Lotus (to remember you by)

AN: A hastily written fic for Vietnam's birthday 2/9 :) It's unbeta'd so every mistakes are mine TTvTT Sorry.

*Warning for character death

Arthur stood in front of a handmade tent behind the school with his friends, feeling anxious and tired after a long day full of activities (and by 'activities', it actually meant 'being hit by water balloons', 'tripping his arse off every once in a while', and many other things). Wiping a stray bang out of his eyes, the British boy sighed as the humidity of the air after a short rain attacked him viciously, spreading a giddy sense all over his mind. Even though he had lived in Vietnam for three years now, he was still not entirely used to its tropical climate.

'A camp to welcome new bloody students.' thought Arthur sulkily. 'What's the point of it anyway?'

He folded his hand and unconsciously let a pout grace his lips. Vietnamese people and their overly warm friendliness. At first, it had been hard to blend in with everyone looking at him as if he had three heads but the problem had been solved eventually. Arthur found it surprisingly comforted that all of his friends from secondary school went to the same High school as him. It reduced a whole lot troubles, really.

"Hey Arthur! It's your turn next!" Minh yelled, slapping a hand at his back and Arthur couldn't help but cringe. Minh was his best friend at the very first time he set his foot on the Vietnamese soil. The boy had short black hair, tan skin and warm smile with an enthusiastic character. He had helped him a lot and Arthur sometimes wondered what his life would have liked if Minh hadn't been there.

"I know that, Minh. You think I'm an idiot?" Arthur rolled his eyes and stepped ahead one step, though his gait was somehow reluctant. Minh wasted no time in sensing his discomfort. A mischievous glint appeared in his eyes.

"I heard a lot of scream coming from there, you know. Our classmates just go in there and never come back." He said in a teasing tone, knowing Arthur hate outdoor activities that resulted with dirty clothes or over-exciting heart. "I've heard rumours about being covered in flour. But really, after the whole day rolling around in the dust, I have nothing to lose now." Minh frowned, looking at his now-stained-with-dirt T-shirt. Arthur had no idea this was a camp to welcome freshmen or to torture them.

Then again, the British boy had been through worse. He remembered those dark days in England, when he had suffered from being bullied and given contempt by his own family. He had and never would understand why his cousins and aunts said that he was not welcomed in the family. They said it was his mother's fault but what had her done wrong? His mother was beautiful and wise with an Asian beauty that stood her out from any other people he had ever met as a child. She was modest to everyone and had impeccable manners. She loved him dearly and always protected him from cruel words. She said he bore so much resemblances to his father and one day he would make him proud.

Yet she couldn't find her place in the family.

It took him five years later to know that his father had died protecting her.

He didn't blame her, though. It was an accident but his aunts, whose hatred had been given to his mother a long time ago refused to believe it. They said it was her fault and his mom had had no choice but to move back to her mother-country. Arthur didn't know whether to be relief or sad. Despite being bullied sometimes, he had made some great friends and the thought of leaving was almost unbearable. But it was for his mother's shake, and he agreed without objection.

He didn't want to see her tears anymore.

"Arthur? Arthur?" Minh voice snapped Arthur out of his thought. He looked confused at the taller male for a while before realized it was his turn to go in the tent. Well, it was the last destination of the camp now, things couldn't be worse. Arthur reassured his friend that he was fine and came in. The playful smirk a senior gave him before opening the tent slightly just enough for one to come in did little to nothing to cease his nerve, but Arthur took a deep breath and came in nonetheless.

That was not the best decision of him.

As soon as Arthur entered, he felt himself being shoved down to lie on his stomach. The floor was covered with wet canvases, ropes were hanging perilously low and Arthur had no choice but to bowed his head to avoid getting tangled in them. A nudge on his legs and a voice shouted at him to move and he realized he had to crawl his way across the room if he wanted get out of this mess. Just what the bleeding hell was this for?

Arthur kept his eyes shut and let his hands drag him forward as water from above pouring down him continually. Seriously? he thought in amusement. He had been hit by water balloons enough in some previous stops and he had assumed that it was all over and he couldn't be more of a mess than he already was. But this. This was sure a whole new level of messiness.

