Love is Not Manly
Summary: Neji had sworn to himself that he'd never fall in love. Not because he feared being hurt, or hurting the loved one—not at all. No, it was mainly because he didn't want to look like a freaking moron. [NejiTen
A/N: This was SUPPOSED to be a oneshot, I swear. But it just grew and grew and now it's multichaptered. I must be high on the painkillers I'm on (got my wisdom teeth out today.)
I'm going to do everything possible to keep it at three chapters. Yay, short and sweet! I'm not a natural at Neji/Ten so PLEASE review and tell me what I could do better.
Chapter One: The Fall
--
Neji had sworn to himself that he'd never fall in love. Not because he feared being hurt, or hurting the loved one—not at all. No, it was mainly because he didn't want to look like a freaking moron.
Example one: his good friend Sasuke. Extremely focused young man climbing the corporate ladder, slowly saving up enough money to finally hire a decent lawyer to put his monstrosity of a brother in jail. But then a pink-haired little twit of a secretary came along and now where was Sasuke? A ring on his finger (how mortifying) and grazing on some exotic beach with said pink-haired twit. Quest abandoned and suddenly content with his high-paying job.
Example two: three of his friends (though he still didn't know why he was friends with these idiots), Kiba, Naruto, and Shino, all chasing after Neji's own cousin, Hinata. No longer good friends thanks to the competition, and all had gone all but bankrupt trying to buy Hinata's affection. (It wasn't working)
Example three: probably the only sensible one left of Neji's friends, Shikamaru, caught between two insanely violent women fighting for his love. And he was still trying to decide which one he liked.
And there were so many more examples of idiotic behavior, all due to a simple chemical reaction within their bodies. So undignified. Yes, Neji had concluded that falling in love was just not worth the embarrassment. Besides, there was always the issue that there was most likely not a woman on earth that would put up with all of his crap. Destiny or not, Neji was never going to participate in any sort of mating ritual.
But what Neji didn't know was that falling in love is just that—falling. Sasuke, if presented with the choice, would never have fallen for his new secretary, Sakura. Not in a million years. In fact, he denied his own feelings successfully for two years before finally breaking down and admitting to himself and Sakura that he'd fallen in love. And Kiba, Naruto, and Shino certainly wouldn't have chosen to all fall in love with the same woman. They would never have wanted anything to ruin their close friendship. And yet here they were, nearly battling for Hinata. And Shikamaru probably would have loved to just be able to choose between Temari and Ino—or better yet, not have to deal with them at all.
Falling in love is an accident that escalates, and once it happened to Neji, there was nothing he could do to stop the fall.
--
"Geez Neji, you hold on to cash tighter than Sasuke!"
Neji merely glowered at his blond friend and, with hands trembling in fury, accepted the minimal amount of cash dispensed from the ATM. Why was he here again? He shot a glance at his cousin, Hinata. Or rather where he assumed she was. He couldn't see her, on account of the three idiots crooning over the young woman. Oh, that's right. He was supposed to be protecting her from those imbeciles.
Depositing the meager currency in his wallet, Neji turned to the new task at hand: somehow managing to make sure Hinata wasn't 'accidentally' molested whilst navigating through the formidable crowd. He gnashed his teeth as he prodded Naruto in the back. He hated the circus, he hated spending money, and he especially hated doing favors for people. All in all, this day was sucking harder than a baby on its bottle and it technically hadn't started yet.
Finally they found their seats—Naruto and Kiba effectively sitting on each other's laps, and Shino on the other side of Hinata—and Neji had elected to sit two seats away from the herd of buffoons. If anyone asked, he'd never seen any of them in his entire life (never mind the disturbing resemblance he bore to Hinata). The lights in the tent darkened and Neji stiffened at the annoying sounds of popcorn crunching in people's mouths and the sounds of soda slurping. That was yet another reason to not attend these ridiculous events: the sounds. Too much noise.
