So this is just a one-shot also a song fic to the song "Forever" by Rascal Flatts. This is suppose to be all in Sodapop's point of view! I hope this is alright!
Oh and a note- it's four years passed the book, and Soda is still not quite over Sandy yet. He dates others but does not enjoy it. Ponyboy has already broken up with Cathy (TWT,TIN)
When you see these (xxx) it means lyrics. ALSO! When you see dots going down it's going to the present. No dots and it's in the past. Get it?
Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders.
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Xxx
I miss you so muchYour light, your smile, your way, and everything about usThough you're gone, you're still hereIn my heart, in my tearsYeah you sure left your mark and we were just getting started.
Xxxx
Walking up to your grave is all but a routine to me now. Every day I come and see you. I stare at your name etched into the marble stone. I always rub over the words:
Loving brother, caring friend.
Everyday the tears roll down my cheek and drip onto your tomb. I wonder if you even know how much I miss you? With every drop that falls on you, can you tell how I feel?
I'm here for you everyday but Steve and Darry don't like me coming here to see you. They say it's not healthy for me to stay in a cemetery all day, spending the day with my brother. My dead brother.
Two-Bit comes with me sometimes. He feels as empty as me these days. He feels the guilt that I do. I don't know how many times I could say this to you but I'm sorry. We're sorry. You may be rolling your eyes at me, screaming at me to 'Shut up!' but I want you to know how deeply sorry I am that you are dead, and because of me.
You went without any knowledge of why. It scares me because your life was only beginning. It was about to open a new door for you and I pushed you out of the way. Of course you know by now that you got into college and earned a scholarship because of that report you wrote. You were amazing. You still are.
I feel a cool breeze pass through my hair and I wonder if that's you. The way it burns my wet cheek, I wonder if that's your way of telling me how you feel. You were always very sensitive.
I still cant grasp that you are gone. It feels like yesterday you were coming home from school, that you were hanging with me at the DX, that we went to that stupid party.
Xxxx
It wasn't long enough, it wasn't long enough... Together...But it was long enough, yeah, it was long enough... to last forever...
Xxx
"Hey, Pone!" I called up to him from underneath this car. I could see his beaten and worn down converses coming up towards the car. I could also hear Steve and Two-Bit rambling about some busty blonde that sat in front of them in class.
Pony nudged my sneaker, "I'm gonna grab a Pepsi". I scooted out from underneath the car. I grabbed the rag on the rack and wiped the oil off of my hands.
"Alright," I said as he walked past me into the store.
Two-Bit came over and threw his arm over me and tried to put me in a choke hold, but Steve came and pushed him off. Two-Bit walked into the store to bug Pony now.
"Hey Buddy," Steve said pushing my shoulder.
"Hey, Stevie! What's up?" I started going over the inspection list for the car. Steve leaned up against the car and shrugged his shoulders.
" Not much. Thinkn' of going to a party tonight. You wanna go? We could pick up some girls there?". I don't like picking up girls much anymore ever since the Sandy incident. I just want some time to myself even though it has been years. Steve on the other hand thinks that is a horrible idea so he's always pushing girls my way.
"Yeah, sounds tuff I'll go," I said, wrapping up what I was doing and headed in to get ready and clock out.
I walk inside to see Ponyboy sitting upon the counter with his Pepsi, surrounded by girls, and Two-Bit standing behind the counter. I give a knowing smile as he blushes from all the attention he's getting. Two-Bit looked somewhere between amused and annoyed. Every time he tried to cut in all the girls glared at him.
"Ponyboy, you look so much like your brother!" a girl in blue said.
" No! You look better than your brother!" a girl in pink exclaimed.
" You would go out with me right? Ponyboy," a girl in purple purred.
"No me!"
"I don't think so! He wants me!"
"No way!"
"I'll take one of ya!" Two-Bit cut in but once again got showered by glares from the three girls.
Ponyboy looked at me from the corner of his eye and sent me a silent plea to help him. I chuckled. He was never very good with girls. Also, he just broke up with his girl Cathy so I don't think he wants to deal with these girls at the moment.
" Hey Pone! You ready to go?", I urged while punching my card and walking over to them. Ponyboy gave me a grateful look.
"Sorry girls but we have to go," slinging my arm over Ponyboy's shoulder and walking home with Steve and Two-Bit following close behind.
"Man-o-man you Curtis' have it made with the ladies! Maybe not with the blondes like moi, but pretty close," Two-Bit said.
Pony turned his head and gave a sly grin, " Is that why they all glare at you Two-Bit?"
"Oh, Hardy-har."
