She was lying in her bed, unable to move. She looked to the clock. It was one thirty, four more hours. Fuck. Santana laid there unmoving confused as to what she was supposed to do now. She's really leaving, she thought. Today was the day Brittany was finally going to leave Lima and move to New York to live out her dream as a full time dancer at Julliard. Ever since they were little girls, Brittany had known what she wanted to do in her life, and that was to dance. Every step and move she performed came naturally, and her gracefulness improved as she grew older. She was no doubt the best dancer Santana had ever seen in her life, and she couldn't have been any more proud for her best friend. As happy as she was for Brittany, there was something in the back of her mind that had been bothering her ever since she showed Santana her acceptance letter into one of the world's best dance schools. Her best friend was leaving her, the only person in her life that had stayed by her side all through her childhood. The thought of having to go through college without her better half broke Santana's heart, because she knew that this day would eventually come. The last day that she would be able to spend time with Brittany, and to make sure she would never forget the memories they shared for fourteen long years. You can't go, you can't. The pain returned, and she felt her chest tighten up. Santana couldn't bear having to live the rest of her life if Brittany wasn't there with her to share all the special moments she would surely miss. Though she hated that she had such a strong dependency on Brittany, she knew that no one else in the world could make her life more meaningful.
"What the fuck am I doing?" Santana got up from her bed, and made her way towards her closet, rifling through looking for an outfit that would make Brittany smile. She couldn't stay in her room any longer making herself feel more miserable than she already was, so she began to get ready to go to Brittany's house and make use of the last few hours they had together. She threw on her favourite skinny jeans, and smiled as she picked up a bright yellow t-shirt in one of her drawers. "You'll always be my favourite Britt." She held out the shirt and looked at the face of a duck in the middle and remembered when Brittany brought it to her house for her 15th birthday. It was small and worn out, but Santana refused to throw it out because it always reminded of her and her love for ducks. She never did understand Britt's obsession with the small animal, but found it completely endearing whenever she started going into great detailed rants on her love for them. The material underneath her fingers was soft, and she stood there for lingering moments smiling at the piece of clothing while she reminisced in her memories. She brought it up to her nose and didn't need to take a deep breath to smell the familiar scent of Brittany on the shirt. She snapped out of her daze and quickly put it on before going to stand in front of the mirror to check herself out.
"Looking good, Lopez." She smirked winking at her reflection before going to her desk to grab her bag and car keys. While she was picking up her car keys she noticed the red frame on her right side of her bed, containing a picture of her and Brittany. They were both laughing, arms wrapped around each other's waists, wearing matching navy blue dresses. That was their junior prom, when they decided to be each other's dates because Brittany didn't want to dance with a boy, and practically begged Santana to wear matching prom dresses. She remembers the interesting conversation they had that evening...
"Brittany, there is no WAY we're wearing the same dress to our first prom. Everyone's going to make fun of us!" Santana was adamant on this, back when she was driven by her popularity and reputation.
"But San I think it'd be really cute..." Brittany was sitting on the edge of Santana's bed giving a slight pout to the Latina standing a few feet away with her hands on her hips.
"Why can't we just go together and wear different dresses? Why do we have to match anyways?" She asked.
"I want everyone to see how good we look togeth- I mean, that you're my best friend." Brittany stuttered.
Santana gave Brittany a confused look. "Everyone already knows that you're my best friend Britt."
"Yeah I know... But I love you, so pleaaaase, for me?" She got up off the bed and knelt down beneath Santana. She clasped her hands together under her chin, and gave Santana the look she knows Santana could never refuse.
The dark haired girl looked down to see big innocent blue eyes staring right back up at her, and she knew she had lost the battle.
"Fine. But you totally owe me."
Santana grinned, she could never say no to Brittany. What she wanted, she got, and Santana hated how easily she gave in to Brittany. Her smile lit up Santana's life the moment they first met, and to this day, that same smile gives her the butterflies she got fourteen years ago.
