funkmasterjo A/N: This is my first collaborative effort, done between me and my little brother *Pen name unditermined*. We literally sat and wrote it side by side. It is also his very first piece of fanfiction, so you had better be really nice if you're going to say anything.

This is set just post-timeskip.

All that aside, though, welcome to our...

One Piece One-shot

Upon the frothy shores of Sabaody Archipelago, it was a scene of peaceful tranquility.

…Until Luffy showed up, chased by a horde of relentless Pacifista, energetic New Kama, terrified Marines, and all manner of strangeness.

It was at that moment, that the collective crew of the Straw Hat pirates knew that life was back to normal.

With the usual commotion, Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji all threw themselves onto the deck of the Thousand Sunny, with the rest of the crew…

…and Chopper.

This was, of course, followed by a storm of greetings, a round of thank-you's to those that had taken them so far, and Luffy's piercing cry of castoff.

In a flash, they left instantly; as if they were never there in the first place.

Zoro and Sanji were left bickering,

Cries of "Moss Head!" and "Nosebleed!" could be heard from distances that would amaze every form of speak-analogist. But this was familiar. Somehow, even to the point of comfort.

For the crew had all together missed each other far too much (except for Sanji and Zoro) and their lives as part of the crew.

As such, the crew were naturally gathered together by Nami's collection of orange trees, chatting and catching up, as if they hadn't just plunged another poor island into the depths of violent disarray.

"Cool!" Luffy cried. "Franky. That's just cool!"

"Which part? Robo." Franky buzzed.

"Every part!" Luffy responded, beaming as if inspired. "Shoot a beam! Combine with the ship! Fight evil monsters!"

" No!" Nami snapped, slapping her captain across the face. WABAM! "No beams! No 'gattai'. And definitely no monsters! We just got the Sunny coated, you idiot!"

"Ah. Is that so?" Luffy asked inquisitively. "Later?"

"I'll think about it." Nami huffed, still steaming.

"Usopp's looking suuuuper, too!" Franky commented. "That's a major refitting, eh?"

Usopp practically preened and posed. It was very sad.

"Oh yeah!" He cheered. "This is Usopp 2.0! New and improved! 200% more accuracy! 600% more ammunition! 9001% more manliness! Oh! Bring it on world! I've eaten bugs bigger than you for breakfast! Almost literally, which boy is more taxing than it sounds." He finished, before breaking out into song. "Ohhhhhh~! He came from Sniper Islaaaaand~!"

Nami shut him up with a cross.

She was pretty much the only reason anything got done, actually. Her and that right hook.

"Captain." She sighed. "Where to? We've submerged the ship to get away. Should we go straight to Mermaid Island?"

"Yeah!." Luffy replied. "At a friendly adventure pace!"

"A…" Nami replied. "A… what? Slow down a bit."

"Somewhere between 'get there now' and 'let the enemy surround us so we can beat em' up'." Luffy said, without even cracking a smile. "Y'know, friendly adventure pace."

"That's stupid."

"Stupid enough… to work!" Luffy explained.

Nami, here, attempted another right cross of reason. She was, unfortunately, caught mid-punch.

Luffy looked her right in the eyes with a huge puppy-dog expression. "Friendly… adventure pace?" He asked.

Nami spluttered. She sighed. She face-palmed. Usopp helped her try to convince Luffy, afraid.

"Two years." Nami muttered sadly. "I spent two whole years surrounded by books and old men, floating along the air-currents… for this." She sighed again, grudgingly directing the crew to go about the perfect pace to get them into just the right amount of trouble with the aquatic locals.

Everyone followed her directions to the 'T' except for, oddly enough, Sanji.

At the mere mention of 'two years', it seemed Sanji had been decimated. Depressed, in the corner of the Thousand Sunny, Sanji sat alone, muttering about how he had spent two years running away from New Kamas that tried to put frills and pink dresses on him. It was pure despair on that island. He spent two years, just running. Every forsaken day seemed like an eternity, running from the genderless creatures called "New Kamas."