I take the time to take in my brother. He really does look like me. He has a bright smile and tuff green eyes although he'll deny it. He hates people with green eyes. His hair is back to it's reddish-brown color slicked back with grease and hanging a little over his ears. He has a nice build, a lot better than mine anyway. I smile watching my brother interact with the gang. He has grown up a lot. I cant believe he's in his last year of high school.
"Soda?" Pony asked seeing me staring at him.
"Pone you wanna come with me and Steve to a party tonight? It'll be fun!". I hear Steve groan, he never did like it when I asked Ponyboy to come along. He always saw Pony as a tag along.
He thought about it for awhile before nodding his head," Great! You coming too Two-Bit?"
"Yeah! When have I ever missed out on an opportunity to drink and be with my blondes?"
Xxxx
Sometimes I get so mad; I scream and swear at thisCuz' this, isn't how we planned it
Xxxx
At the party Pony was sitting at a table with Two-Bit, who was giving him the details of the one blonde he just talked to. It didn't take talking to him to know he was drunk off his ass.
Steve was on a couch making out with Evie leaving me alone with this loud girl Steve set me up with. Sure she was real cute and her eyes were very pretty but she just isn't my type.
My leg bounces; bored with the situation. I glance at the clock to see it's only ten o' clock, which means that it's only been two hours and I already cant stand this place anymore. Usually I love parties because they're wild and loud and your free to do anything you want but this one has to be the worst. It's not even that late and people are already drunk or finding their joy ride for the night.
"Pattie?" I say interrupting whatever she was going on about.
"It's Sally," she corrects.
"Sorry, I'm going to go over to my brother, okay? Nice meeting you." She was real pretty but an extreme piece of work. I never met a chick who could ramble on and on about anything and everything without a rest!
I reach Pony's table and take a seat. They stop talking and turn towards me.
"You not digging that chick, Soda?" Two-Bit said smirking.
I shook my head, " I just don't want to be with someone right now. I'm still not over-"
"Sandy?" Pony said cutting me off, "Soda, I agree with Steve on this one. It's been about four years since Sandy. It's time to move on."
"Yeah well your just a kid Pone, it's easy for you to say. You've never been in love before." My voice was harsh and accusing. His green eyes look startled but don't back away that easily. "I'm seventeen Soda I ain't no kid! And I've been in a close relationship before!"
"With Cathy? Ponyboy that's not the same thing. You don't understand, Pone just drop it."
"It was close enough ,"he whispered. his hands on the table begin to shake," I'm gonna go have a smoke." I didn't miss the hurt in his eyes
"I'll join ya in a minute kid!" Two-Bit calls out. He turns to me.
"Aw damn it! I shouldn't have said that! He's still sore over Cathy ain't he Two-Bit?"
His lips become a thin line and nodded, " I'll talk to him."
Ponyboy was dating this girl named Cathy for at least two years and just recently broke up for reasons he won't tell me. They seemed to be doing great but I guess looks aren't what they seem. I just remember him coming home one night with the look I had the day Sandy left me. I swore I never wanted to see that look on him ever again and what did I do? I brought it up.
There is a squeal and a screech of tires coming towards the house, I hear a familiar voice that I recognize as Two-Bit's screaming out my brothers name. At first I just thought that he was just being his goofy self until I heard the panic in his voice. A moment later you could hear a loud crash; the sound of metal crunching.
I ran pushing and shoving people out of my way trying to go see what happened. Why had Two-Bit called Pony's name? What was the crash?
I reached outside and the scene almost put me to my knees. Two-Bit was running over towards a car that crashed into a lamp post; the hood of the car was scrunched up like an accordion. The scariest thing was I couldn't see Ponyboy at all.
I watched Two-Bit as he tried to pry the car off of the lamp post. But it wouldn't budge. I paled even more and stumbled over to where they are.
My heart dropping every step I take closer to the accident. I see the crash and I know now where Ponyboy is. I feel like I could throw up.
"Ponyboy!" I scream, I reach his side and cup his face.
He looks horrible, his hair is matted with blood from the contact of the pole. His green eyes were half lidded and hazy. His mouth was filled with blood, and was spilling out onto his shirt and on the car. The car was embedded into him making him stay put.
" S-Soda?" he gasped.
"Shh, yea I'm here Pone. I'm here baby", I say caressing his cheek, trying to sooth him, but it's not working too well on myself. I feel tears starting to spill out of my eyes.
"I-I'm sorry y-your right..I-I don't understand," he took in a deep breath, "P-Please d-don't be m-mad at m-me.."
My shoulders were shaking I was trying so hard to keep my cool, but I couldn't do it.
