Veronica couldn't help but notice that once she look at Logan, once their eyes met (and loathe was she to admit it – because god help her, could life get any more cliché?) the whole world disappeared.
She couldn't look at Piz for more than a second. Even thinking his name sounded more and more stupid in her head as time passed and the unbidden phrase It'll always be Logan popped into her mind. She tried every method she could to get it out of her head It'll always be Logan, it'll always be Logan, it'll always be Logan, but it wouldn't leave.
When she finally did meet Piz's eyes, just as Logan was walking away she saw the end written all over his face. But it was only a flash and then it was gone and he was saying things like shouldn't they get out of there, are you alright, let's go get some food somewhere else. These were followed by more asinine comments she barely heard – wasn't that nice of him no you know if their positions had been reversed then he probably would have done the same thing. The laughter at the thought of Piz thrashing Logan bubbled below the surface of her skin for whole minutes before she started to hate herself for being so cruel to Piz in her head. And images of Duncan did Piz know about Duncan? Oh god, what if Duncan came back? And she was still where she was with Jake Kane, and what the hell was she doing thinking about Duncan right now. And no, Piz didn't know about him because Piz didn't know anything never knew anything couldn't know anything and Logan fighting during senior year flashed through her head and at least that made a semblance of best friends fighting over her and dead sisters and murdering abusive fathers sense.
She left him before the laughter still hovering it'll always be Logan, it'll always be Logan, it'll always be Logan below the surface could have a chance to break free. They lasted another two days before she had the courage to stop avoiding his phone calls and break it off. She considered for a moment Logan the idea of just letting him go, letting him fall off the earth because she did not did not want to break another boy Logan in the elevator but Mac saw the cowardice in her stance and dragged her by her elbow all the way to Piz and Wallace's dorm before leaving her at the door.
When she knocked, Wallace answered, took one look at her face Logan and stepped outside with her. "Go easy on him," he said firmly. Veronica felt tears prick her eyes and she wondered when she became the girl that lost it so easily.
"Don't hate me, Wallace…" He looked at her like she was crazy, shutting the door and pulling her into his arms in a way that he hadn't really ever because you didn't hug Logan Veronica Mars and expect to come away with both of your hands intact and Veronica wondered when she had lost that aura.
"I can't hate you, V. You're my BFF. Everyone knew it was coming, even Piz. All I'm saying is let the boy down easy. And then go home." Veronica hated loved the way the image of the Grand popped into her head when Wallace said home and from the look in his eyes, he knew it too. She watched him walk away before turning and knocking on the door again.
Piz didn't get it. He was oblivious as usual, though Veronica thought that anyone should have been able to see the ending in the way she didn't looked at him. "Hey Veronica, how's it going?" He asked as he held the door open for her.
"We need to talk," she said, and she liked the way her voice didn't sound like she was aching to be anywhere else. She still had a semblance of bravado left.
But Piz wasn't as oblivious as he could have been. He just looked at her for a moment, and it's not like those words don't mean the same thing everywhere.
"Can I do it?" He said after a moment. "I mean, everyone told me I was crazy for dating you because you're jaded cynical beautiful Logan's way out of my league but it would pretend make me feel better if I could break up with you."
She resisted the urge to laugh again and thanked herself for being quiet. "Sure, Piz. And for the record, I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."
"I know." She hated the way his voice was quiet and a little dark and she thinks it's probably better that she got out now while she still could and maybe he could still get out of Neptune before it swallowed him too.
When she left she felt lighter, but she didn't go to Logan's. She didn't want to go on the heels of another ended relationship and she wasn't ready to see him followed her everywhere it'll always be Logan and hash out everything that they needed to hash out.
