Disclaimer - I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing, so don't sue!


"Ladies and gentlemen," a rather bored, unemotional, flat voice called out,
signaling the game was about to start.

"Boys and girls!" A girlish, snooty, excited voice shouted out.

"Welcome to the FIRST inter-anime hockey championship games." The two
voices rang out together. "I'm commentator Mamoru." "And I'm commentator Relena
Peacecraft, former Queen of the World, current Head Minister, straight A honor..."
There was a muffled shriek and Mamoru's voice filled the air again. "Sorry about that.
Anyway, let's welcome Crystal Tokyo's, all girl defending champion hockey team, the
Moonlight BUNNIES!!" As he said this, his voice got all excited. "Rei, Ami, Chibi-
USA, Makoto, Minako, AAAAND their captain the talented, beautiful and, uh, um, well
PRINCESS Usagi!"

An angry voice shouted, "It should've been me! I should've been Captain, why is
it Usagi?! It's always Usagi, and what's with the talented and beautiful? She's UGLY,
ugly with absolutely no talent whatsoever! IT'S NOT FAIR!! AND WHY DID SHE
GET TO NAME THE TEAM?!?!" As Usagi skated out Rei lunged at her. "You always
get to do everything, well this time it's MY TURN!! MWAHAHAHA!! MARS...
AAARGH!" She never got to finish because at that moment, one of the refs, a tall stately
woman with green hair, grabbed her. "LET GO OF ME!! You WILL regret this,
especially when my lawyer comes knocking with a lawsuit..." Her complaints trailed
off, as she was dragged kicking and screaming from the rink.

"Who does she think she is?!" An enraged Mamoru was being held back by
Relena. "LET GO OF ME!! She can't attack MY girlfriend and expect to get away with
it!"

At that exact moment, Usagi, who had been sitting on the floor bawling about
how everybody picked on her and "why did Rei have to be so mean?" looked up and saw
Relena holding Mamoru. "WHAT do you think you're doing?!" She attempted to skate
over, but fell so many times that she was reduced to crawling over to the announcer's
booth. "Get away from my boyfriend!" She grabbed Mamoru and started pulling him
towards her. "HE'S MINE!! MINE I TELL YOU!! HAHAHAHA!"

Relena sweatdropped and quickly let go of him. "Oooookay, then you can have
him. We have to get on with game anyway." Ignoring both of them she grabbed the
mike and began to announce the other team. "Alriiiighty then, let's welcome the
challenging team, theeeeeeeeee SHENLONG DRAGONS?!! What IS this? Wufei's the
captain? NO!! It has to be my Heero. Only Heero can be captain. HEY WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?? GIVE THAT BACK!" Relena started shrieking as Mamoru grabbed the
mike away.

"Let's welcome Quatre Raberba Winner! (scattered, unenthusiastic applause can
be heard, and a snow cone is thrown at him) Trowa Barton! (even less enthusiastic
applause with some boo's and "Clown-hater" being heard, and a sub sandwich being
thrown at him.) Hey! That's mine, what're ya doing?!"

"Hmph. I'm fine now, I can handle the commentating, SO LET ME FINISH!
Anyways, lets hear if for my brother, Miliardo Peacecraft! (boo's are heard, and the
crowd starts throwing bagels at him.) Hey, that's my brother, applaud or I'll have your
heads!" There's a pause and Relena's voice comes back on. "Ahem. And now for our
favorite, HEERO YUY!! (the crowd roars, applauding and screaming.) That's right.
And here's our goalie, that dirty, evil, stinking street-thief," "RELENA!" "Sorry. Duo
Maxwell. (the noise is deafening, and it takes five minutes for the crowd to quite down to
the point where Relena's voice can be heard.) "And here's our captain, also a dirty, evil,
sexist, place-stealing little, hehehe, whoops. Captain Chang Wufei." The room goes
silent as Wufei skates out. "Sexist Pig!" "Women-hater!" "Women aren't weak!" can be
heard, and the crowd starts throwing anything and everything at him, and some bricks can
be seen among the junk being thrown. From the rink a voice can be heard saying, "It's
okay Wuffie, we still like ya anyway."

Wufei flipped the crowd off and turned to Duo. "SHUT UP!! Omoe o korosu,
Maxwell," a mild protest can be heard from Heero's direction, 'That's MY line!' Wufei
just ignores him and glares at Duo. "Don't call ME that!" Hearing this, the crowd starts
to chant, "Wuffie, Wuffie!" Making the already enraged captain even madder. "SHUT
UP! All of you, just wait until this game is over, then we'll see who's laughing! Then
we'll see!"

