Rated "M" for language and some sexual content
I do not own Naruto or any references/comparisons/ideas originated from Jack Black's and Kyle Gass's band Tenacious D and their movie "The Pick of Destiny"
Song/singing
Demon speech
normal talking
"dream/fantasy speech"
Note from the author: For Ultimate appreciation of this, listen to songs from actual soundtract...can be found on youtube as well.
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.Phase one, Kickapoo
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Now without further ado, ShinobiGama Fics presents
A Jumble Rie Production
Uzumaki Naruto and Killer Bee star in...
Ninbijuu D
And the Village of Destiny
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Here-we-go--------------
A long ass fucking time ago
In a town called Konoha-ooo
There lived the Hokage's Council,
Assholes through and through.
They tried to control the black sheep
and failed at all they do.
His name was Naruto
and he refused to step in line.
A vision he did see it,
being awesome all the time.
He laid a clever plan and all the planets did align...
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...let me get this straight...We have just graduated from the Academy. We have just become genin. Between the two of us we know three E rank jutsus, one B rank, and thats because my dad taught it to me before Itachi-teme killed him, and an A rank, which you can use only because you're a chakra freak. And despite all this you wanna do this crazy stunt so you will be recognized for its "awesomeness" and become Hokage?"
Naruto nodded emphatically at the stone faced Uchiha.
"Yup! Thats right!"
Sasuke looked past Naruto towards the big gaping cave behind him.
"And killing a dragon will automatically make you Hokage?"
"You got it!"
....
....
...."I am so out of here"
"Wait! Sasuke! Teme! I need your help! I'll make you my ANBU captain!"
"Dobe, my greatest talent is FIRE breathing, you know, the thing that dragons do anyway?? I dont think I would be that much a help. I'm a prodigy, not the fucking messiah. Good Luck. ...Kami knows you need it."
So the last loyal Uchiha made his way back towards Konoha from the mountain range that he had somehow been convinced by Naruto to go to. As his duck ass hairdo dissapeared from his view, Naruto became somewhat...apprehensive. Now he would have to fight the dragon all by himself.
"no, No, NO! This is how a REAL Hokage fights! All by himself facing the greatest of dangers and emerging victorious! THAT is how a man fights! I can win! I WILL win!"
Naruto discarded his traditional orange jumpsuit and instead replaced it with a pair of black cargo pants with wrappings around his abdomen, and a full length forest green leather coat with faint orange swirls embroidered along the edge. With his headband used as a belt his new essmble was complete...and totally fucking epic if he did say so himself.
He drew a really really big kunai and charged the cave shouting,
"For Konoha! For Glory! FOR RAMENNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------music break-----------------------------
Oh the dragon's balls were blazing as I stepped into his cave.
And I sliced his fucking cockles, with a long and shiny blade!
Twas I who fucked the Dragon
fuck-a-li! Sing fuck-a-loo!
And if you try to fuck with me than I shall fuck you too!
Gotta get it on in the party zone
Gotta lick a chone in the party zone
I gotsta shoot a load in the party zone
Gotta suck a bone in the party zone!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------End------------------
In pain, blackened with soot, covered in blood and...stuff, and still smoking, Naruto stood before the Hokage.
The Hokage was pissed! As much as he cared for Naruto like a grandson, what he did was unacceptable! Not only had he killed the guardian from the Temple of Fire (which he actually thought was amazing but he would never say that), but he had also left his active team dragging Uchiha Sasuke along with him (who, some how, was still not back. Either he was dead or he had become bat shit lost.).
Basically, Naruto was in deep shit and now even the Hokage couldn't save him.
"Naruto what did I say about going to kill the dragon?!?!"
"....not to do it."
"NOT to do it! And what did you do?!?"
"...I did it"
"You DID it! I'm sorry Naruto but my hands are tied! The council has declared your punishment...In SONG!
The council all emerged wearing various rock and roll costumes. The most disturbing however was Hiashi Hyuuga dressed up like Michael Jackson...Hiashi liked only Pop. Danzo started beating the drums with his two hands(?) as Koharu and Homura rocked out on the guitar and Bass. The Hokage, now dressed like Meatloaf grabbed a mic and began.
