"Scar Healer"
A "Blood Of The Immortal" epilogue
A Neo-Sailor Moon fanfic
By Bill K.
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Sailor Moon and all related characters are (c)2003 by Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha and Toei Animation and are used without permission, but with respect. Story is (c)2003 by Bill Kropfhauser.
As always, for those only familiar with the English dub:
Usagi/Serenity=Serena
Ami=Amy
Rei=Raye
Makoto=Lita
Minako=Mina
Haruka=Amara
Michiru=Michelle
Setsuna=Trista
Mamoru/Endymion=Darien
Chibi-Usa/Usa=Rini
Finally, Haruka and Michiru are NOT cousins.
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The story makes more sense if you read "Blood Of The Immortal" first, but it's just a suggestion. I'm glad you stopped by regardless.
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It was one month since Serenity and Endymion had sent their only daughter and her fellow senshi on a "diplomatic" mission to Elysian. From the start of the trip, Serenity had been nervous and apprehensive for no reason she could articulate. Everyone dismissed it as a mother's over-protective concern. However, the original senshi, Rei in particular, began to dote on Serenity even more than usual, out of concern for the woman's genuine distress. Therefore the palace, indeed all of Crystal Tokyo practically, was relieved when the month passed and the Princess and her retinue were due to return. In Crystal Tokyo, Serenity's distress was everyone's distress.
Serenity, Endymion and her four lifelong friends, as well as Luna, Artemis and Diana, gathered on the aeropad atop the palace to await their return.
"Come on, hon'," Makoto pleaded with Serenity as she massaged the woman's knotted shoulders. "You gotta relax. If you get any more tense, you're going to break!"
"I know," Serenity whispered with a strained voice. "I'm just being an irrational, nervous, scared little baby. She knows how to handle herself. She knew how to handle herself at twelve. She proved that in the past, against the Deathbusters and Queen Neherenia. And she's fifteen now and even stronger and more experienced. I'm sure she's fine. She'll show up any moment and yell at me for being worried about her. I'm sorry I have to put all of you through this, but . . .!" She felt hands clasp hers and knew unconsciously they were Endymion's.
"Never apologize for being who you are," he said to her, "ever."
"God I wish a man would say that to me!" Minako muttered.
"Listen to them, Your Majesty," Luna appealed to her. "It's just as you said: the Princess is a big girl now. I realize it's difficult to let go sometimes, but you must be confident in her. Surely if something had happened, we'd have heard by now."
"Yeah, the report from Elysian was everyone was safe and sound, remember?" Artemis added. "Endymion took the message himself."
"I know, I know. I'm just being an old worrier," Serenity mumbled, embarrassed.
But she didn't believe it. She wouldn't, not until she saw her daughter with her own eyes and touched her with her own hands and knew for a fact that everything was all right.
"I believe they're about to arrive," Diana announced.
Everyone turned and saw the dust on the platform begin to swirl. A whirlwind formed and spiraled up to ten feet high before reaching its apex. As it died away, the forms of six girls could be seen holding hands in a circle. One of them wore her hair in rabbit ear-like buns with trails down her back.
"Usa!" Serenity choked out and broke for her. She covered the distance between them in moments and scooped the fifteen-year-old up in a bear hug. "Oh I'm so glad you made it back safely! I've been so worried!"
Serenity fully expected one of her daughter's cutting reprimands about how she was grown and how being fawned over embarrassed her in front of her friends. Instead, to her surprise, the girl returned Serenity's hug. She seemed to cling to the monarch of Crystal Tokyo.
"I missed you, too," Usa whispered, almost embarrassed to say it.
Endymion joined the two and Usa shifted to encompass him in the embrace as well. Luna looked on, proud and happy in an almost grandmotherly fashion.
"You look like you five had fun," Ami said, greeting the returning Sailor Saturn and the Asteroid senshi.
"It was a blast!" exclaimed Sailor Vesta.
"I wouldn't mind living there," grinned Sailor Juno.
"Pallas had so much fun!" squealed Sailor Pallas. "She still misses Me, though."
"Huh?" Makoto asked. "You miss yourself?"
"Uh, well, you know Pallas," Sailor Ceres said too quickly. "Some things only make sense to her."
While Makoto looked at Ceres curiously, Rei noticed Sailor Saturn staring back at Sailor Moon with a look of concern. More so, she could feel the concern radiating from the girl.
"Is everything all right, Saturn?" Rei asked.
Saturn gave her a guilty smile. "I guess," she said and forced herself to look away from Sailor Moon.
Finally Sailor Moon broke away from her parents.
"OK, let's not get all sloppy, huh?" Sailor Moon said and for a moment they convinced themselves everything was all right. "I'm going to go to my quarters."
"Are you feeling all right?" Endymion asked with an inquiring stare.
"Well, it was a long trip and," Sailor Moon began, allowing herself to transform back to Usa in mid-sentence, "and I'm kind of tired."
"All right," Endymion nodded. "It'd be nice if you could join us for dinner tonight. We'd like to hear how Elysian is these days."
"Uh, sure. No problem - - unless I oversleep."
The girl walked off toward the palace. Serenity watched her every step of the way until she disappeared into the crystalline structure.
Now she knew something was wrong.
Dinner didn't help calm her fears. Usa gave a general picture of bliss and good times in Elysian. She was vague about the time she spent with Helios. This was something her parents expected. But she also conspicuously avoided specifics about the trip itself. Serenity and Endymion both recognized the signs in their daughter, but knew not to pry too much. That would only make her retreat behind her wall and nothing could reach her then.
As much torture as dinner was for the royal couple, it was equally hard for Usa. They both brought up subjects she didn't want to remember, let alone relate. Worse, no evasion seemed to satisfy them. It was like they were tuned to her thoughts and could sense her distress and reluctance.
They probably could. They were Serenity and Endymion, after all.
When dinner was over, Usa excused herself and retreated to her quarters again. The girl curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest, and tried to figure out a way to make her problem disappear. She felt totally alone. It was a familiar feeling to her, but one she'd hoped was far into her past. Time became a thing unnoticed as she wondered what she could do.
"Hotaru Tomoe desires entry," announced the computerized door lock.
