Disclaimer: This show is the property of CBS, Nolan, and Abrams.
Too Close For Comfort
She could feel the fear throughout her entire being. Joss was standing out on the street with Fusco, looking up morbidly at the roof where she knew that John would be waiting out his end. She was terrified to the core for him. Within that moment when she managed to catch up with him, the look in his eyes told her everything. He had accepted his fate with the bomb that was counting down to his demise.
All he could was push them both away because he wanted to protect them. She didn't want to let him do this alone. There had to be something that could have been done or at least that's what she kept telling herself. She couldn't keep the tears from developing in her eyes as she reached for him, trying to talk some sense into him. She wanted to tell him that there was a way.
Even in that moment of hopelessness, she saw the steel look in his eyes falter slightly. This had been the first time she had ever cried for him. She didn't want to see him do this. In the end, she let him go hoping that Finch would be able to save him. Reluctantly they went back the way they came and rushed out of the building before the police got suspicious.
Standing there on the street, Joss' heart was beating loudly in her ears. The seconds felt like hours as all her focus was drawn to the roof, hoping against hope not to see anything. Sure enough, a loud explosion broke out but not where their attention was focused. The street next to them had erupted into a dust filled cloud and drew the attention of all the officers.
She was about to make her way over there to investigate when Fusco stopped her. "You should probably wait here for Wonderboy. I think he will want a drink after that. I'll fill you in on what happened here." Fusco understood that she needed to see him because of how hard it was to pull her away from him upstairs.
"Thanks."
"Don't worry about it. You owe me lunch though" he said in a cheery manner, knowing that his night wasn't far from over yet.
With all the attention on the decimated street, Joss retreated back into the building and went towards the elevators in the back. The two officers that were posted there earlier were gone so it was deserted. She looked between the four elevators, not sure which one was going to activate. The ding of the elevator to the right caused her heart to jump slightly as she watched the numbers dial down from the secret 21st floor. It took longer the she would have liked, but the car finally reached the bottom floor.
When the doors opened up, her heart swelled with relief and joy as she looked at John who appeared quite exhausted after his ordeal. Finch was next to him and exited the elevator first.
"Detective, I do believe that we will have to make ourselves scarce with the distraction outside."
"Alright."
John maneuvered to stand beside her. "I think I will hitch a ride with Detective Carter."
Finch noted something unspoken between them and accepted his decision. "Very well Mr. Reese. I expect that you will be up bright and earlier tomorrow. The numbers never cease after all." Finch limped his way to the street to head back to the library and give Bear the good news. She looked at him, noting the small smirk tugging at his lips.
"Let's go and get out of here." She lead them out and to her car that was parked across the street.
John's attention was drawn to the dust cloud that remained in the nearby street, remembering how high it reached when he had been on the roof. He was relieved that he didn't suffer the same fate. He had gladly accepted that the bomb was his penance for all of his past crimes that he committed and the least he could do was to make sure that no one was caught in the blast radius.
After Snow had blindsided him and left to try to make it to the safe house, he was content that at least he would do the right thing. The last thing he would have expect was that Carter and Fusco would have shown up. His intention for the message was to lead them to the crime that was being perpetrated by Kara and to have them stop it. Not once did he thought that he would have fit into the picture. Time would have been short.
When he looked into Carter's eyes, he saw the desperation. She clearly knew about his situation before coming here and was determined to try to help him. Despite all of her experiences in the army, he knew that it would be impossible to disarm it in time. Even with all her protest, he needed her to get out of there. She was the last person that he wanted to see get hurt again because of him.
He wasn't lying when he told her she had too much to lose. She had a life to live and people who cared about her. She didn't need to deal with him and his demons. When he turned around to leave, she gripped his hand roughly, knowing what he had intended to do. Watching her eyes watering up as she desperately tried to convince him there was a another way, he knew that this was something that either of them would have done if the roles were reverse.
As she let go of him with the realization that she was not going to be able to do anything, he thanked them both. They had become more important to him then assets. They had become friends that he had wanted to protect from any harm. Turning away from her was probably the hardest thing he had ever done. It was just as hard back then, when he had let Jessica go. He regretted that moment everything single day of his life. He would have to trust that Fusco would get her out before the end.
His thought process had been so focused before by some miracle, Finch managed to disarm the bomb. He knew that he would have to confront Joss about what happened in that room between them. Something unspoken had occurred between them and he wanted to know what it was.
The trip to his apartment was uneventful with neither of them saying anything. The only thing breaking the dead air was the humming of her engine. Taking a few corners and after a few careful looks in the rear view mirror, they had arrived. She took the key out of the ignition and step out to the street. John did the same, figuring that she would be following him upstairs. It seemed that she also had intentions about talking about what happened.
The trek to the apartment reflected the drive there with neither of them saying anything. Joss followed close behind as they stepped off the elevator and made their way to his door. Taking the only key he ever carried, he opened the door, moving to the side to allow Joss to go in first.
He followed her, closing and locking the door behind him. Now back at home, John physically relax because of how the ordeal had left him. All he wanted to do was get cleaned up and sleep for an eternity. Taking his jacket and hanging it near the door, he watched as Joss did the same and put hers on the back of a nearby chair. The shower he knew would have to wait.
He decided that he would start.
"Look Joss I know that you aren't too happy with me…" he never finished his sentence as she quickly turned around and gave him a right hook to the jaw. Not expecting the action, John was of course disoriented, then in his mind he figured that he warranted that.
"You're an idiot, you know that. Ow."
She wrung out her hand to try to dull the pain. He noticed this and went over to the kitchen to get some ice. He had taken beatings in the past and knew how to absorb the blows because he was able to predict them. The punch she threw had a lot of umph behind it. Obviously she was more annoyed with him then he first thought. He grabbed a towel and some ice from the freezer.
