Disclaimer: how're you all doing today? Yeah, that's good. Bad. I don't know, it depends on how you're doing today.

Fall

The yellow walls are lined with portraits
And I've got my new red fetching leather jacket
All these poses such beautiful poses
Makes any boy feel like picking up roses

—Rufus Wainwright, "Poses"

Prologue: Silent Heart

What day is it today? Hiei wondered noncommittally. Tuesday? Friday? It is a day like any other day. Why does today need to be special? It does not. It is not.

Yet even as he thought these bleak thoughts, Hiei was marching off, away from his boarder patrol to take one of his occasional trips to Ningenkai. They were, more often than not, his occasional trips to see Kurama, but sometimes he saw Yûsuke, or spied on Kuwabara, or hovered over Yukina. So they were his trips to Ningenkai, in general. They had been for three years now. Three years taking trips to a place where he was not wanted, nor did he truly want to be. Why did he put himself through this torment? He wasn't sure, but he knew that he had to keep going back.

He recalled, stepping through the boarders between worlds, the first time he had seen this dividing subspace. The kekkai barrier had posed no threat to a being of such low energy as himself (a mere D class by Reikai standards) and he had been too preoccupied by his own motivations to pay attention to the journey. Now, he mused, he could see that it made him feel a sort of emptiness, as though he had no place on either side of the wall. That could be used to discourage crossing over, if Reikai saw it and magnified it properly. That was Koenma's headache, though, and Hiei would have no part in fixing it.

As he always did, Hiei emerged into the forest, closing the rip in dimensions as soon as he could get his bearings. It wasn't the forest with trees and whatnot, but a tiny alley behind the metallic forest of Tokyo where Hiei hadn't seen any humans for…well, as long as he had been using the locale as a transportation destination. Three years, then. A few demons dotted the area here and there, but they were all familiar enough with inter-dimensional travel and paid him no mind.

Right away, Hiei turned to his left and walked forward exactly ten paces until reaching the main drag. Few cars ever used the road this far back, as it led through the slums and "haunted" regions of the city, but Hiei would have to watch out when he reached the more urban parts of this wonderland. He couldn't afford to be hit and recover with nary a scratch—too many suspicious eyes—and he didn't really want to run quickly if he could avoid it. Kurama wasn't too far off, anyway, and once he reached the city, he could walk through the park. That would be nice if it wasn't too crowded.

Letting his instincts direct his feet (which made it far simpler to concentrate on his own thoughts), Hiei soon found himself being pushed around in a thicket of bustling pedestrians. Logically, he pushed right back, shoving his way to the nearest intersection and looking to his left—what convenience! There was the park, just as he remembered. He faced the relatively unpopulated greenery and waited impatiently for the light to turn. It did and he crossed without hesitation, nearly getting himself nicked by an impatient driver who had almost skidded into the crosswalk. He contented himself with shooting the man a vicious glare, forgetting the incident when he ducked beneath a big, sturdy tree. Walking like a normal human didn't mean he needed to keep himself visible.

Had he become almost too human? Push and shove like them instead of punch and kick like a normal demon; walk like them instead of flitting between cars and trees; content with glares instead of easily burning weaker bastards to the ground. No, he reminded himself, you're just acting. Acting to save yourself so that you can keep coming back here. Acting so that when you get to Kurama's, no one will see him with you and ask him who you are. No one will bother him. He's been through enough.

Hadn't they all?

Before he knew it, Hiei had reached Kurama's for an annual visit. Technically, he mused, it wasn't "annual"—these trips occurred less than once a year, sometimes. He thought the last one had been about a year and three or so months. Not that it mattered.