"Let her in," Usa said softly.
She shifted on her bed and saw her best friend enter and for a fleeting breath no longer felt alone. The feeling faded quickly. Hotaru was all in black, which meant she was worried about something. Whenever Hotaru felt insecure about something, she always reverted to basic black.
"How was dinner?" Hotaru asked timidly.
"Agony," Usa replied, dramatically falling back onto her bed. She clutched the pillow to her chest again.
"They didn't take it very well?"
"I didn't tell them."
Hotaru sat down on the bed.
"Maybe you should," she told her friend.
"I can't," Usa replied. "None of us can. We made a pledge back on Elysian not to tell anyone about what happened on Cartaghos."
"You made a pledge. The rest of us went along because you wouldn't let us do anything else." Usa frowned at her.
"They just wouldn't understand. We can't tell, none of us! Please don't go soft on me."
"But Usa, it's affecting you. I can see it. Everyone can probably see it."
Usa looked away, guilty.
"You've been having nightmares about it, haven't you?"
"Sometimes," Usa admitted reluctantly. "I'll dream sometimes about that awful spider standing over me. Or I'll see Helios being carved up by that - - woman. And I can't do anything to stop it! And I'll wake up in the middle of the night and my heart will just be pounding! And I'll be too scared to go back to sleep."
"Maybe your mom can help."
"No! Hotaru, they can't find out! They barely have confidence in me as Sailor Moon now! If they find out what we all went through, I'll never get to go anywhere again! Look, we all made it back - - except for Evionne - - and its over with and done with and that's all anyone needs to know!"
Hotaru looked on helplessly. She wanted to keep arguing, but she knew it would do no good. Usa could be extremely stubborn on this particular point. She just didn't trust her parents to have any confidence in her. There wasn't any point in arguing that idea.
"OK," Hotaru said softly. "If there's anything I can do to help, just say so."
"Thanks, buddy," Usa said gratefully.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"You don't have to," Usa smiled timidly. "I feel a little safer with you around, to tell the truth. Maybe we can call up the latest fashion streams on the computer?"
Hotaru smiled. "Sure."
* * * *
The Shinto shrine in the palace was Rei's refuge from the world. There were times when being around people just annoyed her to the bone. They were always doing things she saw as stupid or lazy and her perfectionist ways hadn't dulled any in a thousand years of life - - if anything, they had grown keener. Minako long ago began referring to Rei as a "crotchety old woman" and Rei saw no reason to deny it. She was fair and often took it upon herself in her role as chief priest of the shrine to help and guide people who were unsure about their path. But she was very tough on sinners and slackers and held the belief that discipline was an important part of life. Usa and the Asteroid Senshi could all attest to that.
After refilling a bin of candles, Rei went to check on her Miko. The girl was supposed to be selling charms in the outer room. At the door, though, she found Serenity.
"Oh!" Rei said, not used to being startled. "Serenity. You grace the shrine with your presence," and she raised a mocking eyebrow, "particularly since you don't grace it very often."
Serenity gave Rei a pensive look. Since she hadn't risen to the bait, Rei assumed the queen was bothered by something. Reading her confirmed that.
"Come on," Rei smiled, gently taking Serenity's hand. "We can talk in one of the inner rooms."
Inside, Serenity sat nervously rubbing her thumb along the edge of a teacup. Rei brought over a pot of tea.
"Don't do that," fussed Rei. "You'll rub the pattern off of the cup." She poured some tea for Serenity. "What's wrong?"
"It's Usa," Serenity admitted.
"Big shock," grinned the priestess. "What did she do this time?"
"No, it's not that. Something's wrong with her. Something happened in Elysian. Something she won't tell me."
"You don't think she and Helios . . .?" Rei asked.
"No, it's something bad." Serenity didn't notice Rei's amused smirk. "Something bad happened to her."
"How do you know?"
"I can just feel it - - the way she looks, the way she talks and the things I've been sensing - - ever since the trip started. Oh, you know I can't explain the things I sense!"
"Hey, you don't have to explain sensing things to me. Did you ask her?"
Serenity took a sip of tea. "She won't tell me. I'm her mother. Um, could you pass the sugar?" Rei nudged the sugar over and Serenity scooped six spoons worth into the liquid. "She'll just say it's none of my business and accuse me of invading her privacy and we'll get into a big fight. And I hate fighting with people."
"You never seemed to mind fighting with me," Rei smirked.
"That's because you were so obnoxious about it," Serenity replied, and flashed her a timid smile. "Did you sense anything about her when she got back?"
"Usa? I really didn't pay that much attention. Besides, you were crawling all over her and I couldn't really get a good look." Rei stirred her tea absently. "But now that you mention it, I did get the sense that Hotaru was bothered by something. Knowing those two, it's not a big leap to assume it concerned Usa. I couldn't tell you what without a more in-depth reading, though."
"Now I'm even more sure I'm right," Serenity scowled. "Do you have any tea cakes?"
"No. I wasn't expecting you. Maybe you should ask Hotaru or one of the Amazons?"
"About tea cakes?"
Rei dipped her fingers in her tea and flung droplets at Serenity.
"Would you stay on one subject!" the priestess growled.
"Don't do that!" fussed Serenity. She sobered. "Would asking them solve the problem? Would they say anything? They're all very loyal to her."
"You're the queen. Command them."
Serenity grimaced. "I don't like doing that. Besides, Usa probably has them sworn to secrecy or something. I don't want to put them in that kind of spot." She sipped more tea. "Maybe Endymion could contact Elysian and talk to Helios or Candide. They might know what happened."
Rei reached out and grasped Serenity's hand.
"Sounds like a plan. Now will you stop eating yourself up with worry! Whatever it is, she'll get through it," Rei said encouragingly. "She's a good kid - - they're all good kids - - and she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders."
"Thanks, Rei," Serenity smiled sweetly.
"She gets THAT from her father, you know," Rei smirked maliciously.
"You just had to get that last shot in, didn't you," Serenity scowled, her eyes narrowing. Rei struggled not to laugh.
* * * *
Knowing she had to face it sooner or later, Usa finally went to bed. Her dread of what she might dream kept her awake for over an hour. Sleep finally overtook her, though.
