My take on how Shepard's reply to Kaidan's post-Horizon e-mail might have looked.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.

—Kaidan

Kaidan,

I know you're angry and hurt and I won't dismiss the validity of those feelings. But, please, try to understand. I've spent the past two years being dead, reconstructed and with no way to contact you without putting you in danger.

I wouldn't lie to you, I hope you know that. But maybe just my word is not enough to make you believe anymore. And who could blame you? I'm working with the enemy, even if it's because no one else would listen when I said. I had to make a compromise, even if it had my skin crawling. We've all seen what they're capable of and I haven't forgotten.

Make no mistake, I don't trust any of them. No one except Chakwas, Joker, Tali and Garrus. I know they'd follow me to hell and back, they already have—through all that mess with Saren, then the Collectors... I know I can count on them to watch my back.

Still, the ship feels empty without you. It's crammed with people and unfamiliar. I can't help thinking about you all the time. My dreams are littered with nightmares of losing you, the most terrifying thing being that maybe I already have.

So, I'm sending you a classified Cerberus dossier meant for your eyes only. It contains details of my reconstruction. Hopefully it'll help you understand and forgive.

I miss you. Take care.

—Shepard