I need to relax. Everything will be fine. Just pretend like nothing happened. You didn't kiss your coach yesterday. Your very very attractive… STOP! Nothing happened. Just walk in with confidence and pretend nothing happened. If you act normal maybe he will too. Breathe, just breathe.
Driving to the Rock I was so nervous I felt like I couldn't breathe. As I pulled into the Rock parking lot, the song Brave Face came on. Surprising fitting, don't you think?
"Put your brave face on
The one you wore when you stole my heartWon't you hold my handWe'll jump together into anything that couldPossibly happen'cause we're still so youngAsk me to dance in this hotel roomThen let's get out of hereAnd hit the airport with nothing but a carryon between usYou take my over analyse awayIt's you and me against the world todayFeels like i'm runningWith my high heels onAnd they're chasing us waitingFor it to all go wrongYou're my umbrella against their Sticks and stonesAs long as we keep smilingThey'll never knowPut your brave face onPut your brave face onIt's clear blue skiesFlying 30,000 feet aboveNo one can touch us'cause we're so in loveLook into my eyesMeet me there don't look downFeels like i'm runningWith my high heels onAnd they're chasing us waitingFor it to all go wrongYou're my umbrella against their Sticks and stonesAs long as we keep smilingThey'll never knowPut your brave face onPut your brave face onYou take my over analyze awayIt's you and meAgainst the world todayFeels like I'm runningWith my high heels onAnd they're chasing us waitingFor it to all go wrongYou're my umbrella against their Sticks and stonesAs long as we keep smilingThey'll never knowPut your brave face onPut your brave face on"
Guess it's time to put my brave face on and face the music. Here goes nothing.
As I walk into the gym I look around for Sasha and see him working with Lauren on beam. Perfect. I quickly make my escape into the locker room. I think about what happened yesterday and my heart skips a beat as I change into my leotard. I can't believe I kissed Sasha! But I swear he kissed me back before he pushed me away. Omg, this needs to stop. What was I thinking? I have Worlds and the Olympics to think about, I can't risk losing the only coach that could get me there after what I thought was a career ending injury. But he is so handsome and he has been so supportive throughout my recovery and after my surgery, a voice in my head reminded me. Stop it! This can't happen. He is my coach, I am his athlete, and he is a lot older than I am. Snap out of it Keeler! It's just a silly crush, you'll get over it. My head may say one thing but my heart is saying another. Breathe just breathe, I remind myself as I walk out of the locker room.
"What the hell?" I yell as I slam into someone. It's Sasha, just my luck.
"Can I talk to you in my office for a minute Payson?" He looks guilty and isn't meeting my eye.
"Sure." I say and follow him to his office. After I walk in he shuts the door behind him and gestures for me to have a seat as he leans against his desk. He looks straight into my eyes when he says "Look, Payson what happened yesterday was never supposed to happen and can't ever happen again. Do you understand?"
Even though I knew this was coming I could still feel my heart breaking. And that's when I realized that it isn't just some silly crush I feel for Sasha, it's the real deal. Which is why my heart breaks into a million pieces as I say the last thing I want to say, but what I know I need to say in order to continue on the path to worlds. "I know. It will never happen again. I completely understand."
"Alright then. Go warm-up." Sasha met my eyes one more time before turning away to some paperwork on his desk.
As I walked out of Sasha's office, I left my shattered heat in there with him. I knew one thing for sure, everyday training with Sasha until I go to the Olympics is going to be hell because I am in love with him. I, Payson Keeler am in love with my coach Sasha Belov. I'm sooo screwed.