In her dream, Usa was Sailor Moon. She was walking through dimly lit corridors, much like those in the castle on Cartaghos. The walls reeked of age and lifelessness. There was the potential for menace in every elongated shadow. Sailor Moon didn't know how, but she could sense something stalked her. Though every fiber of her being screamed for her not to look, she turned and examined the path she'd just traveled.
The corridor mocked her with its lack of apparent threat, as if it were toying with her. Though she saw nothing, the premonition didn't go away. Left with no other option, though, she continued on.
Where was she headed? Did she travel toward something or away? There were no answers for her, just an uneasy feeling of doom and a need to move forward. The shadows crouched at her feet like scavengers waiting for her to be felled so they could join in the feeding on her carcass. There were no movements save her own, no sound at all, nothing to indicate anything tracked her. Nothing except the tingle that ran up and down her spine and the numbing, nameless fear resting like ice in the pit of her stomach.
All at once she was before the door that led to the dungeon Helios had been in. Sailor Moon could feel her chest heaving. Was he in there? Was she? Did Sailor Moon dare enter? Her gloved hand slowly reached up to the handle on the door. How she wished Hotaru and the senshi were beside her. With some trepidation, her hand closed around the handle and pulled. The door opened heavily. It was a strain, but Sailor Moon got it open, expecting at any moment that something would jump out at her.
Nothing did. The room was empty. The bones of Helios' father lay off to the side, but the shackles that had held Helios dangled empty from the wall. He wasn't there. Neither was - - she. Satisfied - - and relieved - - that the room was empty, Sailor Moon backed away from the door.
The sensation of something thin wrapping around her right ankle was quickly followed by loss of balance. Sailor Moon fell backwards onto the hard stone floor, landing awkwardly. She glanced down at her right foot and found her ankle ensnared in a spider's web. Fear and disgust flooded through her and she tried to jerk free from it. The web held.
More sprang out from the floor, wrapping and cocooning her legs and hips. On the edge of sheer terror, Sailor Moon thrashed to get free. She thought to summon the Crescent Moon Wand, but the webs quickly wrapped around her torso, pinning her arms. Within seconds Sailor Moon was securely held to the floor.
She looked up. The shadows seemed to move above her. They loomed over her like she was about to be crushed by them. Then at the last moment, she noticed the black wasn't shadow, but fine hair on a bloated black body. Eight legs dropped down and surrounded her on all sides. Venom-slathered fangs protruded from the great shadow. What little light existed was caught by dozens of little red eyes atop the now visible head.
Sailor Moon's throat constricted. She wanted to scream, but had no voice, no wind. She could feel her heart pounding and her brain was paralyzed with fear. The huge spider bent down to attack, the hairs of its abdomen brushing her stomach, to her instant revulsion. This was where she always woke up.
But she wasn't waking up now.
And all at once a crystal protruded from the spider's thorax, just below the head. It was opaque with reflected light in streaks of red and blue and seemed the embodiment of purity. The spider, thrashing helplessly on the crystal protrusion, was lifted off of Sailor Moon and up into the air. At full height, she could see the crystal was in fact a single horn on the forehead of a towering white Pegasus.
Her Pegasus.
The spider dissolved into mist. Before her eyes, the Pegasus metamorphosed into Helios. Her chest began to heave and tears streamed down her cheeks. They were tears of joy and relief and expelled fear and a dozen other churning emotions. With a single wave of his hand, the webs holding her vanished. His extended hands pulled her to her feet. Once upright, Sailor Moon sagged to his chest and silently cried. His arms folded around her and held her and only then did she dare feel safe.
"You may speak, Maiden," Helios said in his soft, gentle voice. "I am in control of this dream now and I grant you sound."
"Helios, thank you!" Sailor Moon sobbed. "I was so afraid! I thought it was finally going to get me!"
"It is only a dream, Maiden. That is how I come to be here. I have observed your nightmares for some time. I would have said something on Elysian, but I sensed you wished to conquer this yourself. But I could hold back no longer. Normally I do not enter dreams. I only observe. But I - - adjusted my policy, because you are very special to me and it pained me to see you suffer so."
"I'm sorry for worrying you," whimpered Sailor Moon. "I'm just being a little baby about all of this!"
"You are far too harsh on yourself, Maiden." He pulled her back from him and looked down into her tearful red eyes. "You fought a wicked woman who was a millennium spanning evil, and faced trials no one should face." He stroked her cheek tenderly. "Certainly not a girl of such tender years."
"I shouldn't be afraid," sniffed Sailor Moon, looking down in shame. "I keep telling everybody that I'm Sailor Moon now, that I'm ready! But Sailor Moon's not supposed to be afraid!"
Helios pulled her back to him and kissed the top of her head.
"Maiden, you are human as well as Sailor Moon," he whispered softly to her. She continued to quake in his arms. "All humans have fears. The fear of being prey is a fear shared by all humans, by all living things. Sailor Moon is no different. But you fought back, fought past your fear and conquered the evil you faced. You demonstrated the strength inherent in one worthy to be called Sailor Moon."
"Then why am I having these dreams?" Sailor Moon lamented.
"Because there is another fear that you have not conquered." Sailor Moon looked up at him curiously. He tenderly brushed the pink locks from her forehead. "You fear you are unworthy. Unworthy of your mother, of her legacy, of even being Sailor Moon. You dream of the spider because you feel you failed against the spider. But your fear is not just of the spider, but of the failure as well."
Helios opened his shirt and revealed the ugly scars across his chest where Ctesias had cut him and bled him. Sailor Moon grimaced at the wounds.
"You dream also of watching helplessly as Ctesias cut me because you see this as a failure, too. You feel that you failed me. You did not. You did all that was humanly possible and more and you won. You freed me from her clutches."
She wanted to believe him, because he was her Helios and he wouldn't lie to her. He was too good and perfect and pristine to ever lie to her. But the scars on his chest glared at her, condemning her.
"Touch them," Helios said. Sailor Moon looked up at him, horrified. "Touch them. You will not hurt me."
Biting back revulsion, Sailor Moon's trembling hand reached up and ever so delicately glided along one of the ugly scars. Before her eyes, the scar disappeared where she touched. Astounded, she looked up into the loving eyes of Helios.