If he were still the person of five years ago, he'd think this to be humiliating, but having lived in Vietnam for three years now, he only thought this (weird) way to 'welcome' new students was kind of exciting. And dirty. People here really didn't mind rolling in dirt the whole day. That was one of those things had helped them won the wars, after all.

At some point, Arthur thought he heard Minh's exclaim of surprise and joy behind but he was too busy trying to get out of here to pay much attention. After only a short way, he was now all wet and covered with...basil seeds? Whose idea was that? The thing would just only stick in his untamable hair and he had to spend hours to get rid of them. Arthur scolded mentally but continued to crawl blindly in hope that he wouldn't hit a pole or anything like that. It'd be embarrassing. More than being thrown basil seeds.

Just as he thought he could be safe for the rest of the journey, Arthur heard a soft voice from above.

"You can open your eyes now."

Somehow, it worked. That damn lie had worked. Arthur opened his eyes and looked up curiously.

Only to have a fistful of flour being blow to his face.

"What the...?" He yelled and coughed out, trying to avoid all the rope when the senior sat on a chair above only snickered.

"Keep going kiddo. Or you want some more?" He said in a warm voice but full of amusement. Arthur only had time to catch a hazel black eyes and dark hair before water splashed down, blinding him. He reluctantly continued crawling forward, cursing the other mentally.

The horrific journey ended with a hand was extended to get him out and Arthur coughed out a mouth full of water when some seniors laughed lovingly and wished him good luck for his first new year in High school. Well, that wasn't really bad. Arthur stood up and returning their smiles, walking back to where his friends were standing. They all looked ridiculous now with their body and clothes covered in basil seeds and flour. Some complained though they were smiling, some running around trying to dirty each other more, shrieking with laughter now and then. Arthur stood leaning against a wall and watched them with a small smile. He also tried to get rid of some seeds and wiped away the flour on his hair but found himself thinking back about the senior with warm voice and stunning hazel eyes. The British boy felt his cheeks heat up when his senses caught up with what he had just thought. No, that was ridiculous. He knew students here were all cool with it (he had been surprised to find out some of his classmates were bi and they didn't even blink when he told them a truth about his sexuality. So much for his first assumption about Vietnamese being all traditional and had stern prejudice), but having feelings for a senior whom he had only met once was so unbelievable. He didn't want to think about it and let the matter slip out of his mind when Minh came to him and tried to plastered some of his basil seeds to his shirt.

It was five days after the camp did Arthur meet that senior again. He didn't know what super power had possessed him to recognize a person only through eyes and posture but he knew it was him. The senior was sitting on a balcony with his left leg dangled down and a book rested on his right. He leaned back against a pillar and listened to music, completely unaware of anything going on around him. Arthur couldn't but feel incredulous about the senior's obviousness. He had to know that students were not allowed to sit on the balcony, right? Even though most people had gone home for afternoon break but that didn't mean he wouldn't be caught.

Arthur, being a model of good student he was, found it is his duty to remind him about rules, senior or not. With that thought, the blonde walked toward the black haired male with a fierce look. He stood on his right and waited for the other to acknowledge him, but the senior showed no sign in doing so. Arthur continued to wait patiently and after a while, liked he had been bored a hole on his head by the British boy's glare, the senior looked up and raised an eyebrow.

Arthur's breath caught in his throat as the familiar hazel black eyes looked at him. Handsome was his first thought when the senior cocked his head to a side and took the earbuds out, making his long bangs cover his left eyes in the progress. His hair was a little longer than Arthur had expected, nearly touch the back of his head, giving him a wild but attractive look. Arthur regained his composure and said as gravely as he could with his now obviously red face.

"Excuse me, but I think students are not allowed to sit here."

The senior shot him an amused look and closed his book. "You are the boy that I threw flour to the other day." He replied irrelevantly, the smile on his face sharpened a little. Arthur felt his face growing redder than before.

