Thanks to Glostarz for being my beta!
Please, R&R! :-)
Nobody knew
Nobody had seen it coming. It was a total shock to everyone. Was there something they could have done to prevent it? Why didn't they notice the signs? However, nobody seemed to remember if there were any signs to be noticed in the first place.
When it happened, it seemed like a bad dream, it didn't felt real. Why did this happen? Nobody knew.
It all began three months ago. It was a busy nightshift, with a double murder, a major accident and several B & E's. The whole team was waiting for their assignments, when suddenly Nick had gotten a phone call. Nothing unusual about that, but when he ran towards the Denali and took off without saying a word, the others just looked at each other with a worried and surprised look on their faces. It took a few seconds before they got into action. Catherine kept calling Nick's cell phone, but no answer. Warrick ran towards the parking lot, only to see Nick driving away in high speed. Back in the break room, Grissom started handing out the assignments and they all went to work. But they kept calling Nick's cell phone and on their way to the crime scenes they kept looking out for his Denali.
When Warrick and Grissom arrived at the car accident, Brass was waiting for them. He had a serious look on his face and he didn't even bother to crack a joke. There were ambulances, police cars everywhere, while three cars were standing in the middle of the road, one completely wrecked. The paramedics were busy with one of the hurt victims.
"Hey guys. Three cars are involved in the accident. Four people have minor injuries, two are seriously hurt and two died on the scene", the Capitan explained while pointing towards the wrecked cars.
"Were do you want me to start?", Warrick asked his supervisor, while picking up his gear.
"You don't know the whole story yet", Brass interrupted in a shallow voice, getting the attention back of the two CSI's.
"Okay, and I assume you are going to tell the whole story?", Warrick answered, "Like today?"
"One of the deceased is Greg", Brass said, clearing his throat uncomfortably.
"Greg? Greg who?", Grissom asked confused.
"Our Greg. I'm sorry but Greg Sanders is dead, Grissom", Brass answered quietly.
"But that can't be. He was having the day off, he was going to a concert with his friends", Warrick almost shouted.
"I'm really sorry, guys. But I've I.D-ed him and it is really him", Brass stated.
"I want to see him. I really don't believe you Jim", Grissom said gently pushing Brass aside.
"Where is he? Did the coroner already take him away?", Warrick added.
"Gil, just wait a minute", Brass said, "His body is still on the scene, Nick is with him".
"What? Nicky is with him?", Warrick asked, "How did he get here so fast?"
Their conversation got interrupted by one of the police-officers who stopped in front of Brass. "Captain, we have a little situation with one of the bodies", the uniformed officer reported to his boss.
"What's going on, Peter?", Brass curiously asked.
"Well, his friend won't let the coroner take away the body", the officer explained, "He's not listening to any off us. Maybe one of you can help out, because he knows you".
Before he could finish his sentence, Grissom and Warrick had already walked fast towards the wrecked cars. When they arrived at the second car, both of them abruptly stopped to take in the scene in front of their eyes.
The wrecked car was on its side, nobody was inside anymore. There was blood on the front smashed window and the car seats. In front of the car, at the passenger side, was Nick. He was on his knees holding Greg's lifeless bloodied body in his arms. Nick was covered in Greg's blood, the tears were streaming on his face, his loud sobs clearly heard by the two other CSI's.
Gently he was rocking the lifeless body of the skinnier man in his arms. Another man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling, was trying to calm Nick down, but it didn't have the desired effect. It seemed like Nick was in his own world, his eyes filled with tears, his face wet with blood, tears and snot, whispering pleas to Greg and anyone who would listen.
A bit to the side, stood David, the assistant-coroner, the gurney empty beside him. With tears in his eyes, he was just looking at the heartbreaking scene in front of him. Some police officers were standing close to the scene as well, just staring at their colleagues. Nobody said a word, just the loud sobs and pleads of Nick were punctuating the air.
Grissom and Warrick just stood there, too shocked to move or to do anything. They couldn't believe what was happening in front of them. It couldn't be that their youngest colleague and friend was just laying there, dead. Just like that, his life had ended in a bloody mess. It was heartbreaking to see their other friend and colleague with his dead friend in his arms.
Grissom got his act together again and he walked towards the three men. The others just stared at him and waited patiently for what would happen. Nick didn't even seem to notice that Grissom was now standing next to him. The third man just looked at the bearded man, he was also crying.
"He..he never had a chance. The other car, the other car just crashed into us. I called Nicky, but it was already too late", the man said in a shaky voice, "Why did he have to die?"
"I don't know, but I will find out", Grissom answered while gently pushing the man towards the waiting paramedics. When he returned his attention towards the two men still on the ground, he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Nick had stopped rocking Greg's lifeless body, he was just holding the body firmly, with his eyes closed. Grissom crouched down and gently placed his hand on Nick's shoulder, but that didn't even make him open his eyes.
"Nicky?', he asked in a soft voice, "Nicky, you have to let go of him now".
Hearing his name Nick slowly opened his teary eyes and looked at his supervisor.