"You are my champion," he told her. "You are my healer. You are the brilliant light that I bathe in. You are that which makes me better than what I am."
His gentle hand caressed her forehead. His touch was soothing and for a moment Sailor Moon closed her eyes in bliss.
"I tell you this now, not as a man who blesses the day your eyes met mine, but as Helios, Guardian of Elysian the realm of dreams: You are worthy. Worthy of your title, worthy of your life," and Helios smiled lovingly, "and worthy by far of my love. I beseech you to believe this."
Sailor Moon stared up at him, unsure how to react. Then at once she lunged for him and jammed her mouth to his. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she crushed his lips to hers.
"Thank you, Helios!" she said at last, more tears streaming down her cheeks. "I love you so much!"
"Not nearly as much as I love you, My Maiden," Helios replied.
"If anything, you're my healer," she cried. "You always have such faith in me. You never doubt me, ever!"
"I could never doubt you."
There was a subtle change in Sailor Moon's gaze, for a new emotion was added to the adoration and gratitude she felt. A sigh of frustration escaped her chest. Helios looked at her curiously.
"What troubles you now, Maiden?"
"Oh, well," she hesitated, glancing down with chagrin for a moment. "It's just," and she looked back up at him with a different mood, "I wish we could," she said, eyes hooded with longing, "you know. Right now."
"To do so in a dream would grant us only one small crumb of the joy and wonder we would know in real life. Patience, Maiden," he smiled, caressing her cheek. "I know the agony of which you speak, for I feel it, too. We will some day, and sooner than you think. But you must be patient. It will happen. Do not fear. Our love will not dim." His hand caressed her cheek again and she felt like she was drifting up to heaven.
Usa opened her eyes. She lay in her bed in her quarters.
"Time?" she asked softly.
"The time is three hours, twenty-three minutes and six seconds after midnight," replied the room's computer control.
Usa let her head lay on the pillow. A sigh escaped her lips. But she could feel them curling into a very contented little smile.
* * * *
"The time is seven hours after midnight," the computer control announced. "Please awaken. The date is October 5, 2995. The weather is . . ."
"Oh, shut up!" groaned Usa.
How she hated that alarm. Pulling someone from a deep slumber ought to be a capital crime in her book. Now disturbed from her rest, Usa frowned and shifted position - - and realized someone was sitting next to her. She looked up.
"Mom?"
"Good morning, Honey," Serenity smiled.
"Why are you in my quarters?"
"Because I've been worried about you. I've sensed something was distressing you almost from the moment you arrived in Elysian."
"Mom," Usa sighed.
"Your father and I talked to Candide."
Usa tensed.
"We know what happened to Helios. And she related some of the horrors he had to endure in that awful place he was taken to. It's no wonder you were upset."
Usa experienced a flash of guilt, but kept quiet.
"And I know facing the sort of evil she described to me and seeing poor Helios endure what he had to endure made you very afraid." Serenity smiled sympathetically. "Believe me, I know. It's not a sin, honey. I can't count the number of times when I was Sailor Moon that I was scared to death, scared for my safety or for your father's, or for the other senshi or someone else I loved. Most of the time I was scared I'd mess things up and look like an absolute fool."
Usa was about to say something, but stopped when Serenity's hand lightly covered hers.
"I'm sure you were scared, too, scared of losing Helios or just scared of losing. Don't be ashamed of it. It comes with the job."
The girl looked up at her mother, trying to see if she was mocking her. But Serenity was sincere and it made Usa feel less uncomfortable.
"And you fought past your fear and saved Helios. Once again you've proven that you are Sailor Moon, as good a Sailor Moon as I was - - maybe better. I always had faith that you could do it and once more you've proven me right."
"Thanks Mom," Usa reluctantly uttered in a hushed tone. The extracted gratitude made Serenity beam with pride.
"So stop feeling so bad about things, huh? You're dragging everybody down." Usa squinted and wrinkled her nose at her mother, eliciting a smile from the queen.
"Well," Usa admitted, "before you came, I kinda had a talk with Helios." She paused to see how her mother would react.
"In your dream?" Serenity asked, not the least bit scandalized.
"Yeah. He pointed out a few things I hadn't considered - - concerning the situation - - and he kind of straightened me out on a few things." Usa flushed uncomfortably. "And that was all!"
Serenity grinned. "That was nice of him. Helios is a very good man." Serenity's eyes twinkled impishly. "You ought to marry him."
"MOTH-THER!" Usa rolled her eyes.
"Don't take too long to get ready for school," Serenity said, patting her daughter on the hip as she got up. "Rei's teaching today, and you know what she'll do if you're late."
"I'm up, I'm up!" Usa gasped, flinging herself out of bed.
After Serenity left, Usa paused on the edge of her bed for a moment. That little conversation hadn't sucked in the least. Maybe there was hope for her mother after all.
* * * *
Headed down the hall to her classroom, Usa recalled the part of her dream when Helios entered. She recalled his words. Mostly she recalled the feel of his arms around her, but she recalled his words, too. If Helios loved her for her, maybe she didn't need to be as good as her mother. Wouldn't that be a load off her mind?
"You're looking better this morning," Hotaru said, easing up beside her. "No nightmares?"
"No, I had one - - with a twist. Helios entered my dream and saved me."
"Really! He can do that?"
"He's the guardian of Elysian. Of course he can." Usa took on a haughty air. "And he's hopelessly in love with this divine personage, so naturally he would move mountains to be with me."
Hotaru giggled. "Well I'm glad. It's done you a world of good."
"No kidding! I can still feel his arms around me!" squealed Usa. Then she sobered. "I'm still going to get the willies every time I see a spider, though. And the memory of when I thought I was burning - - ick!"
"Try being turned to stone. I'm not going to forget that for maybe - - ever!"
"But it's like Mom said: 'It comes with the job'."
"Yeah," Hotaru nodded. "Not a lot of people could survive something like that." Then she lifted up her hand, the pinkie finger extended and crooked. "But we did."
"Yes we did," grinned Usa. She latched pinkies with Hotaru and they shook on it.
