Author's note: Rather unfortunately I was given the idea for this story [ironically by David who hates R/S] while I was in the middle of writing another one [Tom Riddle in case you wanted to know.] I had promised to produce at new Tom chapter but this one kept me up all night so I figured it'd better be written or I would never ever sleep again. Plot is… limited. I hope you don't mind. The second chapter is for R/S fans only [non David-friendly in other words. Don't go there, got it? I take no responsibility for any psychological damage you may suffer through reading it. I did warn you.]
Finally, before we progress I have a massive thank you to make to my beta QueenSmithy, or Smithy if you like. When this was originally written Sirius Black proved himself to be "the world's most eloquent drunk" [a phrase I am rather fond of.] Fortunately she edited a great deal of it and left me to edit the rest of it, it is now a thousand times better. She knows I love her already; this is merely so that all adoring fan mail can be addressed to its proper recipient. Would love to claim responsibility for drunk Sirius, he is so adorable, but I cannot. Not really. Anyway… on to the story!
who doesn't
Remus had still not arrived. Sirius Black collected his four glasses of non-alcoholic punch, looked at the clock again, sighed and rejoined his friends.
"He's still not here," he shouted over the noise of the band [a newly formed group of Ravenclaw sixth years.]
James shook his head and accepted the drink gratefully. "If you want to find him so badly go up to the dormitory, he's probably still there… probably hiding because he doesn't want to show us his costume." He sipped the drink and made a face. "What's in this stuff?"
Sirius shrugged and handed Peter his punch, setting Lily's on the floor. "Fruit juice?"
"Ah," Prongs nodded in understanding. "The bad kind of drink."
Sirius pulled a bottle from his pocket and discretely added some of the fire whisky to his glass. "Did you tell him you were wearing tights? Whatever he's coming as it can't be worse than you…" He paused and assessed his friend. "What the hell are you anyway?"
James looked distinctly embarrassed. "No idea… I'll ask Lily again when she gets back."
It was their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Halloween Night. Generally this occasion was celebrated with a large feast but this year Sirius had gone to the headmaster with a request for a Fancy-Dress ball. He hadn't really intended Dumbledore to agree, just thought it would be funny to watch him smile politely, nod and say "we'll see." Instead the odd man had grinned, rubbed his hands together and declared "why not?" and Sirius had gone back to the common room, rather dumbfounded and informed his house mates that they would be forced to dress up this Halloween. Still, he thought, sipping his drink disinterestedly, it had all turned out rather well. Once he had set the theme [famous icons] people seemed to actually enjoy the task of choosing who they were going to dress up as; Remus for example had spent the last month walking around giving people funny looks and laughing whenever anyone asked what he was going as. James, on the other hand, had obviously let his new girlfriend chose his costume. He looked rather like a darker version of Nearly-Headless Nick who had stopped by earlier to congratulate Prongs on his unexpected good taste. Sirius snorted into his drink as James tried to flip his long lacy cuffs out of his glass. James' eyes narrowed. "So what are you then? Man in a tuxedo?"
"Yes, because he's a very well known famous icon," Sirius drawled.
"Who is?" Lily asked, joining them, looping her arm around James' waist.
"Man in a tuxedo," Sirius supplied grinning.
"James Bond," Peter countered.
"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed. "Well done Pete."
Lily raised an eyebrow, it was an expression she used a great deal around Sirius and he sometimes found it amusing to see how many times he could make her raise it in one evening. "James Bond? That's not very inventive is it?"
"Of coursh it ish, Money-Penny," he swirled the drink nonchalantly. "How could I be anyone elsh?"
Peter and Lily laughed; James looked like he suspected Sirius had had too much fire whisky already. Padfoot grinned and dropped the accent. "I watched a lot of muggle-movies over the holidays, there's not a lot to do in London on your own so I borrowed all of the Bond films." He struck a wistful pose. "He seemed…. to speak to me."