"Okay then. Everybody let's welcome our refs! Haruka, Michiru, and Setsuna!
Setsuna being the most wonderful of all people who took of our little problem with Rei,
who is a conceited little stuck up... WHAT!! SHE ONLY HAS A THIRTY-SECOND
PENALTY?!! What's your problem, kick her out of the game you dirty little sl..."

Relena grabs the mike before he can finish what he was about to say, mindful of
Setsuna's glare, and how she's muttering away to herself. "You'd better apologize." She
hissed. "Now, I know there's usually only two refs, but we're making an exception for
tonight's game, and for future games, in case it gets too violent. There will also be some
back-up refs, just in case." She pauses, waiting out the crowd's roar of appreciation at
the word violent. "Now, let's get on with the game!!"

"Well said Relena," Mamoru says, once again in his bored, can I go now, voice.
"The refs are bringing out the puck right now! But wait, what's this? *Gundam Wing's
The Wings of a Boy That killed Adolescence song comes on* It's a little late for your
mascot to show up now!" Mamoru starts cussing at them, and Relena takes the mike
away from him, again.

Wufei is laughing maniacally as the sound control people try, without success to
get the song to stop. Nobody sees Duo hit a button on a remote control about a fourth of
the way through the song, and then the song changes to, It's Just Love. Everybody turns
to glare at Duo, and Wufei looks like he's about to snap. His face is turning redder and
redder until it finally settles on a dark, dark purple. "DUO!! What did you do? What
happened to the theme song?" He starts to advance on Duo, who starts backing away.

"Whoah! Hold on there Wuffie, why do you think I did it? Everybody's always
blaming me for everything!" He suddenly realizes that he's been waving around the
remote control, and quickly hides it.

"This is all YOUR fault Duo." Wufei hissed, trying to hide the tears.
"Everything that I've tried to do you've always ruined. ALWAYS!!" Finally he breaks
down and starts to sob.

Seeing this, Duo starts laughing like a psychotic maniac. "Just wait,
HAHAHAHA, until, heehee, you see your, HAHA!" It takes a few minutes before he can
continue. "Precious Nataku!" He's laughing so hard that he falls to go the ground, just
in time to avoid being tackled by Wufei.

"My precious Nataku! NOOOO!! I'm coming Nataku! It'll be alright, just wait
right there!" Suddenly the room goes quiet, heavy thuds can be heard from outside the
rink and a mechanical voice is singing along to the song. "THIS IS INJUSTICE!"

"Usagi!!" Mamoru shouted as she fell to the ice. *thud* "Aargh!" Everytime the
thing stepped, Usagi would fall. *thud* "What the heck , *thud* do you *thud* think
you are *thud* doing?! *thud* That's my boyfriend!!" *thud* Reduced to crawling
across the ice, again, Usagi kept up a constant tirade of profanity directed to Relena, as
Relena held her boyfriend back.

Meanwhile, up in the crowds, Hotaru walked up and down the aisles, advertising
things to throw at the players. "Pretzels, get your pretzels! Fifty cents for two rock hard
pretzels. Throw them at Wufei, throw them at Usagi, excellent missiles for throwing at
heads!" She paused at one aisle who was in the perfect place to throw things. "How
about some bricks. One dolla for ONE brick! Perfect projectile to throw at Quatre or
Trowa! Just ONE dolla!" Needless to say, she was making a fortune.

Usagi, finally at the commentator's booth, lunged at Relena, and a cat fight
ensued. "This'll teach you to mess with MY boyfriend!" "Oh yeah, take this!" "HA!
You hit like a sheltered school girl, take this!" "OOOH!! You little... OW!" Usagi had
gotten hold of Relena's hair, and was slamming her head into the glass. "Girls, GIRLS!"
Mamoru's pleas fell on deaf ears as their screeches of rage got louder and louder. And
then a very yellow Gundam stepped onto the ice, heedless of the many cracks and holes it
was causing.

Wufei, trying to get to Duo, but was blocked by Haruka, and Duo wasn't helping
any by making faces at him and waving the remote control above his head, whirled
around when he heard the ice cracking, and almost had a heart attack. "NATAKU!
NOOOO!!!" There was the Gundam Shenlong, yellow with little pink bunnies dancing
on it, and as soon as Wufei saw it, the Gundam started to dance. "What have they done
to you my precious Nataku?! I WILL avenge you! DIE DUO!" Screaming like a
madman he leaped over Haruka and tackled Duo and started to choke him.