THE END
A "Blood Of The Immortal" epilogue
A Neo-Sailor Moon fanfic
By Bill K.
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Sailor Moon and all related characters are (c)2003 by Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha and Toei Animation and are used without permission, but with respect. Story is (c)2003 by Bill Kropfhauser.
As always, for those only familiar with the English dub:
Usagi/Serenity=Serena
Ami=Amy
Rei=Raye
Makoto=Lita
Minako=Mina
Haruka=Amara
Michiru=Michelle
Setsuna=Trista
Mamoru/Endymion=Darien
Chibi-Usa/Usa=Rini
Finally, Haruka and Michiru are NOT cousins.
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The story makes more sense if you read "Blood Of The Immortal" first, but it's just a suggestion. I'm glad you stopped by regardless.
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It was one month since Serenity and Endymion had sent their only daughter and her fellow senshi on a "diplomatic" mission to Elysian. From the start of the trip, Serenity had been nervous and apprehensive for no reason she could articulate. Everyone dismissed it as a mother's over-protective concern. However, the original senshi, Rei in particular, began to dote on Serenity even more than usual, out of concern for the woman's genuine distress. Therefore the palace, indeed all of Crystal Tokyo practically, was relieved when the month passed and the Princess and her retinue were due to return. In Crystal Tokyo, Serenity's distress was everyone's distress.
Serenity, Endymion and her four lifelong friends, as well as Luna, Artemis and Diana, gathered on the aeropad atop the palace to await their return.
"Come on, hon'," Makoto pleaded with Serenity as she massaged the woman's knotted shoulders. "You gotta relax. If you get any more tense, you're going to break!"
"I know," Serenity whispered with a strained voice. "I'm just being an irrational, nervous, scared little baby. She knows how to handle herself. She knew how to handle herself at twelve. She proved that in the past, against the Deathbusters and Queen Neherenia. And she's fifteen now and even stronger and more experienced. I'm sure she's fine. She'll show up any moment and yell at me for being worried about her. I'm sorry I have to put all of you through this, but . . .!" She felt hands clasp hers and knew unconsciously they were Endymion's.
"Never apologize for being who you are," he said to her, "ever."
"God I wish a man would say that to me!" Minako muttered.
"Listen to them, Your Majesty," Luna appealed to her. "It's just as you said: the Princess is a big girl now. I realize it's difficult to let go sometimes, but you must be confident in her. Surely if something had happened, we'd have heard by now."
"Yeah, the report from Elysian was everyone was safe and sound, remember?" Artemis added. "Endymion took the message himself."
"I know, I know. I'm just being an old worrier," Serenity mumbled, embarrassed.
But she didn't believe it. She wouldn't, not until she saw her daughter with her own eyes and touched her with her own hands and knew for a fact that everything was all right.
"I believe they're about to arrive," Diana announced.
Everyone turned and saw the dust on the platform begin to swirl. A whirlwind formed and spiraled up to ten feet high before reaching its apex. As it died away, the forms of six girls could be seen holding hands in a circle. One of them wore her hair in rabbit ear-like buns with trails down her back.
"Usa!" Serenity choked out and broke for her. She covered the distance between them in moments and scooped the fifteen-year-old up in a bear hug. "Oh I'm so glad you made it back safely! I've been so worried!"
Serenity fully expected one of her daughter's cutting reprimands about how she was grown and how being fawned over embarrassed her in front of her friends. Instead, to her surprise, the girl returned Serenity's hug. She seemed to cling to the monarch of Crystal Tokyo.
"I missed you, too," Usa whispered, almost embarrassed to say it.
Endymion joined the two and Usa shifted to encompass him in the embrace as well. Luna looked on, proud and happy in an almost grandmotherly fashion.
"You look like you five had fun," Ami said, greeting the returning Sailor Saturn and the Asteroid senshi.
"It was a blast!" exclaimed Sailor Vesta.
"I wouldn't mind living there," grinned Sailor Juno.
"Pallas had so much fun!" squealed Sailor Pallas. "She still misses Me, though."
"Huh?" Makoto asked. "You miss yourself?"
"Uh, well, you know Pallas," Sailor Ceres said too quickly. "Some things only make sense to her."
While Makoto looked at Ceres curiously, Rei noticed Sailor Saturn staring back at Sailor Moon with a look of concern. More so, she could feel the concern radiating from the girl.
"Is everything all right, Saturn?" Rei asked.
Saturn gave her a guilty smile. "I guess," she said and forced herself to look away from Sailor Moon.
Finally Sailor Moon broke away from her parents.
"OK, let's not get all sloppy, huh?" Sailor Moon said and for a moment they convinced themselves everything was all right. "I'm going to go to my quarters."
"Are you feeling all right?" Endymion asked with an inquiring stare.
"Well, it was a long trip and," Sailor Moon began, allowing herself to transform back to Usa in mid-sentence, "and I'm kind of tired."
"All right," Endymion nodded. "It'd be nice if you could join us for dinner tonight. We'd like to hear how Elysian is these days."
"Uh, sure. No problem - - unless I oversleep."
The girl walked off toward the palace. Serenity watched her every step of the way until she disappeared into the crystalline structure.
Now she knew something was wrong.
Dinner didn't help calm her fears. Usa gave a general picture of bliss and good times in Elysian. She was vague about the time she spent with Helios. This was something her parents expected. But she also conspicuously avoided specifics about the trip itself. Serenity and Endymion both recognized the signs in their daughter, but knew not to pry too much. That would only make her retreat behind her wall and nothing could reach her then.
As much torture as dinner was for the royal couple, it was equally hard for Usa. They both brought up subjects she didn't want to remember, let alone relate. Worse, no evasion seemed to satisfy them. It was like they were tuned to her thoughts and could sense her distress and reluctance.
They probably could. They were Serenity and Endymion, after all.
When dinner was over, Usa excused herself and retreated to her quarters again. The girl curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest, and tried to figure out a way to make her problem disappear. She felt totally alone. It was a familiar feeling to her, but one she'd hoped was far into her past. Time became a thing unnoticed as she wondered what she could do.
"Hotaru Tomoe desires entry," announced the computerized door lock.