"You forgot all about the party until yesterday, when you realised you had to have a costume," Lily suggested.
"Yes, well that too," Sirius agreed, grinning back. "May I ask what you have deigned to appear as, fairest flower of the valley? ... Jamie has no idea."
Lily whirled, her white skirts billowing around her, the pearls in her hair [which for the moment was brown instead of the usual red] glinting in the hovering fairies. "Any ideas? Remembering I go with James."
Peter frowned. "I vaguely recognise it…. But I don't know where from. Must be a muggle thing again otherwise James and Sirius would have guessed it."
Lily nodded. "We're possibly the most famous icons of a particular very famous writer's work."
"That's nice for you Jim," Sirius grinned. James threw his drink at Sirius who dodged it.
Peter hummed and ah-ed for a little while longer during which the other boys got rather bored. "Alright I give up," he declared at last. "Who are you?"
"Hamlet and Ophelia?"
The Marauders' all shook their heads and Lily shrugged. "Well, Professor Dumbledore said I looked perfect and Remus will guess if he ever gets here."
"Oh! Me next!" Peter exclaimed excitedly.
He was wearing his wizard robes, newly coloured to an odd musty shade. He removed a small pair of glasses from one of the pockets and set them on his nose and then picked up a large and very heavy looking book from the floor and started to read. "In sixteen-seventy-three the goblin rebellion-" Lily's hand rose into the air. "Yes Miss Everyone?"
"That's not fair!" Sirius protested loudly. "I know this one!"
Peter peered over his spectacles and blinked at his friend as though he were surprised to see him there. "Well I'm sorry Mr Blight-"
"Black."
"Sorry?"
"My name is Black."
"Well, I'm sorry Mr Blank but Miss Evergreen raised her hand in the proper manner."
"Professor Binns," Lily beamed; Peter smiled broadly back. "Yes."
"Binns is hardly an iconic figure," Sirius protested, apparently still upset about being overlooked.
"Yes he is!" Peter countered, indignantly. "An icon is somebody famous and we all know who Binns is, where as nobody guessed who James was… not even James."
"Touché Peter," James remarked with a smile.
A girl dressed as Morgan le Fae blushingly asked Sirius for a dance, the frown melted and he disappeared into the crowd.
"Ooh, this is my favourite song!" Lily exclaimed. James looked apologetically at Peter who rolled his eyes and positioned himself on the floor. "Don't mind me… I'm not much in the mood for dancing."
With a hurried, "thanks Peter" the couple vanished into the throng of dancers. Peter helped himself to Sirius' fire whisky and read up about goblin rebellions [which were surprisingly interesting] for ten minutes until they returned and Padfoot firmly removed his alcohol from his friend's grasp.
A number of Lily's friends joined them and sat, talking and giggling while the boys tried to look mature and annoyed.
The clock clanged. It was nine o' clock and Remus was an hour late.
"Where the hell is he?" Sirius demanded and, as if in answer, the doors of the Great Hall swung open dramatically revealing the silhouette of a boy on a broomstick surrounded by smoke, the band managed a passable fanfare and the boy flew into the light, long dark hair loose around his face.
The entire room turned to watch him as he rose to his feet, circling the hall, balancing precariously on the broom handle, swiped a rose from one of the flower displays and handed it to Marilyn Monroe, who smiled and blew him a kiss.
"I didn't know Moony could fly like that," Sirius said as the boy regained his seat on the broom and began to circle and dive to thunderous applause.
