A/N: So after episode 3x11, I wanted to examine the whole tormented Paige aspect a bit more. Maybe a little background will explain why Paige did what she did before season 3. Please read and review! Let me know what you think! There will be Paily, because after setting up the story I think most of Paige's issues will be dealt with in flashbacks :)
I don't own anything from Pretty Little Liars (although I'd love to raid their wardrobe sometime.)
"Paige, honey, you're going to be late!" I sighed gathering my backpack and trudging down the stairs. I preferred my parents being away all the time then being on my case constantly. It was like I wasn't allowed a happy medium. Either they weren't here or they were constantly controlling each tiny detail of my life.
"There you are. You can let being tardy damage your perfect attendance record. Take this banana and head to school." My dad handed me the fruit without even looking away from his paper. Mom did, however, acknowledge my presence and kissed me on the head as she pushed me towards the front door.
I could've slept later if I had really wanted to, but I liked to take the long route on my bike to school. It allowed me to avoid all the students cluttering the town square before school. It's not that I wasn't social, well okay, maybe that was part of it. I had friends, teammates on the field hockey and soccer teams. I didn't really hang out with any of them, but most of the girls were nice to me.
I admit I was a loner. I sat at the front of the class, studied on weekends, joined every competitive sport I could fit in my schedule and generally avoided contact with kids my age outside of school. My parents taught me how to excel at everything except making friends. I was use to being on my own, and most days it didn't bother me. People generally left me on my own, and I flew under the radar. That was until I met Alison DiLaurentis, or satan as I like to call her.
I spotted her group of friends across the courtyard. Alison was always surrounded by the same 4 girls. Upon first glance, they seemed to be an odd group. Hanna use to be one of Alison's main target constantly making fun of Hanna's weight, but now she followed her around like a lost puppy, attempting to dress and act just like her. I never understood why Spencer Hastings put up with Alison. Spencer had always seemed so self-assured and headstrong; yet she turned into putty in Satan's hands when they were together. Aria Montgomery had been the rebellious outcast for quite sometime. She wore a lot of black so that the pink streaks in her hair stuck out even more. I had always admired her ability to not care what people thought of her. It was a trait I wish I shared. The last girl of the group was Emily Fields. She was the reason I noticed this group at all in the first place.
At the beginning of the year I had pretend to ignore the lump growing in my stomach when I spotted Emily from across the room. I figured I was just jealous of how absolutely gorgeous she was. Everyone liked Emily, she was the beautiful girl next door. So I figured I was just like everyone else right? Apparently not. However, I wasn't allowed to figure that out for myself.
"She'll never feel the same you know." Alison startled me as I finished getting ready for gym class.
"I...I don't know what you're talking about." Alison straddled the bench I was sitting on, taking one of my tennis shoes away before I could put it on.
"Sure you don't. Stay away from Emily or I'll let everyone know which team you really play for." Alison threw the shoe at me, hitting me hard in the chest. I looked around to see if anyone had seen or heard the conversation. The locker room was empty. I stood up and threw my bag angrily into my locker, before slamming the door shut. Alison DiLaurentis had just figure out in seconds what I'd been confused about all year and I hated her for it.
I turned away from their group, afraid that Alison would catch me looking again. I quickly gathered my things and practically ran to class. I wasn't someone who scared easily, however, Alison knew something no one else did about me. I had no idea how she had figured it out, but none of that mattered any more. If my father found out about my inclinations, I would be dead. He was a deacon at the church and I couldn't even count how many times he had spoken out against homosexuality. If he found out his own daughter was gay or at least liked a girl, there would be hell to pay, literally. While I was worried that Alison would say something, at least she didn't have any solid evidence. That didn't mean that I was going to test her. Most people in school learned pretty quickly not to get on her bad side.
Today was the first day of swim practice and I was glad that soccer season was wrapping up and I didn't have to spend every afternoon chasing Alison on a field. I had always been like fish when I took the pool. I could close out the entire world and just feel the water gliding across my body. It was the one time in my life that I wasn't stressed out about anything.
I moved into the locker room and changed into my swim suit quickly. I had never been super happy with my body, and I didn't feel completely comfortable being in a room half naked with other women.
