Why Coinemon?
I decided I wanted to make peace between adults and children on the issue of Pokemon. For your information, I am a Pokemon fan in the idea that I have played and enjoyed, at one point, the games due to my addiction to RPG's. I am not a Pokemon fan on the perspective that I am disgusted by the commercialism of the product, and how the great game of Tetris Attack was defaced by senseless amounts of advertising from a bad anime show (Well, at least in America. I hear they're foul-mouthed, grog-swilling rebels in the Japanese version.). Anyway, I figured in other for parents to stop thinking that their kids were on crack, I would have to find a common ground. That's easier than it sounds. There are only two things that adults love: money and collectable money; sorry kids ("Little Billy has Brain cancer!? So what? There's a silver dollar that looks like Bob Hope!"). So I created the story of Joe Collectum to make parents as mindless as their kids are. I'm doing this for the youth; not because the audience would gross more than 10 billion dollars. Our story starts in "Can't Do" a nation off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the "Fruity Archipelago" (If this makes no sense then check the names of the islands on Pokemon.). We arrive in "Wide Range of Colors displayed in a Chart" Town (Another reference to the names of places in the Pokemon world). Joe Collectum, a pathetic excuse for a human being, starts his journey to collect all 793.5 Coinemon (or at least until a week later when they release more "Commemorative Ultra-Rare Collectable Coinemon" for a weird reason like they wanted to put a picture of a cow on a wheat penny."). His hopes are to become the greatest Coinemon Master ever. Armed with only his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's doomed.). So join him on his heart-warming journey that involves nothing even remotely cool because we have censors that have boards up their *Explicative word that proves my point about the censors* . Cue the horribly written (by 12,000 Monkeys) theme song that nowhere resembles real music, obviously sung by N' Sync. **Girls come in screaming**
I am, the very best.
I always knew I was.
To collect them, my selfish quest.
It gives me such a buzz.
The show's plot is rather lame,
But from commercialism you can't hide.
These Coinemon will bring me fame.
Money is my pride.
CHORUS:
Coinemon!
Gotta Collectum.
It's me and me.
NO COINEMON PARA TI!
Coinemon!
Money's my best friend,
Your brains we can offend.
Coinemon!
Gotta Collectum.
If you're feeling blue,
Money will help you through.
All for me, and none for you.
Coineeeeemmmoooooooonnnn.
Gotta Collectum all,
Gotta Collectum all,
COINEMON!
Narrator: Welcome to the world of Coinemon, a group of mystical creatures… I mean, plants… NO MINERALS… WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS SUPPOSED TO BE! I mean they're just STUPID COINS! What kind of retard buys this shit anyway!? Are you people crazy… THIS IS NOT IN MY CONTRACT!
Director: Actually, it is. It says you will do anything and dance too.
Narrator: I believe that contract requires me to prance.
Narrator: **Looks at contract. ** ………………curses. Foiled again. Just do the damn show!
Director: FINE!
Narrator: …and I want to see prancing…NOW!
Director: **Grumbles** Alright, you stupid jackass. This job doesn't pay enough. I should've gotten a union job.
Title Screen Voice: **Stupid music cues in** Today's episode. Neo Pre- Genesis Renaissance Post-Rebirth Augmented Miniscule Introduction Anti- ending Antes de Conclusion No es terminar a todos The word that is used to describe when a vacuum tube was used in computer 5.5 billion years ago before real life or the big bang for fascists you are a pusillanimous pompous egocentric oologist of a proctologist I bet the doctor slapped yo' mama damn this is way to long Did you notice I spelled to wrong every journey ___ with one step the opposite of what I think we'd all like to see happen to N'Sync…
Or…
Beginning.
Narrator: Anyway, as I was saying. We start out in the mythical world of Coinemon. These hunks of metal are revered by Coinemon Collector Masters as wondrous creatures. The rest of us think their loons, but we enjoy watching them anyway. Our hero is Joe Collectum who wishes to become the greatest Collector Master of all time. Armed only with his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's totally screwed). He will meet friends and go through hardships, but he will obviously never mature. He lives in the small town of "Wide Range of Colors listed on a Chart" on the island nation of "Can't Do" off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the Fruity Archipelago. Let us watch him while I try to kill my agent for this job.
