This Precious Thing: Part One
By Jemmiah
*******
"It's not fair!"
"Jemmiah, don't stamp your foot like that at me. You're not a Bantha! And don't look at me like that either because I won't tolerate it."
"You ALWAYS take Obi-Wan's side in everything! You never listen to me!"
"Did you or did you not kick my padawan in the shin?"
"Yes! So what if I did? He's got another perfectly good leg to stand on, hasn't he?"
"That's hardly the point as well you know."
"The galaxy is not going to end coz Ben's got a tiny bruise."
Maybe it was because of the way that she was fixing him with that insufferable, infuriating scowl - the open defiance - that Qui-Gon hadn't listened to Jemmiah's side of the story up to that point, he couldn't say for certain. It did bother him that she truthfully considered him to be biased in favor of his apprentice, but he had seen the facts with his own eyes. The boy had a rapidly darkening bruise on his shin, a kick that had been delivered by a forceful and angry blow. Jemmiah couldn't deny kicking him as he'd come in and witnessed the very moment of the attack, but what Qui-Gon needed to know was what Obi-Wan had done to merit such a viscous assault. His padawan had not been forthcoming which had more or less confirmed Jemmiah's tale that there was more to the sorry story than first met the eye...
"You and Obi-Wan usually get on so well." Qui-Gon pointed out, crossing his own arms and mirroring her sullen posture. "That's what I find so surprising."
"It was his fault!"
"He maintains that you were both talking normally about nothing in particular and then you lashed out at him." Qui-Gon stared right back at her, watching her face for any sign of discomfort or falsehood. To her credit he saw none, only a determination conveyed admirably by the set of her jaw.
"Then his point of view is different to mine!" Jemmy snapped again, knowing she wasn't impressing Qui-Gon by her antics but not caring a jot. "I knew you wouldn't listen!"
She spun on her heel and stormed towards the door and the safety of her own bedroom.
"Who gave you permission to go?" Qui-Gon challenged, annoyed in the extreme.
"What's the point in talking? I'm gonna get sent to my room anyway!" Jemmy yelled back at him. "And before you say it, I don't want supper!"
And with that the door slammed shut behind her.
*******
True to form Jemmiah did not appear for supper and although Obi-Wan seemed slightly contrite for his as yet unspecified part in that afternoon's proceedings, it certainly did not stop him from eating the extra helping of food that Qui-Gon had prepared, just incase the Corellian girl decided to back down. He should have known of course that even if she had been ravenous, pride would have forced her to stay away. Pride played a big part in Jemmiah's personality, Qui-Gon had come to realize. It was what kept her going on bad days. It told her that she was the equal of everyone and the inferior of nobody. Sometimes she seemed to have difficulty believing it but obstinacy often saved the day. The sheer forcefulness and energy of her persona could sometimes bowl a person over.
As Obi-Wan tucked into the last of the salad, his master had reluctantly beaten a path to Jemmiah's door and knocked smartly upon the wood, awaiting some kind of acknowledgement.
"I've managed to save you some salad…that's if Obi-Wan hasn't finished it whilst my back was turned." Qui-Gon added under his breath. When he received no answer the master continued:
"May I come in for a moment? There's something I'd like to discuss with you."
"If you have to." The sullen voice replied, partly muffled by what sounded like a pillow.
//Progress at last.// Qui-Gon caught himself smiling. //Normally she would leave me standing outside the door. Well, when it comes to a matter of attrition she picked on the wrong jedi master. I can wait a millennia if I have to.//
He opened the door with the gentlest of touches, eyes instantly drawn to the bed where lay sprawled the recalcitrant ten year old, hugging what turned out to be not a pillow but that awful toy Gundark with the missing eye. Inwardly shuddering, he squeezed his tall frame through the narrow gap and casually inspected the room, hoping to find an opening to their a conversation.
"For someone who has amassed a considerable amount of possessions you manage to keep this place rather tidy." He observed approvingly. "I have the feeling that Obi-Wan's room is perhaps not as clean as it should be."
At the mention of the padawan's name Jemmiah scowled.
"Are you not hungry?" Qui-Gon inquired.
"No." Jemmy lied. "I've lost my appetite."
"That sounds like a job for the healers. Or maybe," Jinn watched her eyes grow alarmingly big at his suggestion, "you can just tell me what it is that's got you so upset this time?"
"What's the point?" shrugged Jemmy. "It's not like you listen to me."
"I'm listening now."
"You always believe him! I'm not perfect but I don't fib all the time! It's like everyone's waiting for me to be bad, and when I'm not they blame me anyway! I almost believe it." Jemmy turned a miserable and hurt expression on him, hoping that he would fall for the usual routine of manipulation and theatrics. She could see that whilst it unnerved him slightly, on this occasion it wasn't going to get her anywhere.