"Alright ladies, to the pool!" The girls began filing out of the locker room and into the natatorium. I followed close behind, flying under the radar as usual. The coach motioned for us to take a seat on the bleachers for introductions.
"Welcome to the 2008, 2009 swim season! We're glad to have you all here, new faces and old!" The coach continued to talk, but I didn't hear another word, because my eyes had fallen on the dark haired woman seated ten feet from me. Emily Fields. I was in such a state of shock that I didn't even hear Coach call my name.
"Paige McCullers... Paige?" Finally the girl next to me, who I knew from the field hockey team elbowed me lightly, shaking me from my daze.
"Sorry coach! Here."
"Not a problem! Welcome to the team Paige." I turned slightly red, embarrassed that I had been caught not paying attention. When I looked back towards Emily's direction I almost fainted, seeing dark brown eyes staring back at mine. I wanted to look away, I knew I should look away, but my body physically stopped responding to any command my brain was issuing. I was glad the coach ordered everyone to get off the bleachers and begin practice. After the shock of seeing Emily Fields in a swimsuit wore off, the realization of the situation set in. If Alison finds out we're on the swim team together is she going to make my life a living hell? I couldn't quit the team just because of the possibility it would anger Alison. My father would murder me, maybe even more so for quitting a team than liking a girl. He always said all sin was equal, and quitting was definitely a sin in his book.
I forced myself to ignore Emily as much as possible throughout practice. I had decided that just because we were on the same team didn't mean we had to have any contact. I could appease both my father and Alison at the same time. Of course, nothing was ever that easy. I made it through an entire swim practice avoiding her like the plague; of course, as luck would have it, we ended up having lockers next to each other in the locker room.
"Hi, I'm Emily." I nearly jumped into my locker when I heard her speak. At first, I didn't even think she was talking to me. "You're Paige right?" Yep, she was definitely talking to me.
"Um... yeah. Nice to meet you." I spoke to her, trying not to look at her while doing so.
"You're a great swimmer." Great, now she was complimenting me. Did she have to make it harder to ignore her? I glanced up to meet her eyes for the second time today.
"Thanks, you're pretty good too." I couldn't help but smile, it was like she placed a spell over me every time our eyes met, because all normal motor functions ceased to work.
"How...um long have you been swimming?" I kicked myself for prolonging the conversation. I was breaking all the plans I had laid out earlier, and at this moment, I was beginning not to care. Emily Fields was talking to me, and I wanted it to last as long as possible.
"Basically since I learned to walk. What about you? You look like a natural in the water." Did Emily Fields just admit to watching me swim. My heart was doing somersaults.
"Yeah, my dad threw me in the pool at an early age as well... hopes of creating an olympic swimmer I guess." She smiled at me and I melted into a puddle on the floor in front of her. Okay, there was no literal melting occurring, but I wished I could've escaped down the drain at that moment, because none other than Alison DiLaurentis walked through the door.
I grabbed my bag and tried to sprint from the room, but Alison caught sight of me, giving me the most terrifying scowl a 14 year old could give. I pushed through the door and practically ran to my bike.
That night, lying in my bed working on geometry homework when my phone buzzed. I had a text messaging plan, but the only person that texted me was my mom and she was downstairs. I picked it up, opening the new message. I didn't recognize the number, which wasn't surprising since I hardly had any contacts in my phone.
I told you to stay away from my things, Pigskin.
I didn't even think twice about who the message was from. There was only one person that called me Pigskin, that I knew of at least. It was a nickname Alison had given me during this past soccer season, after she had confronted me about Emily. At first I didn't understand the name, I thought maybe it was just a random thing she came up with. However, I discovered later that it was about the skin on my legs. I wanted to scream at her, tell her that her bullying was the reason my legs were scarred, but I couldn't give her the satisfaction, and a part of me knew that, even though Alison was a total bitch, the only person that I could blame the scarring on was me.
I threw cell phone at the wall, not caring if it broke or my parents heard the noise. The tears began streaming down my face uncontrollably. I had no idea why Alison was after me, but I was furious. She didn't have any proof of my feelings towards Emily, which meant she had no power over me right? If she wanted to play dirty, then so could I. I decided that night that the next time Alison confronted me, I wasn't going to back down. I wasn't going to let her win.