"No, I can't leave him alone. He'll wonder where I am if I leave him", Nick said in a small voice, "He's so cold, Griss. I can't get him to warm up".
"Nicky, please let David take him to Doc, you know that he'll take good care of Greg", Grissom tried to convince his crying colleague.
Nevertheless, Nick didn't seem to listen, with his eyes closed he started rocking Greg's body again, holding it firmly, while silently the tears were sliding down his cheeks.
"Nicky, please let go of him", Grissom tried again, "Nick? Please, Nick".
However, his pleas were not heard by Nick, whom continued rocking Greg's lifeless body, tears escaped from his closed eyes.
"Poncho!", Grissom firmly said, "Poncho, you've got to let go of Greg and let David take him away".
Hearing his old nickname and Grissom's firm voice made Nick open his eyes and stop rocking the body of the younger man.
Grissom motioned David to come closer. Gently he removed Nick's hands from the lifeless body of Greg. A loud sob escaped from Nick's mouth again, when David and his assistant quietly placed the younger man's dead body onto the gurney. When they wheeled the gurney away, Nick just sat there, still on his knees, quietly crying again. Gently Grissom and Warrick helped him to get up from the ground. They guided him towards the Denali, while Nick was heavily leaning onto his colleagues. Grissom drove him back to the lab, to get his clothes processed. He took him to his home afterwards, where he stayed with Nick until he had cried himself to sleep.
The next couple of days before the funeral passed in a blur. The whole nightshift was in shock. It never had been so quiet in the lab, no music or laughter, just soft voices. It seemed like people just worked on autopilot. Grissom had given Nick some time off, at least until the funeral of Greg had passed.
Greg and Nick had lived together as roommates for three years. When Greg needed another place to stay, Nick offered him the use of his guestroom. Greg was supposed to stay for just a couple of weeks, but after three years, he still hadn't left. They drove together to the lab and spent a lot of free time with each other. So nobody was surprised with Nick's reaction to Greg's death.
It was a beautiful service, the whole church was packed with people whom wanted to pay their last respects to a wonderful person who died before his time. Nick looked horrible when his colleagues saw him again after the accident. He looked pale, with bags under his eyes, which were red because of all the crying. He looked fragile and was leaning onto Warrick when they walked to the graveyard. He just stared at the casket, no more tears left to cry, saying nothing more then was needed. After the burial, the group of colleagues sat together at a large table, drinking coffee and quietly talking to each other. When suddenly an elderly woman stood next to Nick. When he looked up to see who she was, he quickly stood up.
"Oh, Nicky. I am so sorry", the woman said in a soft voice, blinking her tears away.
Nick let himself almost fall into the women's spread arms, where he clung onto her in a tight hug. The woman gently started stroking Nick's back.
"You have been so good to my boy. He really loved you and I know you loved him very much too", the woman said while the tears escaped from her eyes.
A loud sob escaped from Nick mouth, the sound smothered into the woman's shoulder.
"I….I miss him so much, I don't know what to do without him", Nick whispered.
"Shush honey, we all miss him, but you have to keep going. Make Greg proud of you", the woman whispered back.
"I don't know if I can", Nick whispered softly, "How am I supposed to life without him? He was my whole life".
"Nicky, I know you can. You are strong", the woman answered, "Greg will always be with you. He will keep living in your heart".
Nick didn't answer the woman, his colleagues were quietly following the conversation.
"Now, let me see your beautiful smile", the woman commanded while she lifted Nick's chin, so she could look him straight in the eye.
In return, Nick gave her a weak smile, while wiping away his tears.
"That's it, Nicky. Don't give up, I know you can do it", the woman gently said, "And remember you are still a part of the family, you are always welcome".
"Thank you", Nick answered, his voice still shaky, "That means a lot to me".
They said goodbye with another hug and the woman kissed Nick on his cheek, before she walked away to her waiting family.
He sat down again with his quiet colleagues, nobody knew what to say. Until Warrick broke the silence.
"Was that Greg's mom?", he curiously asked, while friendly squeezing Nick's shoulder.
Nick just nodded in response, biting his lip to prevent himself from crying anymore.
"I didn't realize you and Greg were that close", Warrick said, "I'm really sorry for what happened. If you need anything, just let me know and I will be there for you".
"Thanks, man", Nick whispered in response while hugging his best friend.
A couple of days after the funeral Nick came back to work. He still didn't act like his old self, but at least he was back. Grissom made him go to the lab psychologist, just like some of his co-workers. Nick hated counselors and when he had an appointment, he just sat there and said nothing at all. When Grissom heard about this, he talked to Nick and ordered him to start talking with the psychologist, otherwise he wasn't able to work anymore.
At his next appointment, Nick just told the counselor everything she expected to hear. It was not the complete truth and he kept a lot still secret. However, it had the desired effect, because after a couple of meetings he was allowed to start working again.
His colleagues noticed that he had changed. He was a lot quieter and more serious. But he tried to act normal again, just to pretend that everything was fine. He should have received an Oscar award for his acting, because his colleagues really believed him.
