Yeah, so I don't own iCarly or the characters etc. This is what happened when I decided to rewatch every episode of the show, so enjoy!
Part 1: SAM
Sam had always been there for Carly. When Carly was happy, she was happy. When Carly was sad, she was sad. And when anyone did something to hurt Carly, Sam got revenge. This time however, a sock filled with butter just wouldn't cut it, because what was hurting Carly was inside her body, not out.
It had all started 3 months ago, back when Sam was dating Freddie. One night she and her now ex-boyfriend had burst into Carly's room in order to have her settle one of their numerous arguments. That particular night it had been about whose mother was most insane. Sam was still certain Pam Puckett held the title; at least Mrs Benson only did the things she did because she loved Freddie. They'd found Carly tucked into bed which was hardly surprising, Carly rarely ever stayed up after twelve. In the midst of their argument, Sam almost didn't notice the breathing mask on Carly's face. When she and Freddie asked Carly, the sleepy brunette had claimed it was to prevent her from snoring, but Sam didn't buy it. So, the next time she got the opportunity, Sam decided to find out the exact purpose of the mask and…immediately regretted it. What she discovered made her feel uneasy, and as she read more, Sam began to feel the knot in her stomach tightening. Sam spent every free moment researching because she had to be sure. But the more she looked and the more she knew, the more worried she felt for Carly.
Sam's obsession with Carly's health began to affect everything in her life; her friendships, her school work (not that she did much of it), iCarly and even her relationship with Freddie. That was the worst part, because she really did love Freddie. Sam had loved Freddie from the first moment they'd met, but she could never have him, not really. Because Freddie belonged to Carly, because Freddie loved Carly and although she'd never admit it, Carly loved Freddie. So Sam had buried her love deep down inside and she'd taught herself to hate him and eventually she didn't need to pretend because Sam truly did hate him. Too much happened between them; too many arguments, too many insults and too many jokes taken too far. Sam had even forgotten what it felt like to love Freddie. That was when Freddie had gone and hit his head on that dumb fire hydrant and when Sam had rediscovered the feelings she thought she'd never feel for Freddie again. She had tried to hide it, tried to deny it, but then she'd stupidly decided to work on the semester project with Freddie and Brad and everything had come unravelled. Sam offered to be guinea pig when Freddie ran a test on their mood indicator and, what she thought was the worst possible thing had happened, the software worked and, even worse, it said her mood was "in love".
After a long night and a few days spent in a mental institution, Sam and Freddie had started dating. It was blissful at first, but then there were arguments and then there was no time. It was a speech made by Carly that they overheard that caused the couple to realise they just weren't meant to be. They loved each other, but sometimes love wasn't enough. Sam knew she would never be over Freddie, just like Freddie would never be over Carly. Sometimes she hated her best friend; Carly had everything she wanted. Carly always got the guy, ok maybe not; she did get Jonah but he was a scumbag and Freddie, well Freddie had never been Sam's in the first place. Still, sometimes Sam wished things could be different, sometimes she prayed to have Carly's life. She just didn't want it to happen like this. Because 3 months ago Sam had discovered Carly had lung cancer and since then things had gotten worse, much worse.
Sam never confronted Carly about her illness; she'd noticed the changes in her best friend though; her skin was paler, her clothes a little too baggy and there was a new hollowness to her cheek bones. But Sam knew Carly would tell her when she was ready. Unfortunately Carly never got that chance. It was third period when Carly collapsed. Carly and Gibby were presenting their semester project to the group one minute and the next Carly was on the floor coughing up blood. Sam, who had been watching her best friend like a hawk the entire lesson, was the first to react. She'd already dialled 911 when she found herself kneeling beside Carly's shuddering form. Sam knew Carly had always had problems with her lungs; she'd had asthma when she was a kid, was basically doped up on vitamins, had had a load of chest infections over the years and a bout of pneumonia but Sam had never imagined Carly would get cancer. Lung cancer was something old people got; old people and smokers. Carly certainly didn't fit those categories. The doctor said that very little was known about the type of cancer Carly had developed. It was called BAC (Bronchioloalveolar Carcinoma), a cancer most commonly found in women particularly those who didn't smoke, but it was treatable. That gave Sam some hope at least.