"That is not what I am talking about!" He gritted his teeth.

"I know. But I am not to be ordered around by a freshman, you know. Nobody tells me not to do what I want to. I'd never listen anyway." The senior shrugged. "So instead of wasting your time to remind me of rules, go home, kid."

"I. Am. Not. A. Kid." Arthur stated angrily. How could this guy be so arrogant?

"You are two years younger than me." The black haired male said matter of factly. "My name is Nam, by the way."

Too annoyed to say anything, Arthur turned around and stormed away, pouting like a child. His face was now more red with anger than embarrassment. The senior's attitude was beyond tolerable to the ill-tempered person like Arthur.

But the thing upset him most was the fact that he couldn't help but notice that the other had given him his name.

The third time Arthur met Nam was in the library.

He was trying to reach for a book on a higher self when a hand came up and took it for him. The British boy was about to say thank you when he recognized who was standing there. Nam was smiling down at him and extending his hand for Arthur to take the book. Still mad at his previous attitude, Arthur frowned and walked pass the other reluctantly, determined to ignore the senior if he could help it. Unlucky for him that Nam was faster and soon he appeared right beside the blonde.

"Hey! I'm sorry about the other day, ok? It was rude of me, but you'll not be any different from me if you just keep ignoring me like that. It's impolite of you now, you know." He said when grinning victoriously. It was the first time Arthur saw such a bright grin and he felt himself walking slower. Damn, the other's logic was starting to make sense in his head.

"Fine." Arthur said sulkily. "Thank you for getting me the book." He said in the most civil tone he could utter, accepting the book from Nam. "Now excuse me, I must leave."

"Wah...wait!" The senior said, waving his hands. "I told you my name. You should tell me yours."

"Why are you interested anyway?"

"Green."

"What?"

"Your eyes. They're green as emerald. I like it." Nam smiled, tilting his head to a side to have a better look. "But I couldn't just call you a green eyed kid in my head all the time, right?"

Arthur was dumbfounded for a while. Was that guy just complimented him? Was that a compliment at all? What on Earth was going on? And to make the matter worse, his heart started to speed up and Arthur feared if he stood here too long, he might burst a blood vessel. So he turned around like the last time, but didn't forget to say back.

"Arthur. And I'm not a kid."

The fourth time they met, everything had settled down into a normal rhythm. It turned out that Nam usually went to the library at every break times and sat on the balcony to read book when most people had gone home after school. Arthur soon found the senior to be a thoughtful and great companion. They could talk for hours about everything that occurred to them at that moment. Nam was friendly and gentle, absolutely contrary to his previous attitude once Arthur got to know him more. Their friendship developed steadily and at the same time, Arthur realized, so did his feelings for the other. He kept it all well-hidden, though. He didn't want to risk their relationship now. Hell, he didn't even know if Nam was gay or not. The British boy had soon found out that Nam was also a golden boy of the school. He was the dream of every girls and the pride of their school, so Arthur couldn't let his hope raise too much even though it was obvious that Nam spent more time with him than any other of his classmates. The pleasure of being Nam's best friend was enough for him.

"Lotus acquires a timeless significant, you know." Nam said one day when they were sitting in the library. His hands worked with an incredible speed and perfect sophistication in creating a pink paper lotus. "It symbolizes not only creation, but the timeless and continual process of birth and rebirth. It closes its petals at night and blooms to life when the sunlight reaches them. Just like us. We dies to be born again." He smiled at Arthur with his usual warm hazel eyes, but at that time, Arthur figured out another expression which he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was a distant yet sad look. It made Arthur suddenly felt scared that something had gone wrong, that something was about to leave him, but he didn't let his fear surfaced on his posture.

"Here. Have this." Nam said gently, putting the paper lotus on Arthur's hand. The British boy accepted it with a smile, but the heavy feeling didn't leave his chest. Nam was looking at him hopefully but he didn't know what the other was expecting. At last, the black haired male let out a breath and stood up, still smiling.

"I have to go now. Goodbye, Arthur."