Joe: BOY! OH BOY! I'm 16 today! TODAY'S THE DAY I BECOME A COLLECTOR OF COINEMON! I'M EITHER IN JOY OR THE WRITER ACCIDENTLY HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY!
Writer: Oops…
Joe: Anyway, I must decide what Coinemon I will start with. Will I choose Quartersaur, Dimemander, or Nicktle? WHO KNOWS!? Actually, none of the above because I wasted five months doing this same dialog every day and by now I have chance in hell of anything. YEAH!
Narrator: So, our hero, armed with his Soulsaber walks up to the demon's lair. He craves to spill evil's blood. He knocks on the gate and a lightning bolt strikes the castle tower. He dodges out of the way, but he's too late……..Oh wait. That's a story you would have actually cared about. Nevermind. Anyway, Our hero walks till he sees a peculiar man in a lab coat. He seems confused. Our fool/hero walks to see if he can relieve his confusion.
Labman: Where the hell am I? Did I get zapped into an alternate dimension again.
Joe: Hi.
Labman: Hi. Can you tell me where I am?
Joe: Yes.
Labman: Well…
Joe: Well, what?
Labman: Can you tell me where I am? I haven't landed on the planet Alpha Nime again, have I?
Joe: Alpha Nime? Where's that?
Labman: Oh good…
Joe: This is Pisces Arody
Labman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Joe: Can you tell me how to get Coinemon?
Labman: WHAT!? Coinemon?
Joe: Coinemon from Doctor Wood.
Labman: Doctor Wood? Sounds like a porno star.
Joe: How do I get them from him for free.
Labman: What? OH! Thievery, huh? I guess I owe you for telling me where I am. Here take this laser. Point it at Doctor Woody…
Joe: WOOD!
Labman: Whatever. Just aim it at him and say, "GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU" and add an explicative word in there.
Joe: Oh thanks. What's your name? Mine's Joe Collectum.
Labman: Look this is too weird for me. I need to find a dimension transporter before I kill myself.
Joe: BYE STRANGE MYSTERIOUS PERSON I WILL MEET AGAIN!
Labman: What? Meet again? What do you mea- **falls down deep hole in ground**
Joe: Now to get my Coinemon. I wonder what this Laser thing does.
Labman: **From hole** Damn…I just gave a laser to an idiot. What was I thinking?
Narrator: What? You know where he's going.
Joe: GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU EXPLICETIVE WORD IN THERE!
Wood: What? **Looks at Laser** HOLY SHIT! Take whatever you want?
Joe: I just want a Coinemon, Doctor Wood.
Wood: What? Another one? Look! I'm running out of collectable coins. All you kids keep mugging me. Take my last one, the commemorative Bush Coin.
Joe: WOW! It's so cute! A $5 BUSHACHU!
Wood: Uhhh…You kids are freaks what are you doing with these things anyway?
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Thunderbolt hits everyone and they would normally die, but this is a bad cartoon.**
Wood: How did it just do that?
Joe: Bushachu is electric type.
Wood: You mean you shoved it in an electrical socket?
Joe: NO! No no no no no! Well…yes.
Wood: Just get what you want and get out of here.
Joe: By the way, what does this laser thing do?
Wood: You don't know? Maybe I should just take that from you.
Joe: Why?
Wood: It's a laser.
Joe: What is that?
Wood: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.
Joe: If no one tells me, I will never know.
Wood: No. You'll learn it on TV just like everything else. Just like how you learned to shove metal objects in electrical sockets and that you should always cover yourself in tin foil and stand on the roof in a thunderstorm and scream, "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"
Joe: Oh. **Pushes button and incinerates Lab** COOL!
Wood: Get out!
Stupid kids' voices: Who's that Coinemon? **a circle appears**
Commercial Man: You've seen the show. Now, you must buy the merchandise. We have Coinemon cookies, Coinemon Cars, Coinemon fake crap, Coinemon Video games, Coinemon caramels, Coinemon toys, Coinemon toys (The other kind), and the amazing Joe Collectum costume. Why would you ever want to buy this crap? That is at astronomical prices! Well, if you don't buy $1,000,000 in merchandise, you'll never see your children again.