Sam visited Carly in hospital twice a day, then once and then only on weekends. It wasn't that she didn't love Carly, it was that she did. Seeing Carly looking so worn and damaged, it hurt. Sam just couldn't handle it, couldn't face how ill Carly was. She couldn't face the fact that Carly might actually…she couldn't bring herself to even think the word…die. It was a Saturday, which meant Sam was once again visiting her friend in hospital. When she reached Carly's private room Sam froze. The door was partially open and Sam could see Carly through the gap. For the first time in what felt like years but had really only been a few weeks, Carly was smiling. Not the facade she put on when she was trying to be brave, but a real smile. What was even stranger was the source of the smile, Gibby.
It had been like that for a few weeks; Carly would only ever smile when he was around. Gibby was the only one in the group who wasn't afraid of upsetting Carly, he was the only one who didn't act as though she was fragile. Sam had tried at first, but every time she tried to joke around she always ended up saying something insensitive. Freddie wasn't much help either, he spent half his time moping around and the other half being Carly's personal nurse, anything she wanted he'd get it. And Spencer…Spencer had changed, gone was the immature man child to be replaced with an overprotective brother that rivalled even Freddie's mum. It was the reason Carly was so distant, she needed her friends right now and all she had were ignorant morons. No wonder Carly lit up when Gibby was around, he was the only one acting normal or normal for a Gibby anyway. That was when Sam realised that Carly would never love Freddie, because Carly loved Gibby.
Really, Sam should have seen it coming. When she and Freddie had started dating Carly and Gibby spent an awful lot of time together and even when they broke up that didn't stop. In fact it had started before that, the whole reason Sam needed to work on the project with Freddie and Brad was because Carly and Gibby were already working together. Sam wondered just how long Carly had been harbouring a crush on the chubby nerd. In that moment however, Sam had to swallow the urge to vomit, because as much as she enjoyed hanging out with Gibby; he was well…Gibby and the idea of anyone kissing Gibby was…let's just say unappealing. But still, she was happy for Carly; Sam would support Carly if she wanted to marry a boat. That was the whole reason for tonight, to show her support for Carly. And so, for the first time since Carly had been admitted to hospital, they were about to host a webisode of iCarly.
Sam felt more nervous about this iCarly than any other iCarly she'd ever done. Apart from Carly, Freddie and begrudgingly her sister Melanie, iCarly was the most important thing in Sam's life and this iCarly was about a lot more than pointless comedy. A lot was riding on the show tonight, because Sam wanted Carly to see just how much people cared about her, how much they wish her well. And then there was her deal with Spencer, it had taken a lot of effort on her part to convince him to let Carly do the show. So if anything, anything at all went wrong Sam would be in a lot of trouble and she would never be allowed to visit Carly in hospital again.
It was Freddie's arrival that finally snapped Sam out of her trance. They'd barely spoken since Carly was admitted to hospital and when they did the conversation felt unnatural and forced. Today was no different.
"Sam." He greeted unenthusiastically.
"Fredweird." She responded, her resentment clear in her tone.
Freddie followed Sam's gaze to Carly's room. His expression changed when he saw her interactions with Gibby, was that jealousy? Nonetheless he only hesitated for a second before heading into Carly's room and Sam reluctantly allowed him to lead her in. He barely said "hey" before he started setting up stuff for the show. It was typical Freddie, too caught up in his work to pay attention to anyone, even Carly. Sam threw herself onto the bed beside Carly, and pulled her laptop out of her backpack. She set it on the mobile table sat at the side of the bed and pulled it across in front of them.
"'Sup Carls?" she asked.
"Nothin'." Carly's eyes flashed to Gibby for a moment before she returned Sam's gaze, "We were just getting ready for the show."
"Uh huh." Sam said giving Carly a knowing look.
Carly just shook her head, refusing to give in to her teasing.
"Gibby," Sam suggested, "Why don't you go get changed for the show, your outfit is in that bag beside Freddie."
"Alright, alright, I'm going." He agreed before heading out.
Sam's laptop had finally booted up and so she headed over to where fans would be speculating about the upcoming show. Her thinking was almost correct, the forums were full of fans expressing their excitement for tonight's webisode, but most of those were hidden behind iCarly's super fans; the Creddies, the Seddies and what was this? Cam?! People thought she and Carly might be dating?!
"Wow, this whole Cam thing is getting huge." Carly commented.
"You know about this?" Sam asked; this was the first she'd heard.