"Let her in," Usa said softly.
She shifted on her bed and saw her best friend enter and for a fleeting breath no longer felt alone. The feeling faded quickly. Hotaru was all in black, which meant she was worried about something. Whenever Hotaru felt insecure about something, she always reverted to basic black.
"How was dinner?" Hotaru asked timidly.
"Agony," Usa replied, dramatically falling back onto her bed. She clutched the pillow to her chest again.
"They didn't take it very well?"
"I didn't tell them."
Hotaru sat down on the bed.
"Maybe you should," she told her friend.
"I can't," Usa replied. "None of us can. We made a pledge back on Elysian not to tell anyone about what happened on Cartaghos."
"You made a pledge. The rest of us went along because you wouldn't let us do anything else." Usa frowned at her.
"They just wouldn't understand. We can't tell, none of us! Please don't go soft on me."
"But Usa, it's affecting you. I can see it. Everyone can probably see it."
Usa looked away, guilty.
"You've been having nightmares about it, haven't you?"
"Sometimes," Usa admitted reluctantly. "I'll dream sometimes about that awful spider standing over me. Or I'll see Helios being carved up by that - - woman. And I can't do anything to stop it! And I'll wake up in the middle of the night and my heart will just be pounding! And I'll be too scared to go back to sleep."
"Maybe your mom can help."
"No! Hotaru, they can't find out! They barely have confidence in me as Sailor Moon now! If they find out what we all went through, I'll never get to go anywhere again! Look, we all made it back - - except for Evionne - - and its over with and done with and that's all anyone needs to know!"
Hotaru looked on helplessly. She wanted to keep arguing, but she knew it would do no good. Usa could be extremely stubborn on this particular point. She just didn't trust her parents to have any confidence in her. There wasn't any point in arguing that idea.
"OK," Hotaru said softly. "If there's anything I can do to help, just say so."
"Thanks, buddy," Usa said gratefully.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"You don't have to," Usa smiled timidly. "I feel a little safer with you around, to tell the truth. Maybe we can call up the latest fashion streams on the computer?"
Hotaru smiled. "Sure."
* * * *
The Shinto shrine in the palace was Rei's refuge from the world. There were times when being around people just annoyed her to the bone. They were always doing things she saw as stupid or lazy and her perfectionist ways hadn't dulled any in a thousand years of life - - if anything, they had grown keener. Minako long ago began referring to Rei as a "crotchety old woman" and Rei saw no reason to deny it. She was fair and often took it upon herself in her role as chief priest of the shrine to help and guide people who were unsure about their path. But she was very tough on sinners and slackers and held the belief that discipline was an important part of life. Usa and the Asteroid Senshi could all attest to that.
After refilling a bin of candles, Rei went to check on her Miko. The girl was supposed to be selling charms in the outer room. At the door, though, she found Serenity.
"Oh!" Rei said, not used to being startled. "Serenity. You grace the shrine with your presence," and she raised a mocking eyebrow, "particularly since you don't grace it very often."
Serenity gave Rei a pensive look. Since she hadn't risen to the bait, Rei assumed the queen was bothered by something. Reading her confirmed that.
"Come on," Rei smiled, gently taking Serenity's hand. "We can talk in one of the inner rooms."
Inside, Serenity sat nervously rubbing her thumb along the edge of a teacup. Rei brought over a pot of tea.
"Don't do that," fussed Rei. "You'll rub the pattern off of the cup." She poured some tea for Serenity. "What's wrong?"
"It's Usa," Serenity admitted.
"Big shock," grinned the priestess. "What did she do this time?"
"No, it's not that. Something's wrong with her. Something happened in Elysian. Something she won't tell me."
"You don't think she and Helios . . .?" Rei asked.
"No, it's something bad." Serenity didn't notice Rei's amused smirk. "Something bad happened to her."
"How do you know?"
"I can just feel it - - the way she looks, the way she talks and the things I've been sensing - - ever since the trip started. Oh, you know I can't explain the things I sense!"
"Hey, you don't have to explain sensing things to me. Did you ask her?"
Serenity took a sip of tea. "She won't tell me. I'm her mother. Um, could you pass the sugar?" Rei nudged the sugar over and Serenity scooped six spoons worth into the liquid. "She'll just say it's none of my business and accuse me of invading her privacy and we'll get into a big fight. And I hate fighting with people."
"You never seemed to mind fighting with me," Rei smirked.
"That's because you were so obnoxious about it," Serenity replied, and flashed her a timid smile. "Did you sense anything about her when she got back?"
"Usa? I really didn't pay that much attention. Besides, you were crawling all over her and I couldn't really get a good look." Rei stirred her tea absently. "But now that you mention it, I did get the sense that Hotaru was bothered by something. Knowing those two, it's not a big leap to assume it concerned Usa. I couldn't tell you what without a more in-depth reading, though."
"Now I'm even more sure I'm right," Serenity scowled. "Do you have any tea cakes?"
"No. I wasn't expecting you. Maybe you should ask Hotaru or one of the Amazons?"
"About tea cakes?"
Rei dipped her fingers in her tea and flung droplets at Serenity.
"Would you stay on one subject!" the priestess growled.
"Don't do that!" fussed Serenity. She sobered. "Would asking them solve the problem? Would they say anything? They're all very loyal to her."
"You're the queen. Command them."
Serenity grimaced. "I don't like doing that. Besides, Usa probably has them sworn to secrecy or something. I don't want to put them in that kind of spot." She sipped more tea. "Maybe Endymion could contact Elysian and talk to Helios or Candide. They might know what happened."
Rei reached out and grasped Serenity's hand.
"Sounds like a plan. Now will you stop eating yourself up with worry! Whatever it is, she'll get through it," Rei said encouragingly. "She's a good kid - - they're all good kids - - and she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders."
"Thanks, Rei," Serenity smiled sweetly.
"She gets THAT from her father, you know," Rei smirked maliciously.
"You just had to get that last shot in, didn't you," Serenity scowled, her eyes narrowing. Rei struggled not to laugh.
* * * *
Knowing she had to face it sooner or later, Usa finally went to bed. Her dread of what she might dream kept her awake for over an hour. Sleep finally overtook her, though.
