"Senpai… Can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked timidly. I was finally going to tell him. I had to. If I didn't do it now, I knew I never would.

Rin Matsuoka turned around to face me. He was holding a towel over his hair, drying it off. We had just gotten done swimming practice and had returned to our room. Rin let me use the shower first and I washed up, knowing this had to be the night.

"What is it?" He said, looking at me. He had just gotten out of the shower, I had been rehearsing lines in my head the whole time he was gone.

"I have something to tell you. I have wanted to say it for a long time and I just have never been able to." I stood up, looking at him eye to eye. I did not want him to see me as his lower, but as his equal. I wanted to see eye to eye with him.

"Well? Spit it out already." Rin demanded, sounding angry. He was looking at me. He was giving me time. He cared enough to hear me out.

"Senpai, since I first met you I have thought you are perfect. I still do and I see perfection in everything that you do. I want to be like you and I want to be with you. I… I love you."

I stared at his face, waiting for a reaction. I was looking for any minute detail, observing to see a curl of his lips or him raising an eyebrow.

There was absolutely no change in expression. He stared at me the same way he always did, with a slightly contempt look.

Even though I was scrutinizing every detail, I couldn't tell what he was about to say. I couldn't predict what he had to say therefore I had no way of bracing myself if he ridiculed me or told me off.

"Nitori…" He began.

Oh… He sounded upset. Not necessarily upset, but more exasperated. As if he was talking to a child.

I watched him raise a hand to his hair and run his fingers over his forehead and into his hair. He let it go and continued.

"Nitori, I understand. But, you above all people should know that the one that I love is Haru."

I couldn't breathe. I felt a blow to my chest, though there was no physical impact. What was this? Was my heart breaking?

I above all people should know?

He never told me anything. He never said anything! If I had known he harbored affections for someone else, I wouldn't have finally told him.

I felt like an idiot. Why was I so blind and stupid? Dammit…

"Uh, I know." I lied. But… I couldn't let it drop off this easily. "But… I just wanted you to know! That I love you. And if things don't work out with Haru… Then I'll be waiting."

I sucked a breath in. I couldn't believe I said that. I'll be waiting? How desperate can I be?!

Rin sighed and said, "Okay, Nitori." He waved and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

The towel he had dropped on the way out fluttered to the ground.

I fell back onto Rins bed.

I'll be waiting? Stupid!

My head fell into my hands and my elbows rested on my knees.

He's in love with someone else. Of course.

Of course, he was right. I should have known it all along. Haru is all he talks about and I know he's all he thinks about, too.

I brushed my teeth, set my alarm and climbed up to my bed. I curled up under the covers, wishing I could take back my confession.

What did I expect, him to say that he had loved me for years too, and take me in his arms?

Stupid. Stupid.

I felt a tear on my cheek.

Now I was crying too? I wiped it away hastily.

Actually… I guess I could let myself cry until he returned. Who knows where he went. He always disappeared.

I felt more tears come and my body racked with silent sobs.

He loves Haru.

He will never love me.

I will always be waiting, alone.