"There's not much to do in here and Zaplooking yourself is so much more interesting when you're a popular web comedian." Carly explained.
"So people think that we are actually…you know…" Sam couldn't bring herself to finish, the idea of dating Carly was…wrong, Carly was her best friend, her sister; she could never look at Carly that way. She wasn't saying she would never date a chick, Sam would try anything once, she was just saying she'd never, ever date Carly.
"…dating." Carly finished, "Come on, you don't think it would be that bad do you? I have it on good authority that I'm a great kisser."
"Whose authority? The back of your hand?" Sam mocked, "Well, I guess it's better than being paired with Freddork over there."
"Hey!" Freddie said angrily.
"Sam, stop it." Carly warned when she saw Sam open her mouth to reply, "We've got work to do. So, no arguments. At least not until after the show." Then, as an after-thought, she added, "And actually Colton Reid told me that, so there."
"Fine." Sam reluctantly agreed as she continued to scroll through the endless comments, "You made out with Colton Reid?"
"If you hate the Seddie and Cam shippers so much why don't you check out Spam?" Freddie offered. Sam could tell he was just doing it because he felt uncomfortable thinking about Carly making out with anyone and, more likely, he wanted to wind her up.
"Oh Sam doesn't need to do that…" Carly said as she and Sam exchanged silent communications.
"Why not?" Freddie asked.
"'Cause I started it." Sam admitted.
"You created the monster that is Spam shippers?" Freddie said in disbelief.
"Who else could combine a love of spiced ham, a long harboured crush on Carly's brother and the stupid pointless annoying messages from shippers we despise so much?" Sam explained, really it should have been obvious.
"Oh…" Freddie realised.
Sam continued browsing the comments; she'd been through a few hundred when one caught her eye. It was too good an opportunity not to use. With this she could kill two birds with one stone; annoy Freddie and find out if Carly really liked Gibby. She chose her moment carefully before she pointed it out to Carly, whose head was now resting on her shoulder.
"I know your game for the whole Cam thing, but check this out." Sam said indicating the comment among the masses.
She decided to read it aloud, "Am I the only one who ships Cibby?", she paused before continuing, "And look at the replies!"
Sam gestured to the several hundred pro-Cibby replies. Carly didn't say anything. She just shot Sam an angry look. It was in that exact moment that the boy in question chose to make his entrance.
"How do I look?" Gibby asked, twirling on the spot so they could all get a better view of his outfit. He was wearing his lobster doctor suit as part of a "The cowboy and the idiot farm girl" sketch but he was supposed to be dressed in dungarees and a Stetson. Before Sam or Freddie could say something about the fact he was wearing the wrong costume, Carly spoke.
"Awesome." Carly complimented him, almost too enthusiastically.
"But Carls-" Sam began.
"Shhhhh…" Carly interrupted.
Sam didn't bother arguing and neither did Freddie, instead she and Carly ran through their plan for the show, which was starting in thirty minutes. Carly wanted Sam to introduce herself first for some reason and, not wanting to upset her friend, Sam agreed. Sam had however put a stop to Carly's demands when her best friend tried to remove the tube from her nose which supplied her with a pure supply of oxygen. Freddie finished setting up the equipment five minutes before they went live. He barely had time for a quick sound check before he was counting down.
"In 5…4…3…2…" He counted.
"I'm Sam!"
"I have cancer!" Carly exclaimed from her hospital bed.
In that moment the room seemed to freeze. Sam just stared at her best friend and if Freddie's jaw had dropped any lower it would be touching the floor. It was Gibby who saved Sam from saying something she might regret.
"And this is iCarly!" Gibby announced as he danced in front of the camera.
"As you can see we're not in our usual iCarly studio." Sam began, trying to shake the shock out of her system.
"And no, we didn't get locked out the apartment again." Carly added, the friends all exchanged looks at Carly's comment. That had been quite a day.
"Because today, we're coming to you live from the Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital here in Seattle." Sam continued, "You see the reason we haven't been on the air for the last few weeks is…"
"…I'm sick." Carly explained, "But don't worry because the doctors here are confident I'll get better soon."
"So, until then we'll be broadcasting from right here in Carly's room. But don't worry; even in hospitals you can still do this." Sam said into the camera as she pressed the first button on her blue remote.
