professor Dumbledore wants to see you."
James went to see Dumbledore.
"Mr. Potter?" He said nicely. "I'm sorry, but they came here before you did, I had no choice-"
A bunch of Ministry people jumped out of the curtains behind Dumbledore's desk, all pointing their wands at James.
"Mr. Potter, you are arrested for boring three people to death." Said a wizard policeman.
"What? Wait!" James said looking panic stricken. James tried to think whom he had bored to death. "I didn't bore anyone!"
"Does 'Can you guess what my favorite bubble gum flavor' ring a bell?" Said another stern looking Minister. James had no idea what he was talking about.
"Who were the people I killed?" James asked.
"Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, and Sirius Black." Dumbledore said sadly.
"I don't ever talk to Snape or Malfoy, and Sirius was perfectly fine this morning!" James screamed.
"Tell it to the judge."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James walked in the courtroom, followed by Dumbledore. Dumbledore agreed to be James' lawyer, even though he had no experience. They were a half-hour early.
"Why are we so early?" James asked.
"We need to suck up to the judge." Dumbledore said to James.
"We're going to bribe the judge?" James said horrified.
"No, we'll suck up to her. Why hullo Minerva! That's such a nice dress! It goes wonderful with your beautiful brown eyes!" Dumbledore said enthusiastically.
"Albus," McGonagall said as unenthusiastic as it could get. "Sit down."
James was beginning to get worried.
"Don't worry James, she's just a tough cookie."
Sirius Black walked into the courtroom.
"Hey, Professor McGonagall, you look awful! Ugh, and that smell! Jeez, Prof., when did you last take a bath, honestly, you smell like Snape." Sirius said in McGonagall's face.
"Oh Sirius, that's so nice of you! It's great to see you again! McGonagall said, giving Sirius a true smile. "Where's your client?"
"SIRIUS! You won't believe it! These people are trying to put me in jail. They think I killed you! See? I can go home." James got up to leave.
"And where do you think you're going…murderer?!" McGonagall said nastily as James got up from his seat.
"But he's right here-" James started.
There was a knock on the courtroom door and Snape came in, followed by a lot Ministry people and Malfoy.
"I'm going to make sure you go to jail for killing me Potter! No one kills ME and gets away with it!" Snape screamed at James.
"What the-?" James started.
"All rise!" Professor McGonagall said, the Ministry policemen stood up.
"They can't be the jury! It's not fair!" James said wildly.
"All sit." Professor McGonagall said. Everyone sat.
"All stomp your feet." Everyone stomped their feet.
"Stop." Everyone stopped.
"Mr. Black."
Sirius got up.
"Hullo court, I would like to call up Severus Snape to the stand." Sirius said.
James felt better, Sirius, his friend, was up there. Even if he is Severus Snapes lawyer, he wouldn't let this happen to James.
"We all know what this piece of filth did to Snape-"
"Sirius! What are you saying!?" James hopped up from his seat.
"Sirius!" James whined.
"Mr. Snape- where were you when your death was committed?" Sirius questioned.
"I was in the Gryffindor common room." Snape said smiling.
"HE'S A SLYTHERIN! HE CAN'T GET INTO THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM!" James screamed.
"Mr. Potter, shut up you murderer. Go on Mr. Snape" McGonagall said.
Dumbledore was playing with silly putty.
"Well I was in the common room, reading, The Dummies Guide to Breaking Into Common Rooms when James Potter entered the room with a rubber ducky."
"A RUBBER DUCKY! Does he have a license for that!? Some one get some paperwork on that!" Sirius screamed. A guy with a chainsaw walked out the courtroom.
"Go on Mr. Snape." The judge said.
"As I said 'Hi' Potter stuck the rubber ducky down my throat and rapidly squeezed it (the ducky), causing me to drown."
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID I BORED YOU TO DEATH!" James said, not believing a word of this.
"Well, Potter, the event was rather boring." Snape spat.
"That is all, you may step down." Sirius said. "Now, I call Lucius Malfoy to the stand."
Lucius sat in the chair.
"Was James Potter ever at your death?" Sirius questioned sneakily.
"Yes." Lucius said dully.
"Tell us…how did you die?" Sirius asked.
"I was practicing on the Quidditch field when James approached me. James was holding a cup and said, 'Drink this, it is a glass of Pumpkin juice', but I said, 'it can't be pumpkin juice, because it's blue.' That's when he forced the potion down my throat-"
" See Judge? An obsession with throats! " Sirius said dramatically. "Not only is he mean, but he's insane too!"
"Hey James! Maybe we can plead insanity and you go to the alyssum instead of jail!" Dumbledore joked…or was he?
"Dumbledore! DEFEND ME!" James screamed.
"I'm sorry, James, but the evidence is against you." Dumbledore said sadly.
"WHAT EVIDENCE!?!??!" James screamed. The jury got excited.
"ORDER! Order in the court! Go on Mr. Malfoy." McGonagall shouted.
"The potion Potter gave me turned me into a ant, and he said, 'Ha ha, now I will get rid of you, just like how I got rid of that stupid-head Severus Snape.' And he stepped on me, causing me to-to-" Malfoy burst in tears.
"See judge? Look at this! It's shameful!" Sirius said sternly.
"You may step down Mr. Malfoy." Professor McGonagall said, a little chokingly. She was very touched by Malfoy's words.
"I call the Professor of Diagnosing Insane People up to the stand." Sirius said, checking his wallet again.
There was a hush in the audience as Remus Lupin walked through the door.
"Mr. Lupin, will you please diagnose this man from the stand?" Sirius asked pointing at James.
"Well, his left eye is twitching. He's nervous. And he's blinking very fast- to fast for normal- he's very dangerous folks. Stay away from this baddy. Alright Sirius, I did what you want, pay up." Remus said dully.
"Heh, heh, heh, he's just joking folks." Sirius said nervously.
"No, you said if I pronounced James dangerous then you would pay me-" Remus started angrily.
"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!! MY OWN FRIENDS!" James shouted at Dumbledore.
Dumbledore was snoring loudly.
"I now will call Sirius Black up to the stand." Sirius said, he ran up on the stand.
"This is how I died Professor: James Potter looked at me and I died. That's right, James Potter killed me with his face."
Everyone gasped.
"What does the jury plead? " McGonagall asked.
Thus, James Potter was taken to jail, three days for three murders. When he got out, Remus, Sirius and Peter acted like nothing happened.
Whenever James and Snape got in a fight, Snape would scream, "Remember when you killed me?!?!? Huh!?!? Think you're big and bad Mister Rubber Ducky don't you!??!?!
Malfoy started an ant farm, and took care of his ants daily.