(A/N): This is a Cartwills Story I promise. It takes twist and turns, but I want it to be something great so please follow along if you are so inclined. Also I have a million ideas in my head like everyone else, so I start new stories. I hope that you enjoy this one. As always please R/R and follow! You guys are awesome
Derek stood at the altar with a thousand butterflies in his stomach. Today was the day that he would be married, and it was all because of his best friend Karen Cartwright. As a matter of fact she was his best woman, standing right by his side. She was wearing a lavender strapless dress, and he couldn't help but look over his shoulder and smile. She was already tearing up. She smiled back at Derek and patted him on the shoulder. The processional began and girls walked down the aisle wearing long deep purple gowns. Then his bride walked down, long blonde hair cascading in ringlets under the veil. She was stunning. Derek caught his breath unable to move until he felt her hand on his back.
"She's the one." Karen whispered he knew that she was crying now. If he turned and looked at her his heart would break, so he kept his focus on the woman at the other end of the aisle.
He didn't even know how he got there; this was not the course that he imagined his life taking. But here he was starring eternity in the face. He smiled as a tear fell from his eye.
"I love you." He said under his breath although he knew she couldn't read his lips.
How did they get to this point you ask….read along.
"Karen what are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Roger Cartwright said opening the door.
"Um….I had the weekend off, so I decided I would come visit." She said peering into the house that had been her home all of her life. "Is mom home?" Karen asked anxiousness showing in her eyes.
"Um no, she had that vacation with her book club remember. We talked about that last week. Are you okay honey?" He asked noticing her strange behavior.
Karen fell into her dads embrace right there at the door crying. She sobbed and spoke inaudible sentences against his chest. It was home, the comfort and love of her father was everything she needed. She felt just like a little girl again.
"What is it Karen? What's wrong baby girl?" He said running his fingers through her hair. "Let's get you in the house." Roger said leading his daughter inside.
After a few minutes of sobbing, Karen finally pulled away from her father.
"Are you ready to talk about it lemon drop?" He said using her childhood nickname.
"I guess I have to, you'll make me eventually." She said with a weak attempt at a smile.
"You talk about whatever you want baby, or don't talk about anything." He said comforting Karen.
"It's Jimmy dad, he…..he went to prison….or jail…but he's going to prison" Karen said with a wince knowing that Roger would be furious.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry." Was all that he said.
"Are you kidding me…..isn't this the part where you tell me how I was wrong and you were right? Or how you told me that Jimmy was no good, and not worth my skills, talent, beauty or time?" Karen said in a mockery.
"No. This is the time where I, your father, help my distressed daughter through a personal crisis." Roger replied surprisingly.
Karen started crying again her emotions were all over the place. She was exhausted from the flight. She was exhausted from the last eight months of her life. She lay in her dad's chest until she fell asleep. Karen slept for twelve hours straight.
When Karen woke up she found herself on the couch in one of her favorite blankets. Her shoes, socks and pants were removed and she had on a pair of old pajama pants. She smiled knowing that her father had taken care of her, just like he had so many times in her life; especially after heartbreak.
Karen looked for her cell phone; she had three missed calls, two from Jimmy. She had memorized the number he called from the county jail. The other missed call was from an unknown phone number. She didn't bother to check the messages.
"Oh good, you're up kiddo." Roger said coming into the living room.
"Hey dad, thanks for yesterday." Karen said stretching her arms.
"You know that I'm always here for you lemon drop." He smiled at her. "Do you want to talk about it over breakfast? I made your favorite."
"Chocolate chip pancakes?" She almost shrieked. She jumped up of the couch and headed towards the kitchen.
After filling her plate to capacity with pancakes and strips of Bacon she took a seat to face the inevitable.
"I didn't realize that women on Broadway ate like that." Roger teased.
"Well I don't know how much longer I'll be on Broadway. The show is a hit, but…..maybe I'm not." Karen stated.
"Oh baby girl, this about the Tony awards? I didn't raise you to be a poor sport. Losing to someone is an art. It doesn't mean that you weren't good, it just means this was Ivy's year. And next year, it will be your turn." Roger stated simply.
"You're right dad." She said as she tasted the pancakes.
"And about Jimmy, he is an adolescent, and not worthy of my little girl." He announced.
"If it were up to you dad, I'd be lonely because no one is good enough to you." Karen chuckled.
"That's not entirely true love. I have been known to be over protective. But if we are speaking as two adults…..I would want you with someone like….well…..like Derek Wills." He stated.
Karen nearly spit out her pancakes, she was caught off of guard. "Derek…..do you not remember the articles you read?" Karen inquired with an incredulous look.
"I am very aware of his actions. But one think that you cease to realize, is that he never did any of that to you. I find that interesting." Roger said grabbing seconds.
"He didn't do that to me, because I didn't allow him too." Karen challenged.