"New Kama? Like Bon-Chan!" Luffy cried. "That's AWESOME!"

Sanji drooped lower onto the ground, wallowing in self-pity.

Brook decided to play a tune on the violin for Sanji, but it was useless. He was beyond redemption, in a place no one could reach.

"I can run in the air. I can run in the water." Sanji explained. "But… I can't run from the past! The nightmares! The mascara! The dresses! The lipstick marks!"

Luffy signaled for someone to cheer Sanji up. He looked like he needed it.

Accordingly, Nami and Robin played a quick game of rock-paper-scissors. Nami lost.

"Sanji-kuuuun~! Could I get something to eat, please?" She asked cutely.

"Yes, my queen!" He cheered up in an instant, and headed downstairs in a blaze of determination.

"Running in the air? Seriously?" Usopp asked. "Not bad… but I accomplished that ages ago."

"Of course you did." Nami said sarcastically.

"In the air…" Zoro considered. "Air superiority?" He thought.

"He can drop us on the enemy!" Luffy chirped. "Oh! Gear Third Piggyback!"

That… was actually a very scary thought, Zoro considered.

And ridiculous. But that was beside the point.

"For myself." Zoro began, pausing to seventy-two pound cannon a passing fish in the face. "I trained with Mihawk."

"Was that the eagle-ossan who cut armor-ossan's ships in half?" Asked Luffy.

"Whoa." Usopp said in awe. "How did you manage that?"

"I lowered my guard temporarily, and well… made a request as a man."

"So…" Usopp deadpanned. "You begged him, right?"

"No. I made a manly request… as a man!" Zoro declared. "They're different things."

"Leaving Zoro's begging some guy aside," Nami said, "what about you, captain?"

"It was a manly request, not begging." Zoro murmured as he went into the same corner Sanji went to earlier, and drooped down.

Luffy hmm'ed and haaaw'ed.

"There was this one island," Luffy explained, "with a whole bunch of really strong people."

"Sounds just like you." Usopp nodded.

"And then Rayleigh showed up, and we went to this other island with a whole bunch of strong animals. And I tried to eat them all."

"Sounds even more like you." Usopp said blandly.

"Well, they tried to eat me back." Luffy shrugged. "But it didn't work out."

"So what," Nami asked. "More of the same? Let me guess, Gear Fourth is going to be just like Gear Third, but with fire."

"Yeah!" Luffy agreed. "Pretty much!"

Franky laughed boisterously. "I –"

"We can all guess what you did." Nami deadpanned. "Look at you. You're a transformer now. You modified yourself."

"Wha-? No! I lived secluded in the depths of the wonderous snowy lands of –"

"Where you modified yourself." Nami cut in.

Franky joined Zoro in depression.

"Aaaand she's two for two." Usopp commented. "Well, that's our navigator."

Nami 'hmph'ed. "I've learned a lot more about weather, and the grand line. But do you have any idea how hard it was, being all nice and stuff to the old guys in Weatheria for those two years?" She asked. "Really, I had no idea how hard it would be to go back to normal civilization, with people that weren't all total idiots. I think, maybe," her eyes narrowed, "I might have been infected with all of your eccentricities."

Usopp shrugged. "Welcome to the crew?"

"Oh, shut up." Nami said, steadying her right hand for a punch to Usopp's face.

"So how was it, really, where you were?" Robin asked.

Nami looked at her friend, sighed, and huffed. "Boring." She said at last, lowering her voice to a whisper. "I missed you guys."

"Well! Well!" Chopper interrupted, jumping briefly to garner attention. "I met some cool guys that were really strong and nice!" He explained. "And there were humans, too!"

'Too', huh.

"Medicine… that's what I worked on." Chopper continued. "A lot. I won't allow for anyone to ever be lost or injured! Leave it to me!" He finished, drawing his hoof to his forehead for a salute.

