I think I enjoy writing drunk!Kuvira way too much. I feel like she's too classy to really cut loose, but Mario and Luigi in The Calling said that there was gonna be a huge party after the conquering of Zaofu, so... here's the aftermath.

Kuvira's eyes snapped open. The room was mercifully dim, and the throbbing in her head showed no signs of ceasing any time soon. She glanced at the clock on the wall of the bedroom, and slowly began to remember the previous night's events. After fighting Korra and locking away Huan and Baatar Sr., the troops had assembled for the long-overdue festivities they had been looking forward to for weeks. Parties after taking a city were not uncommon for the Great Uniter, and winning the last holdout practically demanded a celebration of epic proportions. She wished she could remember just how epic the night had been; she didn't recall falling asleep in Baatar's family home.

She certainly didn't recall undressing, either.

Baatar's arm felt heavy, draped over her body, and she could feel the warm rumble of his breathing through her back. It wasn't unpleasant, but her inability to recall how they had gotten there prevented her from relaxing against his chest and closing her eyes again. She rolled over to face him, tugging the blanket over their entangled limbs and grimacing as the action brought on a new pulse of pain behind her eyes. "Baatar," she hissed, patting his cheek sharply. "Wake up."

It took a few more tries for her to rouse him, and he looked at her groggily. "Good morning," he said, squinting from a combination of poor eyesight and confusion. "What time is it?"

"About eight," she said. "When did we go to bed?"

She regretted the question the instant it left her lips. Baatar smiled, a flush creeping over his cheeks and a smug grin reminiscent of a teenage boy after his first bout of action spreading over his face. "You mean you don't remember?" he said. "That's unfortunate. It was a good time."

Kuvira seized his chin in her hand. "Tell me what happened, or so help me I'll demote you."

He rolled over onto his back, tugging her along and holding her in place with an arm around her waist. "I had my father and Huan locked up after they refused to bend the knee. Then we joined the troops by the encampment after the duties were done for the night." He brushed a piece of hair that had fallen into her eyes behind her ear. "What else is there to tell?"

She propped herself up on his chest, regarding him imperiously from her vantage point. "I remember that much. Do not test my patience-"

"Fine," he said. "If you must know, after the usual dancing and drinking songs and your bright idea to get into Mother's stash of liquor, you ended up dancing on one of the kegs."

"Anything else?" she asked, her voice clipped. Dancing on a keg isn't that bad, she told herself.

"I'm not entirely sure -because the baijiu was excellent- but I think some of the men started taking dares, and you got in on the fun."

"And my dare was?"

He pushed himself off the pillows to kiss her, but she unsmilingly planted her hand on his chest and forced him back down. Baatar chuckled at her displeasure. "I think that was when you gave me a lapdance? I'm not sure. That might have been later."

"Oh no. No, that didn't happen," Kuvira said, her face paling. A wave of nausea rolled through her abdomen, and she couldn't attribute it all to the hangover.

"Don't sound so distraught, you enjoyed it just as much as I did," he said, reaching up to stroke her hair. "And then things got a bit more interesting-"

"Why didn't you stop me? What did I do?"

He shrugged, dodging her hand and kissing her jaw where it met her neck. "I wasn't thinking straight? I think I stopped you when you started losing strip pai sho against the generals."

Her hand suddenly was covering his face, and he laughed as she wriggled out of his grasp. "Baatar, you should have stopped me! How can I face them again?"

He twined their fingers together. "I carried you off and put you to bed, you should be thanking me. It could have gotten worse, Kuvira... you were nine drinks deep, that's a new record for you."

"And I just happened to spend the night completely undressed?"

"You just happened to throw yourself on me and I was in no position to refuse," he said, pulling her hand to his lips. "I remember you referred to it as some 'great uniting,' so I probably did something right."

Kuvira groaned, her hand at her head. "This is terrible. This is all wrong, I'm never celebrating with the troops again.."

"Not if I can have my way," Baatar agreed. "You're less monogamous when you're drunk."

Her eyes widened for a moment, and her hand closed around his wrist with a viselike grip. "I did no such thing."

"Relax, Kuvira," he said, pulling her back down beside him. "You sat on Xi's lap at one point and kissed him. On the cheek!" he added hastily as a strangled growl of anger and disbelief escaped her. "Nothing major!"

"Why didn't you stop me?"

Baatar paused thoughtfully. "I'm not sure... that's not like me, is it? I thought about telling you to ease up with the drinking since you never do it often enough to acquire a proper tolerance, but it's been so long since I've seen you genuinely enjoying yourself. After all that you've accomplished, I thought you deserved a proper celebration."

Kuvira could only stare. "I'm never drinking again."

"That's fine," he said. "I've just missed seeing you smile. And I was worried about how you were doing, especially after Mother and the boys tried to-" He stopped, his expression souring and sadness in his eyes. "Well, you were right about that, we don't need to rehash it."

She felt an involuntary shudder pass over her body at his mention of the assassination attempt, and she told herself it was from the draft. "No," she agreed, finally allowing him to take her in his arms. "I didn't want to believe Suyin capable of it, but I was not prepared to take a gamble, not when we were so close." His arms tightened around her, and she traced the length of his jaw and neck with her left hand, admiring the glint of her ring even in the dim room. "It doesn't matter," she said, unsure of whom she meant to comfort. "It's all over, we've won."

"And you didn't embarrass yourself," he added, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Even if you did go a bit overboard with the dragonberry wine."

Kuvira smiled hesitantly, appreciative of his efforts to distract her. "Are you sure? Lying to your commanding officer is a punishable offense."

"You kept your clothes on," he reassured her, propping himself up on an elbow. "You went to bed with the right person. The troops will forget about it, they didn't have any less to drink. And if they don't, they're likely impressed."

She sighed. "I hope you enjoyed that lap dance because you're never getting another." She slipped out of bed, pulling on his discarded uniform.

"What if we take the United Republic in record time?" he asked, his eyes mischievous. "I can start work on the colossus soon, a number of the troops have been dismantling the domes for the past couple of hours."

She paused in wrapping his uniform around her body, her hands drowning in his sleeves and the fabric smelling of his cologne. "If it's successful," she said slowly, climbing back into bed and cupping his cheek, "and if we're successful, then I promise to give the idea favorable consideration."

He kissed the tip of her nose. "Then I'd better get to work."

FIN

A/N: The REAL reason f*ckboy got that colossus made as quickly as he did, ladies and gentlemen. ;)