"Shit." She took a look at the clock, grabbed all her things and headed towards the door. She stopped in her tracks and glanced towards the red frame at the back of the room. She smiled a genuine smile, and turned back to walk out the door.
The drive from her house to Brittany's took three minutes and thirty one seconds just like it always does. Except when Santana thought about it, this would be the last time she would find herself taking the familiar route to get to her second home. She felt her chest get tight again, the rush of emotions were suddenly all too much for her. This was really happening, and Santana wasn't prepared for any of it. Don't fucking cry. Pull it together. She put the Range Rover in park and rested her hands on the steering wheel and rested her forehead on the hard surface. She looked up and stared straight ahead and gripped the wheel so hard her knuckles turned pale. "We'll still talk over the phone and Skype all the time. It'll be like I never left."Brittany's voice danced around her mind. It won't be enough. It will never be enough to not see you every single day.
Before she could process another thought, she got up and out of the car and found herself walking up the porch steps of the Pierce residence. She knocked loudly and stood on the welcome mat awkwardly while she waited for the door to be opened.
The creak of the wooden frame startled Santana, and she soon found herself looking into well-known blue lustrous eyes. Brittany stood in front of her with a sad smile, both well aware that this wasn't exactly a moment to celebrate.
"Brittany..." Santana leapt into her best friend's arms, and draped herself around Brittany's torso in a vice-like grip. She buried her face in the comfort and familiar scent of her hair, and suddenly felt at ease. She's here, she's not going anywhere. They didn't need to talk; just being in each other's arms gave relief to both girls. Brittany felt Santana's body tense up when she heard a muffled sob come from the back of her neck. She rubbed her back affectionately in efforts to soothe her, but couldn't help but let out a sad sigh. They stood silently in the doorframe wrapped in each other's arms appreciating every moment they had together. The sense of security that Brittany gave Santana made her feel weak and fragile, something she isn't used to feeling. She's supposed to be the strong one, the one with the tough personality, and here she was crumbling in the arms of her best friend.
Brittany was the first to let go, and bent her head down a little to look into Santana's teary eyes.
"You know how much I love you, right?"
Santana looked at her and let out a small chuckle, and nodded.
Brittany grinned wide, and let out her hand. Santana grabbed it, intertwining their fingers, and entered the house. They walked upstairs in silence, and walked inside Brittany's room. Santana looked around and saw boxes everywhere, all of her things were scattered or packed away in cardboard. She let out a small unnoticeable sigh as she scanned the room looking for a place to sit. She slid down the wall and laid her head against it watching the blonde from the across the room. Brittany resumed her place in front of her carry-on and continued filling up her piece of luggage.
There was an awkward silence between both of them, both unsure of what more to say to each other. Brittany occasionally turned around and gave Santana a small smile to make sure she was alright.
"You can't leave me." It came out as a whisper, as a desperate plea. She sat herself straighter and watched as Brittany grew still. She put down the shirt she was folding, and bowed her head down. Her back was facing Santana, both of them unable to see the each other's expressions.
"San I-," She didn't get to say more than two words before Santana interrupted her.
"No, please. Just listen." Santana got up from the wall, and stood up. Her hands were awkwardly fumbling around as she waited for Brittany to turn around and look at her. Her gaze finally met Brittany's and she took in a deep breath.
"I can't say to you right now that I'm happy for you going to New York, because honestly, I'm fucking not. We've never left each other for more than a week, for fourteen years. I can't live my life without seeing you every day, or having you call my house every day telling me how much you miss me. I really don't know what I'm going to do if you leave me and never come back. Brittany, I need you, and I can't let you get up and walk out of my life today without telling you all of this. You're my everything; you're the only one who can actually put a goddamn smile on my face every single day. How am I supposed to go to college every day and not think of you and not cry when you're thousands of miles away from me? I'm so afraid that you're going to leave me behind and start a new life, and find someone new to replace me, and forget about me completely. I don't want to be a memory to you, when you're my whole life..."