He could barge right in and Kurama would think it "lovely" (the fox always like to see him), but he looked in the window and saw Kurama sitting on his bed with his back to the window, talking to some seemingly younger girl. She was pretty, yes, Hiei acknowledged with a tiny rush of jealousy, and they seemed to be having a good time. She looked towards the ceiling before she spoke again and her eyes passed the window—double taking, she tilted her head delicately and pointed to him. She said something else, presumably "Who's that?" or "There's a man out there" or something, and Kurama looked over his shoulder. His eyes widened as he saw Hiei, and the demon edged back a little, thinking he would leave for awhile and give them some time to finish their conversation. Completely dashing that theory, Kurama stood and opened his window.

"Hiei!" he called happily. "Whatever are you doing up there?"

It took Hiei a moment to realize that Kurama was pretending Hiei was a normal human for this odd girl. He shrugged, deciding to go along with it.

"I was in the park," he said, "and I thought I would come by to visit." A small lie, but that was all right.

"The front door wasn't good enough for you?" Kurama joked, pointing out the window. Hiei considered setting it on fire to invent an excuse, but Kurama wouldn't like that at all and Hiei wasn't exactly mad at him.

"No…I felt like climbing this tree," he said thinly, trying to tell Kurama that he was pushing it.

"Shûichi-kun," the girl said sweetly, walking forward a step, "will you introduce me to your friend? I haven't seen him around anywhere."

She reminded Hiei of Kurama's mother, but in a sickly sort of way. He didn't think he liked her. He looked over at her passively, trying to seem as though he always came in through the window (which he did, he thought, growing more annoyed all the time, but that wasn't normal, was it?).

"I'm sorry, where have my manners gone?" Kurama said, smiling. "This is my friend…Jaganshi-san. He's visiting from overseas."

The girl bowed politely and beamed at Hiei. He definitely didn't like her.

"Eh, Hiei, would you like to come in?" Kurama asked, opening the window wider than was necessary and gesturing to the room. Hiei nodded and climbed in, pretending to have some small difficulty and closing the glass behind him.

"Overseas?" the girl asked, apparently trying to seem interesting in Minamino Shûichi's odd friend. Hiei nodded curtly, trying to think of a country he could pretend to be from.

"America," Kurama lied smoothly, gesturing now to the bed for the girl to sit. Hiei was content to sit on the windowsill and Kurama would take the bed or his desk chair. Taking the offer, the odd girl smiled again and looked at Hiei with wild curiosity.

"Do you speak English?" she asked. "I'm doing dreadfully in my English language class, do you think perhaps you could help me?"

"I won't be here long," Hiei said curtly. Her face fell and she nodded.

"I understand."

I'll bet you do, Hiei thought with some bitterness. He didn't even know this girl, but he didn't care enough to remind Kurama of that fact. Unfortunately for him, the girl decided to do it for him.

"Shûichi-kun, aren't you going to introduce me to Jaganshi-san?" she asked, reminding Hiei more and more of Shiori. Kurama shook his head as though clearing it after a long nap.

"Oh, dear," he said fretfully, "my head must be in the clouds. Hiei, this is Okinawa-san. She lives just down the hall; she was just here to ask me some things for her biology class."

Hiei nodded. He thought it very obvious that he wanted her to leave, but whether Kurama was ignoring him or didn't get the hint, he wasn't sure, because the conversation carried on. He only pretended to listen to the girl's babbling queries and Kurama had the good sense not to get him involved.

"So then," Kurama said after a few minutes, "is that all?"

"Oh, yes," Okinawa said happily, clapping her hands together. "Thank you so much!"

"Let me show you to the door…"

When the girl had gone, Hiei slipped off the sill and sat instead on Kurama's desk chair. It was padded, and he felt he could afford himself the luxury. He made sure to be glaring when Kurama came back into the room, but he lightened up when he noticed that the fox appeared significantly more exhausted than he had when talking to Okinawa.

"Hiei," he said, sounding stressed, "thank gods you're here. I don't know what I would have done if she had asked me anything more…"

Hiei raised an eyebrow and Kurama elaborated begrudgingly.

"Miyuki is only twenty or so and I'm certain she fancies me," he explained. "She's terrible with horticulture, but she knows I have a certain fondness for plant life and she wants us to have that in common."

