What You Fear The Most
"What do you fear?" whispered Conner as he pointed the gun at Grissom.
"Put down the gun," warned Grissom.
"What do you fear?" repeated Conner.
"I don't fear you," replied Grissom as he heard the back door of the house creak open.
"Really?" asked Conner. "You should."
"Put down the gun," repeated Grissom.
"On the count of three, I'm going to shoot you," said Conner.
"I'll drop you before you can pull the trigger," replied Grissom.
"What do you fear?" asked Conner.
That the person who is behind me might be Sara….
Conner grinned. "I know what you fear now."
"I doubt that," said Grissom.
"You fear getting the others hurt…of course…you entered before anyone else," snickered Conner.
"The police are just outside," said Grissom.
"But I'm in front of you," said Conner. "With my gun pointed at her."
Grissom felt his blood run cold.
"You must need glasses," said Grissom. "Clearly I'm not a female."
Conner smiled. "Surely you didn't expect her to listen to your instructions."
Grissom said nothing.
"Going to come out? I smell your hair all the way over here," said Conner.
Catherine stepped out into the open.
Grissom did not even have to look back to know that it was Catherine.
Relief washed over him.
"Expecting someone else?" asked Conner.
"Let's just finish this," said Grissom.
"I guess you won't mind if I shoot her," said Conner.
"Conner, drop the weapon," warned Grissom.
"Come, come Dr. Grissom. Did you think you could catch me this easily?" laughed Conner.
Grissom was surprised when he called him by name. He glanced briefly at the floor and swallowed. He saw the trip line just inches from Conner's foot.
"I shouldn't have to point out such trivial things as a trip line," sighed Conner.
"Catherine, get out of the house," warned Grissom.
"Clear the scene!" yelled Catherine as she backed away.
"Just you and me," smiled Conner.
Grissom caught sight of Sara behind Conner.
His blood turned to ice.
Conner caught the fear in his eyes.
"Oh, you do fear something," he grinned.
"Yes, I do," admitted Grissom as he stared into Sara's eyes. "I'm afraid you're out of time."
Gun fire exploded.
Conner still stood there with gun in his hand. He glanced down at his crimson red shirt.
"She's a good shot," he said. "You wouldn't risk a shot…afraid you might hit her. Shame…I didn't get to meet her."
Grissom watched as Conner stepped into the trip line.
Grissom kicked Conner's gun that had fallen to the floor. Conner now knelt there watching the blood ooze from his chest.
Sara quickly joined Grissom.
"You think just because we didn't go boom, the trip line was cut," laughed Conner. "Say goodbye Dr. Grissom."
Grissom glanced over at the table and saw the small device ticking down. Grissom grabbed Sara's hand but she had reached for Conner.
They grabbed Conner and ran out of the house.
"It's going to blow!" yelled Grissom.
They had just cleared the front porch when the house exploded. They crashed to the hard ground and Sara felt Grissom's body cover hers as debris was strewn everywhere. Grissom raised his head but ducked back down when a smaller explosion shook the ground.
They felt hands on their bodies and were pulled further away.
Once they were clear of falling debris and the fire that engulfed the remainder of the house, she took in a deep breath trying to shake off the fear.
Her eyes sought Grissom.
Grissom is fine…
He didn't get hurt…
"Everybody got out?" yelled Brass. He seemed relieved when everyone was accounted for. He stood there watching the two CSI.
Paramedics worked on Conner as Grissom and Sara stood there staring at his lifeless body. Grissom had started to leave the man but Sara had reached down and grabbed his arm. He had done the same knowing there was no time to argue. He'd hope they would still be able to make it out even though they were risking their lives to save a man who would end up on death row.
That is, if he even survived the shooting. By the looks of the wounds, it did not look good. Grissom eyed Sara as she watched Conner.
"First shot?" Grissom asked.
She knew where the line of questioning was going to lead. Her nerves were tightly wound as he led her to the Denali.
Once there he handed her a bottle of water and she took it.
"Are you…"
"Two shots…I fired two shots," she said.
He'd not been able to fire a single shot.
Sara felt Brass withdrawing her weapon.
"Just procedure," Brass said softly. "I'll get this back to you."
Grissom handed his gun to Brass.
They watched from a distance as the medics loaded Conner into the ambulance.
What do you fear?
What do you fear?
What do you fear?
She felt as if her head was going to explode and wondered if Grissom felt the same.
"Sara?"
"Hmmm?"
"You didn't do anything wrong," Grissom whispered.