There was booming applause as a pretty—well, fine, beautiful—young woman danced out into the ring. Apparently she was the knife thrower. Neji snickered. An abominable profession. Hopefully the woman was suitably embarrassed by her quack of a job.
He winced as she threw the first knife at a young man who looked like he was being Sasuke for Halloween and had done a fairly decent job. The knife glinted as it whoosed through the air, hitting the board behind the Sasuke-clone with a satisfying splintering sound. It must have been millimetres from his bare chest.
Neji glanced around to make sure no one was watching and then squinted to better study the woman. She was—and Neji swore he'd never use this word ever again—cute. Short, in fact barely above five foot two. Curvy, and slight on top. She was wearing a red satin and gold sequin costume, horrifyingly intriguing with its skin-tight bodice and itty-bitty skirt. She had nice legs too, Neji noted. Her hair was tied into buns and she had bright, big chestnut eyes, and a small red mouth.
Before she threw the final knife, she turned to the audience, winking with a teasing little smile. Neji's knuckles bleached as his grip tightened on the edge of his chair. He needed to get out of here. He realized he was having what was probably the most mortifying natural reaction to the pretty knife-thrower.
This had never happened before.
He stood up and stormed out of the tent, cheeks apple red. Hinata would have to suffer. He refused to endure that.
--
"NEJI! I am SO glad to see you! This is excellent! So, I was just having a wonderfully rejuvenating massage, and Naruto and I came to the conclusion that you need to get out more. I have this lovely lady-friend--"
"No."
"And-"
"Go away."
"She's very funny--"
"I hate funny women."
"And pretty--"
"Do you want me to rip out your intestines and feed them to the birds?" Neji hissed, standing up from his desk and leaning forward across it, resting his palms on it. Lee didn't get the point, instead opting to stand up and pace the room. Disgusted, he picked up one of the many emptied styrofoam coffee cups on Neji's desk.
"Neji, I do believe that your sullen and antisocial behavior is merely due to an unhealthy diet consisting of highly acidic foods that will earn you a bleeding stomach ulcer--"
"No worse an effect than when I have to deal with you--" Neji glowered at his health-nut coworker. Lee continued, undaunted.
"--As well as depression, migraines, and irritability. If you would at least put a bit of milk in your coffee, you might..."
Neji stopped listening as Lee went on, pacing back and forth in front of his desk, gesturing and talking with his eyes closed in the blissfully ignorant condescension that was a marked trait of Lee and always had been. Neji cursed the day he had chosen to sit with him at lunch when he'd seen the idiot sitting alone. He'd heard that the woman Lee had been madly in love with (so he said, these were not terms Neji would ever use) had actually been the same one that had recently married Sasuke, and obviously this meant Lee would never have the woman.
Neji hadn't felt bad, per se. It was just that Lee looked notably pathetic, in his oddly green three piece suit and tragic haircut and eyebrows. Clearly, Lee was yet another example of how pathetic women made men look. Neji prided himself on being the only truly dignified and manly one left. He wasn't going to give that up, not to some lady-friend of Lee's, anyway. Any woman willing to befriend Mr. Caterpillar-brows had to either be blind or obscenely desperate.
"...and furthermore, the effect that bananas have on one's colon--"
"Are you done yet?"
Lee looked a bit punctured, but he merely sighed. "I suppose so. However, I insist that you accompany us tonight. Sakura and Sasuke have returned--"
"Lee, I do not care if you're not capable of seeing her--"
"This isn't about me, Neji." Lee sighed, for the first time looking truly angry. "Everyone thinks that you're... well, withdrawing into the confines of your miserable soul. You are depressed, Neji. Everyone can see it. And you're lonely as well. Just come out with us tonight." Lee frowned, his dark brown eyes pleading. Neji stood up, stormed around his desk, and began hauling Lee out of his office.
"If you give your word that you will let me work, I will meet this so-called friend of yours. Failure to uphold your end of the deal will result in the dissolution of the contract. Understood?" Neji sneered. Lee nodded.
"Wow, Neji, you should have been a lawyer!"