Portable lights around the room began to flash and music began to play as a voice announced "Random Dancing". Sam rocked out to the beat and Carly waved her arms enthusiastically from her hospital bed. The show continued on from there and they even introduced a new segment appropriately titled "Practical uses for expensive medical equipment". It's fair to say it went well and Sam was pleased to see Carly's beaming smile as they finished up.
"I'm not Carly!" Sam exclaimed.
"And I'm not Sam!" Carly yelled into the camera Freddie was holding.
"But this was…iCarlyyyyy!" The girls cried simultaneously.
"And we're clear." Freddie informed them, "Great show tonight guys."
Freddie had just put down the camera when Carly started to breathe heavily. In a second her raspy breaths had turned into gasping coughs and with each one fresh blood spurted from Carly's throat. Sam ordered Freddie to get help as she immediately headed to her best friend's side. Gibby approached from the other side and grabbed Carly's delicate left hand.
"Carly," He said soothingly, "You need to sit up ok? The doctor is on his way."
He wrapped his other hand behind Carly's back and pulled her up so she was sitting straighter. Sam had never seen Gibby like this; he was so mature, so responsible. For the first time Sam truly understood why Carly loved him. It wasn't that he made her laugh, it wasn't his Gibbyish personality, it was that he truly understood what she needed when everyone else was oblivious.
The doctor hurried into the room with a team of nurses. Sam stepped back to give the doctor some space, but Gibby remained at Carly's side. The doctor was quick to react, giving Carly a disposable bowl to spit the blood into and pulling out his stethoscope. The nurses hurried Sam and Freddie out of the room, but when they tried to shoo Gibby away Carly had clung on to him so he'd been allowed to stay. Outside Carly's room things were tense, not just because they were worried for Carly, but because Freddie had finally come to the realisation Sam had come to a few hours earlier.
Sam could see it written all over his face and it was way less satisfying than she'd imagined. In fact, Sam felt bad for him because Freddie had finally recognised that Carly would never love him, that he would always be waiting for her. She could literally see his heart break plastered across his face, she knew it would be killing him because she'd been through the exact same thing when she realised Freddie would never really be over Carly. Sam couldn't bear to see that expression on Freddie's face for a second longer, as much as she insulted him, as much as she claimed to hate him, Sam could never stop loving Freddie. And so she did the only thing she could think of and slapped him right across the face.
"Oww!" Freddie complained, "What was that for?"
"Look Freddebelle. I know it hurts, trust me...I know, but I need you to be strong right now." Sam informed him.
"How can you possibly understand what I'm going through?" Freddie voiced his frustration, "The one person I'm certain I love and she...she just..."
For the second time Sam did the only thing she could when she couldn't find the words to explain something. She took Freddie's face in her hands and planted a soft kiss on his trembling lips. When they broke apart Freddie just stared at Sam and Sam just stared right back at him, willing him to understand all the things she couldn't say. Sam wasn't sure Freddie had got the message until his hand snaked around her and he kissed her. It wasn't like any other kiss they'd ever shared; it was filled with passion and love but had undertones of the grief the couple both felt for their friend. For the first time in her life Sam knew Freddie really did love her. She didn't care it had taken losing Carly to make him realise it.
"I didn't know..." he began.
Sam didn't need to reply, she couldn't; Sam just wasn't good at using words to communicate. So instead she took his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Freddie held on to Sam's hand afterwards and the two remained that way for some time. It was nice just being with Freddie, it was safe and comforting. Sam knew she should feel happy right now, but she couldn't, not with Carly in that condition.
Her best friend was teetering on a ledge and all it would take was one gust of wind to push her over. Sam knew this could end one of two ways; Carly could get better or Carly could go to a better place. Sam just hoped it wasn't the latter, because losing Carly; that would be like losing her heart. When Carly was first admitted things seemed alright, the doctors were confident she'd get better. But then they got new scans and their confidence wavered. Carly's tumour had grown, it had caused too much damage and just operating wouldn't solve the problem; Carly needed new lungs. Her best friend in the entire world was dying. How could that be? How was that fair?
Of all the people in the world Sam knew, Carly was the one person who didn't deserve this. Carly Shay was the most wonderful person she'd ever met. Everyone loved Carly because Carly loved everyone. She could be shallow, at times a little sassy, she may even have been a weakling but in the end Carly was compassionate and forgiving. Carly's flaws were also her strengths and her mistakes were her greatest triumphs. Her best friend was one of those innocent goody goodies that Sam usually couldn't stand, but there was something different about Carly. Sam definitely didn't know anyone else who would take the blame for something she'd done. Carly was optimistic and she looked at the world with wonder. She was one of those people, the kind of people that believe in magic and soul mates and big foot. That was why every time Sam visited the hospital a piece of her died.