What do you fear?
The serial killer had taunted his victims with this question. He'd managed to kill fourteen victims before they were able to locate him. It had been Grissom who solved the case. He'd become almost obsessed with it spending countless hours at the lab. She'd done the same. There'd been hours on hours of discussions in the break room about fear.
Neither had admitted their fear while others had rambled on and on. There was much to fear in life but for Sara and Grissom their fear was unspoken.
It haunted them every day.
Grissom eyed Sara as she sat there sipping on the water.
She looked shell shocked, much like she did the day of the lab explosion. He'd wanted to hold her that day but there were too many roving eyes. Now, he stood there glancing around almost giving in to the urge to take her into his arms. She needed comforting.
What do you fear?
She leaned back against the Denali trying to stave off the nausea and pounding in her head.
"Breathe in deeply," he said softly.
She did.
She took in his scent. He was just mere inches from her. She could feel his body heat. It was somewhat comforting but then he moved away and she felt a cold rush wash over her. She opened her eyes and saw Ecklie talking with Grissom.
"Was it a clean shot?" Ecklie asked.
"Yes," replied Grissom.
"Your team needs to pack up and leave. This is now Swing shift's case. I don't want any of your people near the remainder of this case," ordered Ecklie.
She let her head rest against the vehicle. The blast had practically blown them off the front steps of the house. A few more seconds and they could have been seriously injured rather than nursing a few bruises along with some scratches and abrasions.
A hand reached out and touched her forehead and she jerked away.
Her eyes shot open and found Grissom standing there in front of her.
"We should get you checked out," he whispered.
"I'm fine," she lied.
She felt like shit.
It had been too close.
They both knew it and yet neither said anything.
Sara was relieved to get back to the lab. Her head continued to throb and she wondered if it was because of the adrenaline rush that had now ceased or the blast. If she closed her eyes she could see Conner's cold eyes glaring at her when she insisted on dragging his worthless body out of the house. If she sat still, she could still feel the explosion and she was sure it would be days before the smell of sulfur dissipated.
As soon as she entered the lab she disappeared into the bathroom and stared into the mirror. There was a gash across her forehead along with a dark bruise. The explosion had been forceful. Once their bodies had landed on the ground, Grissom had protected her from flying debris. She washed her face and stopped to stare at her trembling hands. She closed her hands into fists and yet they still trembled.
It had been close…too close.
Neither had accepted any medical care.
They were fine and yet both felt off balance.
She spent the next several hours filling out paperwork on the shooting as well as a verbal accounting. Greg had slipped her a sandwich and drink which she was thankful since she'd lost count of her last meal. He never said anything when he noticed the slight tremble. It had taken him months to get over the lab explosion. He joked with her as he told himself there would be time to offer advice on overcoming the trembles. For the moment, she was still in emergency mode which he understood. He'd done the same for weeks as a way of coping.
She stood there now in his doorway like she had done so many times. She had intended to slip out the door once the paperwork was completed but she needed to see him. He had seemed as rattled as she but knew he would never admit it.
She stood there quietly and observed him.
He was such a sweet addiction. She could not imagine going through a single day without seeing him.
She swallowed as she admitted that she could have lost him on this shift.
"Hard shift," she whispered.
Grissom glanced up from his own paperwork.
"Come in and shut the door," he said in a low voice.
She complied not sure to make out the tone in his voice.
Once the door was shut, she leaned against it.
"Catherine yelled to clear the house," he said.
"Yes, but I was already strategically behind Conner. I dropped him before you could even pull the trigger."
I never would have let him harm you for the same reason I couldn't leave you…
"You violated protocol," he said. "I'm giving you a written warning."
She looked shocked and wounded. "I couldn't leave you…not when…"
"You violated a direct order from me," he said.
"No, I didn't. I just didn't listen to Catherine," she clarified trying not to let her emotions slip through.
"I told Catherine to…"
"You told her to get out of the house…she yelled clear the scene," replied Sara.
"It meant you too!" he yelled.
"I had a clear shot. I took it," she said defensively.
"Verbal warning this time," he said.
"Fine!" she seethed as she hurried out of the door.
"Sara?"
She halted but did not turn to face him.
"I didn't want you to get hurt," he said trying to smooth things over.
"Ditto!" she yelled as she flew down the hall.
He sighed.
Brass tapped on his door as he leaned back.
"Some shift," muttered Brass.
Grissom nodded.
Brass shut the door and sat down in the chair.
"How is Sara?" asked Brass.