She spent the next few days wondering why everything Lilly, Cassidy, bus crashes, Meg, Duncan kidnapping his own child, paternity tests, Aaron Echolls, fathers, burning refridgerators and murder charges and coke head doctors was coming back to her now, but Wallace didn't leave her alone and Mac gave her an escape and they pretended that Lilly and Cassidy weren't sitting there throwing popcorn at them as they tried to be normal college students and play drinking games to movies. It wasn't until days weeks months years how old was she again when she and her dad had out their drama in a screaming fest that left them both feeling hoarse and happy because they loved each other and there weren't any more secrets and Keith Mars could do a lot more as a PI than as sheriff anyway. Both she and Wallace were leaving the next day that she realized that it'll always be Logan it'll always be Logan it'll always be Logan had never really left her head and that it wouldn't go away until she told him.
When Mac realized that Veronica hadn't wouldn't told Logan yet, she and Wallace drove her straight to the Grand and Veronica and Wallace said goodbye right then and there I'll miss you, come home please, don't leave me in Neptune all by myself, I love you and she wondered if she would have gotten anywhere theses past few days without Mac making her.
The look on Logan's face when he opened the door and found her standing there was priceless and Veronica wished that she could take a picture of it, but it was probably ingrained in her head anyway. He kicked Dick out of the apartment, Dick skirting by her like a recently kicked puppy evil glaring wolf on his way out.
She didn't let herself preamble. Jumped right in as she walked without thinking to his bedroom before she stopped and thought maybe she didn't want to get caught there if he said no no no no no no no no no no so she just stood there awkwardly in the hall letting words fall out of her mouth like water.
"I'm sorry. I'm a complete idiot and I was going to let Madison dictate my life the way I never did in high school ha and you are right about everything and I expected you to change without changing myself and I want to be with you and I'm sorry and I'll try to be better and I'll tell you what I'm doing and where I'm going and you can come if you want and if you've gotten over me and moved past this then that's okay but I needed to tell you that I love you but I can leave –"
He cut her off with his lips, swallowing anything that she might have offered, letting the "I love you" be the last thing he heard before he crashed his mouth to hers. She let herself be soothed by his kiss which said I love you too and I was stupid too and I'm sorry too and god if you'll only let me back in your life than we can carve out a little hole to live in where Neptune can't get us and where you and I can't be hurt anymore because god help me if I let us hurt each other anymore. It's you and me baby and we'll sit back and watch the world burn and never leave me again because next time I really will die everything.
They decided not to talk while he was in Mexico and she was in Virginia because who the hell knew where this was going and they needed a few months to be by themselves, to not be wrapped up in whether or not they would get together again because this time they were getting together and Veronica didn't think she could be away from him if she didn't know know know know know know know know know know know this.
She got herself into a spot of trouble with the FBI, duct taped naked to a pole god, irony much, seriously hope someone took pictures for Wallace because this is karmic retribution of epic proportions but it was scarier and harder than she let on and when she was rescued and Logan was standing there, she fell into his arms and let him hold her and touch her and let him assess the damage even though everyone told her she needed a did not no one in Neptune needed a doctor and Logan needed to know for himself and she needed to know what only he could tell her and besides if she really needed a doctor, he'd figure it out and help her and his fingers had healing powers anyway doctor.
The FBI, after lecturing her in loud, obnoxious voices for doing stupid things that get her caught and captured and made and all sorts of other terrible FBI words, they asked her back for the next summer and told her that she had an all but guaranteed job with them when she graduated.
She and Logan would marry alone on the beach with nothing but the stars and the sands as witnesses and only the ring made it official but who really cared until Keith found out then there was a church involved but they both knew that one didn't mean anything but never have kids because alcoholism and abuse they loved each other too much too violently to share. They fought, they yelled, they screamed but they also loved and were happy and she had Wallace's and he had Mac and Dick's what the fuck who saw that one coming seriously fate? Seriously? to hide out at when things got a little rough though they promised each other they would always always always always always forever, in an infinite way not conceived by even time or space come back because that's what they had never been sure of before.
But they carved their happiness out of the wreckage of Neptune and then all but wrote their fuck you Neptune, we were happy and there isn't anything you can do about it now that we're dead victory on their tomb stones.