Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but when I rule the world (and I eventually will) I will. As soon as my dream is accomplished, many things will happen. (For example. Karin will die a horrible and cruel death. And I will allow all of my reviewers join in on the fun that comes with torture.)

Never Saw it Coming

Summary: "NOW I KNOW WHY YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU FUGAKU! IF YOU TAKE OUT THE G AND THE A IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE 'FUCK YOU'" They couldn't believe this was happening. And it was all Itachi's fault. Well, actually, Karin had something to do with it. Random. Sasusaku

If you'd asked Mikoto Uchiha an hour ago how she thought her dinner would go, she'd have said, "Perfectly. Without a hitch." And it would have except for one thing. Karin. Mikoto had been planning this dinner for months. MONTHS! And she was pretty pissed at how fast it had gotten ruined. It was supposed to be a very pleasant evening. She'd invited both of her sons and her daughter-in-law. Nothing was supposed to go wrong.

Mikoto glared at her husband. It was his fault. His and that god-damned older son of theirs. Mikoto directed her glare at Itachi and she saw him flinch. That somehow (in an odd twisted way) made her feel better. Lastly, she glared at the root of the problem. Karin. Sasuke was right; the girl was an absolute bitch. Sakura was also right; the girl was an absolute whore. So how the hell had that (vial thing) gotten into her (pristine) house?

.

One hour earlier.

.

Sakura and Sasuke entered his parents' house. They were both almost completely relaxed. They both loved coming here to eat.

There was only one thing kept them from relaxing completely. Karin. They'd spotted her the second they'd entered the house.

Sakura dug her fingernails into Sasuke's arm.

"Don't worry. I'm right here if she tries anything." Sasuke had whispered to her.

Sakura had just nodded ever so slightly. She plastered on a happy smile for her in-laws and got ready for Sasuke's parents, his brother, and Karin. After the greetings were over (it was always a pain because Mikoto hugged way too hard and Fugaku didn't really care) Sakura went into the kitchen with Mikoto to help her get everything ready.

"You don't have to, dear. You should go back to the family room and enjoy yourself."

"No, it's okay, I like helping you." Sakura smiled and they continued in silence for a while before Sakura said what was on her mind. "Do…do you know why Karin's here?"

Mikoto looked up in surprise. "Why yes. She's dating Itachi. The stupid boy didn't tell me about it, so dinner will be a stretch." Mikoto sighed, "But what are you going to do?"

"Mom." Sakura jumped, she hadn't known Sasuke was behind her. She turned and Sasuke gave her a half smirk. She hit his arm. He winced, it hurt. "Be careful. Karin is…was…one of my fangirls. She's a bitch."

"Sasuke!" Sakura reprimanded.

"Well it's true." Sasuke half shrugged and left the kitchen. Sakura watched him retreat before turning to Mikoto, who was frowning.

"Is this true Sakura?" She asked.

"Well…I'd say she was more of a whore myself…but I'm being impolite, I should shut up."

"No, I'd known there was something odd about her." Sakura nodded as Mikoto went into silent brooding mode. Wow, Sakura had thought Sasuke got that from his father. She never knew Mikoto was a brooder. Maybe that was why Sasuke was afraid of his mother…that would explain why he always did whatever she said.

"Umm…Should I tell them that dinner is ready?"

"Yes, yes." Mikoto said, snapping back into hostess mode.

They were halfway into dinner and things were not going well.

Fugaku was frowning Mikoto, who was frowning at Karin, who was frowning at Sakura, who was frowning at Itachi, who was frowning at Sasuke, who was frowning at Fugaku.

"So, Karin," Mikoto began casually, "what is it exactly that you do."

"Do?" Karin tilted her head in confusion.

"You know," Mikoto prompted. "Sasuke's a policeman, Sakura's a doctor, Itachi's a business man. What do you do?"

"Oh, you mean work." Mikoto nodded. What else did Karin think she meant? "I work at a club." Fugaku twitched. "But I'm rich too. I only work at a club so my Daddy can see that I can take care of myself. If I quit my job, he'll stop paying my allowance. But you know, I thought that you meant to ask me who I've do-" Itachi covered Karin's mouth and everyone went on pretending nothing ever happened, because that was something no one wanted to get into.