"Ah."

The silence fell awkwardly as Hiei refused to strike up conversation and Kurama busied himself straightening things that were perfectly in order. They both knew what they would come to discuss—Kurama's mentality—but neither was too willing to start them off.

Finally, Kurama turned to Hiei as he realized that he was straightening the same picture frame for the third time. He smiled winningly, as he sometimes did, and Hiei hid his annoyance.

"It really is lovely to see you," Kurama said kindly. Hiei nodded.

"I know. You always say that."

"But this time I really mean it," Kurama insisted.

"So you usually don't?" Hiei asked, pretending to take insult at Kurama's fumbled wordplay.

Kurama chuckled delicately and sat on his bed, which was close to Hiei and the desk chair. He sighed, as though letting a large weight rise off his shoulders and then having it settle back down. Hiei wondered how one could fit such an odd mix of emotion into one simple breath. Leaning back in the chair, he felt the legs tilt off the floor.

"Hiei…" Kurama said tiredly, "why do you bother with these silly visits? You don't seem to enjoy yourself much when you're here."

That was true enough. Hiei spent most of his time in Ningenkai complaining about humans or yelling that Kurama was wasting his life by dwelling on that stupid five-years-gone mission. Kurama always denied these accusations forcefully (too forcefully, Hiei thought), but both were stubborn and neither would give up to the other. So what could Hiei say? "I don't enjoy myself, but…?" But what? But I think I need to keep an eye on you? Why? Because I still love you?

That would go over well. Let's skip right to a different awkward topic, why don't we? Hiei thought with some amusement. No, he had kept his heart silent for five years now, another few wouldn't hurt. In fact, it wouldn't be anything new, would it, if he never told Kurama—never again, not counting that unfortunate incident three years prior—of his emotion. He hadn't told Yukina of his relation to her; he watched and protected her from afar and it didn't hurt him too badly. Or maybe it did, and he had gotten used to it by now. That sounded right.

Kurama seemed to have lost interest in his question, but he turned back on Hiei with expectant eyes and the demon knew he wasn't so lucky. He shrugged noncommittally and decided not to look away.

"It's usual," he said. "Something I've become accustomed to. Why bother to stop? It gives me an excuse to take leave from patrolling, anyway."

Kurama smirked, a surprising change from his earlier exhaustion. "Is that all I am to you? An excuse? A long lunch break?"

Cocking his head at the odd question, Hiei paused to collect his thoughts before answering. Was that insult he heard in Kurama's voice? Had he said something to offend?

"No…" he said slowly, trying to be careful. "If I needed someone who was simply an excuse, I would certainly not go to the same person every time."

"Then," Kurama said, turning to face Hiei fully, "what am I?"

"What? You're a fox, aren't you?"

Kurama chuckled lightly. "I mean, what am I to you?"

"Ah…"

Unfortunately, the question for Hiei was not so much what Kurama was to him as it was how much to tell Kurama he meant to him. He had already foreseen this, but it still disoriented him a little to be faced with it.

"You're…well, I suppose you're my best friend," he said haltingly. Kurama looked down as though he was being berated for doing something he shouldn't have.

"Thank you, Hiei," he said softly, sounding more hurt than thankful. Hiei raised an eyebrow. He had thought Kurama would be pleased to hear, rather than assume, as he normally did, that he had a special place in Hiei's heart. Had his tone been wrong? His choice of words? Was this just another case of Hiei fucking up? It wouldn't be the first time.

"You're welcome."

Not really expecting those words to fall from his friend's lips, Kurama jerked his head back in a distinctly ungraceful manner and looked at Hiei with wider eyes. Hiei watched this, a distant observer, and remained impartial. This mood held for a minute or so before Kurama blinked it away and stood up.

"Going somewhere?" Hiei asked in a flat voice, barely even a question. Kurama looked over at him with a pseudo-kind smile, the sort Hiei recognized from their days as Koenma's lackeys. Usually, that smile meant something like "I'm going to kill you now and dear, I promise it will be filled with vengeance." Hiei didn't much like that smile.