James shook his head. "No, neither did I"
"Of course he can," Lily interrupted sharply. "Just because he doesn't play Quidditch like you two doesn't mean he doesn't fly." The crowd let out another cheer as Remus landed next to them, flushed with success and exertion. His hair was dark now and hanging to his shoulders instead of back in its usual, conservative horse tail; his eyes blue and sparkling. He wore black, black jeans, a black t shirt that clung to his sinewy form and a black leather jacket. Nobody said anything and Remus grinned. "I hope I'm not too late," he apologised. Still, nobody spoke and Moony, glancing around at their stunned faces, already trying unsuccessfully to hide a smirk, broke into a laugh. The band had resumed their program and the rest of the school had begun milling around. Remus stopped laughing and shook his head. He extended a hand to Sirius who took it dubiously. "James Bond, I presume? You are my idol… apparently." He grinned again, turned to James, bowed. "Your Highness," took Lily's hand and pressed it to his lips, "My lady Ophelia… you look lovelier than ever." He then greeted each of the Gryffindor girls in turn before turning to Peter, doing a sharp double take and apologising for not doing his homework.
"That's alright Remus," Peter murmured.
Remus' face fell. "Oh come on Wormtail! Play along… Binns would never say that, especially not to-"
"Me," Sirius finished sourly. Remus turned slowly on his heels, an uneasy smile across his face. "I thought you'd be amused… If you want me to change I-"
"Don't be such a prat, of course I don't want you to change," Sirius snapped.
What did he want? Sirius wasn't entirely sure but something about seeing Remus in his clothes, looking at him with his eyes was distinctly unsettling.
Perhaps it was something to do with the smell, Padfoot's nose stayed with him to a certain extent even as Sirius and the man in front of him did not smell right. Moony had obviously borrowed his aftershave as well as his clothes and the distinct odour hovered about him as the well as the more subtle scent of Sirius himself, buried within the leather jacket. Then invading that was the scent of his friend, intertwined with Sirius' own smell to create something that did not smell like the Remus he knew at all; something that was at once both of them and neither.
He made himself smile then made it real. "Although I guess if I'm an iconic figure I should take back what I said about Professor Binns." He rolled his eyes and turned to Peter. "I'm sorry Professor, you are an iconic figure. I have seen the error of my ways and hence forth shall strive to be a better person."
"I'll believe that when I see it," James snorted.
"I only said I'd try, my lord," Sirius corrected grinning. "I expect I shall not try very hard."
"So am I a lord or a prince?"
"Both… see I knew Remus would guess." Lily smiled radiantly. "The real Sirius didn't guess."
Remus laughed, unease apparently forgotten. "Well I had to take certain creative licenses. For example my Sirius knows Shakespeare and is slightly thinner; he also wears my boxers, socks and shoes.
"Thank Merlin," Sirius sighed dramatically. Remus swiped at him and removed his/Sirius' jacket, revealing Sirius' tattoo. James whistled. "You really went to town on this didn't you?"
Remus shrugged and smiled. "Why not?" For a moment, with that goofy grin, he looked nothing like Sirius, and then the smile vanished to be replaced with an all too familiar leer. "They're all there."
Sirius frowned. "I only have two." He pointed at the one on Remus' arm, "that one and the other one which nobody ever sees."
"You also have this one," Remus tugged at the neck of his t shirt exposing a diagonal black line at the base of his collar bone and grinning "but you don't know it yet."
"Going to tell me what it is?"
Remus shook his head and started so say something but was interrupted.
"And Narcissism has a new king… I see you have taken your hero-worship of Black to a new level, Lupin," Severus Snape commented silkily, sidling up surrounded by his gang of Slytherins. Unlike the Marauders he had not embraced the idea of dressing up; instead he, and a large percentage of his friends, was wearing his dress robes. "It must be wonderful to finally be human at last."
"Oh it is," Remus drawled, catching Sirius as he started forward. He wasn't entirely sure what Narcissism was but it wasn't anything good. "You should try it some time," Remus continued, appraised his enemy seriously for a moment, and raised an eyebrow. "I see you have come as an impolite, greasy git… that must be a real change for you, Severus."
Snape reached for his wand but Remus' was already in his hand. "Give me a reason, Snivellus and I swear I will," he remarked pleasantly. "Now… be gone, foul retch." He waved his wand dismissively and Snape, glaring for all he was worth, turned on his heel and stalked away into the crowd but not before Moony's wand had twitched and the flashing words Get it here and a large arrow had appeared on the back of his Snape's robes.