Setsuna skated over to them, looked at them in disgust and in her, I'm sick of you,
the world and all the universe, so you'd better stop what you're doing before I kill you,
voice, told them to stop. All she got was an elbow in the stomach. Gritting her teeth, she
grabbed Duo and Wufei and threw them into the walls. "YOU," she snapped, looking at
Duo. "Get that machine out of here and stop provoking your teammate. And YOU!"
She glared at Wufei. "Stop attacking people."

"And who's gonna make me, you?" He sneered at her. "You're just a weak
women."

Setsuna laughed, causing everybody to stop what they were doing and stare at her
in shock. "Only a weak male would call a woman weak, and while we're at it, stop
making sexist comments. 15 minute penalty, Chang Wufei."

"15 MINUTES?!" He shrieked. "You only gave that other girl 30 seconds, and
she was trying to murder someone, if that's not sexist, I don't know what is!" He
continued his tirade until a huge explosion interrupted their bickering.

"DUO!!" Everybody yelled as Duo was trying to hide the pieces of the ruined
Gundam. "Yes?" He asked, trying to look innocent.

"My poor Nataku! What've you done?" Wufei collapsed on the floor in a fit of
hysterics.

"Oh come on Wuffie," "Don't call me that!" "It's just a dead hunk of metal.

"A dead hunk of metal?!?" Wufei screamed. "Nataku was more than that,
Nataku lived! Hey, let go of me, what are you doing?!"

"Mourning time's over, buddy." Setsuna smiled queerly, and roughly pulled
Wufei up off of the ice. "We've got a game too play, so let's get this over with." She
shoved him towards his side of the ice.

"But what about my pen..." Wufei was cut off.

"NOT NOW! Shut up and play." Setsuna interrupted him, and gave him a nasty
look before grabbing the puck and throwing it at him. "PLAY BALL!"

"And they're off!" Relena squealed, as the puck hit Wufei in the head,
disorienting him momentarily, and at that moment he was screaming something about
how all ball hogs were big meanies, and he didn't appreciate being shorter than everyone
else. "They're racing down the track, ignoring their fallen comrade, they're nearing the
finish line, and, and..." The crowd was sitting on the edge of their seats in anticipation
and when Mamoru cut in and reminded the crowd that this was a hockey game NOT a
race track, they all sat back with heavy sighs of disappointment, and a shower of pretzels
hit him on the back of his head.

"But wait, what's this?" Relena squealed. "It looks like Rei's penalty is up, but
she's not moving. In fact, she's climbing up to the top of the glass!" All the players
stopped what they were doing, all except for Wufei and Duo. Duo was busy scoring, and
Wufei was skating closer and closer.

"Come on, just a few more inches, BANZAI!!" She screeched at the top of her
lungs as she jumped off the glass, slamming Wufei into the ice.

"OH MY GOSH! It looks like Rei did her famous, 'Banzai slam'. This doesn't
look good for Wufei."

"You're right, Mamoru. It's a proven fact that any male that is hit by the 'Banzai
slam' has to undergo extensive surgery just to survive, and it looks like the same thing is
in store for Wufei."

"I don't know about that, Relena, I think it'll take more than that to take Wufei
out of the game." Suddenly, everybody gasped. "It looks like Wufei's trying to get up,
wait, he IS getting up."

"It looks like he's about to talk"

It WAS true. Out of nowhere Wufei grabbed a microphone. "You know what,
Rei? You may have tried to stop Wufei from winning the championship, but Wufei says,
HA! Right here, right now, you and The Rock, er, I mean, you and Wufei are going to
settle this once and for all in a Royal Rumble!! And you know what else, Rei? The Ro...
um, ahem, Wufei is going to take you out!"

"What does Wufei think he's doing?! This is a hockey championship game, not a
WWF wrestling match."

"But he's winning! OOOH!!" The crowd flinched as Rei took a kick to the nose.
"Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Rei'd better do something soon, or else she's outta here!"

"Don't write out Rei so quickly. She's planning something wicked! Look out
Wufei! Minako and Makoto are joining in! Where's Wufei's teammates? Why aren't
they helping him?

"Well, Duo's busy scoring, Heero's busy trying not to laugh, Trowa and Quatre
are busy laughing their heads off, and my brother is busy flirting with Michiru!! HEY!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! AREN'T YOU ENGAGED TO NOIN?! I
AM SOO TELLING!!" Relena jumped out of the booth and lunged at Miliardo, but was
dragged back by Mamoru.

"We've got to commentate on this game, CALM DOWN!!"
Commercial break...