Other Commercial Guy: Most of our audience is too big of losers to actually have kids.
CG: Oh. BUY IT ANYWAY! Your souls are at sake.
Other CG: They sold them for one tape of Anime.
CG: Okay….SEVERE MEDEIVL TORTURE WILL BEFALL YOU!
Other CG: Have you met our audience? They're so nerdy that they experience it daily.
CG: I WILL KILL CARROT TOP AND PAULY SHORE!
Other CG: Go ahead…
CG: uh………..
Other CG: Think of something.
CG: I WILL GIVE YOU REALLY NASTY WEDGIES AND NOOGIES!
Other CG: **Holds hand in head.** Just forget it, okay?
CG: REALLY REALLY NASTY NOOGIES!
Other CG: He won't shut up unless you buy our merchandise. **Crowds rush in**
Stupid kids' voices: **Circle appears again** IT'S………shaped like all the Coinemon so who cares? Uh. It's Bob. Bob the Coinemon. Yeah. That's the ticket. **Coin appears with Bob written on it.**
Narrator: Having gained his first Coinemon, Joe sets off to start his journey. There is a crowd outside, and Joe sees his Rival, Hsa Ole. He runs to go see Hsa.
Joe: Hsa!
Hsa: WHAT DO YOU WANT ASSFACE!?
Joe: What Coinemon did you get?
Hsa: I got a cool one. You'll never know though.
Joe: C'mon. You can tell me.
Hsa: NO! PISS OFF!
Joe: Pretty Please.
Hsa: Stop it!
Joe: PUH-LEEZE!
Hsa: I can't tell you because we have to make a cliffhanger that will end up being more of a running gag that pisses people off.
Joe: Oh. So you got the $5 Gore Coinemon, huh? COOL! Can I see your Gorem?
Hsa: **Looking shocked** WHAT!? It's not a Gorem!
Joe: Yes, it is.
Hsa: NO IT'S NOT!
Joe: It is too.
Hsa: IS NOT!
Joe: C'mon. We all know it's a Gorem. Wanna see my Bushachu?
Hsa: HA! Bushachu. My Coinemon could beat it.
Joe: That's not what the 2000 election said.
Hsa: HE WON THE POPULAR VOTE!
Joe: I knew it! You have a Gorem!
Hsa: I didn't say anything.
Joe: You're blushing. YOU OWN A GOREM! YOU OWN A GOREM!
Hsa: Uh…You suck. Smell ya later dumb ass!
Joe: What a friendly guy!
Mom: Joe!
Joe: Who's that?
Mom: It's your mother!
Joe: Uh…
Mom: What? Afraid to be seen with your mom in public.
Joe: You're not my mother.
Mom: Oh! Too embarrassed of your mother, eh?
Joe: NO! You're really not my mother.
Mom: Yes I am.
Joe: No. You're not. You're a crazy lady from off the street. You can't be my mom. You're 17!
Mom: Don't be silly.
Joe: POLICE!
Mom: Anyway, I packed you some underwear in your bag. Here are your gloves and your hat.
Joe: How's you get my underwear?
Mom: I love you sweetie. See you when you get back. **runs off**
Joe: What's with her? Let's see. A Coinemon League Cap and a pair of…pink gloves!? What the hell is wrong with her? I probably don't wanna know what's in this backpack.
Narrator: PLEASE BE A BOMB! PUH-LEEZE BE A BOMB!
Joe: A Lifetime supply of Tapioca Pudding? Oh well. Might as well keep the backpack.
Narrator: One explosive. That's all I ask. One explosive.
Joe: I might as well go fight my Bushachu and collect some Coinemon. Now to just get Bushachu in its collectable case. **tries to cram Bushachu in**
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Bushachu thunderbolts everybody but no one dies because Joe is still holding the Tapioca pudding and it acts as a resistor in a strange act of polarization in the climate and thus does nothing.**
Joe: I really should stop jamming Metal objects in electrical sockets.