Remus turned back to them, a small smile edging over his face which turned into a broad grin as James lost it and started cackling. "That was brilliant," he managed as the rest of the group burst into laughter.
Remus bowed briefly. "Why, thank you." He grinned. "I rather liked it myself… Merlin, it's fun not being me." The smile faded slightly. "Although I suppose I'll be paying for that one next potion's lesson; not that I need Severus' help to make things explode." He grinned again. "Still… it was-"
"Remus?" a woman interrupted.
The werewolf turned to see a beautiful blonde girl, standing behind him, a somewhat predatory look upon her face.
"Collette… hi," Remus managed before he remembered he was supposed to be Sirius. "You're looking ravishing tonight," he corrected debonairly.
She smiled and flushed. "You make it sound like a freak occurrence."
Remus laughed. "Hardly… but beauty such as yours demands to be recognised at every opportunity. Would you like to dance?"
"I'd love to," Collette exclaimed as though she had not come over with the express purpose of entangling Remus.
"Perhaps someone will see that tattoo after all," Remus called as Collette lead him away into the crowd.
Lily laughed as he disappeared. "Remus is great at being you,"
"He's better at being you than you are," James acknowledged, over the top of his, now considerably more alcoholic, punch. "Haven't you been chasing Miss Haven for the last week?" he remarked slyly.
"Yer," Sirius said. "I was."
It was slightly annoying that Remus had managed to catch Collette's eye in five minutes when he had been trying for a week, without success. Still, he supposed, removing the bottle of fire whisky again and draining it, Remus deserved a bit of luck with the ladies once in a while.
Another string of girls arrived, in the hopes he might ask them to dance but after the first five dances Sirius politely refused, preferring to stay and talk to Peter while Lily and James stayed wrapped in each other on the floor. Sometimes, on the faster songs, he watched them; watched how they moved in perfect synchrony [which was no mean feat as over the six years they had been friends Sirius had seen no signs that Prongs possessed even the slightest sense of rhythm] but mostly he watched himself. Remus had thoroughly embraced his new role and was apparently enjoying seducing every girl within a meter's radius.
Was he jealous? No, that wasn't possible. Sirius knew that had he been trying he could be snogging any of the girls fawning over Remus at the moment. He watched as Remus, now dancing with Collette again said something that made her laugh and then lean closer, close her eyes-
Sirius moved his gaze away, feeling like a voyeur. Moony deserved some privacy. He ran his hand through his hair which was still caked in gel and leant back on the jacket Remus had discarded earlier; feeling a lump in one of the pockets he withdrew a half empty bottle of fire whisky and shook his head. No wonder Remus was so… uninhibited this evening. He remembered this bottle being full. Another half an hour passed in which Sirius and Peter managed to drink half of what remained of the fire whisky and eventually, Sirius protested he felt light headed, pulled the jacket around his shoulders to provide some extra warmth and started weaving his way towards the outside doors.
There were some disturbing noises coming from the rose bushes and Sirius, checking no one was watching, transformed into Padfoot and pelted away towards the lake. The night air was cold and clear and carried the scents of sweat, and salt water, rose petals and that intriguing scent that was neither one person nor the other, a mesh of the two.
What was Remus doing outside?
He transformed again and walked the final stretch towards the boy sitting at the lake's edge. "What ho, Sirius?" he called.
Remus turned as if he had only just noticed Sirius' presence, though reeking of cigarettes and alcohol he must have been obvious from a mile away. "It's just Remus again," he said, indicating his hair which was brown again.
"Than God fer tha," Sirius declared, words slurring slightly and seating himself by his friend, rather surprised to note he could still form roughly coherent sentences. "One of me qui enough… forgowhich wuni was, 'specially now this one knows Shakespeard too."
Remus smiled slightly. "I think that might be the fire whisky."
"Prob'ly," Sirius agreed cheerfully. "Wunnerful stuff."