"I was going to return Miyuki's textbook," Kurama explained in a suitable tone. "She seems to have left it on my comforter. Would you like to come along with me?"

Hiei glared dully. Kurama knew very well he wouldn't want to come along, but he was putting on his polite airs and pretending Hiei was another random face in another random crowd. On par with the humans he so resented, even. Hiei tried to take offense, but it was hard. He knew Kurama was trying to offend him—teasing, maybe—so he would instinctively push back any feelings of hurt, but simply to contrast what the fox thought he would do, he tried to make himself feel insulted. Was he trying too much? Whatever the problem, it hadn't gotten him anywhere good.

"No," he said bitingly, arranging his expression to match. "Have fun with your friend."

Thin-lipped, Kurama smiled and turned on his heel, walking out the door. Hiei heard, with some satisfaction, as it closed a little too loudly. Kurama had refrained from slamming it because Kurama never slammed doors, but the volume—just a few notches too high—was good enough.

Three minutes passed and Hiei was becoming curious. How long did Kurama take to walk down the hall, return a book, and walk back? The girl couldn't have engaged him in so much conversation, could she? Not even the ever-polite Kurama would put up with her for so long. But Hiei didn't care enough to actually go over to her house and check on his friend…no…he would wait.

And wait he did, for all of two minutes. What could Kurama possible be doing with that irritating girl? Leaping off the bed, Hiei padded silently to the door and opened it, peering out into the hall. Not seeing anything—Miyuki must live around the corner—Hiei listened in on the conversation.

"Really, Miyuki-chan," Kurama was saying, "I should be going…"

"Oh, well, thank you so much for returning my book!" Miyuki gushed in response. "I don't know what I would have done without it, I can be so absentminded sometimes!"

Kurama laughed awkwardly. "Yes, well, I'll be seeing you—"

"How about tonight?" she interrupted.

Kurama paused. "Excuse me?" he said finally. Hiei waited, his head tilted slightly as he listened. Kurama sounded resistant—that was good. Good…yes. Definitely good. Hiei knew Kurama said he wasn't fond of Miyuki, but this was like proof. Even better.

"Do you want to get together tonight?" Miyuki reiterated. "Dinner or something."

"Miyuki-chan, I should really get back to my friend, he'll only be here a short while—"

"So then when he's gone," Miyuki pressed. "Set the date now."

Hiei could only imagine Kurama's expression—dark, bitter, angry, tense—but of course, he was probably collected and entirely expressionless. Hiei's fantasies would have to remain just that, unless he irritated Kurama (something he did not want to do). Ducking back into the apartment, Hiei closed the door as silently as he had opened it and sat back in his chair. Hopefully Kurama, who was off his game as it was, would not notice that he had been eavesdropping.

He heard a quiet insistence from a far off doorway.

"Miyuki-chan," Kurama was saying, "I really must be getting back to my friend—you don't understand how he is, he might leave if I seem too disinterested."

Hiei perked up at that, his brow furrowed in newfound irritation.

"Are you not interested in me?" Miyuki asked awkwardly, her voice sounding slightly choked. Kurama audibly sighed, but Hiei was still annoyed and didn't care too much.

"Understand the difference in our ages," Kurama tried, though the difference in her age and the "age" of Minamino Shûichi was not staggering.

"I understand," she said loudly, as though she were being dumped. "I understand perfectly, Minamino-san, thank you. Please get off my doorstep."

As though she had asked him to be there, Hiei couldn't help but think.

"Goodbye," Kurama said cordially to the slammed door. Hiei adopted dull eyes and a bitter smile as he waited for his friend's return.

He and Kurama needed to have a little chat.

And thus begins Fall. Less action-y and more romantic-y than Balance, I admit, but I think psychological drama is my strength. To anyone who was disappointed with Balance, I'm sorry I got your hopes up, but I hope you'll like Fall a little better.