"Too much dealing with people. Now GO!"
He rather violently slammed the door, sighing with something as close as he could muster to happiness, but froze when there was a knock on the door.
"Neji-"
"I TOLD YOU--"
"Just meet us at seven o'clock at the Hyperbola. You can look it up on the internet. Bye!"
Neji glowered at the closed door, but deigned to look it up on the computer, stabbing the keys on the keyboard as hard as he could with pure, uniquely-Neji unadulterated fury.
It was going to be a long fucking night.
--
"Oh my god! It was magical, wasn't it, Sasuke-kun? A perfect honeymoon. The lagoon, I must say, was the best part, though for some reason Sasuke really liked our bungalow!"
Neji made eye contact with Sasuke, who returned the look with a death glare. Neji raised his eyebrows, but said nothing more.
He couldn't even bear to drink whatever the hell Naruto had ordered for him, on two counts: one, it had something to do with apples, and there was a little pink umbrella. As a rule, Neji did not drink anything that had a little pink umbrella in it. Two, Sasuke and Sakura were so mushy it was impossible to be around. Sakura wasn't even an especially attractive woman! The sight of them turned Neji's stomach, and by the pained look of feigned ecstasy on Lee's face, he was having a similar reaction.
Also, Lee's "lady friend" was late. Very late. Forty-five minutes late, in fact. Lee explained that his friend didn't have a cell phone. Neji snorted. Who the hell in this day and age didn't have a cell phone? She must practically be on welfare, he thought as he gazed out the small window at the city street in the night, lit up and beautiful.
He felt silly now; he'd been nervous for nothing. The fact that he was nervous proved his point about women and for a short time, he felt self-righteous and satisfied.
And yet... and yet a small part of him had really wanted to meet her.
He remembered the girl at the circus, the knife-thrower. It was all her fault, he concluded. She'd put him in a state about women, and now he was acted ludicrous over some obviously poor woman that he'd never even met, and by the way things looked, probably wouldn't ever meet.
But all of a sudden, Lee and Sakura and Hinata were waving happily at someone behind Neji.
"Tenten! I was so worried about you! You know how dangerous it is for an attractive woman like yourself to be wandering--"
"Yeah yeah, I was fine, Lee. I'm a knife thrower, remember?"
Neji froze. Slowly he turned to see a woman striding confidently their way. Petite curvy figure? Check. Beautiful brown eyes? Check. Shiny brunette hair twisted into—admittedly--adorable buns? Check. And knife-throwing profession? Check, obviously.
Her cheeks were rosy from the chilly night air, and probably from hurrying. Strands of her hair had come out of the buns, but instead of looking messy, it looked even more artfully arranged. So he couldn't fault her there. She was wearing exactly the right amount of makeup, not too little, not too much. Damn, he couldn't fault her there either. She was wearing a rather shapeless sweater that must have once been pink, and loose jeans. Her clothing may have been drab, but obviously the girl was poor. At least she wasn't following the trend that other women in the club seemed to cling to: skin-tight shiny halter tops in wild, tropic colors, and insanely tight jeans and open-toed heels. They looked ridiculous! It was cold. Not the height of summer.
Conclusively, she was as perfect as possible.
She casually kissed Lee on the cheek and hugged Hinata and Sakura, and waved to everyone else before sitting down. Neji managed a slight nod in her direction, although he doubted she had even realized he was there.
"Can I get you anything to drink, Tenten?" Kiba asked enthusiastically, scooching closer to her around the table. Tenten gave a blasé wave of her tiny hand.
"Nah, I'll just get a diet coke. I'm not much of a drinker, you know that!" She laughed, brown eyes sparkling.
Dammit. Yet another fault she didn't have.
The group settled into enthusiastic chatter, with Neji left out completely. For all of Lee's talk about getting him out, they seemed to forget he was there.
After two hours of dejectedly watching Tenten, Neji had had enough. He stood up.
"Where are you going, Neji? We like just got here!" Naruto yelled above the pumping techno music that was hurting Neji's head.
