I do not own Disney or Square Soft…I just write the dang parodies…

This actually was something my friend and I came up with a while ago. It was discarded (because we were too lazy to continue it). So, here it is!! And it's new and shinier!!

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Chapter one: Awakening…

"I've been having these weird…WHAT THE FUCK?? I'M FALLING!!" Sora exclaimed as he, well, fell…head first. He landed ungracefully with a loud, THUMP! He gingerly got up and yelled various curses, so horrible, I will not write them.

"Use the analog stick to move forward…" a voice from above demanded.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??" Sora asked in a loud voice. "ARE YOU MY CONCIANCE??"

"NO!" yelled the voice. "And stop yelling!"

"I know!" Sora said, thinking he got the answer to everyone's problems, when really, he was just being an idiot…"You're Morgan Freeman!!"

"No…I am not…"

"Bill Cosby?"

"Oh just move forward, damn it!!"

Sora obeyed. "Yays! My first two steps!"

"You're an imbecile…" the voice said.

"Imbeculen!!" Sora exclaimed.

"Shut up and choose a weapon!" a sword, a shield, and a wand appeared. Sora ran to the sword. "The power of the warrior…blah, blah, blah…do you choose this?"

"No!" Sora said.

"Well, choose!" the voice demanded. Sora walked over to the shield. "The power of the guardian…etcetera, etcetera…is this what you freaking want?"

"Hells, no!!" Sora exclaimed.

"So you want the wand?" the voice was exasperated.

"Nope!" Sora smiled with pride.

"Then what DO you want??" the voice exclaimed.

"I want a stick!" Sora grinned, happily. "Like Riku has!!"

"A STICK??" the voice was pissed. "NO, YOU DIPSHIT!!"

"Whyyyyy?" Sora whined. "I want it! I want it!"

"You know what? I'm giving you the sword!" The sword appeared in Sora's hand.

"Nooooooo! Mommmeeeee!" Sora exclaimed. "FUCK YOU BILL COSBY! FUCK YOU!! AND GO TO HELL! I WANT MY STICK!!"

"Shut up!" the voice exclaimed. "Now choose a fucking weapon to get rid of!!"

"But…I don't wanna!" Sora whined. The shield disappeared.

"There I did it for you, HAPPY??" the voice said. "Down you go!"

"Huh?" Sora asked, tilting his head. All of a sudden, the platform he was on shattered, yes shattered, and he was falling yet again. He was screaming his ass off. "Save me Bill Cosby! Save me Jesus! Save me Jewish God, or Allah!!" Surprisingly enough, because most of this won't make since anyway, Sora landed gracefully this time.

"Now," the voice continued. "Press 'x' to attack…."

"What in the HELL are you talking about!? This isn't a video game!" Sora exclaimed. He swung his sword anyway.

"There, now that wasn't so hard, now was it?" the voice asked.

"Yes, it was…" Sora said, pouting.

"Oh shut up and look at your HP…see it is a little green gauge," the voice said, satisfied. "Mmmyep…now lookit this!" A Shadow Heartless appeared in front of Sora.

"WTF is THAT??" Sora exclaimed.

"What?" the voice asked. "Are you leet now?? Anyways, just kill the damned thing…"

"I don't wanna!!" Sora whined yet again, because that's what he does…whine his head off…

The Shadow Heartless attacked him. "Owie!! Meanie!" Sora killed the Heartless. "Yay! I did it!! Now gimme a cookie!"

"Nah…mebbe later…" the voice said. A Heartless snuck up behind Sora. "Behind you! Use R1 to lock on!!"

"What ARE you talking about??" Sora exclaimed, attacking the Heartless. "You are insane, Billy boy!!" Soon, Sora was practically surrounded by Heartless. He attacked each one.

"You're doing something right for a change…" the voice said.

"Give! Me! My! Cookie!!" Sora demanded, swinging at what seemed to be an endless stream of Heartless. Soon they turned into darkness on the platform. "Ew…it looks like goop!" Sora leaned in to look at it and fell in. He woke up on yet ANOTHER platform.

"Ew!! It's pink!" Sora said, disgusted. "Riku likes pink…I don't…"

"God, you're like a little bratty child!" the voice exclaimed, frustrated. "Now go to the fucking door!"

"I don't wanna!" Sora said. "Go die Bill Cos- Hey, look! A door! Let's go check it out!"

God, this is taking forever! So, Sora walked up to the door. And…he was unable to open it. A treasure chest appeared.

"Open that treasure chest!!"

"Why are you bossing me around, Bill Cos-" Sora paused. A minute passed by. Two minutes. FIVE minutes. "Hey, look, a treasure chest! Let's go check it out!" He opened the chest and a crate appeared.

"Now push this crate or I'll strangle you!"

"But…hey, look! A crate! I wanna push it! I wanna push it!" So, Sora pushed that damned crate and then destroyed it. Why? I have no idea…anyway. He received a potion for it. And a part of the door appeared. "Woah! Do that again!"

"No…" the voice said. A barrel appeared. "Lock on to this like with the Heartless…"

"Wha's a Heartle- Hey, look! A barrel! I is gonna smash it!!" Sora leaped at the barrel and destroyed it, making the rest of the door appear. "Yays!!" He opened the door and stepped into the light.

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Ahhh….great place to end part one of chapter one. Sorry it's so damned long, but the beginning IS long. And yes, Sora DID become a little whiney brat. You can blame me for that. Half credit of this should go to my friend who is Pants of hell on FanFiction….mmmyep. Byes!