Narrator: Where did he even get an electrical socket outside? It makes no sense! Anyway, Joe goes to a field. WHOOP DEE DOO!
Joe: What Coinemon is that? I better pull out my talking Coinemon Collector Guide.
Collector Guide: Pinny. This Coinemon is the most common of all Coinemon. It is so common that only a someone like you wouldn't know what it is. It evolves into Copper Pinnyotto and Wheat Pinnyot. I might also add that you smell, and that's an accomplishment considering I can't smell. This message will self-destruct. 3….2….1
Joe: Uh oh!
Collector Guide: BOOM!
Joe: AH!
Collector Guide: Gotcha!
Joe: Stupid thing. I must try to capture Pinny. Bushachu! GO!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: ATTACK!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: DAMN IT!
Commercial Guy: Little does Joe know, but we've replaced his regular mouthwash with Mierda. The only mouthwash that smells like….
Other CG: Don't tell them. Besides, the commercial joke for this chapter was over a long time ago.
Joe: If Bushachu won't attack, then I'll fight the Pinny with a rock.
Narrator: A ROCK!?
Labman: **still in hole** A ROCK!?
Wood: A ROCK!?
Mom: A RUBBER CHICKEN WITH A FLAMETHROWER!?
Viewers: GET ON WITH IT!
Narrator: Joe throws the rock, and the Pinny gets pissed. As it comes out of the shadows, its not a Pinny, but a…
Collector Guide: One and a half-cent Speoin. It's pissed. **sarcastically** Oh gee! How could I have ever made that mistake? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Joe: Oh shit!
Speoin: SPEOIN!
Joe: How do you pronounce that anyway?
Speoin: SPEOIN!
Joe: Thanks. That clears it up. BUSHACHU ATTACK!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: Uh oh!
Narrator: So Joe is beaten senseless and grabs his Bushachu and runs. He jumps in the water and falls off a waterfall; hopefully hitting rocks on the way down. He sees a girl fishing with a bike, but does not grab it because we don't want to get sued for being too close to the actually show. Suddenly, an unknown assailant fires at Joe's leg and he falls to the ground. I could get to like this show.
Joe: OW! Who shot me?
Narrator: **whistles** So, Joe tries to reason with Bushachu while a nearby traveler overhears his conversation.
Joe: Bushachu help!
Traveler: Bushachu?
Joe: You're talking again. THANK YOU BUSHACHU!
Traveler: BUSHACHU?
Joe: GO FIGHT THAT SPEOIN!
Traveler: BUSHACHU!?
Narrator: So, Joe throws Bushachu in the air ,and, by chance, a lightning bolt strikes Bushachu out of no where and fries the Speoin.
Joe: You saved me Bushachu!
Narrator: Before Joe passes out, he sees a metal circle fly across the sky over a rainbow.
Joe: That must be the Coinemon that we'll avoid announcing what it is for a long time to keep people watching just to see what it is. UGH! **passes out**
Traveler: Hello? Are you okay? **pokes him with a stick** Oh well. Guess I have to take him to the Medical center in "The Color of Good Quality Eye Cheese" City.
Narrator: Will Joe survive? Will Bushachu ever get in his case? Who is the traveler? What fate will befall Joe? Will I get a better gig? We'll never know the answer to some question, but the others will be explained in the next episode of Coinemon. Now the Coinerap! WHAT? That's it! WHERE'S MY AGENT!
Idiot: All right kiddies. Time for the Coinerap. If you know the words, sing along. See if you can Rap them all. GO!
Rapper: Want a pickle? Double headed-nickel! Don't slam the door! Quartersaur. Luann Hampton Laverty Oberlander? It's a'gonna be Dimemander. God bless you! BUSHACHU! Don't you holler! HALF DOLLAR!
Idiot: That's great! 788.5 more to go!
Rapper: WHAT!?
Idiot: At least 793.5 to see. To be a Coinemon Master would be nifty.
Rapper: No no no. I'm not putting up with this. YOU TRY RYHMING THIS CRAP! Do it yourself!
Idiot: Uh………………BYE KIDS!