Moony gave a half laugh which turned into a whole as Sirius handed him the almost empty bottle he had found in the jacket. "I believe thisis yours Misser Moony."
"It was," Remus observed. "Messers Padfoot and Wormtail appear to have been unfriendly prats and most of it appears, rather mysteriously, to have vanished."
"Mr Padfoot protests! The bottle was foun' in his jacket, which Misser Moony ha' stolen without his permissiononon… Nah wait… stole…stolen…stole…bugger..." He sighed and shook the bottle in front of Remus' face with a hopeful expression. "Saved ya the las' bit though… Thass best part."
"Mmm," Remus said, sceptically and downed the last of the whisky. Sirius laughed and lay back on the damp grass.
"So," he began. "Di'you have fun bein' me?"
"I did for a while," Remus acknowledged. "It felt delightfully free-"
"Ah yes… it is that." He looked up at Remus slyly. "Snoggin' Collette Haven can'tave been bad either."
"Yer, well, she wasn't snogging me," Remus muttered, picking at the label on the empty bottle.
"She wasn't-"
"She was snogging me dressed up as you," Remus said wryly. "It's not quite the same thing… apparently I'm cute when I'm you."
Sirius started laughing; Remus glared. "Remind me never to have a serious talk with you ever again… not when you're completely out of it anyway."
"I'm no more drun' than you," Sirius protested, pushing himself, unsteadily, into a sitting position again, still laughing. "Bloody hell, Moony… even wearin' my eyeliner."
"Yer… found it when I was looking for your aftershave. Rather amused to find out the great Sirius Black wore make-up."
"Don' mess with wha' works," Padfoot protested cheerfully. "Some Valentine's card lass year procla…procli… said my eyes to be limpid pools o' loveliness."
"Well that person is clearly insane," Remus remarked tartly.
"Yer… I discovered later it was Jamie havin' me on," Sirius agreed with a smile. "But fer a while it were working a treat."
Remus gave a laugh which turned into a shiver. "Bloody hell it's cold."
"Really? M fine."
"That's because you're wearing two jackets," Remus reminded him.
"Yer, migh' be." Sirius grinned. "Mmm, nice'n'warm."
Remus rolled his eyes and tugged the leather jacket from around his friend's shoulders. "Funny… Very funny."
Sirius stuck his tongue out, and carded his hair once more with his fingers finding it was at last falling free of the gel. Remus watched him, huddled in Sirius' jacket as the other boy attempted to make his hair lie flat with its usual elegance. "It looks much better now," he remarked with a smile.
Sirius raised and eyebrow and grinned. "Yer, that swhat I was thinking… worked for Bond though. Yer hair's better too."
"You're just jealous," Remus chuckled.
"Yer… thought so too," Sirius conceded, still fiddling with his hair.
Remus' smile was gone as if it had never been there at all. "Well you needed be," he remarked bitterly.
Startled by the direction the conversation had suddenly shifted into Sirius managed an intelligent: "eh?"
"Let's count, shall we?" Remus suggested, lightly. "Number of girls I kissed as Sirius Black tonight? A rather respectable four. Number of girls-"
"Now hang on Remus-" Sirius began, but Moony's eyes had an odd glint in them and he continued.
"Number of girls I've kissed as Remus Lupin-"
"I don' want to know."
"None Padfoot. Not a single bloody one… Do you understand what's going on here?"
Sirius winced. "Yes… yer, I think I do…You're a complete an' utter moron." Whatever Remus had been expecting it had not been this; he blinked rather stupidly and Sirius tried to control the laughter bubbling inside him. "A whiny moron" he amended then added, slightly more seriously: "I did'n snog anyone at all tonight … notta single bloody one, as you… ellygantly put it. Watched you all night… and I wasn't watchin' me… or… y'know? I was watching you."
"You've already said that," Remus reminded him.
