Summary: Jesse has a PTSD episode/ bad dream, but Brennan is there to help. B/J pairing.
Warnings: Child abuse, Mentions of Mm Non-con (i tried to keep it non-graphic), PTSD, and probably a few others that I can't think of.
Chase Away the Monster
A hand ran through his hair, he didn't want it to. He didn't want it touching him, but he didn't flinch. He knew better.
Lips pressed against his, and he didn't pull away. A tongue invaded his mouth and he didn't fight it. He knew better.
The hands roamed his body, reaching under his clothes. It wasn't long before they had exposed him.
"Good boy...you want it tonight, don't you?" He didn't respond, at least not willingly. He couldn't stop the moan when the hand molested him.
He didn't want this to happen, he didn't like it, but he was helpless to stop it. If he tried, if he fought back or struggled in anyway, if he was a "bad boy", he would be punished.
So he didn't bite down when something foul was shoved in his mouth.
He fought his body's natural response when a mouth engulfed him.
He didn't make a sound when fingers probed his body.
He didn't cry while he was raped.
He cried afterwards.
He buried his face into his pillow the moment the door closed. He cried out his shame as silently as he could. He hurt too much to move this time; he hurt to much to think. He had been a "good boy". He had "rewarded" his obedience with a "special fucking". But the bastard had been drunk. He couldn't get it up so he'd used objects to sodomize him until he finally got himself off. Until he finally shot his seed over his body.
He then promised to return tomorrow night. Promised to fuck him right.
Because what else did the little freak want?
What else do you do with a whore?
What else was he good for..?
"Jesse, wake up… Just wake up Kiddo," Brennan murmured sleepily as he cradled the younger man, pressing his forehead against the top of his lover's head.
Jesse was shaking, and tears stained his face but he made no sound. He never did when he had nightmares, but the shaking is what always gave it away. Brennan had woken up from a dead sleep as soon as he registered the shaking and turned to find his lover curled up into a tight ball. He had instinctively gathered the young man into his arms and tried to wake him. Whatever the nightmare was, however, it held onto him tightly.
Brennan was now shaking him, hoping that would wake him. His last resort was to shock him before going to get Emma. He had only ever had to do that once before, after Jesse had awoken from the trance Henry Vought had put him in. Jesse, unlike the rest of them, wasn't just living out bad dreams in his trance, he was reliving old memories. That resulted in him having what Adam described as PTSD flashbacks… It had not been pleasant to witness or to experience.
Luckily, this time, Brennan didn't have to resort to any extreme measures to wake his lover. As soon as he started shaking him, Jesse came around. He startled awake, a wild look to his eyes for a moment before he recognized Brennan. That was when the shaking stopped and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Bren?" He said softly, confused for a moment as to why he was being held like a child.
Brennan sighed with relief and gently kissed Jesse's forehead. "Scared me there for a moment Kiddo," he mumbled, "couldn't get you to wake up."
"What happened?" Jesse asked sleepily, settling into Brennan's embrace. He had the vague awareness of something bad happening, but he couldn't quite remember what.
"You had a nightmare," Brennan answered, pulling Jesse closer to him as he settled back into bed. "But I got you… You're safe," he yawned.
"Robert…" Jesse whispered as the dream came back to him. He had spoke the forbidden name before he could stop himself, and instantly regretted it. As soon as it was said, the dream...the memory...it all came flooding back.
Brennan froze for a moment, as the name registered. He then propped himself up on an elbow and maneuvered Jesse so that he could see into the younger man's face. "Robert?" He repeated the name, the one that Jesse never said, never talked about.
Jesse didn't answer him, he didn't even look at him. He couldn't.
Brennan felt anger creep up his spine, primal and vengeful. Jesse had only ever mentioned the man once, back when Brennan had first tried to pursue him. He had cornered the younger man, called him out as a flirt and a tease; he was trying to call Jesse's bluff.
But Jesse had been skittish and scared. He wasn't a novice to men, Brennan had seen that for himself. The blond always seemed to have his choice of one night stands, male or female. But that was the thing, they were all casual encounters. What Brennan offered, what he wanted, was something real.