I decided I wanted to make peace between adults and children on the issue of Pokemon. For your information, I am a Pokemon fan in the idea that I have played and enjoyed, at one point, the games due to my addiction to RPG's. I am not a Pokemon fan on the perspective that I am disgusted by the commercialism of the product, and how the great game of Tetris Attack was defaced by senseless amounts of advertising from a bad anime show (Well, at least in America. I hear they're foul-mouthed, grog-swilling rebels in the Japanese version.). Anyway, I figured in other for parents to stop thinking that their kids were on crack, I would have to find a common ground. That's easier than it sounds. There are only two things that adults love: money and collectable money; sorry kids ("Little Billy has Brain cancer!? So what? There's a silver dollar that looks like Bob Hope!"). So I created the story of Joe Collectum to make parents as mindless as their kids are. I'm doing this for the youth; not because the audience would gross more than 10 billion dollars. Our story starts in "Can't Do" a nation off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the "Fruity Archipelago" (If this makes no sense then check the names of the islands on Pokemon.). We arrive in "Wide Range of Colors displayed in a Chart" Town (Another reference to the names of places in the Pokemon world). Joe Collectum, a pathetic excuse for a human being, starts his journey to collect all 793.5 Coinemon (or at least until a week later when they release more "Commemorative Ultra-Rare Collectable Coinemon" for a weird reason like they wanted to put a picture of a cow on a wheat penny."). His hopes are to become the greatest Coinemon Master ever. Armed with only his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's doomed.). So join him on his heart-warming journey that involves nothing even remotely cool because we have censors that have boards up their *Explicative word that proves my point about the censors* . Cue the horribly written (by 12,000 Monkeys) theme song that nowhere resembles real music, obviously sung by N' Sync. **Girls come in screaming**
I am, the very best.
I always knew I was.
To collect them, my selfish quest.
It gives me such a buzz.
The show's plot is rather lame,
But from commercialism you can't hide.
These Coinemon will bring me fame.
Money is my pride.
CHORUS:
Coinemon!
Gotta Collectum.
It's me and me.
NO COINEMON PARA TI!
Coinemon!
Money's my best friend,
Your brains we can offend.
Coinemon!
Gotta Collectum.
If you're feeling blue,
Money will help you through.
All for me, and none for you.
Coineeeeemmmoooooooonnnn.
Gotta Collectum all,
Gotta Collectum all,
COINEMON!
Narrator: Welcome to the world of Coinemon, a group of mystical creatures… I mean, plants… NO MINERALS… WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS SUPPOSED TO BE! I mean they're just STUPID COINS! What kind of retard buys this shit anyway!? Are you people crazy… THIS IS NOT IN MY CONTRACT!
Director: Actually, it is. It says you will do anything and dance too.
Narrator: I believe that contract requires me to prance.
Narrator: **Looks at contract. ** ………………curses. Foiled again. Just do the damn show!
Director: FINE!
Narrator: …and I want to see prancing…NOW!
Director: **Grumbles** Alright, you stupid jackass. This job doesn't pay enough. I should've gotten a union job.
Title Screen Voice: **Stupid music cues in** Today's episode. Neo Pre- Genesis Renaissance Post-Rebirth Augmented Miniscule Introduction Anti- ending Antes de Conclusion No es terminar a todos The word that is used to describe when a vacuum tube was used in computer 5.5 billion years ago before real life or the big bang for fascists you are a pusillanimous pompous egocentric oologist of a proctologist I bet the doctor slapped yo' mama damn this is way to long Did you notice I spelled to wrong every journey ___ with one step the opposite of what I think we'd all like to see happen to N'Sync…
Or…
Beginning.
Narrator: Anyway, as I was saying. We start out in the mythical world of Coinemon. These hunks of metal are revered by Coinemon Collector Masters as wondrous creatures. The rest of us think their loons, but we enjoy watching them anyway. Our hero is Joe Collectum who wishes to become the greatest Collector Master of all time. Armed only with his wits, he must overcome obstacles ahead (He's totally screwed). He will meet friends and go through hardships, but he will obviously never mature. He lives in the small town of "Wide Range of Colors listed on a Chart" on the island nation of "Can't Do" off the coast of "Joe's Ho" and the Fruity Archipelago. Let us watch him while I try to kill my agent for this job.
