Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine

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Not so lonely

The sun had already set and was replaced by a full moon. Little stars appeared on the dark sky, they were almost the only source of light since most of the villagers slept. Only a few people were awake and all of them were at their houses with their families after a tiring day. All of them…except one.

A lone figure stood in front of the memorial stone; the place where all the names of the people who had died on a mission were written there. The soft breeze played with the grayish of the young man. Minutes passed but he didn't seem to care. He just stood there, his eyes fixed on the stone.

After a while however, black clouds started to cover the stars and soon the first drops fell to the ground. In the beginning he looked like he didn't mind to get wet. When the rain got stronger though, he decided to live the place. He walked through the small streets of Konoha, enjoying the silence and finally got home.

The said home was actually a tiny apartment. There were only two rooms. The bathroom and …the rest of the house. Everything fitted in one room. Not that he had many things. The kitchen, the table with one chair, the couch, the cupboards, the bed…everything enough for one person, just one… The man laid on his bed without even bothering to change his now soak cloths.

But he couldn't sleep and ended up to watch the cracks on his ceiling. Not knowing what to do, he got off the bed and opened the window. He took a look outside and then he sat on the only chair of the chair of the room. He took a piece of paper and a pen and started to write.

I've always regarded diaries stupid, something that only a fool would do. I don't know if what I'm writing now is a diary but it feels like it. Who would have thought that the genius of Konoha is writing a diary. But I guess, I now understand the reasons people have one. They have because there is no one else to share their thoughts, their pain…

It hurts, it hurts so much, it feels like I'm burning inside. I've got no one else. They are all of them dead and that's because of me. I couldn't protect them.

Tears fell on the paper…

I wasn't strong enough. No…I was weak, I am weak. Mom died giving birth to me, if I wasn't born she might be alive today and dad…if I was more like he wanted me to be, if I was a better son, he wouldn't suicide, he would live for me, if he loved me he would have a reason to live. Obito…he shouldn't get in the way. That rock was going to kill me not him, me…then sensei, I told him to let me seal Kyubi but no…he had to be the one, it was his duty and then Rin, Rin…I wasn't able to save her. Mthat bastard rock ninja killed her. I broke my promise, I'd promised to Obito I would protect her…

God, why do they all die in my arms? What have I done to deserve this? Why? I hate this loneliness. I hate not to have someone by my side, to have someone to talk to, to share my pain, to reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Why?

I can't take this anymore. I don't think I'll survive like this. I doubt I'll make it through this. To be alone is the worst fate anyone could have…I'd rather be stabbed with 20 kunai. That's nothing compared to this.

Sometimes I believe that it would be better to kill myself, just like dad did. But then again Konoha needs my help. I am supposed to be a prodigy. Everyone expects so much from me. But people only get, they never give…I'm not fighting for them. I used to but not anymore, there is no one precious to protect. Now I'm fighting only because my friends and my family fought for this village, because they died for it. I'm fighting for them, to continue their dreams…

So my misery life goes on and one restless night follows another. I am so pathetic. I'm-

A noise interrupted his thoughts. He realized that someone was knocking the door. He looked at his clock and it read 2:40 am. Who could that be? Please not a mission again! I just came back today from the last one. He reluctantly opened the door and saw two young men standing there.

One of them had black hair, black round eyes with thick eyebrows and wore green tights. The other one had black hair, brown eyes and wore the usual ninja uniform. Lastly he smoked.

"Gai, Asuma" he said surprised to see them "What are you doing here?"

"We…thought…" Gai paused for a moment and looked at Asuma for reassurance "We thought you would like some company, that you wouldn't want to be alone, especially tonight. I mean…you have a heavy burden on your back. Why not sharing it with us?"

The grey-haired man opened now the door widely and the two of them peered inside.

"Come Kakashi, let's go to my place. It has room for many people; we will be more comfortable there." Asuma said.

Kakashi's eyes widened by the shock. That was something he didn't believe was possible.

"Could you wait a second?" he asked finally

"Sure"

He turned around and closed the window. He started to walk back to them when he saw the piece of paper he was writing on before. He hesitated for a moment but then he took the paper and threw it to the bin.

It wasn't needed anymore, there were people in his life left that unlike he thought they were there to help him. They would go to Asuma's house where there was room for many people. Many…he liked that word, many not one.

It had been a whole year since Rin's death and it was the first time since then that he didn't feel alone. He wasn't as lonely as he thought. Then he left with them…with his friends…