How Is My Heart Supposed To Beat
Carpe diem. How annoying is carpe diem? How are you supposed to plan a life? A career? A family? If you're always carpe-ing the diem? If we all seized every moment of every day, there wouldn't be doctors. Who would sit through Med school? We'd all be too busy, living in the now. Whatever that means.I'll admit that the Romans had a point. You gotta live life. And living means that every morning, when you wake up, you have to choose. Between seizing what life offers in the moment, and forging ahead, no matter the weather. Or closing the curtains, and shutting out the day. Meredith Grey; Let The Bad Times Roll
Lexie left Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital after a long and tiring shift. She could not live without Mark. She knew that she needed him. And she knew that was a mistake to break up with him. But now Lexie Grey had finally realized that her heart belongs to only one: Mark Sloan. But he was with Julia Canner, an ophthalmologist at Seattle Presbyterian. Lexie sighed as she noticed that it was raining outside. But my God, it's Seattle and in Seattle it rains quite frequently and often.
Scowling, she pulled her hood over her head and wanted to go over to her car when she saw Mark Sloan. A small smile could be seen on her lips. Yes, she missed Mark. Everything about him. Lexie sighed suppressed and threw him a look. Mark looked up from his phone on which he tapped with his big, warm hands ... and just saw Lexie stand in front of the entrance of Seattle Grace, uncertain whether she should go. "Lexie." He said and walked slowly toward her. "Oh, hi, Mark." Lexie managed.
Lexie also took a few steps up to him, and drew in a deep breath and said, "Thank you for today I enjoyed it, it was great, I mean ... it was great spending time with you, even if it´s just in the OR. It´s great that you let me ... do the bone flap ... ..." She continued to ramble. Mark chuckled when he watched her. Little Grey. They were meant to be.
Lexie did not end the sentence.
Mark replied, "You have done very well. It was quite impressing. You will make a great surgeon with your potential.."
"Thank you." Lexie said.
This whole situation was pretty weird for her, now that she knew that Mark Sloan is the love of her life. Jackson Avery and Alex Karev were never be able to take a real place in Lexie´s heart. Lexie's heart beat for Mark Sloan. And it still beats for Mark Sloan. And it will beat for Mark Sloan, no matter how much she denies it. Mark is the one who captured her heart ...
Mark asked worriedly as he realized that something was bothering Lexie. "Everything okay?" He asked.
"I love you."
Lexie had said it and she did not regret it. Because it was true. She loved Mark Sloan so much that it physically hurts not to be with him ...
Mark stared at Lexie with half-open mouth, could not believe what the little Grey told him.
She loved him. Those were her words.
Lexie then realized what she had said ...
"I love you." She repeated firmly. Then: "Oh, God, I ... She continued to ramble. Mark chuckled when he watched her. Little Grey. They were meant to my God, oh my God, I ..." Lexie was frightened.
Her voice trembled. "I love you! Oh, oh my God, that just came flying out of my face! (mumbles) I love you! I just... Oh, did it again. I... I love you. I do, I just, I love you and I have been trying not to say it, I've been trying so hard to just mash it down, ignore it and not say it!" She continued to ramble.
Mark stood there frozen.
Lexie spoke completely therefore, but still she kept saying 'I love you'.
Lexie could not believe it.
She gestured wildly with her arms.
Mark saw that it hurt her to see him with Julia. At this moment he saw this.
"There. I say it again." She continued to ramble. Mark chuckled when he watched her. Little Grey. They were meant to be."I love you. There. I say it again." Lexie let out a helpless laughter. However, Mark stood there as if paralyzed. She continued to ramble. Mark chuckled when he watched her. Little Grey. They were meant to be."I ..." Lexie went on, still continued chuckling. "I, I, I love you." She stuttered with despair in her voice. "With all my heart, Mark. Really, I ... I love you." She managed to say.
Lexie was unable to contain her feelings any longer.
Everything burst out of her ...
Mark Sloan stood there helpless, listened to what Lexie said. And it touched him inside. He swallowed and turned his eyes on Lexie, which continued to ramble- one of the many things he loved about her, in a trance.
"I promised myself not to tell you, but I ... I love you, Mark Sloan." She sounded infinitely desperate. And yet full of hope. "I tried to fight it, to ignore the feeling ... I would not say. Helpless and almost resigned Lexie lifted an arm and let it fall again. "And Jackson ... he's a genuinely nice guy, that's just ... that he is, really."
Mark just listened merely. Lexie surprised him. Every day. He had never ceased to love little Grey.