Because however much she tried to hide it, Sam knew that Carly Shay was gone. Her bright bubbly personality was barely visible and when she smiled Sam could tell it wasn't genuine. It was strange because when Sam or the others were around it almost seemed as though Carly was fine. Carly put on this mask and pretended she was ok, but sometimes, when Carly thought she wasn't looking, Sam would see the real Carly leak through. The real Carly wasn't happy; the real Carly was broken and weary. Part of Sam even thought the real Carly wanted to die.
Sam dropped Freddie's hand and turned to face the room behind her. The team of hospital staff had closed the blinds, so the pair couldn't see what was going on inside. Twenty minutes passed before they saw any movement. The blinds swung open and the doctor and nurses left the room carrying bundles of blood soaked items, ready to be disposed of. The pair in the corridor watched through the window as Gibby pulled the now cleaned up Carly into his arms. Sam could see Carly's body trembling as she sobbed into his chest. Freddie walked off, as if to head into the room, but Sam caught his arm.
"Give them a minute." Sam instructed.
That night once again Sam fell into a restless sleep. She woke up several times during the night. Sam just couldn't seem to get the day out of her head. Hospital…illness…cancer…Carly…iCarly…Freddie. Her thoughts cycled round and round the same topics, always reaching the same conclusion. She'd kissed him, why did she kiss him? And he'd kissed her, did he mean it? Sam didn't know what any of it meant. She didn't think she and Freddie would be getting together any time soon, but what was it, a promise for the future? Or something else? She knew she was over thinking it, but Sam couldn't help it, just as she couldn't help but wonder what Freddie was up to at this moment. Why couldn't she get him out of her head?
Sam wouldn't have to worry about having Freddie on her mind for long because the next day something happened which demanded her full attention. Sam was sat beside Carly on her bed and Gibby was stood on the left of Carly as they browsed the latest videos on Splash Face. They were just checking out a video of a rabbit licking peanut butter when (ref to loads of eps), out of nowhere, the door burst open. It was Freddie.
"Hey Freddie," Gibby greeted.
"Sorry to interrupt," He explained, "But there's something you all have to see."
"What is it?" Sam asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.
"Have you been on twitter since the show last night?" he asked.
"No, why?" This time it was Carly who was curious.
"What are you doing now?" He said, gesturing to the laptop.
"Nothing, we were just-" Sam began.
"Great." Freddie interrupted, "Then I'll show you."
Freddie came to stand on Carly's other side and quickly took control of the laptop. After a couple of clicks he found himself on Carly's twitter. Sam watched as Freddie changed the trends from tailored to Worldwide, trying to figure out what he was up to.
"Look." He said, gesturing to the trending topics. There, at the top of the list was something she did not expect to see.
"iCarly is the number one trending topic on twitter!" Sam exclaimed.
"No," Freddie said urgently, "Third one down."
"#shayveforcarly?" Sam asked, giving Freddie a quizzical look.
"Click on it." He instructed.
Sam watched the screen change as Carly clicked the link. There were thousands of posts and in the time Sam had taken in what had appeared on screen there was a box on screen informing them there was 40 new tweets. Carly didn't bother to click show; the tweets on screen were enough to show them what was happening.
"The campaign started last night after iCarly." Freddie informed them, "Literally thousands of people have taken part."
"I think it's great." Gibby said.
"No, it is not great." Freddie pointed out.
"Guys, seriously, calm down." Carly ordered, "It can't be that bad."
"But, what are we going to do?" Freddie asked, his anxiety showing.
"We can't do anything now. " Sam told him.
"What do you mean? Why do we need to do anything?" Gibby asked. Sam just stared in disbelief, only Gibby couldn't realise how bad this was.
"Don't you get it Gibby?" Freddie explained, "Carly's tumour can't be treated with chemotherapy."
"So?" Gibby said. Sam laughed, seriously what was going on? Was Gibby really that stupid?
"So," Freddie paused, "Carly's hair won't fall out. So…all of those people are shaving their heads for nothing."
