Summary::: What if the only time cuddy needed House, he wasn't there. Cuddy's condition is critical. Will House sacrifice himself for her, will it be only for guilt, or much more? Huddy.
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Please this is my first fanfic , so go easy. I hope you enjoy. But please if you see some things I could improve, please tell me. Enjoy!!
I don't own House Md, or the caracters. They all belong to David Shore and his brillant mind.
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House was playing a soft and relaxing melody on his piano that echoed in the whole room. He just sat there remembering the old times, and started singing:
Sorry for all the pain I put you through
I tried to get past it, You and me.
But my love for you is sadly hidden.
I live with remorse, only because of what I did.
If something happens, between us,
I just hope you'll no longer suffer.
But I am who I am and in the end,
you won't have the strength anymore.
You'll leave me, just as I did so long ago.
Once I tell you, it will be so hard letting go.
Because I'll know in your eyes, I'll never be forgiven
You gave me a reason not to go, and stay here.
It's my worst fear, that you'll be the one who'll let me go and reject me.
I pretend to be someone I'm not anymore,
just want to be someone for you,
and show you that I wanna be part of your life.
But I can dream. I can hope. I can wish.
You'll still not see the real me.
I'll shed a tear, and understand.
My heart won't and my heats beats will fade away.
And no longer beat again.
If I die, and want you to be my last thought on my mind.
I want to fall asleep.
Keep you as my last memory,
Hoping that after I'll see you one more time.
And finally be forgiven.
But you won't follow me up to the sky.
So I want to let you know as always I'll watch over you.
And let you know I'll never stop loving you.
By the time he finished composing this song, he finished a whole bottle of vicodin and a couple more that he took from his secret stash and 2 full bottles of Whiskey. He just couldn't talk about Lisa Cuddy like that without them. And because of the guilt he feels about their past together and all the painful memories he lives with. He got up and limped out to the sofa, then someone called him, but he was dunk and was stoned. Who was calling him?
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Lisa Cuddy the dean of medicine of Plainsboro teaching hospital was walking down the dark streets of New Jersey. She had just left work and she was heading home. She needed calm and the nice feeling of the wind blowing on her face to get her mind off of the brilliant Gregory House. But she couldn't stop thinking about their argument that they had only a couple hours ago. She yelled at him and told him his was the cruelest person she has ever met and that she never wanted to see him again and said to go to hell before closing the door in his face. She was just about to call him and apologize but when she arrived in front of her porch a man approached her. She thought that that man was going to attack her but she was wrong, he only spoke to her:
-Hi, I'm jack, the man said coming closer to her, I met Greg House today and…
-Oh listen, if you are one of his friends patients and he insulted you in anyway just ignore him, he may be an ass but he's the best.
-No, no, I met him today at a bar. You're just as beautiful as he said you are.
-Wow, house said that, wait why are you even telling me this?
-Because I know he wouldn't. He also told me that he cares about you… the stranger said.
-Yeah right that's why he always insults me and always says I'm not a great doctor and I'd suck as a mother. There's nothing you can say to me to make me believe you. Cuddy said.
-He sang to me: he sang wonder wall by Oasis, he answered and that made cuddy look at him in shock.
-That doesn't mean anything, she responded not wanting to believe a word he was saying.
-Why would I lie? Hein? I just feel sorry for the guy.
-You should be, he's a miserable ass, a drug addict and doesn't care if I die or not. She answered.
-I think he would care, more than you'll ever know.
-You have no idea what you're saying! He doesn't love me, he doesn't love anyone, except his lonely miserable self!! Lisa shouted
-I don't blame him, no wonder he can't tell you, jack said feeling one more time sorry for Greg.
Jack turned away and started to leave, but cuddy's voice made him stop and looked back at the women Greg House talked about with concern.
-Wait, wait. Can't tell me what? She asked.
-I'm sorry, I won't tell you, it'll be more painful for him afterwards. I shouldn't have come her. Goodnight Lisa Cuddy.
The dean of medicine wanted him to answer her question, but he didn't. She watched as he walked down the road.
She finally opened the door to her house, trying to forget the conversation she had just a couple of minutes ago, but she couldn't. All she could think of is why was he at a bar in the middle of the day, and why was it just after their argument.
She walked down the hall and went straight to her bed room and lied down on her bed and felt right asleep. She woke up, with trouble breathing and a throbbing headache. Her nose started to bleed. Her respiration was heavy, she wasn't getting enough air. She was suffocating she had to call someone. But will that someone answer?
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He heard the phone and was able to lift up his head and move his hand but when he reached out for it, his arm touched a sharp surface that made him grimace. A piece of glass was stuck in his wrist. He was able to get it out but his wound wouldn't stop bleeding. He tried to stop it with his shirt but in vain. Too tired to keep his eyes opened, he fell asleep on his sofa, still with his wrist bleeding.
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James Wilson was outside house's door waiting for him to answer; he wanted to tell him face to face when he had to break the news to his best friend. He knocked a few times, but still no answer, so he decided he will let himself in. He took the spare key that was on top of the door. He opened the door and looked all around the room, looking for him, never sure where he will be. He found him on his sofa, sleeping and then he saw it, his wound on his left wrist.