After every shift, when he came home to an empty house, he just clung onto Greg's favorite sweater and cried himself to sleep. He felt alone, sad and angry. He missed Greg so much and he didn't know how to live without him. He didn't care about anything anymore, he hardly ate, didn't shave for days, he just started to lose the will to live.
Almost everything that reminded him of Greg made him cry. Smelling his favorite coffee, seeing his car keys still laying on the coffee table, his dirty laundry which Nick refused to wash, his hair products and all his sneakers. Seeing his favorite movie or hearing his music. He hated to have to sleep in their bed alone, he missed snuggling up with his lover and hold him while they slept. The first nights after Greg's death he just lay awake for hours, so after a while he just would sleep on the couch.
Nick would wear Greg's t-shirts under his own button-down, just to feel Greg close to him. He didn't listen to his country music anymore, but started to appreciate Greg's choice of music. He cried his eyes out when Greg's smell had disappeared from his pillow. He wore Greg's ring, which he always had worn on a necklace around his neck. Nick had given that ring to Greg for their first anniversary. They had kept their relationship a secret from their colleagues, just to prevent the talks and the disapprovals.
He found it really difficult to keep living his life without Greg. People around him started to act like normal again, it seemed that they started to forget Greg. Nick didn't and couldn't forget Greg. But he was too tired to argue about this with his friends and colleagues. At work, his colleagues would ask how he was doing all the time. But they stopped asking this when Nick got angry with them. They left him alone, thought he was doing fine, but he just felt so numb and empty.
Exactly three months after Greg died, Nick didn't show up at work. He wasn't answering his cell phone. And when Catherine went to his apartment, there was nobody there and his truck was not parked in its usual spot in front of the apartment. Warrick and Catherine just drove around the city, desperately trying to find their friend.
All their hopes got shattered when Grissom called them. There was a 419 at the cemetery and they should come as soon as possible.
When they arrived at the cemetery, Warrick got a déjà vu with three months ago. But this time it was not Greg who was lying lifeless on the ground.
On Greg's grave, was laying Nick, curled up on the sand. Greg's sweater clutched in his arms, his eyes closed, dried tears on his pale face, but with a small smile frozen on his lips. A small round gun hole was to be seen under his chin, blood covering his shirt. His gun was laying next to his body on the ground, one shell casing was laying close to it.
Catherine let out a loud sob when she saw Nick lying there, she was holding on to Warrick who angrily kicked his case away. Making Grissom look up from were he was standing, rapidly blinking his eyes in surprise.
"How could this have happened?", Catherine whispered, wiping her tears away.
"We all thought that Nick was going to be fine", Warrick added, "I wish I could have helped him".
"Nobody could have done anything to help him. We were too blind to see the truth", Grissom answered, while motioning to David to take the lifeless body away to the morgue.
"I just don't understand why this happened. I just really don't understand this", Warrick said in small voice, blinking his tears away.
"I think nobody does", Catherine answered, while hugging the tall man.
"Why didn't he talk to me?", Warrick whispered, "I should have been there for him".
"Don't blame yourself, nobody had seen this coming", Grissom said, while he stared into the distance.
Later when Catherine and Warrick went to Nick's apartment, they were surprised to see the state it was in. It hadn't been cleaned in a while, take-away boxes, clothes and dirty dishes were lying everywhere. Looking for Nick's bedroom, to find a suit for the funeral, Catherine accidentally opened the guestroom door first. It hadn't been used in ages, the bed neatly made and no personal items to be seen anywhere. You couldn't tell that Greg had stayed there for three years as a guest.
She finally found Nick's bedroom, there was a large double bed placed besides the wall, books, coffee mugs and photos everywhere. When she opened the closet door, she was surprised to see just Greg's clothes in the closet. It were definitely Greg's clothes, a smaller size then Nick's, with a lot of bright and band t-shirts on a large pile. But behind the next closet door, she finally found a nice suit for Nick.
When she walked back to the bedroom door, she let her eyes wander over all the photo's on the wall. On the first picture, she saw the same woman she had seen on Greg's funeral, Greg's mother was standing in between Greg and Nick. All three of them with a huge smile on their faces and holding each other firmly. The next couple of pictures were childhood photos of both Nick and Greg, there was also a photo of the whole nightshift and one with only Greg and Sara. A large photo got her attention. It was probably taken just before Greg had died. Both men were holding each other tight, their lips locked. While Greg looked straight in to the camera, his eyes twinkled with joy and love.
Catherine didn't realize that Warrick had entered the room and she was startled when he finally spoke.
"We should have realized that they were lovers and not just friends", he quietly said, "Why didn't we notice the signs?"
"I don't know, but I wish we had known", Catherine answered, while blinking her tears away.
"Hopefully they are happy were they are now", Warrick whispered, "At least they're together again".
"Yes, I guess Nicky really couldn't live without Greg. But they don't have to be alone ever again", Catherine added, while quietly she left the bedroom.
"I hope you are a happy again, where ever you are", Warrick whispered, while he gently touched the photo of the two men in love.
"But I am going to miss you so much", he added, before he also left the bedroom.