Sylvyr: This is my entry for Lady Knight's contest. It is my first song-fic ever.

Kaiser: And it stinks.

Sylvyr: Oh shut up. Anyway, I don't own Digimon or the song If You Want To. The song belongs to Michelle Branch I don't know who owns Digimon.
Kaiser: She doesn't care either, she's going to keep writing about them anyway.

Sylvyr: Ignore him. Read the fic. Enjoy. Review if you like. Please.

BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL

I wanted to be like you

I wanted everything

The beach was filled with the sounds of laughing children, among them the six members of the young digidestined team. The soft sound of the waves sloshing into the sand mingled with the sound of hot dogs sizzling on the grill, and mothers calling their young children back from the water.

Davis, TK, Kari, and Cody were out in the water playing a game of water-basketball. TK and Davis were competing for Kari's attention, as usual. Yolie was lying on their picnic blanket working on her tan. Ken sat on the edge of the blanket, in the shade of a large umbrella, reading a book and making sure that their hungry partners did not sneak into the picnic basket and devour their lunch.

Yolie turned over so the sun was on her back, she rested her head on her crossed arms and watched Ken who seemed to be engrossed in his book.

She smiled as she remembered when they had gone by to pick him up. His mother had been fussing over him, worried he would forget to put on sunscreen and get sunburned, or wear jewelry in the water and get attacked by sharks. Even though Ken never wore jewelry.

When they got out of the apartment Davis had asked if she always fussed like that and Ken had laughingly told them that if they had stuck around long enough she would have also warned him of stepping on nails, not brushing his teeth, petting strange animals because they could have a disease, and talking to strangers.

Yolie supposed that losing one of your children might make you a little paranoid about keeping your other children safe. She supposed she could understand the way Mrs. Ichijouji felt about Ken; after all, he was a very special boy.

Yolie wondered what his older brother Sam had been like. Ken had never really talked about him.

She studied Ken lazily; he was wearing cut off blue jean shorts and a blue silk shirt with the sleeves cut off. The top two buttons had come undone revealing the well-conditioned muscles of his chest. It had never really occurred to her that he would be very muscular, but she supposed it should have, after all he was a black belt in judo. He had to work out to be good at that.

As if sensing that she was watching him he looked up at her his black hair brushing lightly against his pale cheeks; she blushed realizing she had been staring but did not look away.

"Aren't you going to swim Ken?"

"I don't know, I might. I'm not sure I want to mess with the sunscreen and I did promise Mom I would wear some if I got out in the sun."

Yolie laughed pleasantly, Ken gave her a startled look as if he could not figure out what he had said that was funny.

"What did I say?"

"Oh, nothing. People usually aren't quite so honest. Most kids would just go out in the sun anyway. It's nice to be around someone who's so honest."

"Oh."

"Though personally I think a little bit of sun wouldn't hurt you any."

"Uh." Ken blushed furiously and she realized that she had embarrassed him. She hurried to change the subject.

"So Ken, what are you reading?"

Ken's blue eyes twinkled as he held up his book, "The Fellowship of the Rings. I saw the new movie the other day and it made me want to reread the book. It's really good."

"Yeah. I haven't read the book, but I did see the movie."

"What made you want to see it? That doesn't really seem to be the type of movie that would interest you."

"It had Elijah Wood, he is just to cute."

It was Ken's turn to laugh, "You never change do you. You're still chasing cute guys."

"What do you mean, still?"

Ken blushed and stuttered a little, "I don't know. Never mind."

"No, I want to know what you meant."

"Well I-uh, you know that soccer game, when we first met in the real world."

"Yeah."

"Well, one of my team mates was under the bleachers and heard you and the others talking. He told me that you were sitting up there talking about how you were going to marry me and stuff. He thought it was funny."

"So you knew back then that I had a crush on you."

"Yeah."

So I tried to be like you

And I got swept away

They spent several minutes not looking at each other because both of them were embarrassed by the turn the conversation had taken. Finally Yolie raised her eyes to look at Ken. He was staring out over the ocean.

"Ken, can I ask you a question."

"Sure." He turned to look at her, his blue eyes seeming to peer straight into her soul.

"It's a pretty personal question so if you don't want to answer it I can totally understand."

He smiled reassuringly, "Don't worry about it, just ask your question."

"What was Sam like."

"Sam?"

Yolie nodded but Ken was not paying attention. His gaze became distant and he stared out at the ocean. He was perfectly still; ignoring the wisp of wind that blew a little bit of sand into his face. He was still for so long that Yolie knew he was not going to answer her, she was beginning to get a little worried about him.