"Karen I know you honey. I know that after heartbreak like Dev, and all the time you were spending with Derek, all the things you've told your mother, you were vulnerable. If he wanted to take advantage of that he could've. He is a professional seducer, and you love are no professional in that area." Roger was straight forward.
"Dad seriously…..I would've thought that you would despise Derek." Karen was surprised.
"When I was in New York, I thought Derek was the person I seen climbing out of your window, and I gave him hell. I was rude, I called him a 'boy' I was cold, and most all I was petulant. But Derek remained kind and welcoming. He is very fond of you, said you were a wonderful girl, and he had nothing but respect for you." Roger said finishing his food.
"Derek said that? About me?" Karen repeated.
"Are you surprised? I thought you two had a great relationship?" Roger sighed.
"We did have a great relationship. But when he found out Jimmy and I were together, well he really got upset. Our relationship hasn't been the same for months. We've remained friends, but it's not the same. I told him he wanted to control me, and he said I was selfish" Karen stated regretfully.
"Karen, a lot of times when a man's ego is crushed, he lashes out and does stupid things because he's hurt. But as a woman, as a good woman you have to know when to ignore the mistakes, and see the root of the problem. It sounds to me like Derek was jealous. It may not have been a control issue as much as it was a protective instinct. Derek being a little older than you, well quite a bit older, recognized the signs in Jimmy and wanted to keep you away from that." Roger explained.
"I don't know dad, but this is weird can we stop talking about Derek?" Karen said chuckling.
"Sure, let's talk about Jimmy….what did he do to go to prison?" Roger said sternly.
Karen knew no matter how she phrased it; her father wasn't going to be pleased. "Well dad it turns out that a few years ago Jimmy was getting high with a girl, and she overdosed. He got scared and left the girl to die. He finally turned himself in, and the girl was fine, but he has to do time for the drugs." Karen said with a deep breath.
"Karen, I want you to think long and hard about this boy. This is not the life that I want you leading." Roger was clearly upset.
"I know." Karen said in a whisper.
"No Karen I don't think you've thought about this. If he was doing drugs then how do you know that he's not now?" Roger stated. "If he's never gotten any help of if he has never had a reason to quit it is very unlikely. Is that the kind of person you want, a drug addicted boy. What if he is high and something happens to you? Will he leave? What if you guys have a child? Do you want him to be high with the baby? You have to think Karen." Roger stood up to rinse his plate. "I love you Karen and I just want the best for you."
"I know dad I love you too." She relaxed knowing that the conversation was over.
Karen visited her friends for the rest of the day, before boarding a plane back to New York. She couldn't help but contemplate her father's words. He was right about Jimmy, even though Karen hated to admit it. There was no way Karen should have been with a guy like that. Her dad didn't even know the half. Karen fooled herself into thinking Jimmy was a different person after Kyle died, but she knew that wasn't the truth. Jimmy was a drug abusing little boy. Karen had no business with him. She would be sure to end their relationship, although she would always be willing to be his friend.
The most shocking thing Roger said was the stuff about Derek. In particularly how he had interacted with him. Karen had been so busy with Jimmy she hadn't even notice there interaction. Karen thought about calling Derek, but after his dedication to Ivy she didn't know what to say. She wasn't mad, at least not enough not to talk to him, but she was a little jealous. She had pushed Derek right into Ivy's arms. As much as she didn't want to admit it, maybe she was fond of Derek too. Maybe she did care about him in that way. She shook the thought from her head and enjoyed the rest of her first class flight.
When Karen finally got home from the airport, she found Derek waiting for her on the stoop.
"Hey, what are you doing here? Have you been waiting long?" She smiled at him.
"Hey, I um…..I wanted to talk to you and get your advice about something. You were the only person that I could think of that I can trust." Derek said vulnerably.
"Okay, well do you want to come in for a while?" she smiled.
"Maybe we can go for a walk?" Derek offered instead.
"Sure. Let me put my bags in the house and freshen up. Come in." Karen said unlocking the foyer door.
Derek grabbed her bags from her. He was clearly distressed, and it bothered Karen. She didn't comment on his state of mind, and decided to wait until she could get him out of the house.
"Where are you coming from?" Derek asked.
"Iowa, I went to visit my dad yesterday." Karen responded from the bedroom.
"You didn't tell me you were taking off." Derek was a little surprised.
"Well we weren't really the best of friends lately." Karen was being honest.
"I know, and I'm sorry for that…..for a lot actually." Derek appeared at the door frame of her room.
"I know Derek…..me too." Karen said as she finished putting her hair in a messy bun. She grabbed her purse and walked out of the room. "I was really proud of you for winning two Tony's Friday. I didn't get a chance to talk to you." Karen recalled regretfully.