"She just went home," said Grissom.
"First shooting…she uhm looked a little shaken up afterwards," explained Brass.
For the first time Grissom had felt shaken.
He'd let his fear get the better of him.
Jim sighed when his phone went off.
"Brass," he announced.
He glanced at Grissom.
"Thanks," whispered Brass.
"Conner is in critical condition. They're not sure he's going to make it. Sara got off two rounds…ballistics showed your gun was never fired…good thing…it jammed on the first try."
They stared at one another.
"She probably saved your life," said Brass.
Sara leaned against the counter in the break room as Greg handed her a cup of coffee. She'd slept little trying to avoid the obvious nightmares she was sure to have because of the shooting. It had not helped with the headache which remained with her. If it were not for the lack of sleep, she would be worried about a possible concussion.
Her head shot up when Grissom stepped into the room.
"I've got assignments," Grissom announced.
"So not nice," grumbled Greg.
Nick grabbed his assignment and groaned.
Warrick did the same.
"I guess I get the last one," said Grissom.
Sara glanced at the others.
"You uhm missed me," she called.
"Sorry but you're grounded," announced Grissom.
It didn't help with her mood which had not improved since their last conversation.
"It's department procedure following a shooting," he tried to explain.
"Want to do my paperwork?" asked Nick.
"I've got my own," she muttered.
Grissom took the remaining assignment. They were stopped by Brass.
He glanced in Sara's direction.
"Internal affairs just declared the shooting justified," announced Brass.
"Looks like you're already off the hook," called out Nick.
"Does this mean Sara can go out with me?" asked Greg hopefully.
"Afraid not," announced Brass.
Grissom stared at Brass.
"Conners died an hour ago," Brass said.
Sara refused to look at Grissom as she sipped on the coffee.
Brass glanced at Grissom. "Media is circling like sharks wanting to get an exclusive. It might be best if Sara went home."
"I agree," said Grissom.
She didn't want to go to an empty apartment.
She poured out the coffee and walked past them as she headed to the locker room.
"You think she's okay?" whispered Nick. "I mean Conner was a psycho but…she was willing to pull the bastard from an exploding house in order to save his sorry life."
Grissom worried the same thing.
Sara threw her things into her locker.
She quickly grabbed her jacket and headed out the door.
Brass was waiting on her.
"Hey kiddo, let's have some dinner," he offered.
"Another time," she replied as she continued toward her car.
"You okay?" he called.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked.
"You killed someone…I know how that feels," he said.
"It was justified," she said.
"It still eats at your gut," he stated.
"See you tomorrow…unless the sharks are still circling," she huffed.
"Grissom is just looking out for your best interest," said Brass.
"Right," she called over her shoulder as she fled the lab.
She managed to clean ever inch of her apartment in just three hours. She glanced at the object on the counter. She'd found it when she reorganized her kitchen cabinets. She couldn't even remember when she'd purchased it. She was more prone to sip a beer ever now and then but now beer was just not going to deaden the effects of this shitty day.
Quickly without thinking, she slipped a few ice cubes into a glass and poured herself a drink.
It burned going down but it felt good to feel its immediate effect. She emptied the glass and poured another.
She became lightheaded and inwardly thanked herself for saving the bottle for such a time as this.
She swiped at a tear and cursed out loud.
"Forget it Sara! He's so not worth it!"
The revelation bought her another glass.
She was so very tired from avoiding the pure hell she knew was waiting for her as soon as she tried to sleep.
A few glasses were downed before she managed to pass out on the couch.
"What do you fear?" came the voice.
She felt the gun twist in her hand as she pointed it at Grissom.
"What do you fear?" came the voice again.
She stood there in horror as she watched Grissom's shirt turn bright red.
"You fear you will…."
It was her scream that woke her.
She sat up panting as she tried to calm herself.
There was a bang on her door and she instinctively reached for her gun but an empty holster lay on the table.
She sat there listening and another bang followed.
Normally she would have taken the time to nurse a hangover but the banging was persistent.
She scrambled to her feet and fought off the urge to pay homage to the porcelain God before ripping the head off the person who continued to bang on her door.
She looked through the peep hole and sighed.
Another shitty day…
It was Grissom.
Note from author:
I forced myself to finish this story so it could be posted. There should be twenty two chapters....give or take one or two... There are cliffhangers at the end of some chapters...but then if you've reach my stuff before then you know I do that often. Please be patient and read the story in its entirety. GSR always, completely...duh!
Take care