Time did not seem to exist anymore. Everything was quiet.
"Jackson is a great guy. He is. He's gorgeous and he's younger than you and he doesn't have any grandkids or babies with his lesbian BFF's and he's an Avery and he liked me, you know. He really liked me!"
Lexie took a deep breath ...
"But it was never gonna work out, because I, I love you. I am so in love with you. You're in me! It's like you're a disease, it's like I'm infected by Mark Sloan. Because my heart belongs to you. I love you so so much and I and I ..." On Lexie's face be spread a smile, then it disappeared again for painful facial expression.
"I can't think about anything or anybody, and I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't eat." Now Lexie continued in tears.
"And I can not breathe. And cannot eat because I love you. I love you all the time, every minute. Twenty-four hours, and I, I ..."
Then Lexie completed slowly, but full of empathy her sentence: "... love you."
God, that feels good to just say that! I feel so much better! I love you! Mark..." Lexie ended, breathing heavily, she looked wide-eyed at Mark.
"Mark?" She asked.
Her voice was quiet, shy and insecure.
"Mark?" She asked.
Her voice was almost soundlessly, waiting.
Mark Sloan cleared his throat and his eyes rested on the younger Grey, on her brown eyes, who looked at him pleadingly ...
The woman he loved was standing in front of him. And she felt the same way for him as he for her. Mark inhaled deeply, then he kissed Lexie. It was a long, breathtakingly beautiful kiss. "Wow." she blurted out after they separated. "And I was good, little Grey?" Mark asked softly as he pulled her into a tight hug and took off his chin on Lexie's head.
"Mark." Lexie and slapped him playfully on the arm.
Mark laughed and kissed Lexie only gently.
Then he said softly, "I love you too, Alexandra Caroline Grey."
Lexie breathes a sign of relief. A smile covered her face. breathing.
Then a thought occurred to her: Julia. It was not fair to her. "What about your girlfriend, Julia?" Lexie asked. "Will you leave her? You have to talk to her. Until you do, we can´t do more than kissing. And I want more.""
Mark saw Lexie's face: "Yes, Lex, I'm going to leave Julia. You know, she was a kind of rebound. She was nice, and she wants children, wants to give me everything I want- but our relationship was not functioning because. ... my heart belongs to you, Lex. "
Lexie smiled and the two kissed, a long kiss.
But then Mark said: "Lex, before we ..." He smirked. "... get naked and do all sorts of dirty things, I need to talk to Julia." Lexie nodded. She knew he had to, it wouldn´t be fair to Julia if he just ...
"Hey, Lexie! (to Mark) I thought you said the lobby? You ready?" Julia´s voice appeared as she came walking towards the soon to be couple. That was awkward. Now he knew How Derek must have felt during the whole Elevator thing when Addison came from L. A. to visit only to discover he and Meredith broke up and Derek´s seeing a nurse. "I ... I have to ... to go." Lexie stuttered, practically fleeing.
"What´s wrong with her?" Julia wanted to know.
"Er ... it´s ... okay." Mark didn´t know how to start. Breaking up was hard, and Julia didn´t deserve this. She just sort of got thrown into the mix, unaware of the bond between Lexie and Mark. "Mark?" She asked, suddenly fully alert.
"What aren´t you telling me?" She asked sharply. "You still love her, don´t you? And this is you breaking up with me, isn´t this what it is?"
Mark nodded.
"Yes, I am still in love with Lexie." Mark revealed.
Julia processed this Information. "What ... You are ending it?" She sounded shocked.
"I am sorry, Julia. I am sorry ..." Mark apologized for doing this to her, but he loved Lexie. He wanted to be with her, not Julia.
Silence.
Mark shifted uncomfortably.
Then Mark continued: "You deserve someone better than me. Someone who will really love you. You deserve better."
He looked Julia for some seconds in the eye and then said goodbye.
"Bye."
"Bye." Julia answered, her voice hoarse.
He left, leaving Julia standing in front of the entrance of Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital.
When he was in his car, he tried calling Lexie. But she didn´t answer her cell.
Why isn´t she answering her cell phone? Mark asked himself as he started the car to drive to his Apartment. He was positively surprised when he saw Lexie waiting outside his door, obviously waiting for him to turn up. Mark smiled as soon as he saw her, leaning against the wall. Her hair. Her eyes. He loved everything about her. She still hasn´t seen him.
"Lex." He called out, grinning.
"Mark." Lexie was happy when she saw him. Lexie ran to him and their lips met within seconds.
They Finally got their happy ending!