"Well, that's great!" Nami agreed, patting Chopper's head.

"What's with that difference in reaction?" Usopp bugged out. "Chopper doesn't get scathing remarks of despair? Look at Zoro and Franky! They'll be scarred for life!"

"Meh." Nami shrugged.

"Cold!" Usopp shrieked.

"I'm glad," Robin said easily, "that everyone had such a good time while away."

"I suppose it's my turn, then?"

"Did you get into any trouble with Gramps?" Luffy asked. "Or Ice-guy?"

"The marines? No. Thank you for asking." Robin answered. "But the revolutionaries I was with kept them at bay, fairly well. It's a shame I couldn't refine my infiltration skills, I suppose?"

"Revolutionaries?" Nami asked. "Whoa. You said something incredible really casually just now."

"Incidentally," Robin added, "your father says 'hi', Luffy."

"Oh." Luffy blinked. "Hi."

"No, no, no, no, no." Nami and Usopp waved their hands in a warding gesture. "It's not just 'Hi'."

"Though I suppose he doesn't mean anything to you, does he?" Robin asked in curiosity. "Dragon, that is. You've never met him."

"He does now." Luffy shrugged. "He let you leave in one piece."

Robin smiled. "Do you want to know, what I told him? About the lost history, Pluton, and everything?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt." Usopp said. "But really, this casual discussion of crazy stuff is getting too much for me. I'm getting tired from reacting. Can someone tag out, please?"

"Okay," Luffy said emotionlessly, "but let Robin finish. I'll swap with you after."

"That would be stupid!" Usopp reacted, despite himself.

"Usopp may have a point." Robin admitted. "These really are terrible secrets. Horrible, dark, and ancient. Words are to be exchanged soon that cannot be unheard. They are enough to sink an island nation and still have enough power to destroy hundreds of people."

Usopp backed down.

"On second thought, I think I'll just move away for a little bit." Usopp sputtered.

Luffy scratched his head and pondered what to do. "Well… is it any fun?"

"Fun?" Robin echoed. "Well… I… never thought about it." She answered honestly. "Until now I've always just assumed you'd not have wanted the spoilers."

"What's a spoiler?"

Robin blinked. "Well, it's when you're reading a book – ah." She stopped. The reality of how hopeless that explanation was began to dawn upon her. "Hm…"

"Is it like spoiled meat?"

"Something… like that?"

"Bleh." Luffy scowled. "Of course not."

Nami wiped her brow, happy to dodge that bullet (at least, for now). "So hey, since we're all caught up now, can we just get a move on?" She implored. "Zoro's stopped cutting down dangerous sea creatures, and I think the locals are getting curious again." She warned.

Nami, it's your fault he's like that.

"No." Brook broke in. "Did you forget about me? I… Hello?"

"Off to Mermaid Island, full speed ahead!" Luffy hollered.

"Thank god." Nami huffed. "This friendly adventure pace thing has been killing me."

"Hello? Can you hear my voice? You're breaking my heart! Oh wait. I don't have a heart.

OHOHO! Skull joke!"

"Yeah. That's everything." Nami nodded. "Let's go."

"No, wait! I have new material!" Brook cried.

"Just save us both the trouble and go sulk in the corner." Nami decided unsparingly.

"Plus, this fanfiction has to end sometime soon. To be honest, sorry, the authors forgot about you until just now."

Brook sighed in resignation, and began crawling over to the corner. Well, people did tend to forget about him. His presence was kind of thin, because... he was all bones!

And all was well with the reunited Straw Hat Crew.

And another brand new adventure lay ahead of them.

*pen name undetermined* A/N: Hey guys! I'm funkmasterjo's 12-year-old brother who likes writing, and hates reading. (I know I'm kind of contradictory.) I probably won't write my own fanfiction, but might write about half of some of funkmasterjo's stories.

I wrote pretty much anything morbid here, and some clever stuff. (If that sounded conceited, it wasn't meant to. Sorry.)