First Emma had felt anger. That was always her go to emotion. She could work with anger. Anger led to action. It was what had catapulted her out the door that night and into the streets to find him. But behind the anger was fear, and underneath that fear was a prickle of shame. Emma knows from experience that in times of panic your mind can zero in on the most inconsequential things, replaying them over and over again. Her mind went instantly to when she brushed off Killian's comment about how "the wounds that were made when you're young tend to linger". Hadn't it only been the other night when he was so honored to learn about her beginnings? Why had she done that? Now Emma desperately wanted to go back and ask him to tell her everything. Unfortunately, being the Savior meant she didn't always have time for other people's emotions. She was just concerned with getting the job done with the least amount of casualties - Emma couldn't fault herself for that. She wanted this to work though, and she knew now that that meant she was going to have to fight for him as well. If she was being honest, so far it had always been about her when it came to them. Her past, her fears, her insecurities, her family, her wants, her needs. Killian was patient and understanding and encouraging, never wavering, even though his life hadn't been any easier. He shared the same worries of not being enough, of losing the ones he loved…
Looking back, it all made sense. Killian trying to blackmail Gold to return his hand, then proceeding to not tell her about it when Gold had turned the tables on him. He had given into his insecurities and Gold made a fool out of him. He was embarrassed and he didn't come to her because she had never given him any indication that he could. Killian figured she had enough on her plate and just suffered in silence. And when things began to spiral out of control, it was too late. His bed was made and he'd be damned if he took her down with him.
That night still comes to Emma - in her sleep, walking down the street, waiting for her hot chocolate. It's like the rug being pulled out from under her over and over again, and she has to reach out to feel him there, to make sure he is okay.
"What the hell do you think you're doing with my pirate, Gold?"
Emma internally cringed a little at her use of my pirate, but the whole situation brought out a possessiveness she had only ever felt with Henry.
"Swan, please," Killian choked out, fist balled up at his side, "leave, now!"
Her parents ran to him, standing in front with arrow raised and sword ready.
"Your pirate? That's touching, but it's a little late to lay claim to him now, dearie." Gold rocked back on his heels, quite pleased with himself.
Magic boiled inside her veins and threatened to erupt at any moment. She breathed slowly through her nose, trying to remain in control.
"I can't be held responsible for my actions right now, so if I were you, I'd just hand over his heart and no one has to get hurt."
"Did you use that line often during your days as a bail bondswoman? I wouldn't be surprised if it worked for you too. But not tonight, Ms. Swan," he said, giving Killian's heart another squeeze. But he didn't react, because while Gold was talking, Emma was using her magic to cast a spell. She knew it had worked when Killian's heart grew a little brighter in Gold's hands. He went to give it another squeeze.
"You shouldn't have done that," Gold spit out.
"Oh? And how about this?" Belle asked, climbing up the stairs to where they all stood, "I command you to give Emma his heart."
Her chin trembled but the hand that held out the dagger didn't falter.
"Belle?"
The look on Gold's face almost made Emma feel sorry for him. Almost. He slowly walked past Killian and her parents to Emma, placing the heart in her hands. All the while he never took his eyes off Belle, already silently pleading with her for forgiveness. Then they were gone in a poof of smoke and Emma hoped Belle had the strength to do what she needed to next. She ran over to Killian who was being helped up off his knees by her parents.
"Swan." His voice broke, both from reverence and guilt.
"Shhh," Emma soothed despite how badly she just wanted to shake the living daylights out of him, "we'll talk after your heart is safely back in your chest."
He nodded, tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks.
Emma wanted to be gentle - she really did, despite how Killian tells the story now - but she was so nervous she ended up shoving it in. Before he could say a single thing in explanation, Emma pulled him to her, clinging to Killian like both their lives depended on it.
"I love you," she whispered against his ear, truly realizing it in that moment.
He stilled. She pushed Killian back to look at him.
"I may not know everything that happened, but I know enough and I can guess the rest, and I love you. I love you in spite of and because of your past. You are a good man and I love you."
He let out a bark of laughter, tears freely falling now. His hand came to rest on her neck, thumb stroking her cheek.
"Gods, I love you. I loved you even without my heart."
He put his arms around her again and they swayed back and forth till someone let out a cough.
"David!" Snow chastised.
Emma turned her head against Killian's chest to see her mother with watery eyes, smiling at the two of them.
"To Granny's?" David asked as he tried to hide his own smile, but failed miserably.
Emma looked up at Killian, wondering how she could've missed the absence of light and love behind his eyes. It nearly blinded her now.
"To Granny's," she replied.
Later, when it was time to say goodnight in front of his room, she couldn't. She wouldn't dare let him out of her sight. While his mouth transformed into a wolfish grin, his hands were shaking and he nearly dropped his key before they stumbled in. They spent the night branding their love onto each other's skin, so nothing from their past, no Snow Queen or Dark One, could threaten it again.
When she finally had a moment to get her own place before the next villain arrived, Emma knew what she had to do. While her head said it was too soon, her heart said this was it and someone she loved, who was a part of her family now, wouldn't continue living at Granny's when she had a perfectly big enough house near the water. Giving him a home after he had given up his for her was the least she could do.
Emma wasn't surprised by Killian's confusion when she pressed a key into his palm. She had never been very smooth in situations like these, tending to just dive in and get it over with, tact and social graces completely forgotten.
"What's this, Swan?" he questioned, eyebrow raised. Emma resisted the urge to lean across the table and kiss it.
"It's a key to the house I just got…it has a third room and I know it's a little odd, but I want you to have it. I want you to move in with us and I wanted to give you your own space. Eventually, when we're ready - when I'm ready," she corrected before he could say anything, "it can just be an office or a guest room or…"
She blushed and was becoming more and more flustered.
"I'm just trying to show you I'm all in. That I want what you want. That I'm in this for the long haul too."
By this point she was staring at her hands, dying to let out some quip to lighten the mood when she heard a shuddering breath escape him. She looked up to see Killian's shining eyes and small smile.
"Ours would be the only home to rival that of the Jolly Roger. I heartily accept."
She had new walls now. Stronger and sturdier than anything her fears and insecurities had built. They held up her home and kept all her loved ones safe and warm and there was no place in the world she'd rather be.