The next day passed with Nam and Arthur usual meeting and conversation. Arthur felt his anxiety ceased a little as he stood before his class to wait for Nam to pick him up like he had promised. Maybe everything was alright and Arthur just being paranoid after all. He exhaled and watched the rain drops falling down gently, bringing a scene of fresh air washed over him. He loved rain. It never failed to make him relaxed.

The British boy continued to wait and when he realized Nam was two hours late now, a feeling of abandoned seeped out of his every pore. Why didn't the other come? Did he forget? But he had promised! Had Nam been tired of him? Maybe it explained the strange attitude of him from the other day. Maybe Nam had known about his true sexuality and was scared of him. Then Arthur couldn't bear to have such friend! Being distracted by his own upsetting thought, Arthur couldn't stand still and think about other possibilities that something bad had happened and instead going home himself. He knew he was being irrational, but his obstinacy and fear had blinded him and controlled his mind. He didn't want to venture to think otherwise.

And so, Arthur walked home alone in the rain, letting the water soaked his clothes and hair, trying to ignore the memory of the time he was also wet from head to toes like this that was coming back and stabbing pain to his heart. At least at that time, there was someone with warm eyes and gentle voice to sit there and covered his face with flour as white as fluffy cloud in summer day.

Arthur was sick the next day and his mother was really worried when he refused to talk and locked himself in his room. She tried to ask him what was wrong but found it useless. Arthur stubbornly remained in his bed for three more days, only got up sometimes to eat and drink some water. The fourth day came with his health recovered, but his mother insisted that he stayed at home until he was completely healthy, which he didn't complaint much. Coming to school now meant meeting Nam, and he wasn't ready to explain to the other about the other day, about his irrational thought. He couldn't help but feel guilty that he didn't consider other possibilities that there had been something wrong happened to Nam and instead jumping right to such depressing conclusion.

His thought was cut off when his mother gently knocked the door. He told her that she could come in and the door slightly opened. His mother, with her long black hair tied neatly in a pony tail perked in and smiled warmly at him, her right hand holding a letter. "I found it in the mail box yesterday but thought it'd be better to give it to you when you're well enough. It is addressed to you, dear."

Arthur confusedly accepted the letter and soon found it was from Nam. He swallowed a lump that suddenly appeared in his throat and thank you his mother. When she had left, he slowly opened the letter, wondering why he was feeling so nervous and scared. Nam's handwriting was neat and easy to read. And Arthur's eyes widened as the words flooded in his mind.

Dear Arthur,

I'm so sorry for the other day. I was about to leave my house to come to pick you up but I fainted right when I opened the door and must go to the hospital. You must wonder why, right? Well, I have…a disease that can't be cured. I'm sorry for not telling this to you sooner. But I could only live for three more months.

The first month I spent in loneliness and depression. My friends tried to act normal around me but I could see pity in their eyes. I didn't want that. I appreciated their efforts, but it wasn't working. That was when I met you. At first, I was surprised because you were half-British and looked so different. But getting to know you more, I realized I really like your razor sharp mind, your beautiful blond hair (do you know that it looks like it's threaded with golden lines when the sun shines on it?), your emerald eyes and many more. But above all, you didn't treat me as a soon-will-be-dead person. You treat me like a normal human-being and I didn't want to risk it by telling you the truth. So I asked my friends and some of your friends who knew about my state of illness not to tell you anything. I'm sorry. I know that was very selfish of me.

Truth to be told, this is the first and last letter of me to you. My sickness has come to its terminal. If you are still mad at me, I'm sorry. You won't ever see me again. I don't beg for forgiveness, I deserve that, but I can't let myself being carried away by Death when I still haven't say this to you.

I love you, Arthur. More than I first thought. You make two last months of my life worth it. I owe you so much. Sorry that I can't live long enough to make everything up for you. Please let not your smile, my sun, turn into icy tears.

If I could be reborn, I'd sure want to be with you again.

Farewell, Arthur.

Nam.