Joe: BOY! OH BOY! I'm 16 today! TODAY'S THE DAY I BECOME A COLLECTOR OF COINEMON! I'M EITHER IN JOY OR THE WRITER ACCIDENTLY HIT THE CAPS LOCK KEY!
Writer: Oops…
Joe: Anyway, I must decide what Coinemon I will start with. Will I choose Quartersaur, Dimemander, or Nicktle? WHO KNOWS!? Actually, none of the above because I wasted five months doing this same dialog every day and by now I have chance in hell of anything. YEAH!
Narrator: So, our hero, armed with his Soulsaber walks up to the demon's lair. He craves to spill evil's blood. He knocks on the gate and a lightning bolt strikes the castle tower. He dodges out of the way, but he's too late……..Oh wait. That's a story you would have actually cared about. Nevermind. Anyway, Our hero walks till he sees a peculiar man in a lab coat. He seems confused. Our fool/hero walks to see if he can relieve his confusion.
Labman: Where the hell am I? Did I get zapped into an alternate dimension again.
Joe: Hi.
Labman: Hi. Can you tell me where I am?
Joe: Yes.
Labman: Well…
Joe: Well, what?
Labman: Can you tell me where I am? I haven't landed on the planet Alpha Nime again, have I?
Joe: Alpha Nime? Where's that?
Labman: Oh good…
Joe: This is Pisces Arody
Labman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Joe: Can you tell me how to get Coinemon?
Labman: WHAT!? Coinemon?
Joe: Coinemon from Doctor Wood.
Labman: Doctor Wood? Sounds like a porno star.
Joe: How do I get them from him for free.
Labman: What? OH! Thievery, huh? I guess I owe you for telling me where I am. Here take this laser. Point it at Doctor Woody…
Joe: WOOD!
Labman: Whatever. Just aim it at him and say, "GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU" and add an explicative word in there.
Joe: Oh thanks. What's your name? Mine's Joe Collectum.
Labman: Look this is too weird for me. I need to find a dimension transporter before I kill myself.
Joe: BYE STRANGE MYSTERIOUS PERSON I WILL MEET AGAIN!
Labman: What? Meet again? What do you mea- **falls down deep hole in ground**
Joe: Now to get my Coinemon. I wonder what this Laser thing does.
Labman: **From hole** Damn…I just gave a laser to an idiot. What was I thinking?
Narrator: What? You know where he's going.
Joe: GIVE ME YOUR COINEMON OR ELSE, YOU EXPLICETIVE WORD IN THERE!
Wood: What? **Looks at Laser** HOLY SHIT! Take whatever you want?
Joe: I just want a Coinemon, Doctor Wood.
Wood: What? Another one? Look! I'm running out of collectable coins. All you kids keep mugging me. Take my last one, the commemorative Bush Coin.
Joe: WOW! It's so cute! A $5 BUSHACHU!
Wood: Uhhh…You kids are freaks what are you doing with these things anyway?
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Thunderbolt hits everyone and they would normally die, but this is a bad cartoon.**
Wood: How did it just do that?
Joe: Bushachu is electric type.
Wood: You mean you shoved it in an electrical socket?
Joe: NO! No no no no no! Well…yes.
Wood: Just get what you want and get out of here.
Joe: By the way, what does this laser thing do?
Wood: You don't know? Maybe I should just take that from you.
Joe: Why?
Wood: It's a laser.
Joe: What is that?
Wood: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.
Joe: If no one tells me, I will never know.
Wood: No. You'll learn it on TV just like everything else. Just like how you learned to shove metal objects in electrical sockets and that you should always cover yourself in tin foil and stand on the roof in a thunderstorm and scream, "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!"
Joe: Oh. **Pushes button and incinerates Lab** COOL!
Wood: Get out!
Stupid kids' voices: Who's that Coinemon? **a circle appears**
Commercial Man: You've seen the show. Now, you must buy the merchandise. We have Coinemon cookies, Coinemon Cars, Coinemon fake crap, Coinemon Video games, Coinemon caramels, Coinemon toys, Coinemon toys (The other kind), and the amazing Joe Collectum costume. Why would you ever want to buy this crap? That is at astronomical prices! Well, if you don't buy $1,000,000 in merchandise, you'll never see your children again.