"Pone I could never ever stay mad at you for something like that! I love you to much!". His eyes shut and tears started to roll down his cheek.
" I-I don't wanna die, Soda" he wheezed. He grabbed one of my hands and held it tight to his damp chest.
"N-No your not going to die baby! Okay? So you just shut up about that! You're gonna be just fine!" I slipped my other hand around his head and pulled his upper body into me.
I hear Two-Bit screaming desperately at the crowd.
" God dammit! Someone call an ambulance! Please!"
I feel Pony's blood seep through my shirt, and that only makes me panic more, "Move dammit! Listen to 'em and get the damn ambulance already!"
"S-Soda?" he gasped again, "It hurts, Soda, it hurts real bad!" He sounded weak like a little kid.
"Shh, I know kid, We're here. I gotcha! Your not going anywhere..alright? You ain't goin' nowhere ya here me? Nowhere!." I hold him tighter.
" S-Soda tell Darry I l-love 'em…" my eyes widened as I felt my baby brothers breaths get more and more shallow.
"N-No! You cant go! Don't Go baby! You cant! I need you!", I pleaded but his breaths got raspier and his body became colder.
"B-But I'm s-s-so cold S-Soda," I brushed his bangs and kissed his forehead repeatedly trying to beg him to stay.
His eyes got glossy and his skin turned the color of snow, " T-Two-B-Bit?" he gasped.
He ran over to his side,"Yeah Pone?". He grabbed one of his hands.
"Th-Thank you, I l-love ya like a b-brother S-Steve too,t-tell'em I never hated 'em."
" You can tell'em that your self Pone! You'll make it!" He grasped his hand again, his grey eyes widening in horror at my brothers steadily decreasing pulse.
"….Love you g-guys…" he said as his body went limp. My eyes grew large and I started to panic. No,no he cant be dead! No!
"Pone?" I asked shaking him, no answer.
I shook harder, "Ponyboy! Wake up! This isn't funny!" I screamed. His body rolled out of my arms, dull green eyes stare back.
Two-Bit starts backing away his hands trembling, " Oh glory, glory kid not you! Not you too!" he said voice trembling, "Dammit! He was too young!"
"PONYBOY!" I shout one last time before giving out a loud wail, hoping you somehow are hearing me, hoping you'll come back to me.
Steve is pulling me away from Pony trying to get me out of the way of the ambulance that finally showed up.
Xxxx
I sit here, in a cold room... Prayin'Waiting on youTo run back through that door, the way it was before
Xxxx
We were standing all in black in pouring down rain, the fall air stinging our wet faces. We didn't care, no one really cares about much anymore. We don't talk ,we barely sleep or eat. We might as well be called zombies.
Steve has been trying to stay with me since the accident, but he's really being annoying. To be truthful he's one of the people I want to see the least at the moment. He never liked Ponyboy. He always said he was a tagalong or a bratty smart ass kid; why should I want to be around the guy who couldn't stand my brother?
He's standing there with an empty look on his face, he's whispering words I cant make out, he hasn't blinked yet.
Two-Bit has been quiet ever since the crash. He didn't go home to his Ma, and he hasn't slept or touched a lick of beer. Two-Bit is one of those greasers that claimed they can no longer cry, but when his shoulders shake and the occasional sniffle escapes we know it's a bluff.
Two-Bit was the one that held us all together after Johnny and Dally's death, he would make jokes and strike conversation with everyone. Especially Ponyboy. Ponyboy was so depressed back then, it took everything and everyone to get him out of that slump. I guess I realize now why Two-Bit was so strong then.
He and Ponyboy were always buddies ever since Two-Bit was little and followed Darry home one day, Those two clicked. No matter the age difference.
Darry is a mess. He has baggy eyes and an unshaven face. I cant imagine I look any better but I don't like seeing Dar like that. When he was called down to the scene he freaked, he screamed, he cried, he fought. My big brother just broke and by the looks of it he's not going to be fixed for a long time.
I watch as they finish shoveling dirt onto my little brother's casket, wishing this wasn't happening, I wish he was here with me and not buried in the ground.
I try to calm myself, telling myself that it's just a dream and that when I wake up Ponyboy will be laying right next to me.
Although I know it's not true.
"Soda? Do you want me to drive you back?" Steve asked me putting his hand on my shoulder.
I shoved him," Don't touch me!". He actually looked hurt.
"Soda, why are you doing this? We just lost a frie-"
I scoffed,"that's the problem! Who are you to comfort me about my brother, when you hated him in the first place! You're probably happy he's gone!"