- House! The oncologist yelled. He ran over to his side and started to shake him violently so he'll wake up.
- What, leave me alone Wilson! Let me go back to bed.
- Oh good you're not dead, do you know that you are bleeding?
- what? House stood up and then remembering what happened just a few hours earlier.
- oh yes, he replied, I fell asleep, I couldn't stay awake.
- I can see that, and you look like shit by the way, I assume you drank last night, not mentioning getting high. Am I right'?
-yes, you are Jimmy Boy. So what are you doing here this beautiful morning?
- it's Cuddy… She was able to call me before she fell unconscious in her room. I went to her home, to see if everything was alright and found her lying in her bed, with a very small pulse. And I called an ambulance right away.
-oh God this is all my fault, he remembered, the phone ringing last night, it was her.
- House, how can this be your fault, you didn't cause her to have a heart attack!
_ she WHAT?? She had a Heart attack? I could have been there…
- yes she had a heart attack but she's stable now. There's nothing you could have done…
- you don't understand, she called me before she called you, but I couldn't answer because I was drunk, and I hurt myself so couldn't pick up and I didn't know, I thought she was going to yell at me. And I couldn't stand another fight; I didn't want her to be mad at me.
- whoa, slow down there Buddy , what are you talking about, and when do you even care about cuddy's well being?
- why does that surprise you, you don't think I care about her? And when did I start caring, it was the day I fell in love with her you moron, now get out of my face or tell me what I can do.
- First you can calm down, because I don't want to be a punching ball. And then we can go see her at the hospital.
- I don't think I will be able to see her like that, thinking that it was my fault Wilson.
- Yeah you are definitely drunk and high. I can't wait to tell this you when you're sober.
- My mind is perfectly clear Wilson!
- Whatever you say House.
They headed off to PPTH when house was fully dressed and ready to go. They made it up to cuddy's room. House looked at her through the glass door and turned immediately his head so his couldn't see Lisa Cuddy's body in this condition and just as fast as he got there, he went away, and headed to his office.
Wilson looked at his friend, not understanding him.
This was going to be a long day.
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House was looking at his white board with all of cuddy's symptoms, he couldn't figure out what she had, and if he didn't she would die. Now he really felt depressed. He pick up on of his paperweights and threw it against the wall and it shattered in pieces, just as he was going to get up, Wilson came in his saw the glass on the floor and asked his friend:
-What the hell is going on with you, I don't know if it's the drugs but this is not the house I know. This is not what he would have done.
-I know, I just want her to be okay.
-We all do house, but there were complications…
-What do you mean complications Wilson, house said frustrated.
-She had another heart attack, her heart is barely beating. She also severe internal bleeding around her heart. She won't survive another one, her heart is to weak.
-I'll give her my heart, house said seriously
-What, you are willing to sacrifice yourself for cuddy, that something we don't see every day.
-Yes, I am. I'll do anything I can to make her better, schedule an O.R for this afternoon.
-If you think that by dying you'll make her all better, you're wrong.
-No, you're wrong, I will give her my heart whether she likes it or not, Greg said to his friend before getting out of this room.
House went to the floor where cuddy's room was, and stared at her behind the glass window, a tear went down his face. It took courage for him to open the door, but he finally, managed to put his guilt behind for a second and went in. He sat down on a chair that was next to her bed and reached out to hold her hand, he squeezed it gently.
-Please Cuddy, you need to wake up, all do my clinic hours, I won't argue anymore. I'll stop taking vicodin, I'll go to rehab… anything for please wake up.
He noticed someone was in the room beside him and turned his head to see who it was, it was james Wilson, and he was looking at house with surprise.
Before he could say anything House was already out the door and had an idea where he might be In the clinic.
-why are you doing this house?
- I want to, Wilson. Did you schedule an O.R?
- No, and I'm not going to.
-why? It's my life…
- Yeah it is and you're going to give it up for cuddy?
- Yes, I am and then maybe she'll know…
- know what House??
-nothing, never mind.
Again, before he could reply house was gone.
About an hour later Wilson already looked all over the hospital and couldn't find house, so he thought he might have gone home. So Wilson drove to his house, and let himself in once again. But House wasn't there, but his soul was. The melody and the lyrics that he played not so long ago were just as if they have been played all over again.
The oncologist looked all over this friends home, the sheet of paper that was lying on the piano caught his attention. He went over to see what it was and when he started reading, he finally understood. House loved cuddy, and couldn't tell her.
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While Wilson was at his house, Greg was in the rehab facility of the hospital, trying to figure out what Lisa had, but no luck what so ever. He called his team, to put her on, what might help her and try and find out a diagnosis. They put her on all sorts of drugs, hoping that she would wake up. They started to run some test with the blood they took from cuddy. At the time being house was struggling, because it had been 5 hours since he hadn't taken his pills. His phone started to ring and he knew exactly who it was.
-Wilson, house said.
