A/N: I wrote this in order to creatively rant about some of the horrible Detective Conan subtitles I've found. Unfortunately, all of these mistakes and general errors are real ones that I've found over the course of only a handful of episodes. I don't intend to offend anybody with this, only to release some personal frustrations. I do not own Detective Conan or any of the characters, and I certainly do not own the subtitles.

You know you're watching Detective Conan with terrible subtitles when:

1. Ai Haibara has been replaced by an evil clone named Ai Haigen.

2. "Onii-chan" suddenly means "father" instead of "older brother."

3. As a result of the above change, an elementary school kid's father is ten years older than him.

4. A drama troupe becomes a circus troupe overnight.

5. The circus troupe's script writer holds out his pipe and asks someone to buy another pack of cigarettes for him.

6. The loan word "alibi" means excuse. (It's almost a synonym, but that doesn't make it a proper translation.)

7. The Black Organization is, "detective-like."

8. According to Shinichi's dialogue about how he turned into Conan, he says that Gin was Vodka's, "companions."

9. "Goaled" is a word.

10. The name "Kaneko" is turned into "Kinko."

11. Conan's hat drops his hat.

12. Ai Haigen teamed up with someone named Gentai and has asked him to replace Genta.

13. Inspector Megure says, "Hello," while trying to prevent someone from shooting a random spectator at a soccer match.

14. "Television camera," which has similar Japanese and English pronunciations—possibly loan-words—and a picture of a camera on the screen when it's said, is translated as "television screen."

15. The loan word/phrase "box stand" doesn't seem to mean "box stand."

16. Another loan word, "coat," is translated as "suit." (They don't seem to like loan words.)

17. Someone can collect "1000 million" yen but not 1 billion.

18. Instead of being a camera person, someone can become an entire camera crew.

19. They forget to subtitle the preview for the next episode.

20. There are so many more mistakes that the viewer begins to wonder if the subtitle-makers were too lazy to look things up or if they couldn't speak either Japanese or English properly.

If someone wants me to continue this for whatever reason, just let me know, and I'll see what I can do. There were more mistakes than this, such as "Konan" and "Takaki," but I let those slide because of understandable spelling/transliteration mistakes. I hope this made you laugh at least a little bit.