Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knights

A/N: Okay. This is really random. Perhaps I should explain. I'm not as far as everybody else seems to be in this series (in Shojo Beat Manga, it only goes up to volume three, and I have to pre-order volume four) so I'm working on less information than everyone else, who somehow seem to have gotten further information. (Reading it in Japanese, I presume? Or am I just completely clueless?) So please bear with me here. So far, however, I adore this series—most especially Zero, because he's just so angsty and beautiful. So of course I had to do this to him. If you want the explanation for what's going on first, you should read the author's note at the end of the drabble. If you want to guess first—then just start reading. I hope you enjoy.

There was once a woman who blew her brains out in the kitchen.

And this—this was Mommy.

I don't tell these sort of things to just anybody so you better shut your mouth and listen.

I know that Toga-sensei (this was before he was Master) told me not to follow her, but still I had, out into that damn, chilly orchard, with all those damp willows protruding from the ground like blackened bones, and seeing how their branches arched like gruesome, clawing hands, groping for the moon. And I stood there behind that tree on the night when the air was so cold it froze in my chest and I couldn't breathe, the wind singing through naked branches like forbidden, creaky lullabies.

Now I realize it was wrong but still she had frightened me, the way she shuffled about the house like a ghost and murmured to herself, her eyes like the glazed, foggy bottoms of the glasses that she drank from; and her high, raucous laughter, and the tipping of her gun—always seesawing in her hand, limp and pale and flimsy as a dying moth—and Toga-sensei (before he was Master) called her crazy, but she certainly wasn't that.

(Scared, on that late, late night, when she entered my room,

Made out of moonlight, so pale,

and her nightgown was frayed, slipping off one shoulder, so I—

could see red marks on her neck, but;

She whispered "I love you, Zero, my boy,"

And I, shaken, shrunk away,

Only to have her hand fly out in,

murderous rage,

so that nails raked at my cheek until bloody

teardrops fell down my face

With her always screaming, and crying—

"I don't want this,

I don't want you, do you think

I would want this?

You are my curse and when I

carried you inside me,

there was only this deep and endless

SICKNESS."

And little brother, now sobbing, ran in,

and in desperation,

clung to her, made of moonlight with those

hideous red marks on her neck;

But tears were so cloudy and strange in those faded eyes;

she fled to the orchard and I

placed my finger to my lips to warn brother to keep secrets

that I know he won't tell, because

I can slip into the bathroom and scrub my face CLEAN

so that we can play a game of…

…pretend, and Dad will never, never know)

I was a child back then and I didn't understand, even with the strained shadows in her face and the bitterness that cut into her words; because she had always been there and I could not take Toga-sensei (before Master) calling her crazy, so I followed her that night, because I didn't know of illicit meetings and forbidden acts in the secrecy of wet orchards. So there, pressed behind the cold bark of that tree, I watched her and she never knew.

There she was, I saw her, with her swinging, white, white hair and eyes like broken mirrors, bleeding what must have been ice from frigid pupils, and she had the gun pointed at him—the one that seesawed in her hand—and I remember hearing her say to that man that she didn't love him, not anymore, at least, and the guy wasn't Dad, you know? Because he had fangs and then perhaps she had fangs and now I have fangs—and that's just damn hilarious, isn't it?

Suicide is damn hilarious.

So now I'm pulling this trigger for kicks.

It all began with a little boy and this is me, but I can't remember my name because its insignificant now and nothing matters when there's red stuff drooling all over your chin and you're a monster now—

I'm a monster now, no matter what those pretty nighttime wraiths say, because they think their so f—king beautiful, but I can see how rotted they are: with a mouth full of black, tainted, filth-dripping fangs and eyes that fester, like open wounds, red and swollen and ugly, and skin so white you can see it pulsing with the blood of their victims beneath, the sloshes and gushes and dirty rushes of blood pouring into their mouths from dead (mostly living) bodies and—

Suicide is damn hilarious.

So now I'm pulling the trigger

Why won't you pull the damn trigger? Why won't you? Come on, Yuki, why don't you just pull the f—king trigger, already? PULL IT. Pull the damn, f—king trigger—

I'm doing this for kicks.

Your blood tastes like poison.

Now that I'm diseased.

There was once a boy who blew his brains out in his dorm.

And that—that was me.

--Zero Kiryu

A/N: Alright. Here's the background information to describe what the heck was going on in the beginning of this drabble. Now, I'm sure that later on this little story about Zero's childhood I've concocted would be killed somehow, once Matsuri Hino delves deeper into Zero's past. But since—up into the manga I've read—it has been kept pleasantly obscure besides the fact that his family was killed by vampires, I created my own little tale:

Zero's mother was forced into marrying his father due to an arranged marriage meant to keep vampire-hunters together. She was forever discontent and unhappy, always putting up a front of satisfaction. Eventually, she falls for a vampire she's supposed to be hunting, which results in an ongoing affair. But unknown vampire was not very sincere, and thus ends up betraying/biting/maiming her in some way. Already miserable, she's driven into a sort of depressed madness by this, and kills him. This is what Zero witnesses, at whatever very young age—and he is forever damaged after hearing her say that she once "loved" this vampire before coldly shooting him through the heart. I always like making things different from how they seem. It's very obvious that Zero loathes vampires for murdering his family—and this is very much true—but I sort of wanted to dig deeper in this and say that the hatred was also rooted in this demented affair he saw between his own mother and a vampire.

After she murdered the vampire, she promptly committed suicide—though I tried to imply that, due to her killing that vampire, she instigated the assault on Zero's family that would kill off the rest of them. Yes. Mommy was quite insane.

I know that the theory is a bit…out there, but I just wanted to give it a try. I thought it was kind of interesting, though I know it probably didn't really happen that way.

The rest of the drabble is pretty self-explanatory: Zero hating himself for becoming a vampire.

Well, I hoped you enjoyed this drabble, despite its evident—er—weirdness. Thanks for reading. Please review. And I apologize for the annoyingly long author's notes. Lol.