Other Commercial Guy: Most of our audience is too big of losers to actually have kids.
CG: Oh. BUY IT ANYWAY! Your souls are at sake.
Other CG: They sold them for one tape of Anime.
CG: Okay….SEVERE MEDEIVL TORTURE WILL BEFALL YOU!
Other CG: Have you met our audience? They're so nerdy that they experience it daily.
CG: I WILL KILL CARROT TOP AND PAULY SHORE!
Other CG: Go ahead…
CG: uh………..
Other CG: Think of something.
CG: I WILL GIVE YOU REALLY NASTY WEDGIES AND NOOGIES!
Other CG: **Holds hand in head.** Just forget it, okay?
CG: REALLY REALLY NASTY NOOGIES!
Other CG: He won't shut up unless you buy our merchandise. **Crowds rush in**
Stupid kids' voices: **Circle appears again** IT'S………shaped like all the Coinemon so who cares? Uh. It's Bob. Bob the Coinemon. Yeah. That's the ticket. **Coin appears with Bob written on it.**
Narrator: Having gained his first Coinemon, Joe sets off to start his journey. There is a crowd outside, and Joe sees his Rival, Hsa Ole. He runs to go see Hsa.
Joe: Hsa!
Hsa: WHAT DO YOU WANT ASSFACE!?
Joe: What Coinemon did you get?
Hsa: I got a cool one. You'll never know though.
Joe: C'mon. You can tell me.
Hsa: NO! PISS OFF!
Joe: Pretty Please.
Hsa: Stop it!
Joe: PUH-LEEZE!
Hsa: I can't tell you because we have to make a cliffhanger that will end up being more of a running gag that pisses people off.
Joe: Oh. So you got the $5 Gore Coinemon, huh? COOL! Can I see your Gorem?
Hsa: **Looking shocked** WHAT!? It's not a Gorem!
Joe: Yes, it is.
Hsa: NO IT'S NOT!
Joe: It is too.
Hsa: IS NOT!
Joe: C'mon. We all know it's a Gorem. Wanna see my Bushachu?
Hsa: HA! Bushachu. My Coinemon could beat it.
Joe: That's not what the 2000 election said.
Hsa: HE WON THE POPULAR VOTE!
Joe: I knew it! You have a Gorem!
Hsa: I didn't say anything.
Joe: You're blushing. YOU OWN A GOREM! YOU OWN A GOREM!
Hsa: Uh…You suck. Smell ya later dumb ass!
Joe: What a friendly guy!
Mom: Joe!
Joe: Who's that?
Mom: It's your mother!
Joe: Uh…
Mom: What? Afraid to be seen with your mom in public.
Joe: You're not my mother.
Mom: Oh! Too embarrassed of your mother, eh?
Joe: NO! You're really not my mother.
Mom: Yes I am.
Joe: No. You're not. You're a crazy lady from off the street. You can't be my mom. You're 17!
Mom: Don't be silly.
Joe: POLICE!
Mom: Anyway, I packed you some underwear in your bag. Here are your gloves and your hat.
Joe: How's you get my underwear?
Mom: I love you sweetie. See you when you get back. **runs off**
Joe: What's with her? Let's see. A Coinemon League Cap and a pair of…pink gloves!? What the hell is wrong with her? I probably don't wanna know what's in this backpack.
Narrator: PLEASE BE A BOMB! PUH-LEEZE BE A BOMB!
Joe: A Lifetime supply of Tapioca Pudding? Oh well. Might as well keep the backpack.
Narrator: One explosive. That's all I ask. One explosive.
Joe: I might as well go fight my Bushachu and collect some Coinemon. Now to just get Bushachu in its collectable case. **tries to cram Bushachu in**
Bushachu: BUSHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! **Bushachu thunderbolts everybody but no one dies because Joe is still holding the Tapioca pudding and it acts as a resistor in a strange act of polarization in the climate and thus does nothing.**
Joe: I really should stop jamming Metal objects in electrical sockets.