"Home." He grumbled. But he caught Tenten's eye and she smiled. Neji prayed he wasn't blushing.
"Wait! Neji, where do you live?" Lee grabbed onto the sleeve of Neji's coat to halt him. Neji scowled.
"North Konoha, by the art museum." He snapped, struggling out of Lee's surprisingly tight grip.
"That's great, you can take Tenten home then! I don't want her out in the dark by herself. It's so dangerous!" Lee said earnestly. Tenten blushed and waved her hands.
"Don't worry, um..."
"Neji." He said. Tenten laughed bashfully.
"Right, Neji, don't worry about me. Seriously. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." She glared at Lee as she said this pointedly. Lee frowned.
"Well, still, I insist. Besides Neji, could you really live with yourself, knowing you let a beautiful and very likely to be targeted woman walk home, so late at night?" His eyes were doing that sparkly-puppy dog thing again. Sasuke snorted.
"Yes, he could very easily." He smirked. Sakura scowled and hit Sasuke, but right away melted and apologized. Neji rolled his eyes.
"Since it's such a big deal, I will take you home, Tenten. But I'm leaving now." He began walking away, and heard scrambling as Tenten hopped over seats to follow Neji out of the club.
Outside, it was freezing, as clearly indicated by Tenten's shirt. Neji desperately averted his eyes and speed-walked ahead of Tenten down the block as she jogged to catch up with him.
"Hey! Wait, Neji!" She called. Neji stopped without turning around.
"Walk faster, woman." He commanded. He heard her shoes screech on the sidewalk to a stop.
"Excuse me?!"
"I said--"
"Oh, I heard what you said. No wonder no one ever mentioned you before! You're totally odious, as far as I can tell!"
Neji whirled around. "Then you can walk home!"
He stormed off as she screamed "fine!"
His heart was pounding as he slammed his car door shut and turned on the heat. It was really cold. Insanely cold. His adrenaline was pumping as he pulled out of the parking space; he almost crashed into a pole. He accelerated down the street, but saw Tenten walking again.
Later, he would thank whatever told him to stop. At the time, it seemed stupid, and the kind of thing that some lovesick idiot like Sasuke would do. Horns of other cars beeped loudly but Neji ignored them. He slowed to a stop in the lane and rolled down the window.
"You've got one more chance." He called. Tenten looked up and rolled her eyes.
"You know, if it weren't so cold I'd hit you and flounce off. But, seeing as I am shaking from cold, I'll just accept it." She laughed wryly and climbed into the passenger seat. Neji frowned and stepped on the gas.
"Did it ever occur to you to just wear a winter coat? That's what normal people do, you know." He sneered. But he couldn't avoid the teasing, flirtatious ring it had to it. Tenten smirked.
"Winter coats are for losers. I'm tough, you know? Rawr." She flexed her bicep. Neji rolled his eyes.
"Too tough for a cell phone as well, I gather."
"Yup. And too tough for heating, too tough for a car, too tough for pretty much all luxuries. I'm roughin' it." She was laughing and it put Neji at ease. "But in all seriousness, turn up the fucking heat!" She yelled. Simultaneously she turned the heat on high and turned on the radio. A loud, heavy metal song began to play. "OOOHHH YEAH!" She yelled, wiggling around in her seat along with the 'music.' Neji choked and switched the station to a tame, classical piece. Tenten made a whining noise.
"Heavy metal is disgusting. There is no talent involved!" He said.
"Well it's still more fun that this crap. Actually, I'm stunned you even listen to music, Mr. Antisocial."
"The only person worse than me is Sasuke." Neji couldn't help but smile. Tenten saw his smile, and blushed. It was sexy. Probably because it was so rare. She laughed ruefully.
"I used to have the biggest crush on Sasuke. But then again, all my friends did too. But I'm glad he's with Sakura now. They're perfect for each other." She sighed dreamily. Neji snorted.
"Crushes are pathetic. And I completely disagree. Sakura is a brainless twit."
