*
CD
He held a pair of lifeless hands in his, caressing them softly. "I'm so sorry" He whispered. "I never thought this would happened"
Because who would think that a CD could cause this much damage, that it could leave someone hanging between life and death.
*
Never forgotten
Mason Jarvis would never be forgotten, the man who wore stupid his scarfs and ugly jackets. He who called himself a professor, a man who where supposed to guide his students, that's a professor. Not trying to hit on them with a kiss on their foreheads, taking them to meet Jude Law, or calling them cute. No, that was crossing a line. Yet, the man's name would not be forgotten, nor the damage he had caused.
*
Relief
The relief washed over him as he heard his name being spoken, a soft whisper filling the quite hospital room and a pair of hands grabbing his, pulling him closer to the bed. Apologizes floated out from his mouth a second later but those beautiful hands stopped him short, a playful smile on his wounded face. It was saying it was okay for the moment, and another breath he didn't realize he had been holding was realized.
*
"I can't see".
His heart started breaking apart from the moment those words slipped out. He rushed forwards towards the hurt voice, but only to be pushed back. Apologizes that had escaped his mouth not so long ago, flew out again, but they wouldn't reach around the wall that this man had managed to create so quickly, too quickly. And soon he found himself thrown out and shut out completely.
And yet, he stayed. Despite the words and punched being thrown at him, he stayed right where he was, taking it, without complain.
*
Mason
He had started dislike that name, hate it even more. As soon as those words escaped out into the air, he tried to hold back the anger. Even more, with him gone, that word was still causing problems.
*
Rejection
Another piece of his heart shattered. He tried not to take it personal when it happened again, as his mind made up more and more excuses and explanations. Each stab ripped his heart and he was starting to wonder if his heart would be able to make it through this or if it would be left bleeding, alone before the end.
*
Sleeping
He glanced over to the empty side on his left, where his tall gorgeous brunette used to sleep. His hands grabbed the pillow, hugging it tighter as he let the tears slowly ran down his cheeks, and he had clenched his jaw, so that the cry's that were being held inside him, didn't draw attention to anyone.
For a moment he thought he could hear a pair of feet walking through the hall and held his breath, as the steps stopped right outside his door.
He hugged the darkness, willing himself to sleep, hoping that tomorrow would be better day without so many hurtful words and actions.
*
Thanksgiving
He held the plate of food in his hand and the steps where slow towards his beautiful brunette as he held out the plate of food, almost as a peace offering.
Give him time, just give him time
His mind whispered to him as he leaned against the wall, still feeling a bit stupid of his speech, but it was the truth. He was thankful for him, and that he was alive, despite everything.
And it turned out that Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as he had thought it would be. As he felt a light feather touch by his tight, a small part of his breaking heart healed. It was put together, a tiny pieces, lighting a bit of hope.
*
Away
He leaned forward, getting ready to get rejected again, but when those perfect lips meet his, he forgot for a moment the crashing world around them, and that he had just sent him away to a rehab. But he let himself enjoy the moment a just a while longer, and another piece of his heart is put together.
He almost ran after the car as it left, not that his brunette would notice it. As soon as he had spoken those words that he had tried avoid for so long, and had even hoped to never hear again, he knew it had to be done. They couldn't live like this, the one blind with such anger inside him, raging. The other hurt yet trying to comfort him who doesn't want it. Something had to be done, and he couldn't think of anything else that would help.
*
Christmas
When he saw him standing by the door, cane in one hand and a soft smile on his face, he wanted nothing more than to run over and take him into his arms. But as soon as he took a step, the brunette backed way, the smile disappearing and the part of his heart that gotten the time to heal broke once more.
He tried his best to compose himself, and not breaking down right in front of everyone. And finally, he asked and asked, but got no answers in return, just something about not reading into things…
Suddenly, it wasn't such a merry Christmas at all, but the rage was calmer than before, and just for one day, it did not attack him.
*
Dr Oliver
It only took him a second to start disliking him, and it was impossible to figure out how this man, who was controlled by his enormous ego, was the only one who could to the surgery.
And then came the rules, the stupid unnecessary rules about staying away, and he started hating him a bit more but quietly obeyed.
*
Rage
There where good days and bad days, but for some reason, he couldn't seem to do anything right. If he touched or help too much, the rage would come back, if he tried and later failed, it would be there again. Making him flinch and backing away like a hurt dog and someone kicked at, as he always tried to swallow down the pain, stabbing a knife his heart, and for a moment, he was back at that camping sight, trying to take the gun to save his life.
*
Maddie
He should have been thrilled to see her back in Oakdale that she had been able to break down walls that he found himself unable to tear apart. That she cross road that he was forbidden to take, he should have been happy, but she had everything he hadn't.
*
Dad
He was sure that it wouldn't take him long to break down. First the rules then his dad running away to later find out that the man hasn't changed at all, not one bit. Maybe his dad loved him and accepted him, maybe not. And when he had heart those words that he was turning into his dad he wanted to make sure to remove those features.
*
Enough
He did eventually find the strength to yell enough, to snap and let everything out. The atmosphere was full with tears and words, but at least it was there, and frankly he was getting tired of being a doormat.
*
Rules
He tried to stay away, he really did, but it was hard and it didn't really help when he started figuring out that he wasn't alone.
So somehow, he found himself on the couch, with the brunette who was absent-mindedly playing with his hand. He had it, palm to his palm and trailing his fingertips over the top of it – driving him absolutely mad. He wanted to turn toward the brunette, to look at his face, but he knew that he couldn't without him noticing. So he kept still and enjoyed it until the brunette would realize what he was doing and jump away- as he often did.
But it didn't stop there. With every touch he wanted to remind about the rules, with every kiss, closeness it was there, that stupid rule. But it didn't stop him from breaking it, over and over, just out of plain sight. It didn't stop him from sneaking into a hospital room at night and grab hold of those hands, giving comfort, as the man he loved was wheel to surgery after surgery.
*
See
What the doctor did not see, he did not know and even maybe, in the end his cold heart made of stone, started to melt. When the sight that often greeted him he pretending he did not see.