"Ken, are you OK?"

He jumped and looked over at her startled, as if he had forgotten she was there.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I just got lost in thought."

They were silent for several minutes.

"He was really cool. If you took Tai or Davis' courage, Matt's coolness, Izzy's smarts, and your caring, and rolled them all up into one person, you would have Sam. He was a genius. Mom and Dad always paid attention to him because he was so smart. Sam was the only person who ever really cared for me. He used to mix up soap and water for us and we would go sit on the balcony and blow bubbles. He taught me how, it was the only thing I was really good at; he was always encouraging me."

Looking at Ken's face she could tell that he had really loved Sam deeply. He was staring out at the ocean again, but she could tell that he was not seeing it at all, he was seeing only the memories of his older brother.

I didn't know that it was so cold

And you needed someone

To show you the way

"When he died I felt as though a part of me had died, maybe part of me did. With Sam gone I didn't have anyone left who cared about me. I had been to the digiworld once and met Wormon, but I was very young and didn't know how to get back. Even after Sam was gone my parents didn't pay much attention to me. It was like Sam was the only thing that was really important to them.
"Several years passed before I went back to the digiworld, and I kept growing more numb towards the people around me. It was easier to not care about anything than to see my parents suffering because he was gone.
"When I finally did find my digivice and returned, I didn't go to the digiworld, I wound up in the dark ocean. It was so cold and empty there, just like me. And I embraced it, and all the darkness it offered me. It was easier after that to close people out. Not even Wormon could get really close to me.
"I think it was around that same time that I was infected with the dark spore. I was open and receptive to it. I wish I had taken more thought to the consequence of my actions, but I figured I would only be hurting myself. No one else mattered anyway. And for sure no one else cared."

So I took your hand and we figured out

That when the tide comes

I'd take you away

Ken had closed his eyes, his face reflecting the pain of a six year old boy left alone by everyone he cared about, and the shame of a fifteen year old boy looking back on his mistakes.
Yolie could feel tears beginning to sting her eyes. It had been a long time since she had really thought about what Ken's life must have been like. She knew it must have been miserable to make him become the Kaiser, but he usually kept up such a good front that it was difficult to see the pain that was still inside him.
She got up and walked over to him, sitting down next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. She could see the tears forming under his lashes and wondered how many times he had suffered like this without anyone to comfort him.
"I'm sorry Ken. I didn't realize it would hurt you like this to talk about him. I shouldn't have asked you about your life."
"No, it's good for me to talk about it. I just don't want to be a burden on you and the others. It feels good to have someone listen to me."
They were silent for several minutes; he rested his head on her shoulder, enjoying the soft sound of her breathing.
"Ken."
"Hmm."
"I will always be here if you need someone to talk to."
"Thanks Yolie." He pulled away and smiled at her through his unshed tears.

If you want to

I can save you

I can take you away from here

So lonely inside

So busy out there

And all you wanted

Was someone who cares

"Do you ever feel that way anymore? Like nobody cares."

"Yeah, sometimes when I get real busy with school and studying. I try to fight it, but I'm kinda having a little trouble keeping up the same scores as before and it's really depressing. And with all you guys living so far away sometimes I feel like I'm all alone.

I know my parents really do love me, and they are trying to accept me for who I am, but sometimes I don't think they really know who I am. They are still expecting me to be the perfect little son, with perfect grades. I don't think I can be that person anymore.

"Wormon is always there for me, of course. But sometimes it is hard to believe the things he says. He acts like I'm something special. I know I'm not. I never was. I was never anything but a cheater, leaching off the dark powers to make myself seem special. Why can't he see that."

I'm sinking slowly

So hurry hold me

Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on

Yolie reached out and took his hand, he looked up at her in surprise. She looked straight into his deep blue eyes; "Wormon can't believe that, because it isn't true. Just because you can't figure the square root of a ten digit number without a calculator anymore doesn't mean you aren't special.
"You're very special."
"How." The despair in his voice made her realize that he was close to giving up on himself completely. "Davis is special, nothing can bring him down. Kari and TK are special because they can make other people feel the same hope which infects them. You are special; your vivacious personality always makes people brighter just by being around you. Cody is special because he never gives up, no matter what the odds he stands up for his convictions. I am nothing."
"That's a lie Ken. Stop comparing yourself to other people and see what a wonderful person you are. You care about people in a way I can't even comprehend. Back when we were fighting Arukenimon and she had captured all those kids. And you gave yourself up to protect them. I don't know if I would have been able to do something like that. To put myself in the hands of my worst enemy to protect a bunch of kids I didn't know. But you did."
He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off, "And don't try to feed me any of that baloney about needing to make up for all the evil things you did. You didn't owe those kids a thing. You just wanted to protect them. And you would have done the same thing again with Daemon if Davis hadn't stopped you. You are kind and caring. That makes you special, and it is a part of you that you can't deny."
He looked at her as if she had just said the moon was purple, she could see the struggle on his face and knew he wanted desperately to believe her.