"Oooh…." Gibby realised. Gibby really should have paid more attention in biology. Carly, Sam and Freddie exchanged a look and immediately burst out laughing. Just for a moment Gibby had made them forget all their troubles, it felt like old times. If only when the laughter stopped they didn't have this mess to clean up and a sick Carly to deal with.
"In 5…4…3…2…" Freddie counted down as they began their impromptu iCarly broadcast.
"I'm Carly…"
"…I'm Sam."
"And this is iCarly!" the girls cheered in unison.
"You may be wondering why we're doing iCarly the second night in a row." Sam began.
"Well, listen up because we have something important to tell you." Carly explained.
"Or rather this doctor does." Sam corrected, gesturing to the man beside her as Freddie panned the camera to get him in the frame.
"You see we thought you might like to know a bit more about what's wrong with me." Carly informed the audience.
"Before you did something crazy. Like, you know, shaving your head." Sam continued.
"So without further ado…" Carly introduced the doctors segment.
"Thanks doc!" Sam said as they camera returned its focus to the show's hosts.
"For those of you that did "Shayve for Carly"…" Carly started.
"…don't be mad because Carly's not the only kid out there with cancer." Sam explained.
"There are thousands of us, living all over the world. And maybe I didn't lose my hair but many of them did." Carly told the viewers.
"Which is why," Sam said.
"To thank all of you that took part" Carly added.
"We would like to introduce a new one-off segment we like to call…"
"…Shayve for Carly!" They yelled into the camera before Freddie panned it round to focus on their volunteer.
When Freddie had suggested this, the first thing Sam asked was whose head they were going to shave. Turns out they didn't have to look far because no sooner than Sam had opened her mouth, was Gibby offering up his precious locks to go under the clippers. Carly had gone wild of course, she knew how important Gibby's hair was to him but in the end she gave in. Only Carly could inspire that kind of sacrifice from Gibby.
And so Gibby's hair got chopped off. Sam had to admit Gibby looked good bald. Everything was going well, until it wasn't. It came out of nowhere, Carly was fine and then suddenly half way through a sentence she started to cough. Compared to her usual it was mild and so there was no need to call the doctors, besides Gibby was an expert when it came to dealing with Carly. So instead of panicking Sam guided Freddie and the camera out of Carly's room to give her some privacy while she finished the show.
"So, until next time, farewell, adieu, ciao…" Sam said into the camera, "…and goodnight. I'm Sam and this was iCarly!"
"And that's a wrap." Freddie told her, "Come on, we better go check on Carly."
"I'll be in, in a second." Sam informed him when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out and when she saw the caller ID, decided it was best to just get it over with.
"Who is it?" Freddie asked gesturing to the device vibrating in Sam's palm.
"Spencer," She explained before answering the call, "Hello…"
"Sam! What's going on? I was watching iCarly. What happened? Is Carly alright?" the panicked voice at the other end of the phone responded.
"Relax," Sam said, in attempt to sooth her best friend's worried brother, "It's just a small cough."
"Are you in the room with her?" Spencer asked, "How is she?"
"No, I'm in the hallway. And Carly is fine." Sam insisted.
"You left her alone?" Spencer said angrily, "Are you forgetting our deal? Carly is sick, you need to be more responsible."
"No, of course I didn't." Sam informed the upset Spencer, "Gibby's with her."
"Oh…well that's good." Spencer admitted before suggesting, "Why don't you and Freddie head home? Tell Gibby to wait with Carly until I get to the hospital."
"Sure." Sam agreed.
"Great…Bye." Spencer said before Sam heard a click as he hanged up.
Sam had helped Freddie pack up his stuff before heading home. When she got to the apartment her mum wasn't in; no surprise there. Sam was sure she'd heard her mention something about a date with an Italian chef which meant she wouldn't be home until Sam was heading out for school the following morning. Sam let out a long sigh. She'd been doing that an awful lot recently. The whole world seemed to have turned upside down. On what planet did Spencer trust Gibby to look after Carly more than he did her or Freddie? It was a good thing he didn't know what happened after the iCarly on Saturday night. Sam was sure if he had found out about that she'd have never been allowed to see Carly again. Not that she got to that often anyway, Spencer had told her not to visit during the week because he had time to spend with Carly then. And besides even if she could go, part of Sam didn't want to. The guilt of that admission was killing her. Carly was supposed to be her best friend and yet Sam could barely look at her anymore. It wasn't because she didn't love Carly, Sam would always love her, but it was the pain in her chest that she felt every time she saw her friend. Sam's jokes and teasing had become an act. A façade to hide how she truly felt because, just like Carly, part of Sam wished her friend would die.