Real meant trust. Real meant honesty. Real meant admitting that Robert happened.
The bastard had been mentioned in the same sentences as "damaged" and "used". Jesse had been honest with him, for the most part, about what that monster had done. But he had never gone into detail. Brennan had never pressed and he had changed his strategy of wooing Jesse after that. He had backed off, given the younger man more space, allowed him to make moves on his own terms… It had been hard to wait, but it was worth it.
"Jesse… You were dreaming of him?" Brennan asked, his brow knitting in concern. "Is this because of Austin?"
Austin, the sixteen year old moleculor they had rescued. Blond haired and blue eyed, just like Jesse. He had been a runaway, forced to turning tricks on the street. When they had found him not even three days ago, he had just been beaten half to death by a John. He was in the underground now, placed with a guardian that would take care of him; help to heal him.
Austin and Jesse had bonded in a short amount of time. They both had had similar stories, similar powers, and suffered similar abuses. The kid had needed to trust someone, to have someone listen and believe him, to have someone tell him it was alright. Who better than the person who had survived it already? Who had been through hell and climbed out on top?
Problem was, It meant picking open old wounds.
"I was ten when he started...training...me," Jesse said, his voice soft, but he couldn't hide the disgust. "He came into my room that first night, and told me to be a "good boy". He always said that; "be a good boy." He didn't actually rape me until I was twelve. It only got worse as I got older."
The admission, the confession, hung in the air heavy and suffocating. It filled the space between the two men with ice. But where Jesse felt the icy grip of fear, Brennan only felt the freezing grip of rage. That kind of rage you feel just before you kill someone, the kind that soothes your nerves and eases your guilt.
It took Brennan several long moments to work his way through that rage. He looked down at the man before him who seemed so lost and vulnerable in this moment. He saw the fresh tears and the pain that was almost a decade old but still so present.
Jesse didn't look at him, he still couldn't bring himself to. Brennan could see the shame radiating off him in waves. His anger grew and, more than ever, he wanted to kill that vile creature. He wanted to go back into the past, back to before the monster took away what was left of his innocence.
"Jess…that bastard...he can't hurt you now. You're safe. You're stronger than before," Brennan whispered, knowing the words fell flat in the face of the nightmare. Brennan had been abused as a kid, beaten more times then he could care to count, but he'd never been raped. He'd never survived what Jesse had. He wish he knew what to say to make everything okay.
Jesse took a shuddering breath and finally turned his head to look at Brennan. "I know," he said softly, his eyes looking so lost, "just for a moment… For a moment I was back there…."
Brennan ran his fingertips along Jesse's jaw and the younger man had to force himself not to flinch. Brennan wasn't Robert. Brennan would never willingly hurt him. "You're here, with me. Where you belong. He's never going to hurt you again. You won't let him. I sure as hell would kill him first," Brennan said, his voice definite, confident.
Jesse chuckled softly, though it was more to cover a choked sob. He smiled up sadly, "I don't deserve you."
Brennan kissed Jesse's lips, softly and tenderly. He didn't try to invade Jesse's mouth, didn't try to force him to submit, he simply reassured him of his presence. "I'm going to try really, really hard to convince you that you do," Brennan said softly, resting his forehead against Jesse's.
Jesse licked his lips, savoring the taste of Brennan's kiss. He sighed deeply, and reached out to pull Brennan down towards him. Brennan obliged, and quite willingly met Jesse's lips again with his own. This time the kiss wasn't tender, it was deep and probing and left Brennan breathless when he broke away.
"Feel better?" He panted as he looked down at the blond. Jesse's eyes were shining now, a bright, beautiful blue.
"Yeah," he said with a smile. This time it was a real one… A content one.
Brennan yawned and laid back down, once again pulling Jesse closer to him. "Good," he said and began to settle back into sleep, "get some sleep Kiddo. I've got you."
Jesse too settled back in for sleep, though it was slower to come. The nightmare was still there, lurking in his memories. At least this time, however, he knew he was safe from it. At least right now he felt he would be safe from any other time it tried to consume him. With Brennan there, he was safe from all his monsters.