"Nah… oh wait, yes but… it was you. Not me… just you kinda acting like me… confident, y'see? And whenyour confiden' …like me… you're ires…ires… iri-table." He grinned and fingered one of the still, slightly rigid, strands of his hair hanging before his face; Remus rolled his eyes. "Y'see?"
"All evidence seems to be against you." Sirius opened his mouth but Remus continued anyway. "And even if it wasn't, there's no way I'm going to dress up as you every time I want to chat someone up."
Sirius frowned thoughtfully for a moment and glanced around quickly to check no one was watching. "Alrigh', close your eyes," he demanded.
Remus shut his eyes briefly and opened them again. "Right, what now?"
"Bloody hell, Remus. Close your eyes and keep 'em closed. I'm not drun enough to be doing this with you starin' at me."
He looked around once more and then, before the part of his brain that tried to think clearly in his drunken state could kick in, leaned forward and kissed Remus awkwardly on the lips. This close, the mingled scent was almost overwhelming, heightened by the subtle taste of his friend's mouth: of cinnamon, chocolate and fire whisky. He broke it off as quickly as it had begun.
A thousand possible scenarios for Remus' next sentence flashed briefly through his mind as he waited for the other boy to open his eyes again. Eventually it came.
"What was that?" Remus asked slowly.
"A kiss," Sirius answered and found he was laughing again. "Your first as Remus Lupin."
Remus raised an eyebrow, sighed and shook his head. "I suppose I should have expected that," he said with a smile. "I will make a note never whine about my love life in front of you again."
Sirius rose unsteadily to his feet and held out his hand to Remus, who took it still half frowning, half grinning and was hauled upright. "Ready to go back in?… ah, wait, yeh need to do your hair again."
Remus exhaled. "Nah, I think it can stay the way it is for tonight. I'll just be Remus Lupin… wearing Sirius Black's jacket."
Sirius grinned and tried to look angry at the same time. "Which, I mih…mit… you… din ask if you could borrow."
Remus looked at him quizzically for a moment then removed the jacket and pushed it into his hands as Sirius laughed and explained it was really, rather too late but Remus would not be deterred and stood shivering, but smiling, in his t shirt.
"Mr Moony asks permission to borrow Mr Padfoot's jacket," he incited formally. "Its bloody freezing and he would really rather appreciate it if Mr Padfoot stopped being such a git and gave it back to him." Sirius shook his head in amazement. "Come on Paddy," Remus whined. "I'm cooooold; can I borrow your jacket?"
"Misser Padfoot says… no way on hell, this one's mine," Sirius answered, breaking the mood and smiling. "But," he removed the tuxedo jacket, "you can wear this one…I dun thin' it really suits me."
Remus made a face but accepted the jacket, which smelt even more strongly of Sirius than the last one had.
"Siri-" he began, thoughtfully as they climbed the hill, Sirius meandering dangerously, up towards the school, Sirius' hands stuck firmly in his pockets.
"Mmm?" Padfoot replied, lazily.
"If you come to next years Halloween party dressed as me I will personally throttle you, is that understood?"
Sirius laughed in surprise and caught Moony round the shoulders. "You'd never be able to catch me," he teased. "And you know wha'? I migh' jus' do that."
"You wouldn't."
"Oh wouldn' I?"
Remus grinned impishly. "If you do I'll tell everyone you kissed me."
"No! No' my reputation! Anythink but that…" Sirius clutched at his heart. "You wouldn'?" he insisted, in a fair imitation of Remus.
"Care to test that theory?"
"No, not partic'ly." Padfoot grinned. "You drive 'ard bargain Misser Moony… but I s'pose you have yoursel' a deal."
Remus smiled. "Thank you."
"No prob'm; but in return I wanna know where you learneded ter fly like that… fought you worse on a broom than Peter."
"I go out in the mornings before anyone's awake."
"Well… wake me up nex'time, alrigh?"
Remus nodded, his expression closed, "alright."
The light of the Great Hall fell out over the grass in front of them.