Disclaimer: I don't own any characters associated with "Moulin Rouge" They
all belong to Baz Luhrman & Craig Pierce… even my beloved Christian. *Gets
all dreamy eyed* The song "Looking In" was written by Mariah Carey and
sadly, I don't own it either.
Author's Note: This was my first fanfic & songfic, though I am much more experienced as a writer now, I still like this songfic because it fits so well in the moment… and because it's was one of the first songs I remember hearing when I was younger.
~Looking In~
Looking in the mirror, I sadly smiled to myself. I could still hear Christian's light breathing as I walked out onto the terrace of his garret. Night was still very emanate as the moonlight shown down on me, mixing with the red mist cast over me by the lights of the Moulin Rouge. The stars were sparkling brilliantly and that moment I thought to myself, "Is that what the men meant when they called my 'The Sparkling Diamond'? Did I really shine that brightly in their eyes?"… No, it was my beauty that shined, not me… never me. The only man who ever knew me as a person was Christian… the man I love.
And he loved me… he had proven it, not that there had been any need to. I could tell by the way he looked at me through the corner of his eye. Or when he charmingly smiled at me behind Harold and the Duke's back… that smile took my breath away, making me forget what everyone else thought of me. The way girl's like Nini snickered behind my back everytime I coughed or gasped for air. Even the way that women of the upper-class looked down on me… calling me a 'whore' or worse things that even I, being raised in the brothels, would not dare to say aloud.
I walked back inside, sitting on the bed beside Christian, who still murmured and shifted in his sleep. I ran my fingers through his raven- colored hair and kissed his forehead softly… but even with all that said and done, he would still never know who I really was. Watching him lay there, I began to sing softly to my love.
"You look at me and see… the girl... Who lives inside the golden… world." I rose from the bed and back to the mirror, studying my reflection. "But don't believe, that's all there is to see… You'll never know the real me…"
I looked back at Christian and smiled weakly again, looking into the mirror at myself again.
"She smiles through a thousand tears… and harbors adolescent fears…" I wanted to cry and held it in… a real actress, never… not now. But it didn't matter anymore, I had him.
"She dreams of all… that she could never be… she wades in insecurity… And hides herself inside of me…" I walked back out onto the terrace and looked at the windmill of the Moulin Rouge. A nightclub that would ultimately kill me and I didn't care anymore… not about the money, the fame, the admiration…
"Don't say 'She takes it all for granted'. I'm well… aware of all I have. Don't think, that I am disenchanted. Please understand…" My tears were still fighting for the best of me, but I refused to let them win. To let everyone in that club get the best of me… I was Christian's… and they weren't going to win and take me from him… I wouldn't let them.
"It seems as though I've always been… somebody outside looking in… Well here I am… for all of them to bleed. But they can't take my heart from me…" I looked at Christian, smiling strongly now and I let out my heart into a single line.
"And they can't bring me to… my knees…" I walked back inside and returned to Christian's side. I ran my fingers through his hair again and whispered to him.
"They'll never know the real…me…" He opened his eyes slightly and smiled up at me softly. I returned the smile and whispered, "Good morning, my love." He took my hand in his and cooed into my ear.
"I love you." I held in the tears again, but my eyes were burning.
"I love you, too."
Author's Note: Okay, there it is. I thought the song went along beautifully with the story line and I felt like I was forced to write it out of my 'duty' as a "Moulin Rouge" fan. I hope you guys enjoyed it and remember "Reviews Are Everything" so please review and maybe I'll write more songfics… maybe I'll even do a fanfic! I'm currently working on one, actually… "Escape From Montmartre"
Author's Note: This was my first fanfic & songfic, though I am much more experienced as a writer now, I still like this songfic because it fits so well in the moment… and because it's was one of the first songs I remember hearing when I was younger.
~Looking In~
Looking in the mirror, I sadly smiled to myself. I could still hear Christian's light breathing as I walked out onto the terrace of his garret. Night was still very emanate as the moonlight shown down on me, mixing with the red mist cast over me by the lights of the Moulin Rouge. The stars were sparkling brilliantly and that moment I thought to myself, "Is that what the men meant when they called my 'The Sparkling Diamond'? Did I really shine that brightly in their eyes?"… No, it was my beauty that shined, not me… never me. The only man who ever knew me as a person was Christian… the man I love.
And he loved me… he had proven it, not that there had been any need to. I could tell by the way he looked at me through the corner of his eye. Or when he charmingly smiled at me behind Harold and the Duke's back… that smile took my breath away, making me forget what everyone else thought of me. The way girl's like Nini snickered behind my back everytime I coughed or gasped for air. Even the way that women of the upper-class looked down on me… calling me a 'whore' or worse things that even I, being raised in the brothels, would not dare to say aloud.
I walked back inside, sitting on the bed beside Christian, who still murmured and shifted in his sleep. I ran my fingers through his raven- colored hair and kissed his forehead softly… but even with all that said and done, he would still never know who I really was. Watching him lay there, I began to sing softly to my love.
"You look at me and see… the girl... Who lives inside the golden… world." I rose from the bed and back to the mirror, studying my reflection. "But don't believe, that's all there is to see… You'll never know the real me…"
I looked back at Christian and smiled weakly again, looking into the mirror at myself again.
"She smiles through a thousand tears… and harbors adolescent fears…" I wanted to cry and held it in… a real actress, never… not now. But it didn't matter anymore, I had him.
"She dreams of all… that she could never be… she wades in insecurity… And hides herself inside of me…" I walked back out onto the terrace and looked at the windmill of the Moulin Rouge. A nightclub that would ultimately kill me and I didn't care anymore… not about the money, the fame, the admiration…
"Don't say 'She takes it all for granted'. I'm well… aware of all I have. Don't think, that I am disenchanted. Please understand…" My tears were still fighting for the best of me, but I refused to let them win. To let everyone in that club get the best of me… I was Christian's… and they weren't going to win and take me from him… I wouldn't let them.
"It seems as though I've always been… somebody outside looking in… Well here I am… for all of them to bleed. But they can't take my heart from me…" I looked at Christian, smiling strongly now and I let out my heart into a single line.
"And they can't bring me to… my knees…" I walked back inside and returned to Christian's side. I ran my fingers through his hair again and whispered to him.
"They'll never know the real…me…" He opened his eyes slightly and smiled up at me softly. I returned the smile and whispered, "Good morning, my love." He took my hand in his and cooed into my ear.
"I love you." I held in the tears again, but my eyes were burning.
"I love you, too."
Author's Note: Okay, there it is. I thought the song went along beautifully with the story line and I felt like I was forced to write it out of my 'duty' as a "Moulin Rouge" fan. I hope you guys enjoyed it and remember "Reviews Are Everything" so please review and maybe I'll write more songfics… maybe I'll even do a fanfic! I'm currently working on one, actually… "Escape From Montmartre"