You disobeyed my orders kid,
Why did you cross the line?
Im goin to seal your chakra
From now till end of time!
I know the beast in your belly
Comes from the depths of hell
Kyuubi is the devil's son
He wants you to rebel!
Your too succeptible to corruption!
Kyuubi will pull your strings!
Your Heart will lose direction
And Chaos you will bring!
Im sorry Naruto but your on your own!
Your Grounded for all life with no telephone
Dont let me see you cry! dont let me hear you moan!
Your now a prisoner in your own home.
"....well shit."
---------------------------------(In the sealing chamber)-------------------------------------------------
Sarutobi however was too kindhearted to let Naruto become a mindless puppet to the council for the rest of his life. So before he actually did the sealing, he left Naruto alone in the chamber and left the door unlocked.
Because he loved his grandson so much, he would allow him to run away.
....
...Now if only Naruto would get the hint. He was just sitting there looking at the picture of the Yondaime. Cmon kid! Hurry up!
Just as Sarutobi was about to give up he was struck with inspiration, and with a small sad smile, he place a genjutsu on Naruto.
-----------------------------------(Within the Illusion)------------------------------------------------------
Yondaime can you here me?
I am lost and so alone.
I'm asking for your guidance,
Would you come down from your throne.
I need a tight compadre who is cool just like you
The Council thinks I'm evil but dude thats just not true!
Im just unwelcome like a bull
inside a store of glass
I need to roam
and leave this home.
Yondaime please save my ass!
All of a sudden the picture of the fourth Hokage melted away and the very person appeared in front of him decked out in an all white version of Naruto's outfit.
I hear you brave young ninja
You are ready to kick some ass!
But before your awesome like me
There are tests that you must pass!
Escape this horrid Council
If you ever hope to grow.
On a journey you must trek
To find the village of Kumo-o-o!
In the city of fallen demons,
Where the mountains are so grand!
You will form a strong alliance
And the worlds most awesome band!
To find your fame and fortune
Through the valley you must walk!
You will face your inner evils
Now go my son and
ROOCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!
----------------------------------------------------------(illusion dispersed)------------------------------
Naruto looked around the hallways outside the sealing chamber before he sprinted for the exit.
As he burst out of the Hokage's Tower and began leaping towards the village gate, Naruto realized that he was forgoing his dream of being Hokage.
How could he abandon his life long ambition?
How would he live without a goal in life?
If he couldnt be the Hokage what good was his existence?
Naruto then remembered the words of the Yondaime and realized his new goal,
"I will go to Kumo! I will find one who aspires to be fucking epic like myself! And then, once i have become as awesome as the Fourth, I will make my own village and be the Kage there! Believe it!"
He was immediately struck by lighting out of seemingly nowhere.
As he lay smoking on the ground Naruto assured himself that uttering those words again would probably not be a good idea. He lept back up, shook off the ashes from his shocking encounter and lept off the gate into the wide world.
Kakashi and the Third, watching the back of the teenager move farther and farther away, sighed and began thinking about how much they would miss the world's most unpredictable ninja known. The Third turned to the jounin and stared at him for a bit.
"...you know....you didn't have to cast that lightining jutsu on him."
Kakashi just stared at his Hokage before looking back out towards the gate. With the wind softly swishing through his silver hair he replied with a succinct,
"Yes. Yes I did."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------(back to Naruto)----------------
So he flew from fucking Konoha with hunger in his heart.
And he journeyed far and wide to learn the secrets of his art.
And now the tale begins, at last the journey finally starrrrrrrrrrts.
Star-a-a-a-arrrrrrttttsssss
Star-a-a-a-aryar-aryar-aryar-aryar
Starts!
---------------------------------------------------(end)--------------------------------------------------------
Wow. That was really fun to write. This is just a whim so dont be hoping for continual updates, but please tell me wat you think about it. Alright guys. ShinobiGama, Out!