"And what exactly do you do at the club?" Mikoto prodded.

"I strip." Fugaku choked, Sakura and Sasuke sniggered, Mikoto gasped (scandalous!) and Itachi cursed under his breath.

"You know mother," he said in a (vain) attempt to get the attention off of Karin, "This is an excellent dinner."

"Shut up Itachi." Fugaku gasped (didn't know the man had it in him).

"And please, do something about the bitch."

"Mikoto! Be polite!" He reprimanded his wife. "We have a guest."

"An unexpected guest. So she was rude first." Mikoto knew she was acting badly, but she didn't like the girl and wanted her gone.

"Mikoto." Fugaku said in a warning tone.

"Fugaku." Mikoto said calmly.

Sakura was getting nervous. She fidgeted in her seat. "Umm…" She looked at Sasuke as if to say 'Say something!'

"So, Itachi. Where'd you pick the tramp up?" Sakura, who'd taken a sip of her water choked and started coughing. Sasuke was momentarily distracted. Itachi and Karin were red.

"See!" Fugaku (who was a nice deep shade of purple in the face) said to Mikoto. "See what you teach your son!"

"He's your son too!"

Now Mikoto was visibly upset, and whenever she got that upset things were going to start flying, she wouldn't care who was present. And Sasuke was secretly glad for this because of various reasons. He even made a list.

No talking about how soon to expect grandbabies, like how it was at Sakura's house.

Karin. She's a Sasuke Uchiha fangirl of the 10th degree.

He loved watching his mother go haywire. It was better than TV (and more often than not, Sasuke got what he wanted because of this).

He hated Itachi and enjoyed watching him suffer at his mother's expense.

Sakura would be enjoying herself. (Thank Kami he's been bringing her around for so long that she's used to this.)

It would scare Karin off.

Putting this on the internet would make him famous.

There would be a lot of embarrassing stuff going around and none of it would be Sasuke's since he had followed his mothers very bidding.

Maybe Itachi would get hurt and/or Karin will reveal her Sasuke loving-ness therefore leaving Itachi all sad and alone forever. (And making Sasuke the happy, more loved, son.)

Maybe he and Sakura could sneak off early.

"You know, Fugaku." She said coldly, "You've always treated Itachi like he was the better son, but I believe that Sasuke is the better one. I mean he brought home Sakura. She's going somewhere in life and she was rich to begin with. Itachi brought home Karin a stripper at some club!" (Ooh, burn!). Sasuke was really wishing he had popcorn right about now.

Fugaku just stared coldly at his wife. "Mikoto you are acting childish." Sasuke and Sakura started to edge towards the door.

Mikoto bristled. "I'm acting childish? I'm acting childish!"

"So glad you agree." Fugaku said, with a hint of sarcasm (and ice) in his tone.

"You're the one who didn't tell me Itachi was bringing that," she pointed to Karin as if she were a piece of dog droppings on a very expensive imported carpet (which wasn't that far from the truth), "to our house for dinner."

Fugaku shrugged. "You didn't ask."

Mikoto's anger boiled over. Someone was going to get it. "AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?" She threw a plate at her husband. "AT LEAST I FOUND OUT ONE THING!"

"And what is that?" He asked as calmly as before. "That you are childish?" Mikoto looked like she was about to explode. So she did. Like a volcano.

"NOW I KNOW WHY YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU FUGAKU! IF YOU TAKE OUT THE G AND THE A IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE 'FUCK YOU!'"

Everybody (but Fugaku) winced. That had to sting. Fugaku looked like he'd just swallowed a fish.

"You always ruin everything!"

"You always overreact to everything!"

"Hey, Fuckyou? Why don't you just admit that you're an unemotional asshole?"

Ouch, Sasuke and Sakura winced. That one had to hurt pretty badly.

Fugaku's eyes immediately darkened. "Mikoto. Quit acting so childish. Just shut up and eat this dinner like nothing ever happened."

"No." Mikoto crossed her arms.

Sakura turned to Sasuke and whispered, "I've never seen them fight like this before." Real worry stained her emerald green eyes. He was worried too, but he'd never admit it.