"I don't hate him! God, you know, who are you to say how I feel! Huh?" I saw his eyes for the first time; they were blood shot and puffy. Shit.
"Ya know, he probably thought that I hated him!..Soda I don't..I never did…I-I always was jealous ya know? He had everything and could do anything, God, I can only pray that he knows!". Then he actually started to cry. My best friend cried in front of me for the first time. The Steve Randal is crying.
I walk up and give him a hug, " You know he told Two-Bit to tell you that he didn't hate ya, and he thought of you like a brother."
He pulled back and mumbled a thanks.
"I think I want to spend some time alone, I'll see ya tomorrow," he nodded and walked off leaving me alone with my brother's grave.
Xxx
You left, it wasn't long enough, it wasn't long enough... togetherBut it was long enough; yeah it was long enough to last, forever...
Xxx
A week after the funeral, I'm walking home from work. Same old routine and no recognition that the days are moving by.
I don't go near our bedroom anymore. I cant go in there and see the way things were before you left. I already tested those waters. Your school books lying on the bed; bookmarked to continue on later. Your clothes scattered on the floor along with your sketch pad and random books. I don't need to go back in there, that one time was enough to know I cant handle it. I'm not strong enough.
I settle down on the couch where I spend the rest of my day until it's time to go back to work, but today is different. When I sit down I flip on the TV and start my staring contest until I hear sniffling and loud huffs coming from the kitchen, confused I go and check it out.
I walk in to see Darry crying with a letter in his hand. Two scenes that on normal circumstances would be weird. Darry crying and just Darry here in the middle of the day.
"Darry?" He shot his head up, startled.
"O-Oh! Soda I-I didn't hear you come in..how was work?" he tried to hide the letter while talking to me, but my eyes were focusing in on it.
"What's the letter Dar?" he shook his head and tried to hide it further in the mail.
" It's …nothing little buddy…don't worry 'bout it,". By the way he said it I knew it was something, but I'll come back to the subject.
I nodded my head, "So why are you home so early?". He moved back in his chair and grabbed a beer from the fridge and guzzled half of it like it was Pepsi. That's one thing about Darry now he's been drinking a little too much, every night.
"The Boss said I was too emotionally distressed to be working on a roof," he explained, I nodded ;makes sense.
"I have to make a phone call. I don't want you touching that letter Soda you hear me?" his blood shot eyes meeting mine. I made no movement saying I understood. He sighed and walked passed me. We've been stepping on each other's toes a lot lately.
Xxx
I feel cheated,( So cheated)
xxx
Once he rounded the corner I slipped the letter out of the stack and started to skim it. I paled when I realized it was addressed to Ponyboy. It was for a scholarship for the university of Oklahoma. My tears started to roll and splash the letter. I couldn't help it. I'm a big cry baby.
Xxx
defeated (can't believe it)xxx
I drop the letter and run out of the house pushing past Two-Bit and Steve at the door and Darry yelling after me to come back. I didn't turn around. I just went.
Xxx
Can't believe that you're gone (your gone, your gone)Xxx
My smart and talented brother got accepted into college and not just accepted; they gave him a full scholarship! He didn't even graduate from high school! He would have made it out of this neighborhood.
Xxx
Oh it was wrong (so wrong)
xxx
I can't control myself right now, images of Ponyboy are flashing threw my head; images that never happened.
Him graduating from high school in that goofy cap and gown, him moving out to go to college, coming home with a bride on his arm. All of this was just snatched from under his nose. Just from that crash, a stupid drunk.
I just keep running, not noticing the gang following me.
Xxx
It wasn't long enoughIt wasn't long enough, it wasn't long enough...
Xxx
I was pushed down on the cement and couldn't get up, I glanced up to see Darry standing over me while Two-Bit and Steve are sprawled over top of me. I was immediately reminded of the time when Ponyboy tackled me after his and Darry's fight. He really should've gone out for football than track.
" Get off of me!" I grunted. They hesitated.
"Are you gonna run again? I don't think I can chase ya no more."
"No," I grunted and they lifted off of me. I got up and brushed all the dirt and stones off of me.
"What's gotten into ya? Why did ya bolt like that?" Steve asked me. He's still worried sick over me and I don't resist his help anymore.
"I read that letter," I say pacing. I don't wanna be here this spot has way too many memories. Dammit this whole town does.
Darry groaned, "That's why I told ya not to read it, Soda! I knew you weren't ready for it!" he yelled.
"Letter?" Two-Bit mumbled confused.
"Yeah, my baby brother just got a full scholarship to the University of Oklahoma! My smart, talented brother who would have made it out of this place! But can he go? No! it's just not fair Darry! It just ain't fair! It ain't fair".