Sam knew that even if Carly got better she'd never be the same Carly. And right now, Carly was only getting worse. Sam could see it on Carly's face, every time she looked at her. Carly was in pain, a lot of pain. Sam had noticed her wince when she moved, she saw the strain it put on her. She'd even had to apply extra make up tonight, to hide the bags under Carly's eyes. Carly never complained about it, she never said how much it hurt but they all saw it. No one said anything because they knew it would hurt Carly, the brunette was just trying to be strong for her friends and so they all pretended not to notice. Sam wondered if anyone was themself anymore, she certainly wasn't. Sam had rarely been eating recently, she didn't feel like it. She hadn't been sleeping either. Her two favourite things just didn't seem important anymore. And Freddie? Freddie had quit AV club and his grades had dropped from straight A's to B's and C's. Sam didn't even know where to begin with Spencer. One thing was for sure, the Spencer Shay she'd known her whole life was gone. Then there was Gibby. Gibby was still the same naïve little nerd but he had also aged ten years at the same time. That was all for Carly of course.
Sam woke up at five thirty or rather she got up at five thirty. The only reason she'd gotten any sleep the previous night was because she was so exhausted. The bags under Sam's eyes were rivalled only by Carly's, but Sam didn't want to think about that. Sam didn't want to think about Carly at all, she just wanted to make it through the day. So she busied herself with other tasks; she showered, she got dressed, she did her hair, she applied her usual a thin layer of make-up, it went on and on. When 7am came around Sam was desperate to get out of the house. Her mum still wasn't home, but Sam didn't worry. She got to school for 7.30, a half hour before the bell. She was early for the first time since Elementary and that time was only because her mum had forgotten to pick her up the day before. She'd ended up sleeping under a shelter in the quad. Freddie was already there, Sam spotted him by his locker in the main hallway. She was a little nervous to approach him, they hadn't been alone properly since they kissed and Sam was still unsure of what they whole thing meant. Sam decided to do the only thing she could think of, she would pretend it hadn't happened unless he brought it up. With her mind made up, she headed over to talk to him.
"Hey." She greeted.
"I'm not in the mood." Freddie said grumpily.
"Wow, ok. See you later then, nub." Sam said, laying emphasis on the last word as she turned to leave.
"Sam?" Freddie noticed before catching Sam's wrist.
"Who else would it be?" Sam asked.
"Anyone else. What are you doing in school so early?" Freddie pointed out.
"I was bored and the apartment was too quiet." She explained. Sam would never admit it but she hated being home alone. It made her feel unwanted, it was why she stayed at Carly's so often. That and her mum wasn't the easiest person to live with. Pam Puckett loved nothing more than to point out Sam's flaws, how worthless she was and how she was nothing in comparison to Melanie. It was hardly Sam's fault she'd inherited characteristics from her mother. If she'd been more like her dad, maybe she would have had the good sense to get out of there, like Melanie did.
"Did you have time to get something to eat?" Freddie asked, "They're serving breakfast bagels in the cafeteria."
"Nahh, but I wasn't hungry." She told her friend.
"Oh."
"Yeah, well I better get going." Sam said, "See you."
"Yeah…Bye." Freddie replied as Sam walked off.
Sam had just spotted Gibby and she wanted to talk to him before class. She could see his eyes were swollen and puffy, as though he'd been crying.
"Hey, Gibb. Nice head." Sam commented on Gibby's now shiny smooth scalp.
"Oh, hey Sam." Gibby said sadly, "What's up?"
"Nothin'. 'Sup with you Gibb?" Sam asked, indicating she'd noticed he was upset.
"I'm worried about Carly." He paused, "You know…because she's got that operation today."
"Operation?" Sam clarified, what was Gibby talking about? "What operation?"
"The one to remove her tumour." Gibby informed her, "I thought you knew about it."
"I didn't." Sam established, "Listen, Gibb. I better go."
Sam didn't wait on his response, she just marched off straight to the girl's bathroom. She checked the stalls, they were empty. Sam let out a long-held sigh and then before she could stop herself she started to sob. How could she not know about this? Why hadn't Carly mentioned it to her? Or Spencer for that matter? And what about Freddie, did he know?