In her dream, Usa was Sailor Moon. She was walking through dimly lit corridors, much like those in the castle on Cartaghos. The walls reeked of age and lifelessness. There was the potential for menace in every elongated shadow. Sailor Moon didn't know how, but she could sense something stalked her. Though every fiber of her being screamed for her not to look, she turned and examined the path she'd just traveled.
The corridor mocked her with its lack of apparent threat, as if it were toying with her. Though she saw nothing, the premonition didn't go away. Left with no other option, though, she continued on.
Where was she headed? Did she travel toward something or away? There were no answers for her, just an uneasy feeling of doom and a need to move forward. The shadows crouched at her feet like scavengers waiting for her to be felled so they could join in the feeding on her carcass. There were no movements save her own, no sound at all, nothing to indicate anything tracked her. Nothing except the tingle that ran up and down her spine and the numbing, nameless fear resting like ice in the pit of her stomach.
All at once she was before the door that led to the dungeon Helios had been in. Sailor Moon could feel her chest heaving. Was he in there? Was she? Did Sailor Moon dare enter? Her gloved hand slowly reached up to the handle on the door. How she wished Hotaru and the senshi were beside her. With some trepidation, her hand closed around the handle and pulled. The door opened heavily. It was a strain, but Sailor Moon got it open, expecting at any moment that something would jump out at her.
Nothing did. The room was empty. The bones of Helios' father lay off to the side, but the shackles that had held Helios dangled empty from the wall. He wasn't there. Neither was - - she. Satisfied - - and relieved - - that the room was empty, Sailor Moon backed away from the door.
The sensation of something thin wrapping around her right ankle was quickly followed by loss of balance. Sailor Moon fell backwards onto the hard stone floor, landing awkwardly. She glanced down at her right foot and found her ankle ensnared in a spider's web. Fear and disgust flooded through her and she tried to jerk free from it. The web held.
More sprang out from the floor, wrapping and cocooning her legs and hips. On the edge of sheer terror, Sailor Moon thrashed to get free. She thought to summon the Crescent Moon Wand, but the webs quickly wrapped around her torso, pinning her arms. Within seconds Sailor Moon was securely held to the floor.
She looked up. The shadows seemed to move above her. They loomed over her like she was about to be crushed by them. Then at the last moment, she noticed the black wasn't shadow, but fine hair on a bloated black body. Eight legs dropped down and surrounded her on all sides. Venom-slathered fangs protruded from the great shadow. What little light existed was caught by dozens of little red eyes atop the now visible head.
Sailor Moon's throat constricted. She wanted to scream, but had no voice, no wind. She could feel her heart pounding and her brain was paralyzed with fear. The huge spider bent down to attack, the hairs of its abdomen brushing her stomach, to her instant revulsion. This was where she always woke up.
But she wasn't waking up now.
And all at once a crystal protruded from the spider's thorax, just below the head. It was opaque with reflected light in streaks of red and blue and seemed the embodiment of purity. The spider, thrashing helplessly on the crystal protrusion, was lifted off of Sailor Moon and up into the air. At full height, she could see the crystal was in fact a single horn on the forehead of a towering white Pegasus.
Her Pegasus.
The spider dissolved into mist. Before her eyes, the Pegasus metamorphosed into Helios. Her chest began to heave and tears streamed down her cheeks. They were tears of joy and relief and expelled fear and a dozen other churning emotions. With a single wave of his hand, the webs holding her vanished. His extended hands pulled her to her feet. Once upright, Sailor Moon sagged to his chest and silently cried. His arms folded around her and held her and only then did she dare feel safe.
"You may speak, Maiden," Helios said in his soft, gentle voice. "I am in control of this dream now and I grant you sound."
"Helios, thank you!" Sailor Moon sobbed. "I was so afraid! I thought it was finally going to get me!"
"It is only a dream, Maiden. That is how I come to be here. I have observed your nightmares for some time. I would have said something on Elysian, but I sensed you wished to conquer this yourself. But I could hold back no longer. Normally I do not enter dreams. I only observe. But I - - adjusted my policy, because you are very special to me and it pained me to see you suffer so."
"I'm sorry for worrying you," whimpered Sailor Moon. "I'm just being a little baby about all of this!"
"You are far too harsh on yourself, Maiden." He pulled her back from him and looked down into her tearful red eyes. "You fought a wicked woman who was a millennium spanning evil, and faced trials no one should face." He stroked her cheek tenderly. "Certainly not a girl of such tender years."
"I shouldn't be afraid," sniffed Sailor Moon, looking down in shame. "I keep telling everybody that I'm Sailor Moon now, that I'm ready! But Sailor Moon's not supposed to be afraid!"
Helios pulled her back to him and kissed the top of her head.
"Maiden, you are human as well as Sailor Moon," he whispered softly to her. She continued to quake in his arms. "All humans have fears. The fear of being prey is a fear shared by all humans, by all living things. Sailor Moon is no different. But you fought back, fought past your fear and conquered the evil you faced. You demonstrated the strength inherent in one worthy to be called Sailor Moon."
"Then why am I having these dreams?" Sailor Moon lamented.
"Because there is another fear that you have not conquered." Sailor Moon looked up at him curiously. He tenderly brushed the pink locks from her forehead. "You fear you are unworthy. Unworthy of your mother, of her legacy, of even being Sailor Moon. You dream of the spider because you feel you failed against the spider. But your fear is not just of the spider, but of the failure as well."
Helios opened his shirt and revealed the ugly scars across his chest where Ctesias had cut him and bled him. Sailor Moon grimaced at the wounds.
"You dream also of watching helplessly as Ctesias cut me because you see this as a failure, too. You feel that you failed me. You did not. You did all that was humanly possible and more and you won. You freed me from her clutches."
She wanted to believe him, because he was her Helios and he wouldn't lie to her. He was too good and perfect and pristine to ever lie to her. But the scars on his chest glared at her, condemning her.
"Touch them," Helios said. Sailor Moon looked up at him, horrified. "Touch them. You will not hurt me."
Biting back revulsion, Sailor Moon's trembling hand reached up and ever so delicately glided along one of the ugly scars. Before her eyes, the scar disappeared where she touched. Astounded, she looked up into the loving eyes of Helios.