"Don't worry, Sak, they'll get over this soon."

But they didn't.

.

Present time.

.

Mikoto really wanted to kill someone. And that someone was either going to be her goddamned good for nothing husband or that trashed slut (who was also a goddamned good for nothing bitch).

Karin rubbed her arm. She was getting goose bumps. All the girl wanted to do now was leave the room, just like that old man had.

Sakura turned to Sasuke and whispered, "Sasuke, go upstairs and get your father to come and apologize to your mother! I'll work on her." Sasuke nodded and went up the stairs. Sakura was worried that sending Sasuke might cause some problems, but she could get Mikoto to apologize more easily. Besides, even if Sasuke wouldn't say it, he really was worried.

She got up and went to where Mikoto was sitting. Kneeling on the floor in front of the older woman, she shot Itachi and Karin a 'Get-the-fuck-out-of-here-or-I'm-going-to-force-your-asses-out-of-here' look. They obeyed Sakura's command. She was almost as scary as Mikoto when she wanted to be.

"Hey." Sakura said softly and Mikoto looked up. She was still pretty angry, but not at Sakura so she listened to what the girl had to say. "I know you're pretty pissed at your husband right now." Mikoto snorted, wasn't that the truth. "But you know how he can be. He really loves you." Mikoto sighed.

"I know that, it's just that I need to take my anger over Karin out on someone and he just happened to be in the way."

Sakura smiled, "I know, I get that way with Sasuke too. But you should let your anger out on Karin, it's more fun that way and you don't get your husband mad at you." Mikoto nodded. "So are you going to apologize?" She sighed.

"Yes, but I don't think he'll apologize to me."

Sakura smiled, "Just try it."

.

Sasuke was glaring at his father. "Just apologize to her." They were in his father's study.

His father glared right back, not even the least bit affected. "No."

"Why not?"

"She made a complete fool out of this entire family."

"Because she was trying to protect it."

His father's glare straightened. "I'll apologize to her if she ever apologizes to me first."

"Fine. It's a deal." Maximum glare applied towards Sasuke like missiles.

Sasuke shot lasers back.

"Fugaku, I'm sorry."

Fugaku's eyes widened. His son just set him up. So…why was he oddly proud?

Sasuke had a smug look on his face.

"I also apologize. My behavior could have been better." Mikoto nearly choked on her own spit. Fugaku? Apologized?

She walked up to her husband and kissed his forehead. "Well now that that's settled, shall we go kick that skank out of our house?"

"If we must."

"I hear she leads Sasuke's fangirls."

His father was up in an instant. "Come, Mikoto we have some work to do."

As they were leaving, Mikoto called behind them, "Don't leave, we have some talking to do."

Sasuke groaned. "About what?"

"Grandbabies."

Sasuke groaned again. "Mom!" He fell into the chair his father had just vacated.

Sakura giggled and sat in Sasuke's lap, smoothing his hair back. "Aw, poor Sasu. This torture will never end for him."

Sasuke trapped Sakura with his arms and kissed her forehead. "Unfortunately not."

Suddenly there was a screech from downstairs.

"Sounds like my parents finally got rid of Karin."

"Yup."

Sasuke looked at his wife helplessly, "Do you think we can sneak out the window?"

"No way, I don't want Mikoto's anger directed at me!"

Sasuke sighed. He was screwed either way.

.

Looking out the window, you would see Mikoto Uchiha with a broom in one hand and a chainsaw in the other, screaming profanities at a red haired woman.

Only five feet away, you could hear Fugaku Uchiha telling his son that if he ever brought a girl like that home again, he (Itachi) would be stripped, handcuffed, and thrown into a pit of his own fangirls.

I've been working on this for a while. Hope you like it!

Review! Pretty please?

Updated! There's also an ending as to what happens to Itachi and Karin, a lot of people were asking me, and I decided to put it up. Just for you guys! Now don't you feel special?

Hey guys, so this story was taken off fanfiction because of some language use and being not rated properly or whatever, so, it hasn't changed, it's just been re-uploaded it and a nice reviewer told me I couldn't astric out the swear, so gotta re-upload. Again. Thanks . Thanks. -_-