At this point Brittany was standing up across from her, tears threatening to spill down her face while she continued to listen intently to what Santana was saying.
"Everything's going to suck because I'll be stuck in this shithole alone and in love with someone who lives across the country." She didn't try to stop her tears, she let herself sob in front of Brittany because this could be the last time she ever saw her.
"In love?" Brittany asked quietly.
Santana quickly realized what she said, and looked into Brittany's eyes once more.
"I'm so fucking in love with you. So much that all I want to do when I see you is to hold you and to never stop kissing you. Brittany, I can't live without you." She had been crying, and found herself getting lost in the two clear blue eyes that were staring at her from across the messy room.
They kept looking at each other with unreadable expressions when suddenly Santana moved from where she was standing and appeared right in front of Brittany. She was inches away from her, and then carefully placed both of her hands on either side of the blonde's face and pressed her trembling lips to Brittany's. The taste of tears had soaked both of their lips, while fresh tears continued falling down both of their cheeks. Santana pulled her in down closer deepening the kiss, gently stroking her cheeks with her thumb. The dark haired girl pulled away, and took a wary step back never breaking eye contact with the blonde haired girl standing only a few feet away.
They stood there, looking back at each other with tear filled eyes and lust burning through their stares. Time was moving slowly but before Brittany could get a word in, she found herself being pushed up against the wall behind her with the warmth of another body being pressed up on her. She let out a small moan as she felt Santana's hands grab at her waist pulling their bodies closer together. They were close enough that they could feel each other's staggered breathing on their faces, and the pounding in their chests. Santana's hands were moving up along the sides of Brittany while her mouth continued to silence the taller girl. Brittany stood motionless while she felt every inch of her space being replaced by Santana's familiar aroma filling her senses.
The blonde pulled back, mourning the loss of contact and stared back quietly at the dark brown eyes and saw them move to her lips. Santana's gaze shifted from her eyes to her lips and back again, and bit her lip trying to stop herself. Brittany noticed her hesitance and jerked her head forward and captured Santana's lips in a hungry kiss. She responded immediately and tangled her hands in blonde locks, craving every inch of closeness that she could get. Her lips were softer than any guy she had ever kissed, and the caress of her tongue made her melt into the sweet sensation. Santana felt her heart race and felt as though her body was perfectly moulded to fit into Brittany's, like she was the missing piece to the puzzle. Their tongues danced together, while their hands began grabbing whatever they could get of each other.
They were both out of breath, their bodies still clinging on to each other like magnets. Santana trailed soft kisses down her neck and made her way back up and began kissing Brittany with no urge to stop. She craved more, and started to pull up Brittany's grey tank top while she carried on placing kisses on her collarbone. She inhaled every part of her, and relished in the scent and moaned softly when she felt Brittany's hand go underneath her shirt and started massaging the taut abs underneath. Santana pulled the grey tank top off of her and threw it to the side, and stopped to stare at Brittany in her bra. She had seen her like this countless times before, but this time was different, she wasn't used to feeling like she wanted to kiss every spot on her body.
Brittany watched as Santana's eyes moved across her body and she bit her lip. Brittany had the best body Santana had ever seen, and being a dancer all her life graced her with an excellent figure. She couldn't help but stare in awe at her perfectly toned arms, legs, and stomach.
Brittany noticed her leering and gave her a seductive smile, "Like what you see?" She stood standing there with a hand on her hip and a coy smile played across her face.
"B, there's too much talking. Get over here." Santana returned the smirk and started to back away. Brittany started to follow her when she saw Santana sit down on the bare floor, legs outstretched with an awaiting smile. Brittany walked towards her and got down on her knees and knelt in between Santana's legs, when she was abruptly pulled by her arms and found herself on top of an amused Latina. She giggled when Santana began tickling her sides, and straddled her so that both of her knees were on either side of her thighs. When the laughter stopped, Brittany smiled and looked at Santana lovingly.