Narrator: Where did he even get an electrical socket outside? It makes no sense! Anyway, Joe goes to a field. WHOOP DEE DOO!
Joe: What Coinemon is that? I better pull out my talking Coinemon Collector Guide.
Collector Guide: Pinny. This Coinemon is the most common of all Coinemon. It is so common that only a someone like you wouldn't know what it is. It evolves into Copper Pinnyotto and Wheat Pinnyot. I might also add that you smell, and that's an accomplishment considering I can't smell. This message will self-destruct. 3….2….1
Joe: Uh oh!
Collector Guide: BOOM!
Joe: AH!
Collector Guide: Gotcha!
Joe: Stupid thing. I must try to capture Pinny. Bushachu! GO!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: ATTACK!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: DAMN IT!
Commercial Guy: Little does Joe know, but we've replaced his regular mouthwash with Mierda. The only mouthwash that smells like….
Other CG: Don't tell them. Besides, the commercial joke for this chapter was over a long time ago.
Joe: If Bushachu won't attack, then I'll fight the Pinny with a rock.
Narrator: A ROCK!?
Labman: **still in hole** A ROCK!?
Wood: A ROCK!?
Mom: A RUBBER CHICKEN WITH A FLAMETHROWER!?
Viewers: GET ON WITH IT!
Narrator: Joe throws the rock, and the Pinny gets pissed. As it comes out of the shadows, its not a Pinny, but a…
Collector Guide: One and a half-cent Speoin. It's pissed. **sarcastically** Oh gee! How could I have ever made that mistake? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Joe: Oh shit!
Speoin: SPEOIN!
Joe: How do you pronounce that anyway?
Speoin: SPEOIN!
Joe: Thanks. That clears it up. BUSHACHU ATTACK!
Bushachu: ………
Joe: Uh oh!
Narrator: So Joe is beaten senseless and grabs his Bushachu and runs. He jumps in the water and falls off a waterfall; hopefully hitting rocks on the way down. He sees a girl fishing with a bike, but does not grab it because we don't want to get sued for being too close to the actually show. Suddenly, an unknown assailant fires at Joe's leg and he falls to the ground. I could get to like this show.
Joe: OW! Who shot me?
Narrator: **whistles** So, Joe tries to reason with Bushachu while a nearby traveler overhears his conversation.
Joe: Bushachu help!
Traveler: Bushachu?
Joe: You're talking again. THANK YOU BUSHACHU!
Traveler: BUSHACHU?
Joe: GO FIGHT THAT SPEOIN!
Traveler: BUSHACHU!?
Narrator: So, Joe throws Bushachu in the air ,and, by chance, a lightning bolt strikes Bushachu out of no where and fries the Speoin.
Joe: You saved me Bushachu!
Narrator: Before Joe passes out, he sees a metal circle fly across the sky over a rainbow.
Joe: That must be the Coinemon that we'll avoid announcing what it is for a long time to keep people watching just to see what it is. UGH! **passes out**
Traveler: Hello? Are you okay? **pokes him with a stick** Oh well. Guess I have to take him to the Medical center in "The Color of Good Quality Eye Cheese" City.
Narrator: Will Joe survive? Will Bushachu ever get in his case? Who is the traveler? What fate will befall Joe? Will I get a better gig? We'll never know the answer to some question, but the others will be explained in the next episode of Coinemon. Now the Coinerap! WHAT? That's it! WHERE'S MY AGENT!
Idiot: All right kiddies. Time for the Coinerap. If you know the words, sing along. See if you can Rap them all. GO!
Rapper: Want a pickle? Double headed-nickel! Don't slam the door! Quartersaur. Luann Hampton Laverty Oberlander? It's a'gonna be Dimemander. God bless you! BUSHACHU! Don't you holler! HALF DOLLAR!
Idiot: That's great! 788.5 more to go!
Rapper: WHAT!?
Idiot: At least 793.5 to see. To be a Coinemon Master would be nifty.
Rapper: No no no. I'm not putting up with this. YOU TRY RYHMING THIS CRAP! Do it yourself!
Idiot: Uh………………BYE KIDS!