"Thanks. You wouldn't have wanted to talk to me. I was in a ball of fog and still a little drunk actually. I wish the night would have ended differently for you." Derek said soothingly. He seemed so sad, and Karen couldn't put her finger on why.
"You seemed like you were pretty clear to me; especially during you thank you speeches." She recalled him not thanking her at all. "And you don't have to say that because you're my director Derek. I know that you wanted Ivy to win, and you should." Karen said standing face to face with the director.
"No I don't. And I'm not. I am saying it as your friend. I know how much you worked for it, and how spectacular you were. It's a little harder when you are part of an ensemble cast, going against someone who is embodying an icon. The fact is in your first Broadway show you were a lead and a Tony nominated actress. That is a great way to start a career to me." Derek kissed her on the forehead. He didn't respond to the part about Ivy. He didn't need to.
"I appreciate that Derek. I didn't know if you still considered me a friend." Karen said approaching the door.
"Yes I do love. I hope that you can consider me as a friend too." Derek said in a monotone.
After Karen locked her place she turned and looked at Derek. He looked like he hadn't slept since the Tony's. Once they were outside in the fresh air she turned to face him.
"What's on your mind Derek?" Karen asked with concern. "You look like you haven't slept in days."
"Truth?" He looked at her waiting for her to nod. She did "I haven't slept. I've been in my room thinking and drinking. I was trying to pin point the moment when everything went wrong for me this year. And um…all I could think about was every time I got mad I ran to Ivy. It made me sick to my stomach." Derek admitted with a sigh.
"Well you ran to the person who made you feel most comfortable. There is nothing wrong with that." Karen said soothingly, although she had a feeling of uneasiness. She didn't like to think about Derek's relationship with Ivy knowing that it could have been her.
"I thought that too at first. But I realized I was going to the place where there was no consequence. I could do and say anything to Ivy, and she would just take it. I was never responsible or accountable for my actions with her. So I ran to her for every upset of the past two years knowing I could use and abuse her. In fact when you chose Jimmy over me…..I ran to Ivy." Derek explained.
"Derek I didn't choose Jimmy over you. I was already in a relationship with Jimmy when you told me how you felt." Karen said confused by the statement. "I never knew that you felt that way about me."
"What do you mean you didn't know? We spent all of our time together. We nearly kissed a thousand times." Derek stated with a touch of anger.
"Exactly you never kissed me, you never explained. Something always stopped you….most of the time it was Ivy. I've always know that you were in love with her, and that was okay with me." Karen replied.
"In love with her? Is that what you thought? I was comfortable, I was acting like a baby but I wasn't in love with her Karen. I'm still not in love with her. I just love the idea of Ivy. I loved what she represented. And that's why I came to you…..I needed to talk to you about something." Derek sat down on the bench at the park they ended up walking to around the corner from the house.
"Okay….shoot." Karen was perplexed.
"I screwed up Karen. Ivy's pregnant." Derek said glancing at her for a reaction.
Karen was careful not to provide one; although she was sure her heart skipped a beat or two. "Congratulations."
"She asked me if we should keep it. I wanted to tell her no… but I couldn't. Does that make me a bad person?" Derek appeared childlike.
"Oh boy…..that is a big one. I don't agree with abortion Derek, but I also don't believe in lying to people either. If Ivy is under the impression that you are happy about this and that you love her, then her decision may be different than if you tell her the truth." Karen reasoned with him. "Look, I've made plenty of stupid mistakes this year too Derek, but it's not too late to fix them. I know you, and I know that deep down inside you is a great man. It's time that you start acting like one." Karen smiled.
"You're probably right. But how do I tell Ivy….how do I tell her that it wasn't what I wanted." Derek inquired.
"It's time you start being honest with yourself Derek. If you start there can you be honest with everybody else. I know that you lie because you're afraid of what others with think or do, but you don't have to. You need to start living your life for you first and foremost." Karen spoke with wisdom beyond her years. She looked down and realized that her hand was on Derek's leg and his on top of hers.
She pulled his head on her shoulder and kissed the crown of his head. She knew that he was crying, and it broke her heart. She wanted to take him in her arms and hold him forever. She wanted to tell him that in that moment, she loved him. But she couldn't instead she just held him. "I'll always be your friend Derek." She whispered.
They sat there for about twenty minutes while Derek composed himself.
"Thank you Karen." He said sitting up.
"I told you that I will always be here for you." She smiled. "You need to go home and get some rest, we have one more week of Hitlist to get through." She smiled.
"Right then. I'll see you tomorrow love." Derek said with a kiss on her cheek.
They turned and walked separate ways. Karen was unclear of what the future would hold but she knew that she and Derek would always remain friends. She wasn't sure if she wanted more than that. Derek had been her best friend. And even though he was a selfish, defiant asshole, she loved him. It scared her to think about the truth of their relationship, but she'd always loved Derek. She couldn't tell him that knowing it would affect his decision and relationship with Ivy.