Home room was as uneventful as ever, Charles Ruttheimer III mused as he doodled on the back of his History notes. Around him, students traded jokes or fresh gossip, while a select few sat with their heads down in a vain attempt to catch up on missed sleep. Two rows ahead and one over, Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane sat side by side trading the usual sarcastic repartee. Charles had learned not to listen in on their conversations early on, but something about Jane's tone caught his attention and Charles tuned in just in time to catch the end of an off-color joke.
"...om eating his way out."
Daria let out an uncharacteristic peal of laughter and made her contribution.
"What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies?" Jane cocked a brow and smirked, waiting. "I don't have a Mercedes in my garage."
Charles swallowed a laugh as Jane chuckled appreciatively and took a step a bit farther left of center.
"When did Tom decide it was time to stop jerking off in the shower?" Daria leaned over in anticipation. "When a pipe-shaped baby crawled out of the drain."
The duo shared that unabashed laughter which exists solely between best friends and Charles, taken very much by surprise, chuckled quietly to himself. Without warning, Daria and Jane turned and caught his eye.
"You might want to think about that one, Upchuck." Jane winked and, insulted, Charles deigned to ignore her for the rest of the day.
***
With a contented sigh, Charles let his head fall back as the shower's near-scalding spray cascaded over him. His fair skin slowly darkened toward pink as he allowed his mind to wander and, unbidden, Jane's "warning" slipped its spiny claws into his frontal lobe. A small frown pulled at the corners of his mouth, but Charles managed to brush the fetters of that incongruous statement aside and enjoy his bath. A while later the carrot-topped Casanova opened his eyes, startled out of his semi-catatonia by a strange sound. From the direction of the drain there came a strange rattling, almost a scraping as though something were caught in the pipe. Charles stooped down to peer into the dark opening, sure it was nothing more than a simple blockage. In a bizarre way, he was right.
A tangle of red hair rose into view, followed shortly by a pair of eyes Charles's exact shade of light brown. Pale freckles dotted fair skin, easily visible as the cylindrical head pushed against the shower grate.
"Da. Da." The voice was muffled and it gurgled as water trickled into its in probable mouth.
Charles sucked in a deep, hitching breath and screamed. And screamed again. He thought he would never stop screaming.
3/17/09