"You are my champion," he told her. "You are my healer. You are the brilliant light that I bathe in. You are that which makes me better than what I am."
His gentle hand caressed her forehead. His touch was soothing and for a moment Sailor Moon closed her eyes in bliss.
"I tell you this now, not as a man who blesses the day your eyes met mine, but as Helios, Guardian of Elysian the realm of dreams: You are worthy. Worthy of your title, worthy of your life," and Helios smiled lovingly, "and worthy by far of my love. I beseech you to believe this."
Sailor Moon stared up at him, unsure how to react. Then at once she lunged for him and jammed her mouth to his. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she crushed his lips to hers.
"Thank you, Helios!" she said at last, more tears streaming down her cheeks. "I love you so much!"
"Not nearly as much as I love you, My Maiden," Helios replied.
"If anything, you're my healer," she cried. "You always have such faith in me. You never doubt me, ever!"
"I could never doubt you."
There was a subtle change in Sailor Moon's gaze, for a new emotion was added to the adoration and gratitude she felt. A sigh of frustration escaped her chest. Helios looked at her curiously.
"What troubles you now, Maiden?"
"Oh, well," she hesitated, glancing down with chagrin for a moment. "It's just," and she looked back up at him with a different mood, "I wish we could," she said, eyes hooded with longing, "you know. Right now."
"To do so in a dream would grant us only one small crumb of the joy and wonder we would know in real life. Patience, Maiden," he smiled, caressing her cheek. "I know the agony of which you speak, for I feel it, too. We will some day, and sooner than you think. But you must be patient. It will happen. Do not fear. Our love will not dim." His hand caressed her cheek again and she felt like she was drifting up to heaven.
Usa opened her eyes. She lay in her bed in her quarters.
"Time?" she asked softly.
"The time is three hours, twenty-three minutes and six seconds after midnight," replied the room's computer control.
Usa let her head lay on the pillow. A sigh escaped her lips. But she could feel them curling into a very contented little smile.
* * * *
"The time is seven hours after midnight," the computer control announced. "Please awaken. The date is October 5, 2995. The weather is . . ."
"Oh, shut up!" groaned Usa.
How she hated that alarm. Pulling someone from a deep slumber ought to be a capital crime in her book. Now disturbed from her rest, Usa frowned and shifted position - - and realized someone was sitting next to her. She looked up.
"Mom?"
"Good morning, Honey," Serenity smiled.
"Why are you in my quarters?"
"Because I've been worried about you. I've sensed something was distressing you almost from the moment you arrived in Elysian."
"Mom," Usa sighed.
"Your father and I talked to Candide."
Usa tensed.
"We know what happened to Helios. And she related some of the horrors he had to endure in that awful place he was taken to. It's no wonder you were upset."
Usa experienced a flash of guilt, but kept quiet.
"And I know facing the sort of evil she described to me and seeing poor Helios endure what he had to endure made you very afraid." Serenity smiled sympathetically. "Believe me, I know. It's not a sin, honey. I can't count the number of times when I was Sailor Moon that I was scared to death, scared for my safety or for your father's, or for the other senshi or someone else I loved. Most of the time I was scared I'd mess things up and look like an absolute fool."
Usa was about to say something, but stopped when Serenity's hand lightly covered hers.
"I'm sure you were scared, too, scared of losing Helios or just scared of losing. Don't be ashamed of it. It comes with the job."
The girl looked up at her mother, trying to see if she was mocking her. But Serenity was sincere and it made Usa feel less uncomfortable.
"And you fought past your fear and saved Helios. Once again you've proven that you are Sailor Moon, as good a Sailor Moon as I was - - maybe better. I always had faith that you could do it and once more you've proven me right."
"Thanks Mom," Usa reluctantly uttered in a hushed tone. The extracted gratitude made Serenity beam with pride.
"So stop feeling so bad about things, huh? You're dragging everybody down." Usa squinted and wrinkled her nose at her mother, eliciting a smile from the queen.
"Well," Usa admitted, "before you came, I kinda had a talk with Helios." She paused to see how her mother would react.
"In your dream?" Serenity asked, not the least bit scandalized.
"Yeah. He pointed out a few things I hadn't considered - - concerning the situation - - and he kind of straightened me out on a few things." Usa flushed uncomfortably. "And that was all!"
Serenity grinned. "That was nice of him. Helios is a very good man." Serenity's eyes twinkled impishly. "You ought to marry him."
"MOTH-THER!" Usa rolled her eyes.
"Don't take too long to get ready for school," Serenity said, patting her daughter on the hip as she got up. "Rei's teaching today, and you know what she'll do if you're late."
"I'm up, I'm up!" Usa gasped, flinging herself out of bed.
After Serenity left, Usa paused on the edge of her bed for a moment. That little conversation hadn't sucked in the least. Maybe there was hope for her mother after all.
* * * *
Headed down the hall to her classroom, Usa recalled the part of her dream when Helios entered. She recalled his words. Mostly she recalled the feel of his arms around her, but she recalled his words, too. If Helios loved her for her, maybe she didn't need to be as good as her mother. Wouldn't that be a load off her mind?
"You're looking better this morning," Hotaru said, easing up beside her. "No nightmares?"
"No, I had one - - with a twist. Helios entered my dream and saved me."
"Really! He can do that?"
"He's the guardian of Elysian. Of course he can." Usa took on a haughty air. "And he's hopelessly in love with this divine personage, so naturally he would move mountains to be with me."
Hotaru giggled. "Well I'm glad. It's done you a world of good."
"No kidding! I can still feel his arms around me!" squealed Usa. Then she sobered. "I'm still going to get the willies every time I see a spider, though. And the memory of when I thought I was burning - - ick!"
"Try being turned to stone. I'm not going to forget that for maybe - - ever!"
"But it's like Mom said: 'It comes with the job'."
"Yeah," Hotaru nodded. "Not a lot of people could survive something like that." Then she lifted up her hand, the pinkie finger extended and crooked. "But we did."
"Yes we did," grinned Usa. She latched pinkies with Hotaru and they shook on it.
THE END