Sam couldn't take it anymore. All the lies, the half-truths and the acting, she just wanted it to stop. Why couldn't everyone just be straight with each other? Did they really think it was the best for Carly? Because in that moment Sam was certain it was the worst thing they could do. How was sticking Carly in a bubble and pretending everything was fine going to help her? It was time to end this, it was time to rip off proverbial the band aid and say what needed to be said.
Wendy Sommers chose the wrong moment to go to the bathroom that morning. Sam was just beginning to wipe the tears away and she had yet to find a focus for her building rage when Wendy opened the door. Sam whirled and let out a fearsome growl. She didn't need to do anything else; Wendy was already running out the door screaming. The bell rang while Sam was cleaning herself up, which meant she was late for homeroom. Sam would normally try to avoid this because her class advisor was none other than the mean, pointy boobed Ms Briggs, however when Sam slipped into her seat ten minutes after the bell the teacher was anything but angry.
"Good morning, Sam." The teacher greeted warmly.
Sam didn't respond and the teacher didn't seem to mind. What was going on? Normally Ms Briggs was anything but pleasant towards her and she'd jump at the opportunity to give her detention. And had Ms Briggs actually just called her Sam? Not Samantha? Had she heard that right? Sam turned to her right automatically to exchange a quizzical look with her best friend, but the seat next to her was empty. That was where Carly normally sat. All of a sudden Sam realised that Carly dying would be the most terrible thing that could happen. Yeah, her best friend wouldn't have to suffer anymore, but what would Sam do without her? How would she get through high school? Sam didn't have many friends around here; most people were scared of her, hated her or were in stuck in juvie. Sam didn't fancy going back in there, not after last time. It was Carly who made sure she didn't get into too much trouble, but what would she do without her? There was no doubt in Sam's mind that she would end up hanging out with Dana's old crew again; a scene which she'd been trying to avoid lately. Sam wanted to make something of herself; doing iCarly every week had taught her that, but without Carly the show would end. Without Carly, Sam would get into trouble; get sent to juvie. It may have been selfish, but Sam didn't care. She knew now that there was no way in hell she was going to let Carly give up.
Sam wondered if Carly knew how significant her existence was. It wasn't just her world that would fall apart if she died, it was Freddie's too. Before iCarly he got a lot of hassle from other kids. There was Gibby, what would it do to Gibby? The boy was already a mess. And Spencer? Sam didn't think Spencer would be able to cope without Carly. She couldn't even comprehend what Carly's father must be going through. Colonel Shay was unable get leave from the army to see his daughter, what would happen if she died before he got a chance to say goodbye? Then there was everyone else, not just people from school or family, but the iCarly fans. Sam had seen the videos, the inspiring stories that had come from people watching the show. Kids with depression, kids who were bored, kids who had lost everything, kids with insane talents and kids who didn't have any, they all got something from the show and without Carly, no one could give them what they needed. Sam would always remember one video that was sent in; this girl not much younger than her who'd been getting bullied. But then she saw this segment on iCarly where Sam had shown the viewers how to immobilise an opponent in a fight and the girl could finally stand up to the kids giving her a tough time. There were loads of others like that, people who had worked up the courage to come out to their parents, people who were inspired to put their music and ideas out there. iCarly reached people all over the world and touched their lives in unimaginable ways, but if Carly died this would all come to an end. Right now, Carly was not only the most important person in her life, but in a million different people's lives.
Sam's day was a blur. She went from class to class mindlessly. She couldn't seem to focus on her lessons, nor could she shut off her mind for long enough to sleep. Her teacher's didn't even bother getting her into trouble when she misbehaved. Like when she shoved a boy into a locker when he spilled his drink on her, the teachers just ignored it. What was with that? Everyone was tiptoeing around her like she was about to explode. Well, yeah, of course she was because no one would tell her what was going on. For once, she just wanted people to be honest, but she knew that wasn't how things worked. So, instead, Sam hatched a plan. People needed to learn that she didn't need looking after and she was the only one who could teach them. In order to do so Sam knew she'd have to do something bad, really bad. Something which the teacher's couldn't let her off with, something which might even get her sent back to juvie. The only question was: what? The answer would happen upon her quite by accident.
That's it for this chapter. Thanks for reading :)