-We need to talk.
-No we don't.
-Yes, we do, why didn't you tell me you were going in rehab?
-I did tell you actually, I told you I'd do everything to make her better again.
-Well if you want to you better figure out what she has, until it's too late.
-I know, Wilson…
He hanged up his phone and put it in his jacket pocket. He thought about all the possible possibilities. He was going to ask his team to run more tests and go draw some more blood, and then it clicked. He knew exactly what she needed to be alright again. He got up from his chair and he went with great difficulty back to the elevator. When he finally arrived on the floor where cuddy was at, he rushed to her room. He opened the cabinet and took and syringe and drew his own blood. As always Wilson was watching him behind the door and walked in.
-What are you doing?
-I'm going to give my blood for cuddy what does it look like I'm doing?
-Why??
-Because she needs it. She doesn't have enough blood…
-Yeah but what if you're not the same blood type?
-I am Wilson; I would never do anything that might harm her.
Wilson didn't say one word after that, he just watched as his friend drew his blood and gave it to cuddy.
An hour passed, and he had no idea how much blood he gave to her. At the end of the second hour he was getting pale. Wilson noticed it.
-House you need to stop, you're going to get sick and you're the one who won't have enough blood after this.
-I don't care, I just want her to live, and finally be a mother.
He continued to give his blood to the women he loved. There were no regrets on his actions, no remorse, only sadness because he might not be there to tell her how he really feels. As long as she lives, he thought.
-She's not waking up House, she'll stay in a coma forever, I'm sorry.
-No! He yelled as loud as he could. I won't let her die. He started crying.
-Wilson didn't know what to do, to tell him that everything will be okay or that there was nothing he could have done. He started to cry as well. He would never hear her again; see the fights she had with house. But the saddest part is that House and Cuddy will never be together.
-I love you, and always had and always will. House said to cuddy.
Wilson look at if friend with surprise, never he would have thought that House would have said that to her, not in a million years. But it only took a couple of hours, to let House finally realize it. And only a couple of minutes for all those hope to just fade away. But only 3 words to bring them back again.
Deep down Cuddy heard him. She just wished she would be awake to hear him say that.
House approached her bed and took her hand. He stoked her hair and leant down to give her a kiss. The last one he would ever give her. But something happened during that kiss, it was magical.
The ones who believe in magic, then can start believing anything can happened.
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He felt him kiss her. She felt like she was reliving all over again, but when he broke the kiss, she fel she was dying all over again. She still felt his hand in hers at that made her smile. No matter what happened next she knew that he would no longer leave her side. Where ever they will be, he will always watch over her and protect her. He would do anything for her. He will keep his promise, the one he made so long ago. Back in college, he promised o her, that he would do anything in his will, to make her better if one day, everything would go wrong. And he did.
-He saw her smile and just couldn't believe it.
-Cuddy, cuddy, can you hear me?
She couldn't answer but the machine did, the line spiked on the machine. Her respiration became normal again. And open her eyes, only to see his eyes reflect in hers, just like a mirror, a lot of things reflected such as love, caring and happiness. They stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity.
-I did it, he said. Before fainting on the floor, cuddy gasps. She wanted to get up, but she was still weak, then she saw Wilson looking at her. He quickly when by his side and checked his pulse, it was slow, but hopefully he'll live.
-Nurse! He yelled.
A nurse came as fast as she could, she saw cuddy, awake. She just stoped in the middle of the doorway. She finally was able to say:
-Dr. Cuddy, I'm so happy that you are awake.
-Thank you, but if you don't help him, you are going to get fired.
-Yes, of course.
She went over and with Wilsons help, they put him on a bed that was next to cuddy's. She quickly went out the door, not wanting to upset her boss more.
-Wilson what did he mean, I did it?
-He meant that he finally got you to live.
-So he will be okay?
-I'm sorry cuddy, I can't tell you that…
-What do you mean?
He wasn't answering her question at that made her mad.
-Answer me Wilson!
-He gave you his blood, because you didn't have enough.
-Why would he do that? She laughed.
-How could you even think that, cuddy? He sacrificed himself for you and you can't figure out why? After all he's done for you… that is just sad. Now I really understand why he was afraid of telling you.
-Telling me what Wilson? Why does it seem everybody tells me that?
And then she remembered what Jacques told her before she was brought to the hospital. He told her that he cared about her.
-Wilson,…
-I don't want to hear it cuddy…
-I love him.
-What?
-You heard me.
-Then why all this denial?, I don't understand.
-Because I don't want to get hurt again Wilson, you know we were a couple, we went out for a long time, before stacy. And I just can believe that he likes…
-It's more than that cuddy. He loves you. I understand that you don't want to hurt again, but I promise that house doesn't and never wanted to.
-I don't know what to believe, but I know he'll hurt me again.
-He would never, not anymore. He should have seen his face when I told him.
-I don't want to know anything; I just don't want to talk to anyone for a while.
-I understand…
He left the room and left cuddy with only her thoughts.
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To be continued.... I hoped you enjoy, and please review...