Not that what she had said wasn't true, because it was.
"I still would like you to apologize to Obi-Wan for that kick. Whatever he did, I will not tolerate that sort of behavior."
"I already did." Jemmy moped, hugging the toy closer to her.
"Pardon?"
"I did say sorry. Right before I kicked him. I'm sorry for it now coz I've bruised my toe on his leg!"
"Obi-Wan omitted to tell me you had apologized." Qui-Gon made a mental note to remind his padawan not to leave parts of his story out when giving his version of the truth.
"Figures." Jemmy snorted, chewing at Shorni's floppy ear.
"Look," Qui-Gon ventured after a moment, "About what you were saying…nobody is waiting on you to be bad. Nobody is perfect."
"I'm just less perfect than Obi-Wan." Jemmy balled her fists, grabbing handfuls of Shorni's synthetic hair. "You both make me feel so stupid sometimes. It's like I do everything wrong and I embarrass you all!"
"Now that isn't true."
"I'm sorry for upsetting you by kicking Ben but…you don't know about it all. I get angry sometimes but that doesn't make me a bad person!" Jemmy grumbled, not really listening to Qui-Gon's answer.
"We all have done something we regret in the past. I myself have more faults," Jinn reflected, perching on the end of her bed, "than I would like to admit to, although I do work hard at trying to eradicate them."
Jemmy looked at him, confused…puzzled…
Intrigued perhaps? Like she was seeing him with new eyes.
"You? But you don't do anything bad." The small face took on a serious, questioning quality. "I can't imagine you doing something terrible."
"I told you. Nobody's perfect." Qui-Gon countered. "And yes, there are some things that I regret from my childhood. Idiotic things mainly that I could have avoided if I'd only listened to the advice of others who were wiser than I."
"Like what?"
Clearly she was in the mood for a story.
"Well," Qui-Gon let his mind flit back to his early padawan days, when he had been a studious if overconfident young man with hardly a care in the world; "my one regret must seem rather trivial now, looking back on it. It all started when I was thirteen…maybe fourteen. I knew I was far from being a perfect student but I never doubted, in my supreme self-belief, that one day I would be just that. I was very proud and loyal to my friends - or liked to think so. But pride comes before a fall as the saying goes. My own fall was not a pleasant one…"
~~~~~~~~~
"Padawan Jinn." Zia beckoned the young man forward, whiskers flickering up and down in truly animated fashion. The squirrel-like face at once appraised the former initiate, noting how far the boy had shot up in recent months. Far taller than she now, and likely to keep growing indefinitely until he was as elevated as a tree on her home planet of Kavia Prime! One day Zia knew she would get a sore neck from craning her head upward to speak to him. "I expect you are wondering why you have been called to visit me at the crèche, yes?"
Qui-Gon offered up a stiff little nod. He HAD been wondering ever since the invitation to speak with the crèche leader had been offered to him. At thirteen and with a master of his own he had no business to return, even if it was nice to catch up with some of the kinder masters he'd known as a child. Zia was always friendly, always welcoming, with her twitchy nose and big, bold rodent eyes.
But why was had he been summoned?
"You are not in trouble for any reason that I am aware." Zia offered him the rodent equivalent of a smile. "Not that I have been made aware of, at any rate! Besides, discipline is now a matter for your master. Although whilst we are on the subject," Zia ground her teeth against one another as she tried to think of the words, "I have been speaking with Master Yoda. I talked with him for a long while. I wished to make certain that he was prepared to go along with a proposal that I had in mind…"
"A proposal?" Qui-Gon's brow knitted tightly together. What was this? Was Yoda trying to palm him off on the crèche? Had he tired of him already? Was it punishment for something he had done, or something the troll knew he was going to do?
Zia held out a padded paw, and in the centre there was a folded scrap of what appeared to be green shimmer silk. The color instantly caught the padawan's eye, marvelling at the way the light travelled over the fabric, glinting and gliding as Zia's furry hand shook slightly.
"Master Onnath, what is this?" Jinn peered curiously at the object, not wanting to appear too eager to find out what was at the bottom of her mysterious behavior. "Is this for me?"
"Take it, young man." The squirrel voice piped up, the high-pitch causing Qui-Gon to flinch.
"Is it a gift?" Qui-Gon picked up the tiny parcel and weighted in his hands, trying to feel what it might be before he opened it. It wasn't at all heavy. In fact, if it had been Dex offering this present then he might well have assumed that when he unwrapped it there would be nothing in the centre other than thin air. Zia however was nothing like Dex - which was probably just as well for the initiates.
"But padawans are not allowed to accept gifts without the permission of their masters…ah, I see." Qui-Gon slowly began to peel back the carefully folded silk, bit by bit, determined to keep the surprise to the end. A gift! For him! Who was it from? "You asked Master Yoda if I could have this?"