The letter shook slightly in Arthur's hand. A corner of it was now stained with tears. The British boys felt the words became fuzzy. He couldn't see anything, he couldn't think of anything but a warm voice coming from some out-of-reach time in the past. He let his eyelids crystallize into thousand drops of tear that rolling down his cheeks. So many questions, so many feelings he couldn't understand. Everything was so abrupt and he couldn't comprehend it. It was like just yesterday Nam had talked to him with his warm voice, had smiled at him with his sunshine smile, and now everything was broken like a dream. Like someone had pulled up the curtain and let the light of cruel fact crashed down on him. And then there was this letter…

If it wasn't love then, what was it?

Regret?

Misery?

What was it?

It was all giving him a headache (or a heartache?), so Arthur closed his eyes to the confused and painful reality and curled up in his bed, clutching tightly at the letter until exhaustion lulled him into the embrace of sleep.

In the middle of a page of Arthur's book on the desk, Nam's paper lotus was still there, placed right next to a line about the meaning of the flower:

Lotus flower has been used to indicate different meanings in different circumstances. In a relationship, it is normally used to mean being totally in love with someone and being forgetful of all that has happened in the past between you.

"Arthur?! Are you alright?" A voice woke Arthur up from his sleeping state. He opened his eyes and was greeted with a beautiful shade of blue. Blue, not hazel, he realized. Just like the summer sky. Alfred's face was just an inch from his own, his eyes shone with concern. They were sitting in a library and Arthur had fallen asleep. The Brit yawned and rubbed his eyes, sitting up straight.

"You look like a cat, Iggy~" Alfred laughed lovingly, ruffling his messy hair. Normally, Arthur would have scolded at the other but now he was still too sleepy to care. Alfred's hand was calloused but comfortable somehow.

"Don't call me by that name." He said and shoving at his boyfriend's hand half-heartedly.

Arthur had come to America to study university for one year now. He had left everything behind right after he finished High School, knowing it was just a coward way to escape, but he couldn't help it. Everything in Vietnam reminded him of Nam. Memories haunted him and now he had just found comfort in America. He was happy now, and he was sure Nam would feel the same seeing him like this. Arthur wondered if the other was watching him from above, maybe even laughing his arse off at his usual quarrels with Alfred and Francis. The thought was comfort, and Arthur no longer bore the regret of not telling Nam about his true feeling. He was sure that Nam knew that. And he was also sure that Nam was the one had led him to meet Alfred, to meet the one that was mending his broken heart and making him happy. The one had replaced Nam to step in his life and heart, to brighten it with love and care. Alfred had loved Arthur for Nam. And even he didn't know it, he had done for Nam what the other couldn't.

"What are you doing?" Alfred asked as he leaned closer to drape an arm around Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur smiled a small smile. "Paper Lotus."

Secluded and fearful, I waited

With bated breath until one day

I bloomed with eternal joy

With a pinkish hue lightening my way

I looked around, and looked ahead

Serene ripples, shimmering waves

The sun shone beautifully at each drop

Jewel-like beauty, of which he raves

I glided along, each petal smiling

Timid and fresh, bound in self care

Surrounded by you, and your pearl drops

Charisma blossomed with a sensual bare

It was love, that's all I knew

You kept me alive, kept me strong

I never knew the world without you

A single lotus away from the throng.

End.

A/N: Phewww that was the end of it guys! I tried to make it less depressed by adding USUK (my OTP) ~~ Wow, this is really the first time I write a fic that has Vietnam but doesn't mention much about the Vietnam War. I don't know, I just want to write something for this couple (male!Vietnam x UK), you know. I really have no idea how comes this is supposed to be a fic to celebrate Vietnam's birthday but I let him die at the end ._. Oh, the poem is of David Birnbaum, fyi.

And the camp to welcome freshmen is true, btw. It was written from my own experiences just yesterday. I swear I had to spend one hour to get rid of all the basil seeds (and I'm a girl, with long hair, so it was a BIG challenge). I felt like I was going to die in there, really XD But it was really fun, though.

Anyway, Happy Independence Day, Vietnam!

Reviews would be lovely!