"You're really pretty." She brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes, her hand lingering on her cheek. The way Brittany was looking at Santana made her heart flutter; she tried to hide her blush by rolling her eyes.
"No, I mean it." Brittany said firmly, looking deep into dark eyes. "You're beautiful. I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have someone like you in my life. You make me so happy, every time I see you, my face gets super hot, and my hands get all clammy and I get butterflies in my stomach. No one makes me feel special like you do, no one holds my pinkie like you do, no one could ever compare to you. And I can't go to New York without you; it won't be the same without you there. I don't want to go to sleep at night and know I won't see you the next day, or the day after that. You are the only reason I graduated high school, you were always there to help me study for my Spanish tests and help me with my homework. I want to come back from a crappy day of school and have you cuddle with me while we watch Charlie St. Cloud and eat Dots till we get tummy aches. I can't do any of this without you. Come with me, please." She grabbed Santana's left hand and closed her eyes as brought it up to her lips and pressed a tender kiss in the palm of her hand.
Santana looked up into Brittany's eyes and felt tears at the brim of her eyes, and could only give back a watery smile.
"I thought you would never ask..." She said as she laid there staring back at wanting eyes.
Strong arms suddenly pulled Santana off the ground by her shoulders and enveloped her in a reassuring hug. They sat silently in each other's arms; heads buried in each other's necks with the sound of nothing but relaxed breathing.
Their eyes were closed with their heads hidden in the crooks of their necks, basking in each other's embrace, smiling against the warmth and comfort of hair. They've both wanted this so much, to be each other's lifeline and to just be able know that they belong to each other.
"So, is that a yes San?" Muffled words came from Brittany's mouth but she didn't move from where she was, enjoying the feel of another warm body against hers.
She felt Santana start to shake, afraid that she was about to start crying again, she let go of her and searched for her eyes only to find the girl laughing out loud.
"Of course it's a yes Britt. A million times yes." She caught her breath and let out a small sigh locking eyes with the relieved girl in front of her.
"Oh okay. I got worried there for a second." She smirked. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I can be a bit much most of the time..." Brittany cast her eyes downwards and played with her slender fingers.
"Britt, look at me." Santana placed her right hand on her cheek and brought her gaze to meet dark eyes. They were standing now, in the middle of the space, ignoring everything else in the room.
They looked at each other with nothing but adoration, a thumb gently caressing the pale skin underneath. Inches apart, Santana needed to close the space between them, craving more physical contact. She felt so stupid when she actually thought about how magnetized she felt around Brittany.
"There is no one else in the entire world that I'd rather be with." She offered a smile. "I love you."
"Marry me then." Brittany's voice was loud and certain.
Santana's body tensed, her eyes were met with confident lustrous eyes.
"W-what?"
"I said, marry me." Brittany said in a louder and happier tone.
"I heard what you said Britt, but are you serious?" She looked into truthful eyes and could tell just how serious the blonde was.
"Yeah, I mean why not? I love you, and you love me, so let's get married." There was a glint in her eye and a hopeful smile crossed her face.
The face Brittany was making made Santana's heart flutter, she looked so sure of herself of everything she had wanted to do with her life. It made her feel small, not knowing what would become of her life in the future. All her feelings of uncertainty washed away when she met her eyes back to insightful blue ones. Although she hadn't planned out what she was going to do after high school, she knew that Brittany was going to be a large part of her future. If she was sure of anything in her life, it was that she was going to spend the rest of her life with the girl in front of her.
"Britt..."
"I know it's too soon, and we're young right now. But just know that I'll wait. I don't care how long I have to wait; just as long as I get to call you mine in the end of it all." Tears threatened to spill down Santana's face as her heart clenched in her chest. Her head was spinning, and she felt like she was going to fall. She felt steady arms wrap around her waist, firm hands clasped on the small of her back.
"I can't do this without you. I need you. Just please, just please don't leave me." Soft sobs escaped her throat, barely audible as she tucked herself closer into Brittany's neck for comfort.
"You have me. I'm not going anywhere, whether you like it or not."