"I did." Zia replied, head bowed solemnly. "It is a most unusual situation. Normally this would not be allowed, but the circumstances are novel…"
"Novel?" echoed Qui-Gon, letting the last fold fall open until all that was left was a single square of material. Something glinted as it fell out of the silk, making a light metallic sound as it hit the wooden floor surface. He bent down to examine the silver circlet.
It was a ring.
//Now, hang on! When Zia said she had a proposal, I didn't think she meant that kind! Just what has Yoda agreed to here?// Qui-Gon felt mildly panicky at the thought. He liked Zia well enough, but the fact that she was a midget squirrel and he a human padawan seemed to render that down to zero importance! Then there was the age gap. Two hundred years difference was rather a lot to bridge in terms of experience!
//What am I thinking?" Qui-Gon shook his head in disgust. //Talk about an imagination…//
"It was left for you, by your mother." Zia explained, studying young Qui-Gon's face as the bright blue eyes lit up in astonishment. "She gave it into our safekeeping, just as she entrusted you to our safekeeping. Normally we do not have such things happening. Most parents are too sad at the prospect of giving up a child to think about giving gifts as well. But this ring belonged to her and she wanted you to keep it so that you would have some momento of her in years to come."
Qui-Gon felt lost for words. His mother had obviously thought a lot of him if she had given him something as precious and beautiful as this ring to keep. Not even Dex could boast of such a thing. And Yoda had agreed? That in a way was the most surprising thing.
"He wasn't too happy at first," Zia partially read his mind, watching the pensive frown deepen still further, "but he agreed in principle that as it was yours he had no reason to keep it from you. All he asks is that you keep it to yourself and do not wear it on your person. He fears that such a beautiful thing might arouse feelings of jealousy in other padawans."
"But such a lovely thing deserves to be seen!" argued Qui-Gon. "I am proud and honored to have been given such a gift! I wish to wear it."
The face began to tighten into the sullen, determined lines that Zia had long ago recognized from the boy's days in the crèche, when Qui-Gon would follow his own instincts be they right or wrong. Zia sighed irritably. Perhaps Yoda was right - maybe they should have kept hold of it for longer. Qui-Gon was obviously determined to honor his mother, and if that meant defying Yoda's wishes then it looked like he'd go ahead…
"Thank you, Zia." Qui-Gon bowed low again in deference to the aged master. "I will consider all you have said…"
The unspoken 'but' hung in the air for a long time after Qui-Gon had left the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And so in the end Yoda felt that I should be allowed to keep the ring. It was after all my own property and it didn't belong to the temple." Qui-Gon explained, trying to keep his eyes from straying towards the ugly toy Gundark he'd long since learned to avoid. "I think he looked on it as a test of my character. He wanted to see what I would do, if I would be arrogant enough to wear it. I'd never really given any thought to my birth parents before, or who they might have been. The temple doesn't tend as a rule to encourage that sort of thing. But I was so suddenly smitten with the idea that I had something that everyone else in the temple did not - a mother who cared - that I chose to ignore his advice to keep the ring safely tucked away where no harm could befall it."
Jemmiah tried not to seem too curious. "What did happen to it?" She asked him.
"I was foolish. I…I wore it on a chain around my neck. It was like a talisman to me in someways. I almost felt unbeatable! Then one day I conned Dex in joining me for a jaunt in the city…" his face reddened slightly, remembering that he was speaking to a young girl, and that he should be setting an example to her, not encouraging any wild behavior. "We sneaked into a cantina. Ridiculous really because Dex was far too young looking and I wasn't much better. That didn't stop them from serving us."
"Really?" Jemmiah sounded interested, leaning on her hand. "Which cantina was this?"
"I'm not telling you! Because what happened next is an example of how not to behave! We ended up slightly the worse for wear. Nothing too drastic - we could still walk in a straight line. But," Qui-Gon closed his eyes, reliving the scene over and over in his head; "we must have been followed out into the streets. The next thing we knew we were set upon by three rather viscous looking thugs. Normally it wouldn't have posed a problem for either of us but as I said we were…"
"Molassed?" supplied Jemmiah.
"In a word, yes."
Even after all that time had passed he could still remember it. Dex threatening to chop everyone to pieces with his lightsabre, the feeling of some sort of rag being placed over his nose - and then eventually waking up in the alleyway with Dex lying in a stupor at his feet, whilst he…
His precious gift had been stolen.
Worst of all, Yoda had somehow known.
"I felt really bad when I tried to explain that I had managed to lose my mother's present to me in such a humiliating way. Beaten up and anaesthetised by thieves, in a place we shouldn't have been whilst ever so slightly intoxicated. I am telling you, I learned a harsh lesson that day - one I took great pains never to repeat. I've only ever drank in moderation - and even then only occasionally - from that time on."