I was scooped up into Darry's arms held tight, my eyes flooding, again.
"Shh, I know Soda, believe me. I know. He went way to soon, but we gotta be strong Soda! Think of Pone, what would he feel if he saw us?".
I pull back from his hold, eyes wide. What would he think if he saw me now? I don't even want to know, he probably would hate me! Hate me for killing him, for taking away any chances of a good life.
"That's what I'm afraid of, Dar," I said walking away from the gang and this time they didn't follow me.
Xxx
Nooo it wasn't long enough
Xxx
It's been a month since the accident. I have decided that tonight I will try to go into my old bedroom, no matter what I cant sleep on the couch for the rest of my life. I guess I could move out, but Darry needs me.
I crack open the old wood door of the bedroom and stop as the smell that used to be Ponyboy filled my nose. I shut my eyes and forced myself to push forward in the room.
With my eyes still shut, I walk towards the bed and sit down on my side of the bed.
I plopped down and slowly peeked a look around me, it looked about the same with the exception of the dust that collected around the room in our absence.
On the floor were Pony's book bag and books everywhere, papers and book marks spilled out all around them. His sketch pad was right on the bed stand, I pick it up and take a look, Pony never let me look in this thing.
I open it and I'm surprised to see a very detailed and well done sketch of Dallas Winston, it showed his elfish face perfectly and his mean devilish scowl.
I flipped the page and saw me, I was in my DX cap and smiling like a lunatic. If I looked in a mirror I probably could see this exact image. It's amazing how well done these are. I flip through the whole thing and see pictures of the whole gang, Mom and Dad, and my old horse Mickey Mouse.
I look over to my left and see a little black and white journal. I set the sketch book down carefully and reach for the journal, carefully opening it. I didn't even know he had a journal.
I trace over his hand writing, it was so neat and readable unlike mine that looked like chicken scrabble. I flip through each page tracing over each word and sentence. Each delicate curve and dot.
I stop near the end of the book when I find a page with my name on it, it read:
Dear Journal,
I saw a movie today that reminded me so much of my brother, Sodapop, the guy was so brave and very tuff, like my brother. He went through a lot of struggles like death of his friends and the challenge of himself staying alive, but what struck the similarity was how he risked his life to save a family. I can imagine Soda doing something like that, being so brave and caring as he is I bet he would be just like this guy. Soda has a way to calm people down and make them feel reassured with themselves, he can help you with any situation with an open heart. That's what I love about Soda, no matter what he does you can never be mad at him, because he's always willing to help you and with someone with such a kind heart I know that what ever deed he ever did or will do will be a mistake and it's never worth blowing a gasket. I can never stay mad at my brother. I love'm too much.
I couldn't hold in the tears in, I felt so comforted by his words that he loved me this much, he thought so high of me.
It's almost like he lead me to his journal today. He's not mad at me; he said he could never be mad at me.
I give a yawn as a smile spreads on my face for the first time in a month, I lay my head down on my pillow and went to sleep for a peaceful rest that I haven't gotten in a long time.
Xxx
it wasn't long enough...Together (Together)
Xxx
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I watch as the sun goes down and leaves a shadow on your stone. I bet more than anything you would like to see the sunset, it was one of your favorite things to do. I give a sigh, I love you a whole lot Pone and I'll love you for my whole life. I could never forget you, I wish that I didn't have to say goodbye, but I think it's time for you and I to move on. Be new and better people. You can hang with Johnny now and with our parents. I'll move on too and forget Sandy like you said.
I still feel sad that you're not here; that we couldn't have more time to spend with each other; that all that ever worked or dreamed for could never come true.
My heart still stings from your absence but in time it will heal. I hope what you said in your journal was true, Pone, because I love you a whole lot too.
I look at your darkening grave and I know it's time to go. I'll take care of everyone Pone, we're all getting along just fine. Just give us some time and we'll be like how you knew us, we wont let ya down.
I walk away from your grave, not for the last time but I wont be back for a while. I love you but it's time to move on. I'll treasure our memories and our experiences and it will help me become stronger.
Life is like a book and each journey or tragedy is only a chapter, and now I can finally turn the page and start the next chapter, it's not to say I wont come back. You're my brother and I'll love you forever, but to keep moving on, to finish the book I have to remember what has happened and move on.
Goodbye, little brother if only it could be forever.
Xxx
But it was long enough; yeah it was long enough, to last,To last, to last forever...
Xxx
And that's it! What do you think? Was it alright? I'm so scared about this one! Was it way to emotional? Was Soda even in character! You guys want to tell me? Help me out?
Review!