Kili looked sideways at his older brother, who was leaning against the rock wall, smoking his pipe and watching as the hobbit fussed about with his bed roll. Fili always seemed to have an effortless suave about him, perhaps stemming from the knowledge that he might someday be king, and so he became used to eyes being on him, and projected a calm and collected exterior for those eyes to see. There were moments, of course, when Kili saw through the facade, and usually this was when he had done something foolish or reckless that made Fili's face express worry or chagrin. Their mother always said Kili looked for trouble, and wouldn't have gotten far in life were it not for the cool head of his older brother. Kili didn't think that was necessarily true - after all, he did talk himself out of some tough spots on his own here and there. He even talked and charmed his way around Mister Dwalin once, after the older dwarf had caught him in his quarters, trying out some old daggers that the dwarf veteran had displayed on the walls of his small home, some remnant of the battles he had fought many years before. And of course there had been the scraps he'd gotten into with other dwarves of his own age - he found he often had to defend himself against taunts and barbs, because he was taller than most and hadn't been able to grow a proper beard, two things that together made him an easy target. A short and sturdy dwarf, with broad shoulders and a ripe beard, that was what was considered manly and attractive among their kind. To the eyes of those around him he looked waifish, even somewhat elf-like. He bore some resemlence to his Uncle Thorin of course - dark of hair and with deep, chestnut eyes, and he was of the line of Durin, an honorable thing that no one could deny. But he was the ugly duckling. It was his brother who embodied all a dwarf should be -beard and braids kept well and beaded, working long hours in the smithy and with muscled arms and strong shoulders to show for it. He was half a foot shorter than Kili, and many spoke of how he resembled their father, a father Kili didn't even remember and felt little connection to. Thorin was who raised him, along with his Ma, Dis. Thorin it was who talked with him in the quiet of their small stone home when his nose was bleeding and his eye blackened from another bout with the young men of Ered Luin.
"There is honour in defending yourself, Kili, but there is also a need for a Prince of Durin to make alliances, and find friendship among his people. Why is it you so often go off alone, hunting with your bow in the forests abroad, instead of working the smithy with Fili? It would do you good to spend some time crafting and showing the value of your skills with the hammer." Thorin was sitting across from Kili, while the fire in the hearth crackled beside them. In his own chair Kili shifted, uncomfortable, his head beating a steady rhythm and his vision blurring a bit on the edges. Galdin had gotten a good shot in before the end, and his head still swam. He touched his jaw gingerly and winced, then shook his head to clear it. He looked up to meet Thorin's eyes, which were soft in the firelight. He was waiting patiently for Kili to speak.
"Uncle..." he trailed off, unsure of himself at first. He took a deep breath and sighing let it out. "I find little joy in the smithy, and prefer the crafting of my bows and the delicate work of making arrows. Hunting and tracking, shooting targets and dagger play, that's where I find my talents lie. And it allows for wandering - discovering new things in the hills, new places, rocks and streams. I've found no companions who follow the same desires of my heart, save Fili who for a time will explore with me, and who will press the knowledge of his swords against my daggers."
Thorin considered this a moment, then said quietly, "In this you have always been like me, that your heart roams far over and away from Ered Luin, towards distant lands and strange things. I do not fault you for this." He leaned forward in his chair, putting his hands together as he gathered his thoughts and letting his eyes drift to the fire. "There may come a time soon where you will get your wish to see more of the wide world."
Kili's mind started at this and he found himself beginning to smile. "What are you planning, Uncle?"
Thorin turned his head towards Kili, and leaned back once more in his chair. "A journey, to meet an old friend near the borders of the Halfling's land, that which they call The Shire. He has called on me to speak with him and I dare to hope that he has news of Thrain."
Kili's face expressed awe at the name of the rightful heir to the title of King Under the Mountain, who had fought Orcs at the Gates of Moria and was widely said to have left that great battle and become a wanderer, a seeker, and a prophet. "Do you think this friend of yours can lead you to Thrain? Do you think he still lives?"
Thorin shook his head slowly. "I am not certain of anything, but this old friend is wise, and knows many things that have come to pass, of which Dwarves, Elves and Men alike may not always fully understand. I must at least hear what he has to say, if only it is to put to rest the fool's hope in my heart that my father still lives."
Kili looked away, knowing some measure of what his Uncle must feel. When he looked up again, Thorin was again looking right at him, a small smile on his lips. "What?" Kili said, thrown off by the change of mood in his Uncle's demeanor.
"I know you are the younger, and you feel yourself to be the lesser man, because of what those others say about you and your appearance."
Kili shifted, now truly uncomfortable, and not at all from the ringing in his head. He felt himself flush with heat and knew his cheeks must be turning red.
His Uncle continued, "I think you take these things too much to heart. You too are a Prince of Durin, and could some day come to the throne, whether you wish it or no. A King must always have confidence in himself, and know his true self well, or be fated to rule ill-heartedly. You are young yet, and your beard will become fuller with time. Your tallness is not a weakness but a strength, giving you advantage on your foes. Your interests are your own, and no one who finds himself fighting beside you in battle would be thankless for your skills with a bow when the enemy comes down from on high, nor make fun of your preference for daggers when Orcs and wargs come in close with teeth and claws." He leaned in close now, and put his hands on the young dwarf's shoulders, looking him square in the eye. "There is value in you just as you are, just as much value as in your brother, as in any dwarf who claims in his line the blood of Durin."
Kili's breath was coming quicker now, feeling himself exposed and all his deepest fears and doubts laid to light. He was staring at his Uncle as he said all this, unable to look away. Now he nodded slightly, the smallest trace of tears in the corners of his eyes. Thorin was right, and Kili knew then that he had to start living this truth and stop hiding and fighting away his days. "Aye." he managed to say, and Thorin nodded, satisfied that he had gotten through to the heart of his young nephew. They embraced and touched forehead to forehead, clasping each other's forearms in solidarity. When they pulled apart Thorin began to gather his things from the mantle above the fire place.
"I plan on heading to Bree on the morrow, and I think it would be good if you were to accompany me."
Kili smiled broadly. A chance to travel again so soon since he had returned with the merchants from Dunland - he had not dared to hope that another opportunity would come so quickly. And with his Uncle no less, on some important family business. "Thorin, I would be honored." He bowed low, and then said sincerely, "Thank you." And he knew his Uncle knew it was thanks not just for the opportunity, but for their talk and his love.
Thorin made to leave, opening the wooden door. As he made to walk through he said with a wink, "You know you could make a better effort of tending your braids and taming those locks, and you may see more lasses looking your way." Then he laughed broadly and stepped out, as Kili shouted behind, "Aye, and you could make more of an effort to bathe and you'd see more looking your way as well!" The sounds of Thorin's laughter floated back as the door closed behind him, and Kili smiled to himself, then made to tend the fire. Fili would be home soon and Dis soon behind him, and they'd both be wanting supper. Sighing he went to work on a stew, feeling his heart lighter than it had been in some time, and hopeful about the days to some.
He was going on an adventure.