"Go sit in the chair at the counter," he instructed.
Joss sulked for a second and then did was he said reluctantly. John went around and stood in front of her. She wasn't looking at him in the eye so he needed to talk to her. "Give me your hand." She moved her hand up and he grabbed it lightly, noticing the bruising already beginning to show. When the cold towel made contact, he could hear her hiss before adjusting to the sudden change in temperature.
"You were right, you know." She appeared to have calmed down from earlier.
"About?"
"You told me that I would have done the exact same thing. That's true, but I still wanted to try to help you." The tone of her voice had changed. It sounded heartbreaking, just like during that moment.
"You had a lot more to live for then me. You have a son to take care of. That's why I wanted you out of there."
She shook her head. "That doesn't mean that you couldn't have tried to do something. You have things to lose too."
"I know, I just didn't want to think about it. I just didn't want to hurt anymore people because of what I did in the past." He pulled the slowly drenching towel away to examine her hand.
Despite the pain she was still feeling, it seemed like it wouldn't swell too much. "It's just that… I don't want to be alone John." He looked at her quizzically.
"You have Taylor and Fusco to look out for you."
Joss took her free hand and placed it over his hand which was tending to the towel. "Taylor is growing up like his dad everyday and he will soon be on his way to college. Fusco has other things to work on in the precinct so he's not always around either."
"Joss…" A small sob trickled its way from her lips, but she immediately bottled it up.
"I feel like you were the only one who really has my back. Do you know how angry I was that I couldn't do anything to help you and you always risked your life for me? I thought that I was a lot stronger from my time on the force. The last few days made me realized that I was stronger because of you. I was so terrified of losing you."
She looked away from him, embarrassed at the vulnerability she was displaying to him. John took the time to readjust the amateur bandage and took a seat next to her. "I guess if that punch showed me something, remind me not to piss you off too often."He tried to realign his jaw, which caused her to chuckle despite her current state.
"That was a warning John. Don't pull that crap again and at least let me help you next time." He sighed because he knew that she was serious and joking at the same time. She was a determined person no matter how dangerous the situation. That's why he found her personality endearing. She would be kind when she needed to be, but wouldn't take crap either. She would even stand up to him, despite his deadliest glare.
Suddenly, she began to lightly pound on his chest. "You are such a jerk. You break the law any chance you get. You cause trouble everywhere you go because you need to get your information…" She slowed down until she came to a complete stop.
"You also helped me out of trouble even though I don't ask. You help me catch dangerous criminals that I would have never known even existed. I don't want you to just disappear." Letting her take out the rest of her frustrations, he gently wrapped his arms around her, assuring her that he was still there.
"I'll be sure to leave a note on your refrigerator so you'll know where I am." She tilted her head up to look at him with an exasperated expression. "You are an unbelievable man John. You still joke around like nothing is wrong." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's in my genes. Besides, it seems like I'm not the only one that does it." He squeezed her a bit tighter before letting her go, trying not to push his luck.
Joss advert her attention to her right hand, trying to figure out her next move. "I should probably go. You are probably exhausted." John tried to hide his disappointment. He didn't want her to leave yet.
"Thanks for thinking about my well being."
This comment induced a roll of Joss' eyes. "You are such a hassle that you have to have someone keep an eye on you."
She got up and went over to the sink to unwrap the towel so it didn't drip on the floor. She then got her jacket from the edge of the chair.
"Your hand okay?"
She nodded to him as she buttoned up the front. "It'll heal. I do that with lots of people I don't like."
She said this with a stunning smile gracing her face. Joss made her way over to the door with John following close behind.
"Joss, wait a second."
She stopped in her tracks and turned on her heels.
"I just wanted to say thanks." She snorted quickly. "Again?" His voice took a softer tone then she was used to. "I don't mean about that. I'm just glad that you came to find me because I was worried about you too." Her breath hitched in her throat slightly.
"Oh why?"
"It's because you were left behind in that wreckage. I wasn't sure how bad you were hurt. I wasn't sure if you had been arrested or dead."
"I'm alright and will be a hundred percent in a few days."
"I'm glad to hear it." She brought her right hand into view. "I should make you apologize for having such a hard jaw." The look in his eyes gave her all she needed. He told her without uttering a single word. It was just like in the building. She could only fathom that it was a bond that they had developed.
They were able to understand each other without having to voice their thoughts or feelings. It was something one didn't normally find or establish with a friend. It was something that one would have with someone that they had a deeper relationship with.
For now, she didn't want to ask the question for fear of rejection. Instead she settled for saying, "Apology accepted." She wasn't the only one that felt the familiarity of this scenario. Just like Joss however, John was also fearful of voicing his thoughts for the fear that he would push her away.
He offered her his signature smirk to see her off. She opened the door and prepared to walk out. "You want to meet up for breakfast tomorrow at the diner?"
"Why Detective if you were lonely you shouldn't have gone through all this trouble." She plastered a face of false frustration, one that he enjoyed watching. "Very funny, just get some sleep. You look like crap." With her version of goodbye, she headed towards the elevator.
John watched as she entered. When she faced him, just as the doors were closing, she raised her fist once again at him, reminding him of her warning. He couldn't stop the laugh that erupted as he closed the door behind him. Once he pulled himself together, he had a moment of clarity.
He almost missed out on seeing her ever again, to protect her. Maybe one of these days, he could tell her the truth. For now, he headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He could sleep for days after everything that had happened. For now, he would have to settle for just one.
A/N: Dead Reckoning's last 10 minutes were probably the most emotionally that I had ever seen. I started writing this the moment the episode was over. It had such an impact and I have to say for now that it is without a doubt my favorite episode so far. Hope you guys enjoy the story.