The start of a collection of some of the most unusual relationships the Harry Potter series has ever seen.
This collection may contain adult scenes and situations, coarse language, highly disturbing images, anthropomorphic leading characters, slash, femslash, smut and everything in between.
They range from short drabbles to extended one-shots. No multi chaptered ships.
So let's start it off with a ship I like to call 'Curious'.
Read at your own risk.
Sirius Black knocked on the door with a sense of nervousness about him. Never before had he been this nervous about a date. Sure, he was a bit of ladies man, but this was different. This special someone had been eyeing him for years. They could be his future partner. They could be the one.
Moments passed and the door opened.
There stood one of the most beautiful curtains Sirius had ever seen. It slinked towards him and wrapped its lavender tail of velvet around his waist, pulling him into its home. Sirius gave the curtain a quick peck on the cheek which soon turned into a pash.
"Vvvvvvvvvvvvv." The curtain moaned, as it tickled Sirius' ear.
Finally, when the pair could take it no more, the curtain pulled off Sirius' clothes and made love to him… somehow.
It was the eve of their wedding and Sirius Black and the curtain were excited, yet nervous, about their upcoming nuptials.
"Akflnsdjfisdngindfs." The curtain vvv'd seductively, as it toyed with Sirius' third nipple.
"Not tonight babe." He replied, throwing the curtain into the ceiling fan.
As the curtain spun out the window and into the garden, Sirius thought long and hard about tomorrow's events.
"The curtain can satisfy me sexually… but do I love it? I do feel ever so aroused when it is around…"
The curtain shimmied through the window and presented its genitals to Sirius.
"I AM ERECT." It screeched, before Sirius gave in and used it as a slutty turban.
As Sirius Black stood at the end of Grimmauld Place's makeshift wedding aisle, next to his best men Harry and Remus, the curtain sexily made its way towards him. It was being given away by its father, a bathrobe. Its maid of honour was a bathmat. A naked one in fact.
What a slut.
Just that night, Fred and George even had a threesome with the bathmat.
A small tufty haired wizard proceeded over the ceremonies. Once it came to anyone objecting, the whole crowd, which was mainly pieces of string, gasped.
"I object!" Sirius cried, much to the horror of the curtain.
"I can't marry you, the curtain. I love Remus…"
After the breakdown of the once happy couple, the curtain developed a drinking problem, and even tried hanging itself a few times. Eventually, it became insanely possessive of Sirius, and dreamed of stealing him away forever.
After making the sweet act of love with Voldemort, it convinced him to plant an image in Harry Potter's mind of Sirius' torture, this leading Harry to his rescue, which would soon lead Sirius to rescue Harry. Then, one night, it cheekily twisted itself into Mafalda Hopkirk's bag and made it into the ministry. After taking a spot on an empty archway in the Department of Mysteries, it wasn't long before Sirius came to Harry's aid.
Then, in the midst of all the fighting, just as Bellatrix's curse hit the archway, the curtain opened up its vagina and engulfed Sirius into nothingness.
Together forever.
Fin