I blinked and she was gone; gone, forever. This big black hole started to slowly eat up my heart and I couldn't bear it. I didn't want to stay here. I wanted to be sold. I wanted to go so I could be with her. I'd never even said that I'd loved her. I mean we had both shown love but we had never even said it and now it was too late. I would never see her again. I was never going to be pestered by sheep or grabbed by the neck with the hook. I would never see her beautiful porcelain face again. I would never gaze upon another as beautiful or perfect as Bo was. She was the lightness in my day when everything else started to turn black. She cheered me up when I felt that all hope was gone. When Andy grew older she was there to help me through it. Until… until…
The pain some days takes over me completely and the painted face seems strained and the smile that is there is not inside. I haven't smiled fully ever since the day. She was sold with Wheezy, I lost my oldest friend and my true girl, the only ever girl for me, well they were gone. I had no one left save a space ranger, a rusty cow girl and her pet, some potatoes, a slinky, a bank and a dinosaur. I wasn't ungrateful – but I felt so alone. Buzz almost had Jessie, and Jessie could have Buzz. Rex needed no one and the Potatoes most definitely had each other. They also had the aliens so that's someone else added up. Hamm and Slinky mostly paired up together for things now that was, well out of things.
I had never felt like this before. Was it possible to fade away when you were totally solid? I didn't feel like I deserved to be here. I'd never been permanently separated from Bo before and if this; if this was what Love felt like after it dissipated I wanted no further part in it. My existence was sinking into nothing like my feelings were in a sea of quicksand and I couldn't care less.
I knew everyone was concerned about me – how I was coping and all that. But I wasn't, I wasn't! There was no way for me to pick myself up after what happened to me and I knew. Everyone might know this as well but they're being blind to simple facts. Losing Love was the greatest pain I'd ever felt and I felt that if it wasn't for Andy I would just curl in the corner and rot until I was covered in dust. But Andy would never do that because he cares too much about me. Unfortunately he can never see us talk so none of us can explain my predicament or how much I'm hurting. I just want to be left alone all of them time. I never want to play anymore. I just want to leave. I feel trapped – I need to see Bo again, now. Before I drift away, drift into a complete nothing in an empty shell.
No one had lost what I had. Owners sure, and friends but never like Bo. I knew none of this lot had the capacity to Love as much as I had and then cope. I knew I wasn't coping but maybe because I was stronger before this I might pull through. But right now I can't see why I'd ever want to pull through. There's no point. No point at all, no one to impress when you swagger around the bedroom floor, conducting everyone like an orchestra and making sure everything went as planned. I think Buzz and Jessie had filled in for me. But to be honest I couldn't care. I wasn't part of things so why announce my presence at roll call? Everyone knew where I was when they needed me. But they had a great pair to… Pair!
Pair!? Why did that word hurt so, so much? We didn't do everything together but still we were a pair. She was there when I needed her to be and I think that applies to me also. I was her hand to hold when she was scared; she was my dependant shoulder to lean on when I was exhausted. She was there to offer advice when I was tired and being pestered. She was my whole world. The second person I wanted to make smile in the world; straight after Andy, which was kind of the purpose, I was made for. And without Andy, there would have been no Molly and therefore more no Bo. So maybe I did owe something to him. But I owed it to myself to get up again. But my legs are weary, my eyelids drooping. How was I ever to get up again when I'd been knocked to the ground? Completely pushed and shove into the sandy grains of loneliness. I had never felt like this and if I felt it again – I might as well be dead for the help I would be to the world. I needed Bo. I needed the entre of my universe back. Back soon, before I crumble into the sea of despair; the place of no return.