Denied

By Lomeinie

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Season Two's School Reunion and Doomsday

Summary: Rose is denied even the comfort of a friend who truly understands her pain as she grieves over the Doctor.

Beta(s): Not betaed at this time

Disclaimers: I don't own Doctor Who or any of its characters, past or present as they all belong to the BBC. I have made NO money from this and I expect not to be sued as I just wrote this for myself and the enjoyment of my fellow fans.

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"Find me if you need to one day. Find me."

Rose's eyes snapped open, feeling a bit breathless as she sat up, her weary eyes falling to the clock on the nightstand. It was a little after three in the morning, and she pulled the blankets over her head, releasing a groan of frustrated weariness. She was closing in on three months since seeing the Doctor on that Norwegian beach. Every one of her nights since that day had been haunted by vivid dreams of either him or of their time together. She knew she wouldn't get any sleep so as long as her thoughts were racing a million miles an hour, so she pushed back the blankets and padded off towards the kitchen. Once there she put on some water to boil and once she got ready for a cup she sat down at the table to wait.

Tonight her thoughts has chosen to focus themselves on Sarah Jane Smith, and Rose remembered how her emotions had ran the gamut upon meeting the older woman. In a very short time span, Rose had gone from shocked surprised from meeting her to sheer annoyance at having been referred to as the Doctor's assistant. Her annoyance had quickly became jealousy when she watched how easily the Doctor seemed to resume his friendship, no relationship with Sarah Jane.

But jealousy wasn't the last thing she had felt towards Sarah Jane, though it did led to one of the most ridiculous arguments she had ever had in her life. She smiled now remembering how utterly ridiculous they'd sounded comparing their adventures with the Doctor, and she smiled as she remembered how they fell into laughter as they came to that realization. When the Doctor walked in a few moments later, they were nearly hysterical with laughter as they looked at the befuddled Time Lord they had just been fighting over. Somewhere in their laughter, Rose had developed a sudden genuine kinship and friendship with Sarah Jane so when the older woman turned down the Doctor's invitation for her to come, Rose had felt an unexpected twinge of disappointment.

The moment came for Sarah Jane's departure, and before she left the TARDIS for the final time, she had discreetly pulled Rose aside. Rose had looked into her eyes suddenly unsure about her future with the Doctor, and so she asked, "What do I do? Do I stay with him?"

There wasn't a second's worth of hesitation from Sarah Jane as she replied, "Yes, somethings are worth getting your heart broken for." The look in her eyes told Rose that if she were just a bit younger she'd leap at the chance to travel with the Doctor again. She pulled Rose into a brief hug before looking into her eyes. Her next words were solemn and she spoke them out of the genuine affection of friendship, "Find me if you need to one day. Find me."

At the time Rose hadn't wanted to read between her words or ponder the meaning behind them because it meant that someday she too would leave the Doctor. But now when she reflected on them, she knew that the older woman had known that one's relationship with the Doctor could only end in heartache whether the heartache was felt but those he left behind or by him alone, someone somehow was going to be heartbroken.

How could fate be so cruel as to deny her even this one simple comfort of the one friend who could truly understand her heartbroken grief?

How?

FIN