"Are you kidding me?! Sakura's going to med school in the fall! She's got like, an IQ of like two hundred!"
"What!? She's always seemed so vapid to me."
"Nope! Plus she's so patient with Sasuke. He needs that. I could never give it to him, you know? I am a total hothead."
"No, really? I couldn't tell!" Neji faked an awestruck voice and widened his eyes. Tenten hit his arm.
"Watch it, you. I'm a knife-thrower in the circus!" She warned, waggling a finger at him.
"So I saw."
"..You've been to the circus!? Funny, it seems like it'd go against some strict code you made up for yourself. Huh." She tapped her chin.
"It does. The circus is a waste of money, space, time, and workers. Hinata made me go with her to protect her from Naruto, Kiba, and Shino."
"Oh, wow. Let me guess, an impossible feat?"
"Correct. I suppose you aren't as stupid as you look."
"Oh, really clever. I'll let that one slide. You're so sour, I'll lower the social bar for you."
Neji shot her a glare when they pulled up to a red light, but when their eyes met, he couldn't help it—he smiled. A real smile. She was just too adorable. Yes, adorable. And for whatever reason, he was beginning to feel comfortable. They continued to look into each other's eyes, grinning and laughing a little bit.
Was this—was it, could it possibly be—Romance? The thing that was a genre at the bookstore with those disturbingly pink covers, the thing that had made Sasuke drop the ball completely, the--
well, you get the point. At any rate, it had clicked for Neji.
The light changed to green. Neji's hands were quivering from adrenaline and he had to grip the steering wheel to hide it. "You might want to tell me where you live sometime soon."
Tenten blushed. "You can just drop me off at the street, it's okay." She paused and looked away. "My house... well, I'd rather you didn't see it."
Neji snorted. "You're just trying to get me to take you home with me, aren't you?" It had come out before he could even begin to think about stopping it: The Flirtatious Invite Into His House.
He was officially in The Danger Zone now.
Luckily, Tenten laughed embarrassedly. "Maybe..." She said slowly, blushing and looking shifty-eyed. Neji smirked.
"I knew it. I am irresistible, after all. If I were you, I'd have already jumped me by now."
Where was all this ridiculous flirting coming from?! Neji screamed inwardly. It was like word-vomit. He was acting stupid, like Naruto or something. Obviously, that was much worse than acting like Sasuke.
"...Wait. Seriously, can I stay at your house...?" She asked hesitantly. Neji twitched.
"Wh-what?!"
She looked down at the floor of the car. "Never mind. Um, my street... it's just up here. Yeah, here we are."
He pulled to a stop at the top of the street. Squinting in the darkness, he could see the street comprised mostly run-down row homes. Most of the windows were smashed in.
"You live here?" He raised his eyebrows. Tenten nodded and reached to open the door. She mumbled something about good bye and thank you, and jogged down the street and into the darkness.
Neji sat in his car for awhile, staring at her street long after she had disappeared from sight. She probably hadn't been joking earlier, about not having heat.
And just like that, Neji knew what he had to do. He had to accept that he'd fallen in love. No one need know, not even Tenten. But he could cleverly make her life better, without her knowing who it was. It was so delightfully simple! He wouldn't look like a bumbling fool (see Sasuke). It was all too perfect!
At that, Neji turned his car around. He would not go home just yet tonight. He had some errands to run.
--
It was a box. A box, outside on her front doorstep.
What the hell was it doing here?
Tenten stood outside in the bitter cold morning, with her tattered bathrobe wrapped like Saran wrap around her small body, studying the package for a good ten minutes. What could it possibly be? There was no return address. It was small, about the size of a tissue box. Relatively lightweight.
Finally, curiosity killed the cat, and Tenten excitedly snatched up the package and ran inside squealing uncontrollably.
Without waiting she ripped open the package. Packing peanuts flew like shrapnel and the cardboard box was utterly destroyed. Now, Tenten stared stupidly at what lay before her.