Please can you tell me

So I can finally see

Where you go when you're gone

"I wish I could believe that Yolie. It sounds good now sitting here, but tomorrow when I'm stuck in school trying to remember what the difference between a function and a relation is, it's not going to make much sense."

She could feel his sadness at his inability to believe.

"Then I will just have to call you tomorrow after school and remind you. And the day after too. Every day, until you believe it without hearing me say it."

"You would really do that for me? Why?" The tears he had not been able to shed before now came streaming down his cheeks.

"Because you're special."

If you want to

I can save you

I can take you away from here

So lonely inside

So busy out there

And all you wanted

Was someone who cares

They sat in silence for several minutes, he stared at her in disbelief through his tears. Finally his mood lightened a little and he smiled. He knew that he might get to feeling down again, but somehow he had the feeling Yolie would not let him fight his battles with himself alone anymore. "You know Yolie, if you call me that often Mama is going to think you're my girlfriend or something." "Would it bother you if she thought that?" "Nope. Would it bother you?" "Uh uh."

All you wanted was somebody who cares

If you need me you know I'll be there

Oh, yeah

"Hey Yolie."

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go see a movie with me this Friday."

"Are you asking me out."

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you asking me out."

"Because, you care about me. You think I'm special and it makes me feel special to be around you. And even more that, I asked you out because I like you." He was blushing as he said this last sentence.

"I'd love to. What do you wanna see."

"I don't know. You want to see Lord of the Rings again."

"Not really, it isn't fun to go see a movie with a cute guy in it, if you're going to the movie with a guy who's even cuter."

Ken blushed, but he laughed too.

"So, are you still planning to marry me."

Yolie playfully batted her eyes, "Maybe. What do you think of that?"

He laughed, "Sounds good to me."

His eyes roamed over her playfully, causing her to blush. She laughed and threw a handful of sand at him. She jumped up and ran as he gave pursuit. Before long they were laughing and frolicking in the water with the others; sunscreen forgotten.

If you want to

I can save you

I can take you away from here

So lonely inside

So busy out there

And all you wanted was somebody who cares

It was getting dark and the digidestined were heading up the beach to the bus stop. Davis and TK were arguing about something and Kari was laughing at them. Cody trudged along looking exhausted; he'd played pretty hard. Ken and Yolie walked down the beach side by side behind the others, making the final arrangements for their date.

Ken turned around and looked at the beach, the sky and water were still traced with rays of violet left behind by the setting sun.

"It's so beautiful, isn't it?" He asked her.

She sighed contentedly as she agreed with him. She looked happily into his blue eyes returning his smile.

They had reached the bus stop; the others had gone on in to the dark glassed half-room to sit on the benches and wait. Yolie turned so her back was resting against the glass and she could look at him. She giggled slightly as she realized that he had indeed sunburned just a little bit. But she sobered up as she thought of something.

"Do you really think I am special Ken? Do you really believe what you said about me making people feel brighter?"

"Well, you always make me brighter."

She smiled contentedly and closed her eyes, resting her head on the glass. Her eyes popped open in surprise, when Ken's lips lightly brushed against hers. She peered into his eyes, which were open wide as if he could search her soul with them, as if he were searching for something he desperately needed to find. He must have found whatever it was he was looking for because he closed his eyes as she returned his kiss, just a little deeper, a little more intense than his kiss had been. He pressed his lips onto hers again; each time they kissed it was a little more passionate.

A few minutes later Davis burst around the corner, "Hey you guys come on. The bus will be here in just a few-" He stared at the scene before him.

Ken was leaning against Yolie, crushing her against the dark glass of the bus stop. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. His hands were wrapped tightly around her waist. They were kissing as if life itself would end if they stopped.

At the sound of his voice they broke apart and looked at him, both were as red as a lobster, but if it was from the sun or blushing he could not tell. They looked at him, and then each other. Simultaneously they burst out laughing at the shocked expression on his face.

Ken pulled away from Yolie, keeping one arm around her waist. He used the hand to guide her to the front of the bus stop.

"Come on Yolie, we don't want to be late getting home. Are you coming Davis?"

Davis just stood staring at them in shock, his mouth hanging open.

Please can you tell me

So I can finally see

Where you go when you're gone