"And what did Master Yoda say?" Jemmy squinted at him, catching the half-shudder that Qui-Gon had tried so valiantly to cover up. "Was it bad?"
"It was worse than bad. He never shouted, or raised his voice to me. He just looked at me…" Qui-Gon shook his head, wanting to brush away the memory and expunge the distaste it left behind. "I have rarely felt such crushing humiliation. The disappointment and the sadness on that lined face of his: I can still see it. Master Yoda can convey so much without even uttering a sound. There was no need for words. It was a test and I had failed it. I had lost my mother's gift to me and what was worse I had lost my master's respect"
"But you were just a kid then!" Jemmiah found herself defending him as she invariably did when he started to blame himself for any failings brought to his attention. "All kids do goofy things now and again! I know I have."
"And that's precisely why I am using this example, to show you that you don't have make mistakes like everyone else. No, you are a long way from being perfect Jemmiah - but even the most priceless Corusca jewels have flaws."
"I'm not a diamond - I'm a pebble." Groused Jemmiah, her indignant expression turning to disgruntled self-loathing.
"Yes, well that's where you are wrong. You have to learn to look behind the face you think you see in the mirror. Just don't make the same mistakes I did, that's all. Learn from my mistakes. Use them as an example of what NOT to do."
"But I want to be just like you!" Jemmy surprised him by saying.
"That's very flattering," Qui-Gon stood up, not feeling any happier about bearing his soul Jemmiah, "but if I may use one of your favorite quotes, 'who's the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him'…"
"Yeah, yeah." Jemmy turned away in disgust. "Okay, I'll do my best not to be stupid like you."
"Thank you - I think." Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes.
His long strides took him back over to the doorway, but he stopped just short of going out. Instead he rested his forehead against the wall, thinking back over something Jemmiah had said.
"One moment…you said you apologized to Obi-Wan BEFORE you kicked him?" Jinn frowned.
"Yeah." Jemmy grunted. "Wished I hadn't bothered. I should have just kicked the rat, no questions!"
"Why did you kick him?" Demanded the master, determined to get to the bottom of the affair. If he could sit there and discuss his own foolishness then the least Jemmiah could do was to tell the truth. But would she?
"Coz he asked me to!" Jemmiah's chin stuck out indignantly.
"What?!?!"
"Master Jinn, what day is it tomorrow?" she asked rhetorically, hoping that Qui-Gon would finally catch on at long last.
"Well, it's…it's…" Qui-Gon paused. "Obi-Wan's turn to take some of the initiates to play Gabali in the training rooms. That's it, isn't it?"
"Right. And what happens when he plays Gabali with the initiates?"
"They trample him to death and hit him with their sticks…and he ends up being treated in the infirmary?" Hazarded Qui-Gon.
"Obi-Wan's not very good with the squidlings." Jemmy agreed. "They like him coz they think he lets them win, but he doesn't. He's just very bad at Gabali. So he said he was looking for a way out of tomorrow's next round of humiliation and said he wished I'd give him a real good kick in the shin." Jemmiah sighed mournfully. "So I did."
For a moment Qui-Gon said nothing. Then he turned and waked out through the open doorway, leaving enough of a gap so that Jemmiah could hear what he had to say. She certainly didn't have very long to wait.
"Padawan, I've decided that as you are so badly injured you are not going to be able to take the initiates class tomorrow."
"Thank you, master!" Obi-Wan sounded calm, if relieved.
"But you'll take the swimming class instead. Water is very good for aches and bruises. Just what you need to stop your leg from stiffening up, I should think. A little gentle exercise…"
Jemmiah could tell by the dread-laced pause that followed exactly what Obi-Wan thought of that idea! Poor Ben! Nothing he did ever seemed destined to go right, through no fault of his own. Whatever, it was the last good deed she was ever doing for anyone ever again. And she would try to take onboard what Qui-Gon had said about not being perfect, that she was different to Obi-Wan but not necessarily less important than him, and that she should always listen to an elder's advice because they were older and had experienced things.
Although she still wanted to find out the name of that cantina…
Qui-Gon popped his head back round the door and smiled.
"Honor is restored, I think."
"Yeah." Jemmy grinned back at him, lying along her bed and resting her head on her hands, trying to appear nonchalant. "Er…Master Jinn?"
"What is it, Tangles?"
"There was a message from Master Sovalla on the holo transmitter. Something about you taking the initiates on the next camping trip…"
Qui-Gon jumped in the air as if he had been stung. And then…
Then he did something rather odd.
"Jemmiah," he rolled up the leg of his trouser pants and pointed to his shin, "would you please - if I ask you very nicely - kick me?"